by Rob Sperry
T HE 100 MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION
What advice would someone give who has made over $100 million? Growing up, my friend Lance Conrad decided he wanted to be successful. One of his best childhood friends came from a very successful family. His friend’s Dad was worth over $100 million. Lance wanted to be successful so badly that one day he swallowed his fears, approached him, and asked for advice. He wanted to know his best advice for success. It was a bold request, but his friend’s father agreed and taught Lance something that he has never forgotten, even to this day: “Find what you want to do. Then go find a mentor that is great at what you want to do. Then do as they tell you.”
Simple enough, right? Find a mentor, listen to them and take action. Going along with the principle of finding mentors is the Law of Association. Many of us have heard of the Law of Association that states we are the sum of the five people we hang around most.
If you become guilty by association, why not associate with six, seven or eight-figure earners. — Cedrick Harris
Robert Hollis has created 46 million dollar earners and says the following on finding a mentor: “If you want to learn to dance, martial arts, acting, gymnastics, etc. wouldn’t you find a documented instructor and follow their instructions? Find someone who is documented and successful to mirror and match.”
If your closest friends are gang members, what sort of Credibility will you have? If your closest friends are all multi-millionaires, what will your Credibility and trust with others be? Do you actually practice the Law of Association? Do you make a conscious effort to limit your associations with negative and toxic people? Do you do whatever is necessary to surround yourself with people that are better than you so that you, too, can grow. The rising tide lifts all ships.
The Law of Association is not to be applied for just making money. This law applies for everything in your life. If you want to become more spiritual, you can’t hang around five people who are anti-spiritual. If you want to have a strong marriage, you can’t associate with people who are cheating on their spouses. If you want to get in shape, you can’t hang around five people who are extremely overweight and don’t value being in shape.
No one is perfect and each one of us has flaws, but one of the best ways to become who you want to be is to hang around those who are already who, what, and where you want to be. You need to be honest with yourself. If you brush this idea off as unimportant, then you will never aspire to be around the kind of people you know you should be. You will become what you surround yourself with.
Whether we want to accept that we are practicing the Law of Association or not, it is affecting us every time we choose to hang around people. The people we surround ourselves with rub off on us little by little as we subconsciously learn and become more like our surroundings. Just about everything, including how we talk, act, laugh, and dress, are affected by who we hang around with.
Here’s another interesting way to look at the Law of Association. People are energy (or lack thereof). When you associate with dull personalities, you will not dream as big as when you are surrounded by ambitious personalities. Sometimes we are associated with a best friend or a family member whom we may love dearly but they always seem to tear us down. They may not personally attack us, but their lack of ambition and constant negativity bring us down to their level.
For every friend or family member that has negative vibes, you need at least three friends who are extremely positive to make up the difference. It’s crazy that one person with negative vibes can have such a profound effect on us. How you dress, think, vote, and everything you do is very closely aligned to those you associate with. Don’t ever underestimate the power of the Law of Association. It affects all of us tremendously.
I remember when I made a decision that I wanted to take my life to another level. I believed in the principle of surrounding myself not just with great people but also with great personal development books as well. Instead of just having a few physical mentors, which I had, I also had hundreds of audio mentors. Over the course of about 18 months, I read hundreds of these types of books.
I didn’t listen to the radio; instead, I would listen to audio books. I didn’t listen to music at the gym; instead I listened to personal development books. I rarely watched TV, in fact, in my first six months in network marketing, as mentioned earlier, I eliminated TV. I substituted that TV time with reading uplifting books. But I didn’t just read these books, I studied them. I ended up having hundreds of pages of notes from my readings. I surrounded myself with positive voices on a daily basis. It made me mentally tough.
Those books gave me focus, perspective, discipline, and hope. Read books. Educate yourself. The person you will become will make your current self-esteem seem like that of a kindergartner. And that is an exciting thought!
Your greatness is limited only by the investments you make in yourself. — Grant Cardone
M ASTERING THE LAW OF ASSOCIATION
Imagine knowing and having connections with every important person in your industry that you’ll need for the rest of your life. Pretty powerful, right? Well, Troy Dooly has mastered that by practicing the Law of Association.
Troy knows everyone and has become a go-to man as a consultant for many companies in the network marketing industry. Troy’s connections are beyond ridiculous, and in a good way! His knowledge is impeccable, but because of his associations, his knowledge isn’t just about what he knows, it is what his network knows. Because Troy has so much Credibility within the industry, if you are associated with him, you are associated with just about all of the top industry leaders. His stamp of approval (or lack thereof) can connect or disconnect you with all of the top industry leaders because of the Law of Association.
