Afterwards, I stared into the darkness while Mitchell fell into a deep sleep next to me. With nothing to capture their focus, my eyes grew heavy and my mind slipped away once again. I was immediately immersed in bright light.
“There you are!” Orion cheered from further down on the beach.
I was back on the beach where I was an hour ago. My dream picked up again right where I left off last time. I watched Orion as he jogged over, face beaming in an innocent smile. I suddenly felt abashed from my rendezvous with Mitchell. I whipped my head down to assess my attire and was relieved I was dressed.
“Where do you go when you disappear like that?” he asked.
“Um… I wake up?” I answered, which came out more like a question. That was the only explanation I could provide, aside from my recent activity.
“Well for my sake then, I hope you stay asleep forever.”
“You sure know how to charm a girl, don’t you?” I smiled.
“I didn’t know I could charm an angel,” he spoke smoothly.
I look down, embarrassed again. “Don’t be silly. I’m no angel. I’m… nobody special.”
“Don’t say that,” he pulled up my chin with his hand. “I’ve seen you in my dream and then you show up out of thin air, in the time I need you the most.” He took my hands into his. “I feel different when you’re near… like my burdens aren’t as heavy for a moment. I feel… safe,” he divulged.
I felt safe too. More than that, I felt complete. I wanted to stay dreaming, forever.
Stay asleep! Stay asleep!
“What do you mean by ‘the time you need me the most’?” I asked.
He dropped my hands and turned away, gazing unfocused at the sky. “I don’t know what, but something isn’t right. Everything is… restless,” he answered.
His grave expression sent a lump in my throat as we stood in silence. A moment later, he looked back down at me. His hardened face was soft again. He didn’t say anything else on the subject. I didn’t ask. He took my hand and we strolled quietly along the beach. I was not used to this much touching from a man I hardly knew. In fact, I was not used to this much touching at all. I loved Mitchell but he was not affectionate, besides the bedroom, that is; and especially not in public. I couldn’t recall the last time we walked together holding hands. We never kissed in public - that for sure I knew. Maybe the lack of physical contact from a boy is why my heart raced from Orion’s touch. Whatever the reason, I felt excited, and a little guilty, as his warm skin touched mine.
It’s just his hand; it’s just a dream - I repeated to myself to push the guilt aside.
We walked for a long while. He asked many questions about my interests and my life. I told him, reluctantly, about Mitchell, about my childhood and how I spent most of my days. He listened intently and never removed his attention from me. His constant staring was awkward, but I kind of liked it.
“Enough about me. Tell me about you? How old are you?” I asked.
“Twenty-two.”
“And how do you spend your time?” I probed.
“About three kilometers down that trail is the town. Come, I’ll show you,” he said, pointing toward the dense forest.
He released my hand and began jogging toward the dirt trail. I followed his lead and we ran through the forest. Our pace never slowed and I never worried whether I could keep up. I ran for a long time with a steady constant breath and heart rate. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed until we arrived at the town’s border.
“Welcome to the town of Onasius,” he announced with outstretched arms.
I was flashbacked to a different time, unfolding a pristine historic town. Each building had its own charm and character, yet flowed together like an ocular symphony. The buildings were made of brick, clay or wood siding with earthy tones in palettes of red and brown. A multitude of heights outlined the sky, one to four stories tall. Quaint custom signs hung in shop windows and on porches. The streets were scattered with people meandering through stores and mingling in small clusters. Their attire was not dated however. The clothes were similar to our but more basic, less accessorized. They were made of cotton or linen and were designed much more simplistic than the styles of today. The ladies wore no heels, wedges, or skinny jeans. The clothing looked more practical, designed for a purpose and comfort, not to appease the eye.
A trolley drove by on the cobblestone street after stopping to let a family pass on their bicycles. We passed a farmer’s markets with fruits and vegetables that were so rich in color my mouth began to water. The beautiful melody of a jazz band carried down the street from a nearby café. Orion pointed out the different restaurants, art studios, and boutiques as we passed by. The townsfolk seemed friendly and some stopped to say hello, intrigued by the new blood in town.
We walked for several blocks and paused in front of a grand brick building scattered with stained glass windows. There was a park next door where a group of children played soccer and a handful of younger ones were tangled on the playground’s monkey bars.
“This is the schoolhouse where I help teach kids, ages 10 through 14,” Orion said.
A teacher. Now that makes sense.
“What do you teach?” I asked intriguingly.
“Science, mathematics, survival and life studies. There’s another teacher, Helen, who teaches art, music, literature and the history of our land.”
“What are survival and life studies?”
“Survival is how to farm, hunt, build, repair, cook… things like that. Life Studies is how you interact with people and nature.”
“Wow, that sounds like a lot for two people.”
“We don’t cover every subject every day. I teach in the morning on one subject and Helen does the same in the afternoon. Every Monday through Thursday, we rotate the subject matter. Friday is independent study where we assist the students in their studying and assignment, and then two days off schooling.”
“That’s impressive. It must be very rewarding to teach and influence young minds.”
