Uncharted Passage

by Julie Cannon

  Emily sighed in relief that she was back on firm ground at last. All it had taken was the sound of Hayden’s voice and a short conversation. While Hayden was gone, she’d practically relived their time together on Khao Lak. Hayden had been strong without being overpowering, resourceful without being a know-it-all, and most of all, kind and gentle to her and the children.

  Emily now knew where her instincts came from, what made her the woman who’d saved their lives. She was a soldier, plain and simple, U.S. government trained, and Emily thanked Uncle Sam for every minute. Regardless of her distaste for the military, she could see that Hayden had used her training and ingenuity to keep them alive. She’d sacrificed her well-being several times, getting get them to safety.

  The image of Hayden standing naked and wet flashed in Emily’s mind and her hands started to tremble. She was suddenly thirsty to lick the droplets from hard, tan skin, all the while caressing the exposed flesh. She needed to sit down before she fell down. Hayden had no idea what effect she had. During their phone call, erotic images danced around in Emily’s head. The tone of Hayden’s voice was the same one she remembered from that night on the beach. It had a slight whisper of longing and awe, but also an edge of concern. She wanted to hear it again. Very soon. And not at the other end of a telephone.

  *

  Hayden stood ramrod straight looking out the window onto Times Square. Why they called it the green room she didn’t know. It was decorated in hues of blue and tans that reminded her of her parents’ bedroom. Emily was on the other side of the room sitting in one of the wing chairs, and they had barely said anything to each other since she entered the room ten minutes ago. The chief protocol officer, or CPO, had done most of the talking, coaching them in what to say and how to say it. Brad Tillman was a civilian hired by the military to act in an advisory role, similar to that of a public relations firm. He had several meetings with them leading up to this trip to New York. Hayden had nicknamed him “The Handler” minutes after he opened his mouth.

  She was still recovering from the effects of seeing Emily first thing this morning. She’d exited the hotel elevator wearing a royal blue suit with brass buttons down the front of the jacket. Her hair was up in a French knot and her makeup was impeccable. Her legs were longer than Hayden remembered and were covered in what looked like silk stockings. Black pumps tapped out a solid beat across the marble floor. She looked elegant and beautiful, and Hayden stared at her as she walked across the lobby toward them. The CPO murmured something that sounded an awful lot like “Holy shit, she’s hot” but Hayden was too spellbound to notice. She had no idea how she had managed to do her first interview with Emily looking like that.

  “Colonel, are you listening?” Tillman asked.

  Hayden turned away from the view of the city and fought to keep her eyes from drifting to Emily. Her short skirt was even shorter when she crossed her legs. “Yes, I’m listening.”

  “Good. Now, do either of you have any questions about the rest of the schedule?”

  They shook their heads.

  Tillman said, “I’m sure I don’t need to remind you that you’re here representing the U.S. Army and should behave accordingly, even in private. You never know whose eyes could be on you.”

  “I understand,” Emily said.

  The interview went about as Hayden expected. Their host was an African American with a British accent who kept referring to the teleprompter for every question. The makeup itched, the questions were boring and the seats uncomfortable.

  Hayden did not relax until they were out of the building. The cool New York morning air was refreshing after the hot lights in the studio. They walked the three blocks to their hotel, Tillman continuing his lecture the entire way. The bellman held the door and they stepped into the bustling lobby.

  Hayden was too on edge to return to her room. She needed to walk off some of her energy. Having Emily sitting beside her for the past few hours, looking absolutely fabulous, had raised her temperature.

  “I’m going to take a walk.”

  Their handler glanced at her, surprised. Hayden suspected his job was to keep an eye on them as well as get them from appearance to appearance. “I can accompany you.”

  “I’ll be fine, Mr. Tillman. I promise I won’t get lost and I don’t think I’ll get mugged. I’ll see you all tomorrow morning.” Hayden spun on her heel, not giving the CPO the chance to reply.

  She darted out the door and fell into the morning crowd crossing the street like a swarm of bees. She kept walking until she rounded the next corner, then stepped into the doorway of a shop not yet opened for business and looked around to get her bearings. Spotting a coffee shop a few doors down, she melted in with the crowd again.

  She ordered a plain black coffee when those around her were ordering drinks with words like latte, non-fat, mocha, venti, Frappuccino, and chai. She felt a little out of place. Everyone in the store wore uniforms of one type or another, including thousand-dollar business suits, Dockers, or jeans and flip-flops. Hers just stood out more prominently than the others. She was surprised when it was her turn at the cash register to hear that beverages were free for members of the military in uniform.

  She mumbled a polite thank-you and found a table by the window.

  A woman who looked like Emily walked by and Hayden jumped from her chair intending to go after her. After an instant, she realized the woman was a stranger and returned to her seat, deflated. Emily’s face danced in front of her. Her eyes sparkled and she had a smile that could light up the night. This morning she was intelligent and poised. It was a side of her that Hayden hadn’t seen, and she’d been enthralled. She could picture her on a podium accepting the Nobel Prize, cameras flashing from every direction.

