Porn Generation

by Ben Shapiro

  “Why is it that guys brag about their penises, but girls are so secretive about—even ashamed of—their genitals?”23 the article asks. This is a perfect example of the “equality” sought by the women’s movement. It asks the right question—why do men act like animals with regard to their genitals?—yet still gives the wrong answer: It’s time for women to celebrate our vulvas like animals!

  The obsession with sex is cloaked in obsession with boys. These magazines objectify boys for “liberated” young girls. Elle Girl prints “TOTAL BOY: THE RATING GAME,” wherein “Four dashing and daring L.A. guys step out in front of a jury of L.A ELLEgirls (two of whom would like to see Alvaro lose those pants).”24 YM has a “LAST BOY STANDING” contest in which readers vote on which guy is the most major “hottie.”25 Cosmo Girl! contains a “BOY-O-METER, asking teenage girls to rate male models on a scale of one fire (“warm”) to three (“on fire!”).26 As if that weren’t enough, Cosmo Girl! also has an “EYE CANDY” section, complete with boy-band look-alikes in fold-out shirtless poses. It’s Playgirl lite. “Who needs a box of chocolates when you can have a cupcake like Joshua for Valentine’s day?”27 the magazine asks breathlessly.

  At the same time they objectify boys, the teen magazines urge little girls to sex themselves up to attract boys. Elle Girl’s February 7, 2005 cover touts “SEXY JEANS FOR EVERY BODY TYPE,” as well as “7 WAYS TO TELL IF HE REALLY LIKES YOU.”28 This kind of juxtaposition—“look better” next to “is he into you?”—directs girls toward sex.

  This juxtaposition of looks to boys is ubiquitous throughout the teen mag genre. A quick survey of the teen magazines on the local newsstand shelf in mid-January 2005 reveals the pattern. February 2005’s YM advertises “THE HOTTEST GUYS ON THE PLANET” above “40 KICK-ASS PARTY LOOKS.”29 The Seventeen cover promises “sweet & sexy looks inside” just above the “LOVE SURVEY: 5,000 + HOT GUYS REVEAL THEIR DEEPEST SECRETS.”30 The Teen Vogue offers “flirty VALENTINE’S DAY looks your date will fall for.”31 Teen People advertises “THE BEST JEANS FOR YOUR BODY” right above “Get a date by Friday!”32 Teen proclaims “NEW YEAR NEW YOU!”—then, below, “ALL ABOUT DATING: advice that really works.”33 The most extreme example, of course, is Cosmo Girl!, which carries each of these teasers on its February 2005 cover: “360 WAYS TO BE Irresistible!,” “PLUS: 5 Flirting Secrets That’ll Make Him Want You BAD,” “Get Sexier Abs Now (The 10-Minute-a-Day Workout!).”34 Is this the “women’s empowerment” young girls were promised by the feminist movement?

  While women’s magazines like Cosmopolitan explicitly discuss sexual positions, most teen magazines stick to dating—and how to exploit the ‘rents into letting you date. Teen explains “the dating game” by first telling teens how to sucker the adults. “Parents say, ‘not until you’re 18.’ How do you get ‘em to lighten up? Read up!” exclaims the magazine. Tips include group dating to alleviate parental fears about one-on-one contact, pushing the parents into allowing you to go to a movie with a guy, and getting around the parental strictures by running into “your cutie at school or other functions . . . Think of these as ‘sorta’ dates.”35 Teen gives other pearls of wisdom as well: “Oh yeah, don’t pump him for compliments either. Of course he thinks you’re hot—he asked you out, didn’t he?” They also push the kissing game: “It’s the end of the night—the scary moment of truth! Should you lean in and kiss him? Will he smooch you?”36

  Here’s a better question: Should parents be paying for magazines that actively seek to undermine their authority and sell their teenage daughters on sexual activity?

  Star worship

  The sex advice, the kissing tips, the boy fixation—all of it reappears through the vehicle of celebrity. There is probably no worse group of role models on earth than performance artists who exploit their sexuality for monetary gain. Would you trust Paris Hilton to baby-sit your kid? The teen magazines do. They spend a vast number of pages teaching Paris’s life lessons to American girls. They also tout Lindsay Lohan (“Comes Clean About Her Breasts, The Breakup, And More!”37); the Olson twins (“Young, Famous, and Stressed-Out”)38; Hilary Duff (“win her beauty booty!”)39; Usher (“Confessions about sex, his soulmate, & that awesome six-pack)40; Chad Michael Murray (“Chad’s kissing partners tell all!”)41; Ashlee Simpson (“exclusive pics of Ashlee’s home”)42 and the rest of the pathetic, talentless Pop Culture Gang. The members of the PCG are all too willing to offer their important advice to young girls. Plus cheesecake shots of themselves. And gossip. And, of course, plugs for their products.