It isn’t easy to avoid negative people with whom you have a strong past connection. Old habits die hard! Old habits scream and crawl their way to the forefront of your mind and actions if you do not consciously put yourself in an environment to squash them. If you do not want to sever that particular relationship, then you must set the guidelines. A compromise will not suffice; you must be blunt and let this particular friend know what you expect. You may not be able to change someone, but you are in control of how you let other people affect you.
The more success someone has had, the more they will typically encourage you to go for your dreams. My experience at the tennis club, when I had no business experience and only a strong vision, was such a powerful learning experience. I was surrounded by others who had been very successful. What I learned is that almost all who have been successful love to give advice and help others be successful.
Think of three people that you know who have been very successful. These could be network marketers, lawyers, your parents, a coach, whoever. Go tell those individuals your goals and dreams. Don’t just settle for telling them your small goals. Go all in and tell them your BHAG’s: Big Hairy Audacious Goals. The more you let them in on your big dreams, the more they will respect you. Let them know you would love for them to help mentor you and that you will be very coachable. If you do this authentically, without a hidden agenda, I can almost guarantee that you will receive help. How great is that? You will get free help from someone who has been incredibly successful. On that rare occasion where they are not open to mentor you, they might not be the right mentor to begin with. Be persistent, show them you are committed, and if they are still not interested, find someone who’s a success and is willing to mentor you.
Not only do you receive a mentor, which I believe is critical for massive success, but you also receive a mentor who will have an incredible circle of influence. They can help introduce you to the right people. You will be amazed at the connections successful people have. Chances are they got those connections from networking consistently as well.
Can you imagine having the opportunity to interview hundreds of the very best network marketers of all time? Can you imagine what you would learn if you were able to interview top leaders on a daily basis?
The Networking Times is the premier place to get behind-the-scenes stories trainings from top network marketing icons. Josephine and Chris Gross are the founders of The Networking Times. This was one of the places I was able to study lots of the commonalities of the successful leaders in network marketing. I would highly recommend that you subscribe to it and learn from the legends.
I personally had a goal of being featured in their magazine and in their blogs, and eventually was able to do both. My blog post “The Psychology of the Close” was featured as the #1 blog post for all of 2015 for The Networking Times. There is no way to account for the impact that Credibility brought to my business, but it also had a profound impact in helping to build my Credibility inside the network marketing world. It started with me learning from so many successful mentors and continued with me being able to become one of those featured mentors, which brought a whole new level of Credibility.
Friends won’t start supporting you until ‘strangers’ start celebrating you. — Unknown
C OMMUNICATION CONUNDRUMS
Who knew that five simple words would become so powerful! Has there ever been a more powerful line in all of movie history than “Luke, I am your father”? While there are many lines that are just as recognizable, Darth Vader telling Luke Skywalker that he is his father was not only the ultimate plot twist, but it added to the Star Wars legacy that is going to survive and flourish for many generations. Anyone that wasn’t living under a rock knew exactly what that scene was about and what movie series it came from.
Our ability to communicate is so ridiculously crucial that even one sentence, like Darth Vader’s, can completely set off a plethora of people thinking in a certain way. Effective communication can lead to educated debates, inspiration, guidance, conversations, and especially an increase in building your Credibility!
Communication is often overlooked, but it is what starts and, many times, ends friendships. Wars can begin and end all through communication. Marriage is the most important committed relationship we enter into, and communication, or the lack thereof, is often the reason for either a good marriage or a bad one. Learning to leverage the Power of Communication is a necessary task if you are going to become an expert networker.
T HE WORST NETWORKER IN THE WORLD
Demands, broken agreements, and then the cajones to pitch me his business a year later are just a few of the ‘incredible’ attributes this man possesses. Yes, that last sentence was sarcastic.
Oh, Jim. When will you ever learn?
We will call him Jim because that’s his real name. Jim wanted to go work for a company that I owned, so I sent him out to embark on this new venture. He had been asking me for a job for months, and I was so happy because I finally found what I thought to be a great fit for him. Before leaving to start this new job, Jim asked for a signing bonus. I was very upfront with Jim letting him know that was not possible. He agreed and moved across the country to start this new job. So far, so good!
After one week, Jim demanded that I pay him a signing bonus or he would quit. First off, demanding something from someone that offered you an opportunity is never a good thing. Secondly, I made it very clear before he moved that a signing bonus was not possible, and I again told him that wasn’t possible. I couldn’t get a hold of Jim for the next two days as he went M.I.A. Of course, I was beyond frustrated! I could have easily reacted with my emotions and fired him, but I instead decided to respond cautiously to the situation and evaluate my options. There’s a big difference between reacting and responding.
