Behind the Hood (Behind the Lives)

by Hansen, Marita A.

  He wiped his face. He didn’t want to look at Maia, too afraid that he’d still see pity or worse disgust written into her features. Either way it spelt that she wouldn’t want him. He was damaged, fucked in the head. What girl would want a guy who’d been touched like that?

  “Mikey, I’m sorry,” Maia said.

  He turned to look at her. Why was she sorry? He was the one who’d fucked up, allowing his mother to get away with that shit for so long. Hell, he’d even chased Maia, at one stage wanting exactly what Tama had. And if he hadn’t got stuck in that window he might have done it too. What sort of sick bastard did that?

  “Why?” he said. “You’ve done nuthin’ wrong.”

  Her face looked sad. She dropped her gaze for a moment then looked back at him. “I’m sorry about what your mum did.”

  Mikey yanked his hand back. She did pity him. “Why you here?”

  “I heard you were shot. I visited last night and saw what happened to you. I wanted to see that you were alright before I went home.”

  “I thought I dreamt that,” he said.

  “Stella told me you visited, that you wanted to apologise. I accept your apology.”

  “Go away.”

  “What?”

  “I said, go away. I don’t need your pity.”

  “I ... I don’t pity you.”

  “Liar. I’m a disgusting loser. Just go away.” He turned his head and stared out the doorway. He could hear voices coming from down the corridor.

  “No, you’re not.” She sounded almost angry. “Listen to me. It’s not your fault what she did.”

  “Yes, it is. I shouldn’t have given in.” He looked back at her. “You didn’t when you got attacked.”

  “It wuzn’t your fault, Mikey.”

  He clenched his fists. Couldn’t she see he was humiliated? The pity on her face was making him want to scream, and she looked at him like he’d done nothing wrong. She was deluding herself if she thought he was purely a victim. He knew he was going to hurt her with his words, but she needed to know what he was.

  “In the video store when Tama said he wuz gonna get rid of the rest of us I complained. I wanted you.” He hesitated for a second, his disgust eating away at him. “I wuzn’t chasin’ you to help Tama, I wuz doin’ it for myself. I felt guilty at first, but when I tried to get through that window, I had every intention of fucking you whether ya wanted it or not.”

  Her eyes went round.

  God, she was way too good for him. He only deserved the slappers Tama gave him, dirty hoes who didn’t care how he took them.

  “I’m just like my mother. Sick.”

  “No! You’re not like her, you stopped.”

  Baffled by her reaction, he shook his head. “Didn’t cha hear me? I wanted to rape you.”

  “But you didn’t, and you said you were sorry for chasing me.”

  “Go away, Maia.”

  “But, Mikey—” She reached for his hand.

  He whipped it back. “Don’t touch me!”

  She flinched, her eyes crinkling like she was going to cry. “I’m sorry.”

  He wished he could stop himself, but all the anger he’d bottled up for so long wanted to burst free. “Stop saying that!”

  She started crying.

  “Shit!” He ran a hand down his face. He rarely yelled and when he did it had only been at his mother recently. Maia didn’t deserve this. “I’m sorry; it’s not your fault.”

  “Maia, you alright, love?”

  Mikey looked over at the doorway. Maia’s mother pushed a pram into the room. She was fat like his mum, but nowhere near as large. Yet the resemblance ended there. He saw genuine concern on the woman’s face as she stopped and brushed Maia’s hair back.

  “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Mrs. Daniels asked.

  Maia shook her head as though too upset to speak.

  Mikey closed his eyes. Only last week he would have been stoked if Maia had spoken to him, but now ... he just couldn’t deal with it.

  “You should go, Maia,” he said.

  “Mikey, I...” She hesitated. “I wanna visit you again.”

  He just wanted to be left alone. “No.”

  “Mikey—”

  He covered his face. “Please go.”

  “Come on, Maia,” Mrs. Daniels said softly. “He probably needs to rest.”