  First the advice: YM’s February 2004 “Feel the Love” issue announced “Kissing do’s and don’ts” on its cover. The actual article contains a series of “celebrity kissing do’s and dont’s.” Among the useful tidbits of kissing knowledge were these pearls: “DON’T use your tongue as a weapon,” (Adam Levine, Maroon 5); “DO keep your mouth minty fresh,” (Jessica Simpson); “DON’T invite your parents along,” (Gregory Smith, Everwood).43 It’s a wonder that this monumental group of minds hasn’t cured cancer by now.

  J-14 carried a similar piece in its February 2005 issue: “stars kiss & tell.” Jesse McCartney, of Summerland fame (or anonymity, as the case may be) told readers that he is “a big hugger. I like to wrap my arms around a girl just like a monkey.”44 All other resemblance is purely coincidental.

  Orlando Bloom (Pirates of the Caribbean, Lord of the Rings) informed readers that kissing is “definitely a nervous sort of thing because you’re wondering whether to tongue or not to tongue. It depends on the person you’re kissing. It should be a romantic, wet kiss—nothing too intense.”45 Defying all logic, Bloom truly is more vacuous off-screen than he is on it.

  Fergie from Black Eyed Peas related a personal story: “I was eleven and I had a huge crush on a guy. . . . Usually, people talk about their first kiss being very awkward—mine was not! We made out! ”46 At age eleven. Yes, Virginia, past behavior is a good predictor for future actions.

  Then there are the cheesecake shots. Rating random boys through hot-meters gets old fast, so teen magazines manufacture teen idols out of male celebrities. The February 2005 YM dedicated eleven pages of its mag to “hot” photos of male celebrities. “We all know looks aren’t everything—except when it comes to this list,” YM pants. “Hey, every once in a while it’s fun to be shallow. Check these guys out. Can you blame us?” YM labels R&B singer Usher “the hottest guy of the year,” and carries a picture of a bathing-suit-clad Usher sitting by the pool. In his interview with YM, Usher talks extensively about his sex life—“The more you live, the more you learn, the more you have to say,” he says—but then tells teen girls that “Virginity is something to be valued. You’re not less hip if you’re not having sex. . . . Don’t be pressured into it, because you never want to do something that you’ll live to regret.”47 Perhaps that message would sound more sincere in a less sexualized context. As it stands, it sounds a lot like an anti-drunk driving commercial starring Teddy Kennedy filmed at the local pub.

  Teen’s February 2005 edition promises “Hot Celebs Inside!” Full-page “pinups” of “Summerland sweetie” Jesse McCartney, Adam Brody (The O.C.), “Clubhouse cutie” Jeremy Sumpter, Jake Parker (Quintuples ), “One Tree Hill hottie” Chad Michael Murray, Romeo, and “Life As We Know It flirt” Sean Faris ensue.48

  GL (February 2005) gets hot for Jesse McCartney—headline: “Jesse, oh yessee!!!” “We know we’re always telling you to never sit by the phone and wait for it to ring,” the editors drool. “But when juicy Jesse McCartney’s dialing ya up, you stare at the phone and you wait. And you wait. And you wait.”49 It would be laughable if it weren’t so pathetic.

  Teen Vogue gets into the act, too. “The women of Wisteria Lane might be drooling over the local gardener—but they’re not alone,” the editors slobber about Desperate Housewives star Jesse Metcalfe.50 Teen People (February 2005) offers two locker posters of woman-hater Eminem.51 What a great way to promote female empowerment! But Elle Girl is the most obvious about its o
bjectification of celebrities. “HOT GUYS: WE RATE ’EM, DATE ’EM AND INVESTIGATE ’EM,” the magazine brags. The February 2005 issue states: “LET’S ALL OBJECTIFY. . . BRETT BENDER”—a seventeen-year-old snowcross racer. Editor Elizabeth Wallace asks her readers to help her in her search for a “guy who is total eye candy”—everyone is free to email her at Elizabeth@ellegirl.com.52

  And don’t forget the gossip. In reality, most celebrities are dumb as dirt, but the teen magazines encourage a sick fixation with their empty lives. They critique the clothes, agonize over the breakups, and portray them as deep personalities, suffering artists, Shakespearean tortured souls. We’re supposed to cry over them, sigh over them, and buy over them.

