by Rob Sperry
We may feel that we never do this, and it is easy to look at Jon’s story and think to yourself, “Oh, I’ve never done that before!” However, this same thing happens quite often in network marketing. We might be in the middle of the process of exposing our prospect, and then they just disappear. They seemed interested, they were asking questions, they were engaged, and POOF! It’s like they vanish into thin air! They never respond to your messages, they don’t call you back, and you know they’re ignoring you because they’re still posting on Instagram.
Many people would be upset by that scenario, but I actually really enjoy those moments! If that prospect doesn’t even have the professionalism to let me know they are no longer interested, then I could only imagine what a disaster they would be if they had chosen to get started. As soon as something bad happened in their business, I am positive they would just disappear off the face of the earth and quit their business. They would also probably blame you for their lack of success, because that’s how these people are! We’ve all dealt with prospects like this, and we’ve also probably been like this ourselves before. Someone has asked us to do a favor, or maybe they’ve even asked us for more information about our business, and we just totally blew them off. If we don’t like it when people do that to us, then let’s work on not being that person as well. It works both ways!
W IFED
Let’s pause this book for just a minute and explain how I got wifed! If you are married, you know what it means to get wifed. I sure hope that by reading this book, you don’t think that I am a master at everything I am teaching. If you do, then please just call my wife and she will tell you that I still have a ton to work on!
My wife recently called me out. We are always getting together with different groups of people. We recently were with a particular group. I said, “I just don’t relate to this group and it takes too much energy to hang around them.” Well that was definitely the wrong thing to say!
I should have followed my own advice on multiple ways with this situation. My wife said, “If it has value, you will figure it out. It just takes effort. This group means something to me, so make the effort.” If she had a microphone, she would have dropped it and walked away. She may have also nicely said, “you need to follow the advice you are writing in your book.’ I just got WIFED, and I deserved it. She was spot on. The next time we hung out with that group, I followed her advice and made a huge effort. It made all of the difference, and I actually enjoyed myself. Also my engagement with this group not only built up my LIKEABILITY with my wife, but it built up my Credibility by listening to my wife.
I may wear the pants in our relationship but my wife decides the color, brand, and size! If the relationship has value, you will find a way to make it work; if you don’t, then you’re next in line to get WIFED.
T HE 3 VERSIONS OF YOU
All human beings have three lives: public, private, and secret. — Gabriel García Márquez
Every great networker will tell you to become more like the person you want to attract. The only problem is, the person that you may see in public is totally different than how that person acts in private. If you try to change your public self to better emulate another person’s public self, the relationship may feel off because who you are in public and who you are in private can be totally different people. I can’t think of a better way to describe this concept than by describing the three lives we all live.
I can’t think of any topic that will genuinely build your Credibility better than this topic. This is one of the most in-depth concepts that has changed my life. I mentioned that you are who you attract. I love networking because it helps me to become a better person. I believe that the goal is to align our three selves as closely as possible.
Your public self is the one that everyone sees. It is typically most people’s best self. Your private self is the one that your friends and family see. They get to see you when you are starving, sick, and just in a bad mood! Your secret self is special; only you know it. What do you do when no one knows? If you could unethically receive $200 from the bank without anyone ever finding out, what would you do? It isn’t easy by any means, but your goal should be to match all three lives. Tiger Woods was a perfect example of having a totally different public and secret self. Eventually, it came out. It almost always comes out.
One entire network was destroyed overnight. It happened this way. Years ago, I had a leader whose public self was very well respected. He had a good solid organization that was growing. One day while out of town, this leader, who we will call Jared, decided to check into his hotel with five other team members. As Jared checked in, he looked at this team and said, “Watch this.” He then proceeded to lie to the hotel manager and insinuated that he planned to come back to this very hotel with well over 100 people but first wanted to check out the place. The manager gave Jared two free nights to stay, as he hoped this would gain Jared’s business.
This was Jared’s first lie, but it didn’t stop there. In the hotel room, Jared took a needle that he used regularly for steroids to bulk up and put it on the couch. Jared then proceeded to call the hotel manager to complain profusely about a random needle laying around. He said, “Do your maids even clean up the room?!” Of course, the manager apologized and then later gave Jared what he wanted: an upgraded suite for free.
The very next morning, I received a call from a leader who was staying with Jared. This leader explained to me everything that I mentioned above and that there is no way he could trust Jared, which meant there was no way he could follow Jared. He was very distraught because he had made a big financial sacrifice traveling out of state for the event with many from his team. Relationships are about trust. When the trust is gone, it is very difficult to build it back up. Because of this incident, Jared lost the trust of his entire organization. They saw into his personal life and didn’t like who he was. A few months later, no one was making new calls. No one was showing up to events. All business activity came to a complete halt.