  During the interview, it had been difficult to maintain her concentration. When Emily spoke, the words sounded like a melody flowing from her lips. On those rare occasions when she looked at Emily, Hayden had completely lost track of what was being said, and at one point she had to ask the host to repeat the question. She couldn’t keep making that mistake, so she needed to concentrate. Now that she knew what to expect, she would be better prepared.

  Dropping her empty cup in the garbage can by the door, she headed back to the hotel. She had all day to kill and needed to burn off some more excess energy, but she didn’t want to do it in her uniform. She was fairly confident that she would not run into the CPO or Emily when she strode through the lobby.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Hayden?”

  The way her name was called, it could have been either a question or a statement. She recognized the voice and turned around to meet the eyes that rattled her each time she looked into them.

  “I’ve been waiting for you,” Emily said.

  Hayden couldn’t help but smile. “Then I’m glad I came back to change clothes.”

  “Me too. These chairs aren’t the most comfortable.”

  Emily had changed into a pair of faded jeans, a long-sleeve dark red T-shirt, and a pair of sneakers. Her hair was down and her faced scrubbed free of the pancake makeup so skillfully applied at the studio. She looked young, fresh, and beautiful.

  The silence stretched and even though the lobby was noisy, Hayden could hear her heart pound. A series of questions ran through her head as to why Emily was waiting. Did she want to talk about the show tomorrow or something entirely different? Did she want to take Hayden upstairs to her room and make love in a comfortable bed this time, or were they going to pretend their one time together didn’t happen? Hayden waited.

  Emily’s gaze darted around the lobby. “Can we talk?”

  They were still under the thumb of Tillman and she had strict orders not to be alone with Emily. Hayden knew the military was off their rocker to think that people didn’t fraternize up just because they said so. And she really wanted to fraternize with Emily again.

  “I was going to spend the day sightseeing. Would you like to come along?” she asked hopefully. If they were seen
together, it would simply be a case of two out-of-towners playing tourist.

  “I’d love to,” Emily replied excitedly.

  Hayden couldn’t help but respond to the joy in Emily’s expression. “I’m going to change clothes. I’ll be down in a few minutes. There’s a coffee shop down the street about a block or so,” She pointed in the direction she had just come. “Why don’t you wait for me there? I won’t be long.”

  She knew that it would be less than five minutes before she was standing in front of Emily again, this time in a totally different uniform.

  “Okay, I’ll see you there. Would you like me to order you some coffee or something?”

  “No, thanks, I’ve had my fill for the day. But you go ahead if you’d like.”

  When Emily nodded, Hayden stepped away and headed for the elevators, her original destination when she entered into the lobby a few minutes ago. She was an imposing figure in her uniform, and every eye in the lobby watched her.

  One of the spectators, Emily was transfixed. Her heart raced as she remembered how it felt to be held in Hayden’s arms, safe and warm and absolutely adored. She wanted to be held by her again. She ached to make love with her once more. With her pulse racing, she stepped out of the revolving door and was almost run over by a pedestrian who muttered something about “fucking tourists.” She quickly fell into step with the other walkers headed in the same direction she was. She wondered what the street looked like from the roof of the tall buildings on Park Avenue that towered above her. She imagined the passersby were all ants scurrying to and fro, their eyes straight ahead in concentration like good little workers.

  Emily found the coffee shop, and when she stepped inside, the smell of fresh ground coffee, cinnamon, and warm bread assailed her nostrils. The only empty table was in the back, and she stirred the sugar into her decaf on the way. She had barely sat down when Hayden walked in. Emily had a moment to observe her and grabbed the opportunity. Hayden had changed into a pair of Doc Martens, khaki pants, and a dark blue button-down shirt. Her hair was mussed. Many times in Khao Lak Emily had seen Hayden run her fingers through her hair. She thought it was more out of habit than the need to push any wayward strands from her eyes.

  The expression on Hayden’s face was not one she had seen today. Before and during the show this morning, Hayden wore a serious look, almost a scowl, as if she were trying to hold something in. Now she looked optimistic. Either way, Emily was glad to see her, and she was especially happy to see her alone.

  “That didn’t take long,” she said and at once wanted to kick herself. She didn’t want Hayden to know that she was actually aware of the time they were apart. How sappy.

  “Years of practice,” Hayden replied, making fun of herself. “You know, I can be packed and ready for a twelve-month deployment in thirty minutes.” She explained this as if it were the most important thing on the face of the earth.

  “Wow.” Emily played along. She feigned being awestruck. “That’s a skill every girl should have.”

  She was rewarded with a bright smile that practically lit up Hayden’s entire face. “Yep, and if you play your cards right, I just might show you how I roll my clothes to save space in my bag.”

  “Promise?” Emily asked in her best child’s voice. She felt anything but childlike sitting across from Hayden. She felt like a woman, a woman who wanted to spend the day getting to know her knight. “I don’t want to intrude on your plans for the day,” she said, suddenly feeling nervous.

  “You’re not. I don’t really have any. I was going to see the typical tourist sights, and maybe even a few that aren’t. That’s all.” Hayden hesitated and then looked into Emily’s eyes. “I was also going to try to not think about how you looked in that suit this morning.”