  Mikey heard Maia sniffle, then the sound of feet hitting the lino and the squeaking of pram wheels petered out. After a minute he opened his eyes, his gaze focusing on the white ceiling.

  God, he envied Tama’s mother.

  52

  Maia

  Maia gazed out the car window as her mother drove through Papatoetoe. Although the suburb was not wealthy it was so much nicer than Claydon. The houses were older, but with a homely feel, some of them even pretty. Yeah, there were dives, but she still liked the suburb and wished she lived there instead.

  The urban landscape changed as they drew closer to Claydon, cheap fibrolite houses and graffitied fences. They turned onto Mikey’s road and drove past his house. Maia glanced at the rundown property. In the last few months she’d been cycling past it, hoping that she would catch a glimpse of Mikey. She’d seen him mowing the lawn once. She’d hidden behind a tree and watched, then took off when her brother drove past.

  Shit, she still couldn’t believe his mother had done what the cop said. It was just so unreal. And Mikey’s words hurt, the way he’d yelled at her and the look of shame on his face when he’d told her he was disgusting. Even when he admitted to wanting to rape her, after what she’d seen and heard from him she couldn’t hate him. He seemed so vulnerable and raw. His words were so pained it broke her.

  “You alright, love?”

  Maia snapped out of her thoughts. “No.”

  They stopped at a red light. Her mother glanced over. “You ready to tell me what happened with Mikey?”

  “His mother hurt him. Physically….” She hesitated, “…and sexually.”

  Her mother gasped. “That’s horrible.”

  Maia looked down at her nails. “I thought she wuz nice. I talked with her while Mikey slept. Then the police came and arrested her, and she started screaming at Mikey and tried to attack him.”

  “I’m so sorry you had to see that, love.” Her mother put her foot on the accelerator and continued down the road.

  “He said some horrible things to me. I tried to ignore it cos he wuz upset. I even told him I forgave him ... but he still didn’t want me there.”

  “He’s hurting, sweetheart. His reaction is understandable.” Her mother stopped talking as they cut across the highway and turned into their driveway. “Hmmm ... That’s weird. I thought Rory would be home.” She pulled the handbrake on.

  Maia got out of the car and headed for the front door. Her stomach grumbled. She checked her watch. No wonder she was starving, it was twelve already. She covered her nose as her mother pulled out her keys. Jake wiggled on her mum’s hip.

  “He stinks, Mum.”

  Her mother unlocked the door. “Can you please grab a nappy; they’re in your room.”

  Maia walked past the old piano, down the passage and into her bedroom. “Gross, it stinks in here too.” She covered her nose again. “It smells like puke.”

  Her mother came down with Jake. She stopped and screwed up her nose. “You’re right, it does. Jess must’ve been sick. I wonder where she is.”

  Maia bent down and picked up a T-shirt lying next to the nappy bag. Something banged in the next room.

  “Jess?” Her mother left Maia’s room and opened her bedroom door.

  Maia grabbed a nappy and followed her mother inside. “There’s no way I’m sleeping in—” she stopped talking. Jess lay crying under a blanket, only her head poking out the top.

  “What’s wrong, Jess?” Maia’s mother went around the side of the bed.

  “He wouldn’t stop…” Jess sobbed.

  Maia dropped the nappy and opened up the T-shirt. The red circular de
sign on the black background looked familiar.

  Maia’s mother sat down on the bed. “Who, love?”

  “He threatened my baby if I ... if I…” Jess’s crying drowned out her words.

  Maia threw the T-shirt on the bed. She didn’t need Jess to tell her who it belonged to. Tama had worn it the first time he’d sexually assaulted her, when she’d kicked him in the balls.

  “Phone Nike, Mum,” Maia said. “Jess needs him.” She looked down at the T-shirt. We all need him.

  53

  Nike

  Nike couldn’t wait till he dropped off Talia. He’d glanced at her once during the trip back and regretted it. The woman had been glaring at him. He knew he was going to get the sack, but man, it stunk that he didn’t do anything wrong.