This story illustrates the power of matching your different selves as closely as you possibly can. If all of us were judged only on our worst moments, all of us would be guilty. This story about Jared is not to throw him under the bus as he still has incredible potential. It is simply to give you a real-life story that illustrates the power of your different selves.
Leaders are pathfinders. Your organization looks to everything you do. In fact, everyone you know looks to everything you do. As I said before, you are either making deposits of trust or you are taking out withdrawals of trust. Two of the greatest leaders of our time are Gandhi and Mother Teresa. Both of these leaders closely aligned their public, private, and secret selves. They were able to build some of the largest, most loyal networks we have ever seen.
CHAPTER 4
THE CREDIBILITY
CODE
H OW TO BUILD CREDIBILITY THROUGH YOUR APPEARANCE
We all know that looks matter. What most of us don’t understand is just how much looks matter and how difficult it is for us to ignore a person’s appearance when making a social judgment. — Leonard Mlodinow
Bill Gates can dress as he pleases, but you aren’t Bill Gates. You can’t afford to not look the part until you are the part. When you are a massively successful individual, your appearance is still important, but it isn’t as relevant because you have accumulated both your wealth and Credibility. Until that glorious day comes, you need to do everything you can to create that Credibility. We want that first impression to be strong. We want any extra edge or advantage we can get.
Who do you want to be perceived as? Dress the part. The rule of thumb is to always dress a little nicer than the attire of your audience. If you dress down it can appear very arrogant. There will be times where you can dress up or dress down, but always dress in a style that says SUCCESS. Dress the part, but always be you.
Some make the mistake of over-dressing, while others make the mistake of under-dressing. I myself have made the mista
ke of under-dressing too many times! It is better to err on the over-dressing side then it is on the under-dressing side. One thing I have noticed is how, at big events, the most successful people in the room stand out because of the way they are dressed. Coincidence? I think not! You want to fit in wherever you are. You want to be the best version of you and look sharp. Looking the part has never hurt anyone, while not looking the part has killed many opportunities.
As a bounty hunter, I have to dress the part. If I came to the door and looked like Carrot Top, you’d laugh. — Duane Chapman
BE YOU!
How do you make sure you look the part? Always dress to the situation, even if that means dressing like a million bucks! Dress like the person you want to become. Dress like the person you want others to perceive you as. Make sure your suits, shirts, and pants fit well. There is nothing worse than someone wearing clothes that don’t fit well. Shoes are also very important. You can wear a decent outfit, but the shoes can turn you from looking homeless to looking like a total, massive success. Appearance is obviously more than just dressing, but remember you are your brand.
Can you imagine Coca Cola putting out an awful marketing advertising campaign or an awful looking can? Now try imagining one of your local awful TV commercials. I know you have them because we all have them. You know those commercials, where you wonder how they came up with such a dumb idea and why they spent money on it. Now imagine Coca Cola doing that for the last five years. It is unfathomable. The main point is that a good product alone isn’t enough. Just like you having an incredible skillset isn’t enough, your brand is important and constantly in the spotlight, especially because of the advance of social media.
You can’t sell a dream looking like a nightmare — Darryl Drake
People will notice everything, and they will try to drag you down for it. Go get your teeth whitened. Pluck those eyebrows! Trim those nose hairs and get consistent, sharp looking haircuts. Looks are important, and they do make a difference. Even those who claim they could not care less about how they look typically feel better when they are dressed really well and others notice. I am by no means telling anyone to base their self-esteem and confidence on appearance, but I am showing you the reality that appearance matters. Appearance can definitely give you confidence. Don’t be vain and worldly and get too caught up in these things. Don’t make them your main focus, but do pay attention to your appearance and how you want to represent yourself.
Just imagine a realtor selling you a house dressed in a tank top or a financial advisor selling you life insurance wearing a swimsuit. Dressing the part will give you confidence, and it will also give others confidence that you are the right person. In the book The Sell, the author, top New York real estate broker Fredrik Eklund, says this about appearance: “Imagine everyday as a first date. There are so many things we can’t control. Appearance is the one thing we can control.”
Mike Sims says, “Dress how you want to be addressed.” He has his trademark bow ties and top-of-the-line fitted suits and is always dressed like the multi-million dollar earner that he is. He dresses as smooth as he talks, and he stands out! I am always interested in seeing what his next top-of-the-line, stand out suit will look like and that has become part of his brand.
How’s your appearance and brand? Do they match up? Would you be attracted to doing business with you if you pulled any of your social media accounts up? As social media outlets have grown, they have had a huge influence on the importance of appearance. We are not only more aware of fashion trends, but with the constant pictures posted on every social media website, we also dress up more often to look good for our shared pictures. I know that may sound funny to a few, but most of you know that this is absolutely true! You are your brand. Wear it well.