  Emily’s heart jumped. “Really?” Emily held Hayden’s gaze.

  “Really. Like to damn near killed me when you stepped out of the elevator,” Hayden responded, her eyes raking over Emily’s body.

  “Well, I’m glad to see that you’re okay.”

  “It was touch and go there for a minute, but I managed to pull it together.”

  Emily shook her head. “Very admirable.” She suspected Hayden had several admirers. Why wouldn’t she? She was good looking and smart, and had a job. All the important things.

  She’d had a difficult time keeping her eyes off Hayden during the interview, too. Forget about in the green room, she hadn’t even tried. Hayden was stunning in her uniform; she oozed confidence and control. She was everything the Army wanted her to be. There were times when Emily didn’t think she could string more than two words together to form a coherent response to a question, but Hayden was totally in control. She listened attentively, thought for a moment, and then replied clearly and concisely. She didn’t embellish her reply, nor did she give one-word answers. She was calm, cool and very professional.

  Emily, on the other hand, was a nervous wreck. What she really wanted to say was that she’d been plucked from danger by a strong, debonair, witty, charming, drop-dead gorgeous knight in shining armor. It was the perfect plot for a Harlequin romance. What made this story different was that Emily’s knight just so happened to be the most amazing woman she had ever met.

  The bantering stopped and Emily could not think of anything else to say.

  Hayden helped her by extending her hand across the table. “Are you ready? I think the Statue of Liberty is calling our name.”

  *

  The day passed and they had only seen a few of the sights identified as “must see” in the tourist guide Hayden bought at a newsstand. They rode the subway to Yankee Stadium, bought souvenirs on Ellis Beach, and prayed at Ground Zero. They were walking through Central Park just before sunset and stopped to allow a horse-drawn carriage to cross the street in front of them when Hayden finally brought up the subject that had hung in the thick air.

  “You said you wanted to talk.”

  It took a moment for Emily to grasp the question and even longer to formulate a response. “Um, yes, I did, didn’t I? We’ve never really had a chance to talk about Khao Lak. About what happened.”

  Hayden knew what she was getting at. Sure, they had talked, but they had skirted around what had happened between them. She took Emily’s elbow and crossed the street to a bench in a quiet spot.

  Even though she was the one who’d brought the subject up in the first place, Emily didn’t know where to begin. The sun was just beginning to set and the remaining rays streaked through the trees, leaving fingerlike traces of light on the dirt path. “I don’t know what to say.”

  Hayden had prepared herself for “I hate you” or “I want to do it again,” but not the uncertainty she saw in Emily’s expression. “What do you want to say?” she asked.

  Hayden knew what she would say if things were different. If they were different people. I’d like to see you again.

  Emily decided to be as honest as she knew how. “Well, before I knew anything about you other than your name, I suppose I would have said that that night was fabulous and I want to see you again.”

  “But?”

  “Then I saw you at the base. I was shocked, to say the least, and I probably would have said something ugly and hateful. But now, after spending the day with you, I have absolutely no idea.” Emily turned her palms up, signifying her confusion.

  “Why do you hate me?” Hayden asked, wondering if she’d get a straight answer this time. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to know.

  “I don’t hate you, Hayden.”

  “All right, then, let me rephrase the question. Why do you hate everything that I am?” She knew she was rehashing questions she had asked earlier, but she had not yet gotten a straight answer. Hayden was tired of people looking at her as if she were stupid for choosing the military as her career. Some even went so far as to make comments to her in the checkout line or the gas pump that she should get out before she got sent “over there.” That attitude coming from Emily was the last straw.

&n
bsp; “At the risk of repeating myself, I don’t hate you.”

  “Let’s not quibble over a few words. You know what I’m talking about. You hate anything that has to do with the military. You hate the fact that I’m an Army officer and everything that means. You hate that I serve my country without question. You think I’m some kind of tyrant when I issue orders and you absolutely can’t stand the fact that I follow them. What more is it than that?” Hayden looked straight ahead.

  “Hayden, my best friend Kim was lured into the Marines by all the pomp and pride, snappy uniforms, and that The Few, the Proud, the Marines bullshit. She blindly left her job, her husband, and her two-year-old daughter to be all she could be. And you know what? She died. She was gunned down by a sniper in the middle of the street in some fucking God-only-knows dirt little town in Iraq.”

  Hayden didn’t think it wise to correct Emily that the be all she could be was the Army tag line, not the Marines. She watched a range of emotions play across her face.

  Emily remembered when Kim’s husband Phil had called to break the news. She was stunned by his precise, clipped words. “She’s dead.” That was all he said. No prelude, no “I’m sorry for calling so late.” Just two simple words that changed her life forever.

  She and Kim had been friends since the third grade when the tall, gangly girl from Oklahoma sat next to Emily in the lunch room. From that point on they were inseparable, spending almost every waking hour with each other. They were in the same homeroom class the following year and several other years as well. Their lockers were next to each other in high school, they were both on the debate team, the chess club, and the yearbook committee. They’d even double-dated a few times—until one tear-filled night when Emily finally told Kim she thought she might be a lesbian.