“I’m blessed with my life. Especially recently,” he added, and flashed a captivating smile that made my heart melt.
Yeah, me too.
“I didn’t know what I wanted to do in my life and my father always said, ‘A smart man is a business man.’ Since my brother never went to college, I think he applied that motto to me. I’m in my second year, but manipulating numbers doesn’t seem like it will be very rewarding,” I admitted.
“What are you interested in?” Orion asked.
“Hmm, I don’t know… I think I’m starting to get interested in medicine. I would love to heal people. Although in high school, chemistry and biology didn’t come as easily to me as my math classes did.”
“It’s never too late,” he added.
“I know… I just don’t want to waste away 10 years studying in school. I want to focus on improving other aspects of my life.”
“What do you have in mind?”
“I’d like to learn to play an instrument and learn to dance. I want to improve my cooking skills and be a stronger swimmer. I can tread water pretty good but I look like a half-drowned cat whenever I try to swim longer distances,” I chuckled.
Orion laughed. “I can teach you some of those things. I bet you would be a quick learner.”
“What can you can teach me?” My curiosity was peaked.
“I can play the guitar and I’m a pretty good farmer. I have a lot of experience with herbs and spices and can teach you how to use them too,” he offered.
“I would like that,” I said avidly.
“But you probably don’t want me to teach you how to dance,” he admitted.
“Now you have my attention. That may be entertaining to see,” I teased.
An elderly couple holding hands walked by and smiled. I smiled back and watched as they sauntered down the sidewalk together. They reminded me of Mom and Dad. The memory both warmed my heart and broke it. I looked the other direction down the path,
trying to distract myself from the thought.
“I don’t see any transportation other than the trolley. How do you get to around?” I asked.
“You can pretty much get anywhere in town by trolley, bicycle or on foot. If you need to travel farther, we have a depot about a kilometer from here where you can use one of the horses, or community vehicles for longer trips. We also have boats available for use.”
“What about power? I don’t see any power lines or towers anywhere?”
His brows slightly turned in confusion. “I don’t know what those are. We get our energy from the sun and use photovoltaic cells to collect and store the sun’s heat.”
“This place amazes me. Everything here makes sense. I wonder how my world became so cluttered and complicated. There’s so much consumption, greed and anger in my world that doesn’t seem to exist in yours.”
We sat down on a bench outside of the school.
“We are all connected to one another in spirit. Everyone has a purpose here and most want to contribute. If there is something you need, we try to teach each other the skill to make it or someone in the community may have it. Sometimes we have to order supplies from the city. There are a few factories there.”
“We don’t have that interconnection where I come from. Even with the constant daily interactions, most of us feel alone. We’re always trying to find a place to fit in and make sense of our existence. We fill our lives with objects to satisfy ourselves, but it’s never enough. But here… I have nothing here, yet, I feel complete – content – loved even. There is a huge difference.”
“Not everyone is as connected as the rest. There are some people who are not very empathetic and aren’t comfortable around others. I’ve traveled to many places though and can say that most people live the way we do.”
I couldn’t imagine wanting to leave if I had a choice. I felt like every part of me was better here. I had more energy, I could think clearer, my senses were sharper, and my body simply felt better. Everything here felt right.
There was no way this is a dream. It feels so real – every touch, smell, and sight. My emotions are running wild. Maybe something’s wrong with me? Maybe I have a tumor? Maybe I’m going crazy? What age do you develop schizophrenia? I read that with schizophrenia you become more tired and agitated as well. I had been feeling fatigued lately...Oh no!
Orion must have seen the anxiety written all over my face. He placed his hand on my shoulder, “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“There’s something wrong with me! I’m losing my mind! Why do I keep dreaming of this place? Why do I see you when I sleep? Why does this place feel more real to me than my own world?!” I blurted out.
Why does my heart race when I’m close to you and I drown in these new intense feelings? Why do I long to be here when I’m awake? Why do you consume all my thoughts during the day and my dreams during the night? I shouldn’t feel this way! It’s wrong on so many levels. I feel so lost...
My vision blurred as I fought back the urge to cry. Frustrated and flustered, I jumped to my feet to flee. Orion caught my arm and gently glided his hand down to mine.
“Hey, wait, calm down. Please don’t go,” he begged.
I quickly stopped. All he had to do was take a breath and I would have stopped for him.
“I swear Alexis this is real. I am real.” He took my hand and placed it against his chest. “Can’t you feel my heartbeat?”
I felt the gentle thuds against his chest and the sturdy muscles under his shirt pressed against my hand. My previous hysteria disappeared, as did all my thoughts. My body was vibrating. Warmth spread throughout.
Focus Alexis.
“Trust me. I don’t know how or why, but this is real. We’ll figure out what’s going on.”
“I trust you,” I answered, with my hand still on his chest.