Want to know one of the easiest ways to look (and feel) like a million bucks? Get in shape! When you are in shape, you are healthier. That should in itself be enough reason to be in shape, but it also shows you are a disciplined person. You can set goals, work hard, and have success. When you are capable of doing that in one aspect of your life, it usually means you will be able to in other areas as well.
When you are in shape you are also more attractive. I know that sounds superficial, but again let’s be honest with each other. Would you network and recruit better at an optimal body fat percentage or at 600 lbs.? I know that’s an extreme example, but I hope it gets the point across. Again, don’t take this the wrong way; I know a lot of successful networkers who are overweight. We also all know several examples of overweight celebrities that have found ways to use their weight as part of their persona. Being overweight doesn’t make or break someone, but I think everyone can agree being in great shape can only help you in all aspects of life, networking included.
There is a huge difference between being fit versus fat, literally! Being fit will make you feel better about yourself, give you more energy, lead to a longer and better quality life, and give you more opportunities for happiness. As mentioned earlier in this book, happiness is a large piece of building your Likeability, and it’s really hard to be credible if someone doesn’t initially like you.
Getting in shape is a scary commitment for a lot of people, but it doesn’t have to be. Instead of thinking about how much you have to work out or how you have to eat healthier, take it day by day, choice by choice. Choose the healthier option when eating a meal over the unhealthier one. Decide to get up half an hour earlier so you can schedule in the time to work out, even if it’s just a few exercises from home. Start small and work your way up.
I have been extremely consistent with going to the gym ever since I was 16 years old. I am not extremely buff or anything, but I am in great shape. As someone who grew up playing tennis, I value being healthy more than packing on muscle. Going to the gym consistently since 2008 without missing a week has helped me maintain a healthy lifestyle. It makes it easier to choose healthier food choices. I have more energy, I feel better about myself, and I have been able to take that same discipline and apply it to my business. The only workouts I ever regret are the ones I don’t do! It has gotten to the point that it is more painful to miss the gym than it is to go to the gym. I am always in a better mood on the days that I go to the gym and get a good workout in.
Man surprised me most about humanity. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived. — Dalai Lama
M ODERN LEADERSHIP
I’m going to do it with or without but I would rather do it with you. — Ray Higdon
Modern day leadership more than ever involves the Law of the Buy-In. There are many different aspects to the Law of the Buy In. Go back to what I have already taught you: people want to feel important. That is a very basic, yet profound, aspect to understand when you are making friends and networking. A critical part to making teammates feel important is to make them feel a part of what is being created. Involving others the right way, having them buy in, will increase your Credibility.
Many times I have seen employees leave jobs with good pay to go to new jobs with lesser pay simply because they didn’t feel like they were able to contribute at their old job. They didn’t feel important. They didn’t feel valued. If the boss simply made those employees feel like they were part of decisions, they would have felt important and the leader’s Credibility would have been greatly increased. Always get the buy-in whenever you can. People will become loyal to ventures they help create. They will buy in to what they help create.
The other aspect to the Law of the Buy-In is getting the leaders to ‘buy-off.’ If you are an employee trying to get your boss to approve your idea, you should find a way to get your boss’s opinion and feedback throughout the process. If you are creating a new system for your network marketin
g team, go get some of the other leaders to help create the system. Anyone who helps you create something will be more loyal to what was created. If you want to ever get leaders to say yes then get their advice, get them to feel like their ideas are implemented, and ultimately get their buy-in.
John Maxwell gives a different take on being a leader and getting others to buy into you:
The Law of Buy-In—People buy into the leader, then the vision. The leader finds the dream and then the people. The people find the leader and then the dream. That’s how the Law of Buy-In works. People don’t at first follow worthy causes. They follow worthy leaders who promote worthy causes they can believe in. People buy into the leader first, then the leader’s vision. As a leader, having a great vision and a worthy cause is not enough to get people to follow you. You have to become a better leader; you must get your people to buy into you. That is the price you have to pay if you want your vision to have a chance of becoming reality. You cannot ignore the Law of Buy-In and remain successful as a leader.
People commit to what they create. Let people help you create something and feel that it was their idea.
Even the greatest and most powerful CEOs in the world can’t help but feel like a kid on Christmas if you do this one thing correctly. One of the companies I consulted for asked me and a few others to create a new brand. The CEO couldn’t even remember my name for the first couple months. I knew we needed to get his buy-in to make this project work.
I made it a point to meet with him and, rather than tell him how much I knew, I simply applied the Benjamin Franklin factor and asked him for advice. Remember, Franklin teaches you to ask for advice from your enemies or those who don’t like you, but the Ben Franklin Factor still applies to anyone. People tend to like people who ask them for a favor or advice. After I had spent months creating a name, culture, systems, and price points for products, all while finding other leaders to buy into this new initiative, the CEO finally knew my name.