  Teen People groans with anguished sympathy for the Olson twins: “The Olsons aren’t alone in their agony. More and more, young stars are raising their voices about the painful price tag attached to fame.”53 Woe to these poor celebrities! If you prick them, do they not bleed?

  Cosmo Girl! gives Lindsay Lohan an outlet for her heartbreak: “I’m heartbroken,” Lohan says. “Every breakup is painful—whether it’s a boyfriend or your parent’s marriage.” Cosmo Girl! sympathizes. “Lindsay may be the girl everyone gossips about lately, but despite the reports that her life is all about hard partying, she has also faced hard times recently. . . It’s been a year that has taught the eighteen-year-old a lot about herself.” Ah, the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune! The magazine also makes sure to label Lohan “strong and wise” as well as “down-to-earth.”54 Yes, wearing skimpy clothing and showing off fake cleavage does take courage and wisdom.

  J-14 examines “how rumors rocked Jessica’s world.” The Jessica of the title is, of course, Jessica Simpson. “Not long after achieving the success she’s always dreamed of, Jess became the target of nasty rumors,” the mag opines. “It’s hard for your family and friends to hear that stuff,” Simpson says.55 Oh, that such scandalmongers could turn their eyes toward the napes of their necks, and make but an interior survey of their good selves!

  Seventeen offers Jamie Lynn Spears (Britney’s wannabe younger sister) an outlet for her inner turmoil. “To tell you the truth, the only reason I don’t want to be too famous is because of the paparazzi,” Spears states. “Somebody has got to stop them. It not only hurts my sister, but it’s dangerous for them, too. It’s getting bad, you know? They run you off the road. Why would they want to take that kind of risk?” Seventeen murmurs sympathetically, “Clearly Jamie Lynn already knows that that kind of innocent comment can easily wind up as a tabloid cover line.” Fie upon the damned paparazzi! Hell is empty and all the devils are here!

  Of course, teen magazine sympathy only goes so far. Just because celebrities suffer the indignities of daily intrusion upon their privacy doesn’t mean that the teen magazines should stop intruding. Teen People makes sure photographers are present when Britney Spears and Paris Hilton reveal their thongs.56 Teen Vogue grabs snapshots of Kate Bosworth and Kirsten Dunst making their daily rounds.57 It seems that despite their protestations about the evils of mass media, the teen magazine genre doth protest too much.

  Instilling social values

  In supplanting parents, teen magazines encourage young girls to buy liberal social values wholesale. The first step is watering down religion. Seventeen does that by juxtaposing religious Christian values with secular and pagan ones, granting them all equal legitimacy. Seventeen asks “Does your faith affect your love life?” and then quotes a non-religious Jew, a non-religious Muslim, two pagans, and an atheist alongside four religious Christians. Of course, this being a teen magazine, all views are of equal validity. So you get quotes like this: “I am polytheist. It’s hard to find a guy who shares my beliefs!” (Kelly, seventeen, Wilton, California) alongside quotes like this: “Because I am Catholic, I believe in abstinence.” (Stephanie, fifteen, San Antonio, Texas) You get quotes like this: “I’m Wiccan, and all the guys I’ve dated have been sort of weirded out when they first see my spell books or hear me talking about tarot” (Rachel, seventeen, New York, New York) alongside quotes like this: “As a follower of Jesus Christ, I am waiting until I am ready to get married before even thinking about courtship.” (Kelly, sixteen, Huntington Beach, California)58 It’s the most basic recipe for moral relativism in existence—everyone’s views are equal and valid, no matter how ludicrous.

  That recipe is strengthened in the following pages, as Seventeen presents the touching story of a girl who left her oppressive evangelical Christian upbringing for the gothic paganism of Wicca. “My religion isn’t evil,” the article is titled; the subtitle reads: “Jessica, eighteen, has found her faith—but lost her family in the process.” What follows is a snarling rampage against Christianity. “My parents signed me up for Bible study so I could get to know our faith better,” Jessica tells Seventeen . “But what I ended up learning in that class was how intolerant our church was—it railed against homosexuals and taught us that people of different religions were damned. This wasn’t the Christianity I’d practiced before—how could my parents really want to be a part of this?” Jessica goes on to describe how she wore a pentacle home, how her mother yelled at her and called the symbol “evil,” and how Jessica “found such solace in Wicca that I couldn’t give it up for my parents. And I hoped they’d eventually accept it—I mean, it was a part of me. But I was wrong.” Seventeen directs curious readers to witchvox.com to learn more about Wicca.59