I took a step closer. This was the closest I’d been to him; the closest I’ve been to any guy besides Mitchell. He moved closer in return and then it hit me like a punch in my gut. His scent filled my lungs and sent my stomach swimming with excitement. It wasn’t cologne. It wasn’t anything I could describe… it was just… him. I felt dizzy… intoxicated. My mind clouded over and I lost all sense of reality. The world stood still and everything disappeared but him and me. In that moment, I felt it.
That’s crazy. I know nothing about him. How can I lov…. What am I thinking?!
I held my breath and pulled back, pointing my gaze to the ground. This wasn’t love. I was not stupid enough to fall for someone who wasn’t even real.
“Alexis?” he spoke.
The words rolled off his tongue like silk and echoed through my entire body. I looked up to meet his gaze. My chest tightened and my heart went racing. Real or just a dream, I knew then that I would never be the same. He was my drug and I would always crave to be near him, but he could never be mine.
Suddenly, the excitement turned to trepidation. Fear crept up my throat and my hands began to tremble. I turned around and it was pitch black. I blinked several times, confused from the darkness. I turned back towards Orion but only saw the silhouette of my headboard. I looked down at the bed in confusion. I was awake and it was still night, but Mitchell was not lying next to me.
I heard shuffling near the bedroom door.
“Mitchell?” I called with a shaky voice.
There was no answer. I held my breath and stared with wide eyes at the entrance.
Stop being so paranoid.
The floorboard creaked as someone walked amongst the shadows. I jumped out of bed and took a step backwards until my body pressed against the wall.
“Who’s there?” I yelled.
He came at me with immense speed and pinned me against the wall. He struck the side of my face with the back of his hand. My head flew back and my jaw stung in protest. I jabbed my knee hard into his groin but he blocked it with his arm and seized me by the throat, lifting me partially off the ground.
I looked into his face with a desperate plea. My eyesight had yet to adjust through the darkness and tears. The blurred features of his round face were forming…
Beep! Beep! Beep!
I snapped opened my eyes to the sound of the alarm clock. Taking gasping breaths of air, I choked on my saliva and coughed. I scampered out of bed on full alert, and tripped over Mitchell’s shoes. I fell onto my hands and knees, and then stumbled back to my feet. The room was dimly lit as the morning sun began to make its way across the horizon. The blaring sound of the alarm continued its torment as I whipped my head around the room, looking for the threat.
Nothing was there… It was just a dream. A nightmare.
The alarm clock continued to beep another fifteen seconds before I walked over to the dresser and turned it off. The air was still. I sat back on the bed and tried to calm my trembling hands. My heart was beating in overdrive and my throat was parched. I took a drink of water from last night’s glass, but it still ached for more. My head throbbed profusely. I felt exhausted. I must have slept at least eight hours, yet it felt like I didn’t sleep at all. I rubbed my stinging eyes and got out of bed, letting a big yawn escape on the way. I heard the rustling of the morning paper in the kitchen. Mitchell.
I skipped the morning chitchat and headed straight for the shower. I had a presentation this morning for class that I still needed to finish and a tennis match this afternoon. Usually I would be psyched for the upcoming challenge, but today I felt like the whole ordeal was meaningless. What contribution did it make? Who really cared anyway? I sighed, and moved into autopilot to prepare for the day.
All morning, instead of paying attention, I constantly caught myself daydreaming of Orion and contemplating the importance of everything in life. I listened partially to my profession discuss the art of negotiation and persuasion and felt disgust rather than my normal feeling of admiration. On the way to tennis, Mandy rambled on about the latest disaster on the local news. Her tone was marked with a morbid curiosity that made me shutter. I suddenly sa
w things in a whole new light. How could I have been so blind before? In this mundane world, my bright eager future was slowly being replaced with a tunnel of uncertainty and fear. With so much chaos and hurt, how could I be excited about what lay ahead for me?
As unenthusiastic and unprepared as I was for the match, we were still successful in our feat. Mandy didn’t seem to notice any difference, probably due to her egocentricity. She rushed over to confirm our coffee date and was shocked when I told her I was going to pass. I was not in the mood to celebrate. Besides, I was eager to see Mom. She was released from the hospital this morning and I wanted to make sure everything went smoothly for her. I called Mitchell on the way to let him know I’d be home late.
I arrived at Mom’s. I knocked on the door but there was no answer. Unusual. Her car was in the driveway and she called me earlier to let me know Jeremy had taken her home. I scolded her for not calling me to drive her home, but she didn’t want to bother me. I knocked again and then tried the doorknob. It turned easily in my hand. I pushed open the door.
“Mom?” I called out as I walked through the entryway.
The house was silent. I closed the door behind me and walked across the living room. Several footsteps came from the kitchen then stopped. My heart sped up a tad as I cautiously walked to the edge of the kitchen and peaked around the entrance.
“Hi dear,” Mom greeted me, wearing a tie-dye apron and holding a wooden spoon.
“Mom, what are you doing?! Do you know your front door was unlocked?” I charged.
“Oh was it?” she dismissed. “I’m just whipping up some dinner.”
She continued to stir an unrecognizable meal on the stove.
“Are you okay?” I asked, walking over to her.
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