  He wasn’t looking forward to telling Jess. The look of relief on her face that things were finally picking up felt good yesterday. It sucked that he was going to shatter that. But even worse, she would want to know why he was fired. Nike sighed. She was going to go ballistic.

  As he pulled on the handbrake, Talia jumped out of the car. Nike got out and moved around to the boot without looking at her. He opened it up and grabbed her purchases.

  “Nike.”

  He exhaled, thinking here it comes, the giant piss off and don’t come back speech. He looked up, now annoyed that the woman had stuffed things up for his family.

  “I’m sorry for what I did,” she said.

  Taken aback, Nike stood still.

  “I shouldn’t have done that to you,” she continued. “I put you in an awkward situation and your reaction was perfectly understandable.”

  She looked past him and scowled, then before he knew what was happening she leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek. She stepped back and smiled. “I hope you’ll stay on with us.”

  “What’s going on here?” Saul called out.

  Nike glanced over his shoulder at Saul, who was chewing up the ground to get at them.

  “Oh, calm down, Saul,” Talia said. “I just gave him a kiss to say thank you.”

  Saul stopped in front of her. “You don’t touch the employees. Understand?”

  “What’s wrong, Saul?” Talia smiled. “You think you have some competition for my affections?”

  Saul glared at Nike. “Did you fuck her?”

  “Hell, no! I’m married.”

  Talia exhaled. “Don’t take your jealousies out on Nike. I was just teasing you. You always jump to conclusions every time we hire a good-looking male.”

  Saul poked a finger in front of her face. “Listen. I’m not fuckin’ jealous. I turned you down, not the other way round. I’m sick of cleaning up after you, because you can’t keep your hands off the help.”

  Talia’s face darkened. “I can have you fired for talking to me like that.”

  “Try it, then see what the boss says about you kissing Nike.”

  “Go fuck yourself!” She turned and stomped towards the front door, slamming it behind her.

  Saul turned towards Nike. “Did she touch you?”

  Nike stared at him, unsure whether he should say anything.

  “I guess that’s a yes. Did you turn her down?”

  “Yes.”

  Saul no longer looked like he wanted to belt him, but his expression was still harsh.

  “Stop lookin’ at me like that,” Nike said. “It’s not my bloody fault. It wuz fuckin’ embarrassing.”

  Saul let out a sigh. “Look, I’m sorry. She’s done this shit before. Just tell me what happened so I can deal with it.”

  “Will you tell the boss?”

  “No. I don’t want him finding out after the last time.”

  “The last time?”

  “You don’t wanna know. And, I give you my word that he won’t find out.”

  Nike scratched his face. “She wanted my opinion on what clothes looked good on her. It wuz okay until she asked in the lingerie store. I didn’t want to go in, but she got mad. She took off her bra and tried to undo my pants. I told her no and said your name, then she went nutso at me. The kiss you saw before wuz an apology.”

  “Like hell it was. She kissed you to piss me off. Don’t worry; I’ll make sure she doesn’t do it again.”

  “How many times has it happened?”

  “Quite a few times. Most were easy to deal with, but unfortunately the boss found out about the last one. And of course I had to fuckin’ take care of it. But it was the stupid arseholes’s fault for running off at the mouth, thinking he meant more than a fuck.”

  Nike wondered whether it was the same bloke Ash’s mate had seen getting beaten up. Or was it the guy who’d ended up in the Waikato River?

  The sound of ringing snapped him from his thoughts. He placed the bags on the ground and retrieved the phone from his jacket. He glanced at the name on the screen, then switched it on. “Can’t talk right now, Mum. I’ll call… Why ya crying?”

  “You hafta to come home straight away. Get a taxi, anything.”

  “What’s wrong, Mum?”

  “Just get here now.”

  “No, tell me what’s happened.”

  “Jess...” She stopped as sobs racked her. “Please, she needs you now. We need you.”

  “What’s happened to Jess?” When she didn’t answer him, he yelled into the phone, “What happened to Jess!”