  If you care to visit witchvox.com to learn about your inner warlock, as I did, you’ll find that the basic tenet of Wicca is “An it harm none, do as ye will.” Despite the appearance, this is in no way a “license to do whatever ‘feels good’ to the individual without accompanying responsibility. Nothing could be further from the truth. The Witches’ Rede is rich with compassion, empathy and respect for others, the individual practitioner, the Goddess and God, and Mother Earth. It guides and directs our energies ‘for the good of all.’”60 Well, that’s a comfort. “The other basic guideline of Witches is the ‘Law of Three’ or the ‘Law of Karmic Return.’ Witches accept responsibility for their own actions and are therefore VERY careful about how they use their magick.”61

  At this point, I decided not to become Wiccan. After all, how I use my magick is none of their business.

  Once you’ve obliterated any idea of godly morality, it’s a short step to amorality. While Seventeen tells girls “It’s much easier to stick to your values if you and your guy talk about sex before things get hot,”62 they aren’t exactly conservative in their sexual mores—“It is best for you to talk to your parents or doctor about your sexual health, but if you can’t do that, it’s legal for you to visit a public clinic or a Planned Parenthood clinic confidentially. Call 800-230-PLAN or go to plannedparent-hood. org to find a clinic near you.”63 Cosmo Girl! advises girls to set boundaries for their bodies. Unfortunately, those suggested boundaries are restricted to “kissing or staying above the belt.”64

  Cosmo Girl! has some advice for social activism, too. Few of their suggestions would make my list of desirable causes. Their first suggestion is “PROMOTING PEACE”; they suggest visiting websites like worldpeace.org/youth, threadproject.com, and warchild.org. World-peace. org/youth explains how kids can plant “peace poles” in their communities. 65 “Whatever the location, the presence of a Peace Pole announces that this is a special place, dedicated to peace on Earth,”66 the website claims. Perhaps we should plant peace poles in Saudi Arabia, Somalia, Syria, Iran, and North Korea. Hey, for a few bucks, we can end all war! If the peace poles don’t work, we can always follow up on another of Cosmo Girl!’s suggestions, and help create a huge “one world, one cloth” tapestry to promote world peace.67 Tapestries. Now why didn’t the Defense Department think of that one?

  Cosmo Girl! also suggests “SAVING THE ENVIRONMENT.” They suggest visiting globalstewards.org . . . click on ‘take action.’”68 Among the actions suggested by globalstewards.org: fighting against genetically engineered food, animal experimentation (
clicking that link will get you to the psychotic People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals website), and overpopulation.69

  Naturally, Cosmo Girl! wants its activist readers to aid “PROMOTING GAY/LESBIAN TOLERANCE.” They list as a “success story” the Massachusetts Supreme Court decision forcing homosexual marriage onto the populace. “The ruling was historic,” the magazine yelps, “the first in America to give gays and lesbians the opportunity to legally wed.”70 How nice! How about force-feeding the youngsters the right to incest or sex at any age as well? I hear the North American Man-Boy Love Association is interested in that one.

  Cosmo Girl! asks readers to focus on “ENDING RACISM.” Sounds good, right? Too bad that Cosmo Girl! considers ending affirmative action to be racist.71 They push freechild.org, a website advocating engaging “children and youth as agents of radical democratic social change.” Radical social change includes fighting for more sex education and gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgendered, queer and questioning youth rights, among others.72 Freechild.org asks readers to engage in “hip-hop activism”: “Some people refer to hip hop as a tool for social change, others see it as a degrading force that alienates communities. Young people are using hip hop culture to reach and teach their communities about social justice and taking action.”73 Perhaps I’ll try some hip-hop activism right after I stop laughing, G-dawg.

  For the kiddies

  Avoiding the horrible advice of the teen mags can be harder than you think. Just turn to the kids section of your newspaper—if it’s like most newspapers, it has advice columns from either Dear Abby or Ann Landers or both. For years, the columns have dispensed unmitigated sexual liberalism in the inches just next to the kid-friendly comics. As Robert Knight of Concerned Women for America writes, “One of the most consistent themes in Dear Abby has been the promotion of the sexual revolution in its many guises. The column consistently parrots the propaganda of Planned Parenthood, the Kinsey Institute, and the Sexual Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS), using loaded terms such as “sexual beings” (as in “we are all sexual beings”) and bad data. Both Abby and her sister Ann Landers have relied over the years on such authorities as Dr. Judd Marmor, former president of the American Psychiatric Association, who has consistently promoted the homosexual agenda within the psychiatric profession. In column after column, Abby mocks people who resist the cultural sexual zeitgeist.”74