I realized I had a choice. I could just fire him; I could let him quit; or I could pay him the signing bonus. As I ran through those options, I realized there was no way this guy would be a fit for our company. I made it very clear that there would be no signing bonus before he started, and the fact that he is now threatening to quit if he doesn’t get his bonus shows me that he’s not mentally in the right place. I knew it just wasn’t going to work out with us. Rather than lash out at him, which at this point would only make me feel good for a few minutes, I came up with a different option.
I called some local competitors. I was upfront with them on the exact situation. I let them know this guy wasn’t a fit for us, but he could be for them. I gave this competitor a caution as my experience wasn’t the best but also pointed out Jim’s strengths. I then tried calling Jim to let him know I had found a potential better fit for him. The best part is that this new company was willing to give him a bonus if he just simply proved himself for a few weeks. This company was going to give him exactly what he wanted!
Not surprisingly, Jim didn’t answer when I called him. So I sent him a text with all the info of a new company in the same industry willing to meet his needs. I thanked him and let him know I was sorry we couldn’t meet his needs. I then called the competitors and gave them Jim’s phone number. I coached the competitors on how to best handle him. Sure enough, the new company and Jim worked it out, and Jim worked with this new company for two weeks. Jim never once responded to me. He never apologized or thanked me. After two weeks with this new company, he had burnt that bridge with them as well. My competitors were still extremely grateful for the offer.
The story with Jim doesn’t end there. Some five months later, Jim sent me a text asking me to check out a “new entrepreneurial venture” he was starting. Really?!?! Some people just don’t get it! Not only did Jim lose out on two very high potential jobs, but he lost massive Credibility. It wasn’t just because of his worth ethic or entitlement; it was mainly due to his lack of communication. If Jim would have simply communicated with me, I think he could have salvaged a lot of his Credibility and maybe even some of his Likeability.
Here’s an example of what Jim could have said without changing his actions and still maintaining much of his Credibility: “Rob, I just wanted to thank you for connecting me to your competitors. I want to apologize for my actions. I am desperate for money and mishandled the situation. I am a hard worker and there is no excuse for the way I dealt with you. If there is anything I can ever do to help you, please let me know how. I hope we can work together again someday in the near future.” Those simple words would have completely changed my outlook on Jim. He didn’t do it because that’s just not who Jim is, which is too bad because I have had several other options I think I could have helped him with.
Always communicate! Admit when you’re wrong and be humble. No one’s perfect, we all make mistakes. Communication is the key to overcoming mistakes and maintaining credibility. It can be hard and uncomfortable at times but I promise you that communicating will always be better than not. Not communicating will lead to less Credibility, and as a result less Likability. It will often lead to burnt bridges, and we’ve already discussed that’s not what you want. If you continuously have bad communication, then you will become one of the biggest enemies of success: An Avoider.
D ON’T BE THE AVOIDER
The more I network, the more I realize how important communication is in building both Likeability and Credibility. Avoiders are so annoying and Jon is no exception. Jon is a great guy and a bad communicator. He was a third party contractor for a company that I owned and had been referred to me from a friend. We created some very basic terms, as a trial to see if he was a fit for us and us for him. He wanted to do business with us, and we needed his services. Now, Jon is one of those people that, when the going gets tough, completely avoids people instead of communicating. We all know a Jon.
After a few weeks of work, Jon asked for a solid contract with every last little detail. To be honest, I wasn’t really sure what he wanted specifically, so I put the ball in his court. I asked him to come up with a contract that he felt was fair. After a week’s time I hadn’t heard from him. This was odd because he was actually doing some great work.
Then, I got a text message that said he was too busy to work for my company. I tried calling Jon several times to no avail. I asked him if he could work for us for just two more weeks to finish off the job
s he had started. I even offered to pay him all of my profits, as I wanted to take care of my clients. Jon wouldn’t respond. I ended up calling my friend who had referred him and asked for his help to straighten this out. My friend pleaded with Jon to finish what he had started, but Jon said he was too busy with new jobs from another company and couldn’t make the time. Leaving someone in a bind is bad enough, but not communicating with them is like giving them the middle finger.
It doesn’t matter that Jon did excellent work for me while he was working. He completely lost all Credibility by being an Avoider. While I know I definitely don’t want to do business with him again, there is a larger ripple effect that stems from this. I was very professional and certainly did not deserve to be treated the way I was. Since Jon had no issues doing that to me, I can imagine that is not his first time totally dropping the ball on someone. As such, I won’t give him a referral, and I can’t ever recommend him to anyone.
It is more than likely that ignoring people, like he did to me, is a regular occurrence for him. That is the biggest issue. If he wanted to part ways, that’s ok! However, parting on bad terms hurt him in many more ways than he can imagine. People like Jon don’t get it and never find true success.