  “Tama raped her.”

  The phone slipped out of his hand.

  “You alright?” Saul asked.

  Nike opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He felt Saul’s hands on his arms, steering him towards the stairs.

  “Sit down, mate” Saul said.

  Nike did as instructed.

  Saul squatted down in front of him. “What’s happened?”

  “My wife’s been...” He could barely say the last word. “Raped.”

  54

  Tama

  Fuck it! Why did Jess have to ruin everything with her damned crying? He wanted to stay longer, but couldn’t handle her bloody whimpering. And it wasn’t like he was rough. In fact, he was gentle if anything, and even saw to her needs. She tasted so damn good too. If he made it out of the hospital he was definitely going back for her, and she would just have to deal with it. And anyway, there was still Nike to take care of.

  Naf turned onto Middleton Road. “You sure you wanna do this?”

  “Yeah, I hafta see Mikey…” Tama flicked open his knife. “…and bleed that sick bitch dry.”

  “Don’t ya think you should leave this one to the pigs? She’s still family.”

  “Not after what she did to Mikey.”

  “It’ll fuck you up.”

  “I’m already fucked up.” He closed the knife and pocketed it.

  “Then make sure you get out fast if you see any pigs. And don’t do anything stupid.”

  “I’ll be fine,” he said, knowing it was bullshit. He touched the brim of the cap he’d swiped from the Daniels’ house, and smoothed the hoodie over it. “No one will see my tat.”

  Naf pulled over in front of the main entrance. “I’ll wait round the back in the same place as before.”

  “Let’s hope I make it out then.”

  “This ain’t a joke, arsehole!”

  “I didn’t fuckin’ say it wuz.” Tama jumped out of the car and slammed the door shut. He gave Naf the finger as he walked off.

  As he entered through the sliding doors, he slid a hand into his pocket and gripped the switchblade. Just like every other time he’d ever been to Middleton it was busy. Patients were sitting, chatting, complaining, sniffling and scratching their very impatient arses.

  Pretending to scratch the side of his face, he walked past the nurses’ station. Naf had told him where to go, so he took the elevator up a few levels and headed down the corridor. The harsh smell of disinfectant hit his nose as he neared a janitor mopping the floor. Tama edged around him and lowered his head as a nurse and doctor approached. They passed him with barely a glance.

  Tama walked past the
small nurses’ station hoping he wouldn’t get stopped. Luckily the woman behind the counter had her face glued to the computer. He didn’t know whether his picture had been given to the staff, but he was thankful that at least there were no police guards on his cousin’s door.

  He entered the room. Except for Mikey’s bed, the other metal contraptions were empty. Mikey looked up as Tama walked towards him. Shit, his cuz looked terrible. Dark rings sat under his eyes, his face was gaunt and his expression haunted. Tama didn’t want to think about what Mikey had been through, the images popping into his head making him feel physically ill.

  “How ya doin’?” Tama asked.

  “What do you think? And, why the fuck are you here?”

  Tama hesitated for a moment. His cuz never spoke back to him. He decided to let it fly, understanding that the kid had gone through too much shit for him to get precious.

  “You should’ve told me ‘bout what your mother did. I would’ve helped you.”

  Mikey dropped his gaze.

  Fuck, the kid was tearing him apart. “Where is she?”

  “Why do you wanna know?”

  “So I can gut her.”

  Mikey’s eyes flicked back to him.

  “Look, Mikey. Corey told me everything. He said you blame yourself for what happened. It’s not your fault; it’s that sick bitch’s. She needs to be dealt with.”

  “But I let her do it.”

  Tama shook his head. “You didn’t let her. She forced herself onto you.”

  “Like you tried to force Maia.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me. You wanted to rape Maia.”

  Tama stared at his cousin. Mikey glared back.

  “But I didn’t,” Tama finally said.

  “You wanted to, though, just like I wanted to.”

  Tama frowned. He knew Mikey liked the girl, but he never thought his cuz would take her by force. Mikey was too soft.