Touch of Heartache

by Joy Penny

  He grabbed for her arms and gently guided her to snap her appendages closer together. She mistook the gesture, craning her head up and pressing her lips to his.

  Nolan actually stopped breathing. He didn’t know for how long. That moment felt like an eternity—in the best possible sense. He hadn’t felt that way since he’d watched Cosmos a few years back and it had really hit him—really hit him—just how small and insignificant his life on this tiny planet in this tiny corner of the galaxy was.

  Lilac’s lips on his was like that—a discovery of more. More beyond his insignificance. And it was here, all for the taking.

  He knew he took too long to slide back out of her reach. He hadn’t meant to—it was just that that moment had made time stop.

  Sitting back in the bench beside her, he ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

  This was bad on so many levels. Not least of which was she was going to sober up and forget this ever happened—or worse, regret it.

  She leaned against his arm and he jumped in place.

  “Look, can I call someone for you?” he asked. “Can I call your aunt Frankie?”

  “No,” said Lilac, a touch of anger in her tone.

  Had they fought? But Nolan was undeterred. “Does she know where you are? Is she going to be worried about you?”

  “No and no,” said Lilac, smiling and bopping his nose with the tip of her delicate finger.

  Nolan sat there in silence as Lilac wrapped her arm through his. “Can I see your phone?” he asked. He wouldn’t go through her contacts to call Frankie—yet—but he wanted to make sure there were no texts or voice mails asking where she was.

  Giggling, Lilac fished her phone out of her purse. It had a glittery fake white diamond case. “It’s pretty,” she said, plopping it on his lap. He flipped it over. There was a Tildy Tapir sticker at the bottom. The tapir that had seeped into his blood and even haunted his dreams after all these years was no longer that cute in his eyes, though the little cartoon starlet did her darndest in that pose winking up at him. “Can I see if your aunt called you?” he asked, nudging her and pointing to the screen.

  “She didn’t,” said Lilac, sighing like he was the most annoying person she’d ever encountered. She unlocked the screen and there was a text there from someone named Gavin.

  Nolan’s heart sank. Was she in a relationship? Had she been fighting with him?

  Where are you?? the text read.

  “Lilac, someone named Gavin is asking where you are,” said Nolan.

  Lilac snorted and peered over at the screen, tapping the message and bringing up the full exchange. She scrolled up the exchange, laughing all the while. Nolan didn’t want to pry too much, but he did anyway. There was a lot of concern in Gavin’s messages, demanding to know what had happened, begging Lilac to reply. At one point, he said he had to run to the airport to help someone named Brielle with her sister, but Lilac had had no response. Then a few hours later, he’d checked in with her again and she’d replied with an emoji and “I’m drunk~~~” although earlier in the conversation, she’d insisted she was fine and to leave her be. Once she’d asked for him to stop poking his nose into her business all the damn time.

  “You are nosy,” said Lilac, and he looked down to find her staring up at him. Damn, she looked so innocent and beautiful. She leaned up, aiming her lips at his cheek and he slid out of her path, as much as he hated to.

  “Can you send a message to this Gavin?” he asked. “The guy seems worried about you.”

  “You do it,” said Lilac, pouting and crossing her arms. “Tell him I’m busy because I’m going to fuck Silly Sandgrouse.”

  Like I would ever send a stranger a message saying that, thought Nolan. He wondered if drunken consent to use someone’s phone was still out of line, but perhaps this guy could help him make sense of what to do.

  This is Nolan, he typed. Lilac’s coworker. I bumped into her at a bar and she’s plastered. He hit “send.”

  Gavin started typing almost immediately, then stopped suddenly, a message never sent. Then the phone started ringing and Nolan saw the name “Gavin” come up.

  “He’s calling you,” said Nolan.

  “Who?” asked Lilac dreamily.

  “Gavin.”

  She shrugged.

  “You have to answer,” said Nolan. “He’s probably going to call the police if you don’t.” He winced, wondering what the guy thought Nolan was doing with her.

  Sighing, Lilac held her hand out. Nolan dropped the phone into it and she swiped to answer, holding it to her ear.

  “Hell-o,” she sang.

  She giggled as Gavin spoke, but Nolan couldn’t make out what he said to her.

  “I’m fine. I’m fine. I know I sound drunk. I am drunk.”

  Lilac stared up at Nolan then. “He’s my sandgrouse. Silly Sandgrouse. Yes, that one.”

  Nolan wondered then what she could mean. Gavin must have asked who he was, but… Had she ever spoken to this guy about him? Why?

  Why on Earth would she have ever spared a second’s thought for him?

  “Yes, he’s a gerfect pentleman,” she said, slurring her words together. “He took me to a park. I told him to fuck me in the bar and he took me to the park.” She giggled, and after a moment she held the phone in the air and shook it back and forth playfully. “He wants to speak to you,” she loud-whispered again, bursting harder into laughter as Nolan took the phone from her.

  “Hello?” asked Nolan.

  “What the hell is going on?” asked Gavin abruptly.

  Nolan felt as if he’d been smacked. He was only helping her. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I ran into her at a bar and she had a few too many before I even got there.” Lilac leaned against him then, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder and closing her eyes. “I don’t know what to do. She doesn’t want me to call her aunt, but I think I have to. I don’t know where she lives.”

  Gavin sighed audibly, more in what was clearly relief than frustration. “So you two haven’t—?”

  “No!” said Nolan, perhaps almost too quickly. “I would never… She’s drunk and… I barely know her.”

  “Like that would stop half the straight male population,” said Gavin curtly. He let out another deep breath, resigned, and Nolan thought he heard the echo of a train or subway running through a tunnel. “Sorry. It’s just… Lilac’s my best friend and I worry about her.”

  The way he’d said “straight male” made Nolan wonder if Gavin was gay. If he was her best friend and not her boyfriend, there had to be few other explanations as to why. He looked down at Lilac, who was breathing audibly now, her mouth puckering into a small circle that sent wildfire down to Nolan’s groin. He snapped his eyes forward. Yup, no other way a guy is her best friend.

  “She’s not usually like this,” said Gavin. “She would never drink without me or Brielle or someone she trusts with her,” he said. “She’d never put herself in danger like that.”

  Nolan swallowed, looking down. What would have happened to her if he hadn’t come along? He supposed Claire wouldn’t have let anything bad happen to her, would have gotten her a Lyft or something, but even so…

  Nolan didn’t know who he was talking about, but he wondered if they were the answers to his predicament. “Are you and this Brielle in Chicago?”

  “I am,” said Gavin. “Brielle’s in a suburb near here.”

  “So you can’t… That is, if she doesn’t want her aunt to know, are there any local friends I can call?”

  “Not that I know of.” Gavin guffawed. “I was just at the airport. I should have jumped on a plane to Orlando.” His voice shook a little then. “Fuck this job. We should have never separated.”

  Nolan wasn’t sure what to say to that. Wasn’t that what people did—separate and go on their way? He didn’t know if Gavin meant his own job or Lilac’s… And then suddenly something hit him, something that made him sick to his stomach. The connection got shaky with some static on the line. />
  “…Sorry… subway…” said Gavin.

  Nolan looked down at Lilac. “Did Lilac say anything about her boss?” he asked. Lilac wasn’t the first assistant manager this year—Earl seemed to go through them like water. Not that he could blame them. The guy creeped out anyone who had to breathe in the same airspace. How he’d managed to keep his job was beyond Nolan, but he supposed the guy was an expert at creeping women out without ever quite giving them enough cause to risk his job. That’s why they probably all left quietly. Surely, if the asshole had ever crossed a line, someone would have said.

  The call cut out then and Nolan didn’t get his reply.

  Nolan stared down at the sleeping beauty on his arm, wondering how she could be both mature and businesslike—an unapproachable wonder woman way out of his league—and an innocent princess equally beyond his reach, even if she cuddled beside him at that very moment. He found himself leaning his head toward her and gently, softly pecking the top of her head.

  That was all he would allow himself in her state. It was more than he ought to have, but just for a moment, he wanted to imagine this princess—this queen—could actually be his.

  Lilac’s phone buzzed as a text came in from Gavin. I’m going to call Frankie, it read, and explain everything. I’ll have her call you and you two can arrange getting her home.

  Okay, typed Nolan. Thanks for the help.

  Thank YOU, Gavin wrote back. Tell Lilac the next time you see her sober that I was wrong. Gaston may be sexy, but it’s the sandgrouses that are actually Prince Charming.

  Nolan barely knew what to make of that.

  Chapter Nine

  When Lilac’s phone alarm began to buzz, it was like a chisel working its way directly into her brain.

  “What the hell…?” she found herself muttering, the concept of getting up as foreign to her in that moment as the idea of sprouting wings.

  Still, the beeping wouldn’t stop. Surprised to find herself sleeping on her stomach, she rolled to her side and raised her head off the pillow before the sudden and pressing urge to vomit swooped over her. Her instinct to rush to the bathroom kicked in, but she knocked over a garbage can that was sitting out of place right beside her bed, stubbing her toe something fierce, and cried out.

  “Lilac…?”

  She turned to find her aunt curled up in one of the wicker chairs with the comfortable cushions.

  “What happened?” asked Lilac, suddenly realizing she had no idea.

  She really had no idea.

  She remembered being angry and driving around Orlando, remembered how every kitschy place that used to bring her joy as a kid suddenly felt so wrong, remembered walking into a bar, just an indiscriminate dump, not wanting the glamour and glitz of a nightclub, figuring she’d have a drink or two and she was close enough to Aunt Frankie’s place that she could do it alone…

  Did she remember Nolan just now? There were images of Nolan bursting into her brain as she shut her eyes tightly, massaging her head.

  She heard her aunt pound across the room as her phone’s alarm continued to go off.

  “I should have figured you’d have set it,” said Aunt Frankie. “Sorry I didn’t think to turn it off so you could sleep in.”

  “It’s Monday,” said Lilac, her throat dry and scratchy. “I have to get ready for work.” She opened her eyes and started moving, but Aunt Frankie slid in beside her on the bed and put an arm around her shoulder.

  “You’re sick,” she said. “I already spoke with Tara last night and she passed on the message to her husband. They already know you’re not coming in today.”

  Husband. Why had that asshole even bothered to make those vows to some woman?

  “I have to go in,” said Lilac, swaying slightly. “I just started last week…” Her throat grew tight then and Frankie grabbed a half-drunk bottle of water from Lilac’s nightstand and passed it to her. Lilac took it from her and sipped, not sure she could stomach more.

  Frankie stared at her in silence for a bit and then took the bottle from her, screwing the cap back on. “It’s already done,” she said. “You already have a sick day. Earl’s an understanding man, Tara tells me. You’ll rest up today and head back stronger than ever tomorrow.”

  Understanding, my ass. Lilac sat there, thinking. She didn’t want to go back in. She didn’t want to see him again. But she didn’t want him to think he’d scared her off, either.

  The truth was, she hadn’t decided what to do next—to give up and explain to everyone why or give up and simply have them all just laugh and think of her as a flighty failure or… to keep trying.

  The job was hard, but if not for Earl, she wouldn’t have any complaints. True, it was nothing like being a “camper” at the park, but it was still gratifying to play a small part in the behind-the-scenes magic.

  And if she left, Earl would win and probably do it all over again to another woman. She wasn’t the first, he’d said—and she wouldn’t be the last.

  Not unless he learned that his Mad Men attitudes didn’t fly in this day and age and that he was delusional if he thought he was bringing any Jon Hamm charm to the table.

  Aunt Frankie put a hand on her shoulder. “I told Tara it was food poisoning or maybe a light flu.” She laid the back of her hand on Lilac’s forehead then, as if to make sure her lie wasn’t actually true. “Why did you drink so much when you just had food poisoning?”

  Shrugging, Lilac stared at her knees. Her aunt had changed Lilac’s clothes apparently, but she was still dressed like a slob.

  “Lilac, you can talk to me,” said Frankie. “If you don’t want me to tell your parents or grandparents, I won’t, but if you keep it all to yourself, I just might have to ask them what to do.”

  “Don’t,” said Lilac without even thinking. “Please don’t.” Her mom and daddy hadn’t really checked in with her since she’d seen them last. They would still be in the Caribbean, lounging beachside. She’d seen some of her mom’s pictures and her mom had “liked” a few of Lilac’s, had wished her good luck… But they hadn’t really talked. “I don’t usually get drunk like that.”

  “Is it the stress of work?” asked Frankie. “You know, if it’s too much for you, it’s not too late to—”

  “Yes, it is,” said Lilac. “It’s too late to undo this. But that’s not it.”

  “Well,” said Frankie, taking in an audible breath, “if you wanted to unwind, you could have just asked me. I’m almost never behind with fulfilling orders. I could have gone with you to someplace better than that, could have been your designated driver.”

  “I went there to be alone,” said Lilac, sighing. She reached a hand out. “It’s not you, it’s just… I needed to be alone.”

  “I get it,” said Frankie. “Believe me, I get that feeling. But next time, please don’t mix your alone time with your drinking time, okay? Unless you just want to have a few drinks here and let me know to give you some peace. I won’t even bother you. I can use the time to meditate.”

  Lilac smiled and threw her arms around her aunt. “Thank you for understanding,” she said. “But I don’t want that to happen again. I went too far…” As if to prove the point, she was hit with a blast of nausea again and Frankie handed her the garbage can. Lilac cradled it for a while but luckily didn’t throw up again.

  Again? She really wasn’t sure that she had, but it sure felt like it.

  “Well, I think it might be nice for you to go out with people your own age,” said Frankie. “If you ask me, your parents and grandparents never made sure you got enough of that growing up, always dragging you from one cocktail party to the next.”

  Lilac chuckled despite herself. A lot of people had mistakenly thought of her as grownup, a “mini adult.” But real adults didn’t obsess over a cartoon tapir.

  “Nolan’s a nice guy,” said Frankie, and Lilac’s stomach fluttered at the mention of his name. “If he were a decade older and I were a decade younger…” Something twinkled in her eye. “Hell, I wou
ldn’t mind the difference as is if he didn’t, but I noticed his gaze pointed in a different direction.” She winked.

  Lilac bit her tongue to prevent herself from revealing to Frankie that her pointed interest in Lilac’s love life made her more similar to her family than she might have wanted to believe. That was part of the reason why Lilac had never really had much of one.

  “I can’t date anyone right now,” said Lilac, shaking her head. “I’m too… What?” she asked when she saw Frankie about to burst into laughter.

  “You certainly wanted to date him last night. Or I believe your exact words were, ‘I want to fuck Silly Sandgrouse.’ You kept shouting that in the park as Nolan and I walked you to my car.”

  The blood in Lilac’s body ran cold. “What?”

  “Nolan called me last night. Or I guess, Gavin called me first and explained the situation, then I called Nolan on your phone—”

  “What situation?” Oh, my god, what the hell did I do?

  “Nolan ran into you at your dive and fended off your leering potential suitors while also fending off your rather aggressive pursuit of himself, I might add.” The sparkle in her eyes was positively glimmering now. “I could tell he wanted to leave that part out, but he couldn’t stop you from literally throwing yourself at him, puckering your lips and making smooching noises.” She chuckled. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to tease you. It’s actually quite worrisome. What if you’d thrown yourself at someone less… gentlemanly? Or what if—”

  Lilac bolted upright then, headache and dizziness be damned. The garbage can—thankfully empty—rolled off her knees to the floor. “I can’t… I don’t…” She ran to the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

  Breathing hard, she pushed her back against the door. She never would have drunk like that in front of Earl—she wasn’t that clueless. But how many Earls were at that bar? How had she planned to get home? Her brain hurt thinking about it, but most of the day was gone from her memories.

  She massaged her temples and saw brief glimpses of Nolan, Nolan’s shoulder against her cheek, sweet, comforting Nolan…