by Beth Wiseman
“Well, I was interested, back then.” Matt reached across the table to still her fidgety fingers. “But we’re here together now, and that’s all that counts. And next weekend we’ll go see a movie.”
They both asked for another glass of tea, and after the waitress removed the empty pizza pan and both their plates, they settled into a conversation about Marie and John’s wedding. The subject changed to the goats, and then Matt started talking about his favorite foods. Becky wished she had eaten more pizza.
“Elizabeth is only seventeen, but she is the best cook at our haus.” Matt laughed. “But I’d never tell Mamm that. Lizzie just took to it at an early age. She makes the best yummasetti I’ve ever tasted.”
Becky used to love to make yummasetti. But now that she thought about it, she realized she hadn’t been cooking as much lately—something she used to enjoy almost as much as eating. She helped her mother out in the kitchen, but Mamm had been making the main meals, and Becky had settled into a routine of setting the table and handling cleanup with Lena. Even when she was at the bakery, she would find other things to do that didn’t involve the actual baking.
“What’s different about the way Elizabeth makes yummasetti?”
Matt shrugged. “I have no idea, but I hope that when I get married she’ll show mei fraa exactly how she does it.” He picked up the bill from the table. “Whoever I marry is going to have to love to cook and eat.”
Becky swallowed hard. Eating would mean getting fat again. As soon as she had the thought she realized that she was placing herself in the role of Matt’s wife, and no matter how blessed she’d been, having such a thought on their first real date seemed far-fetched. Would their relationship really get that far?
“So, what’s your favorite food?” Matt said. “When you eat, that is.”
“I do eat.” Becky tapped her finger to her chin as she recalled all the specialties she used to cook for her family. “I had lots of favorites.”
“You say that like you don’t anymore.” Matt raised an eyebrow.
“I stay away from some foods that I used to love because—well, I wanted to lose weight.” She paused. “But I do miss the cinnamon rolls we make at the bakery. I miss pancakes, snickerdoodles, buttered noodles, Shoofly pie, Mamm’s brownies, spaghetti, meat loaf, meat pies, potato salad, chicken and dumplings. Oh, and a dessert called church windows that I used to love to make—” She realized what she was doing and clamped her mouth shut.
Matt’s mouth hung open. “What do you eat?”
Becky shrugged. “Lots of stuff.” A tiny lie.
“Butter bread?”
Becky shook her head. “Nee. And I think I miss that most of all.”
Matt stared at her long and hard. “So why do it?”
“Because I don’t want to be fat.”
“You were never that big, and I thought you looked great.”
Becky sighed, wondering how they got back into this conversation again. “That’s sweet of you to say, but I was miserable. When we were young, you must have heard people talking about the fat girl.”
Matt looked down for a moment, then back up at her. “Ya, I did. But I never paid attention to it. I always thought you were pretty, and I wanted to ask you out way before this dieting you started.”
“It’s hard for me to believe that,” she said. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I really enjoyed the pizza and the conversation.”
Except for the parts about weight and food.
Becky was the first girl Matt had ever really connected with. And that made him hopeful about his future. But this obsession she had with food was worrisome. She was giving up a lot to make herself look good, and that was a reflection of vanity and pride. He had broken up with several girls over this very issue.
The truth was he wanted to be around someone who enjoyed food as much as he did, not a girl who just picked at whatever was on her plate because she didn’t want to gain weight. Maybe it was just hard for him to understand because he had always eaten anything he wanted without having to worry about it. He knew girls didn’t like to be fat, but Becky had so much more going for her than she realized. He wondered if this new physical transformation had changed what was inside as well. He hoped not.
On the way back, Becky was shivering. He motioned for her to scoot closer to him, and when she did, he put his arm around her. She didn’t smell the same—that fragrance of her mamm’s homemade lavender soap she had told him about. Instead, she had an unnatural, perfumed scent. Like . . .
Like an Englischer.
They were mostly quiet on the way home. Matt tried to ignore the perfume and concentrate on one thing: kissing Becky good night.
Chapter Ten
Becky held her breath as Matt’s arms encircled her, one hand in the small of her back. She hoped her father wasn’t watching out the window, but she was willing to chance it. Her first kiss was moments away, and she’d waited a long time. I hope I do it right.
“I had a really gut time,” he whispered. His lips came down to press against her forehead. He towered over her, but she could feel his uneven breathing as he pulled her closer, and she buried her face against the muscles of his chest.
“I had a gut time too,” she managed to whisper.
He eased her away, and his large hands gently cupped her face as he leaned closer to her. He moved his mouth over hers, and as she parted her lips, her stomach flew into a wild swirl. A heady sensation filled her from head to toe, but there was an awkwardness she was willing to blame on her inexperience. Matt’s mouth slowly left hers, and he brushed a soft kiss against her cheek.
“I’ll try to stop by the bakery this week, but if I’m not able, I’ll see you next Saturday.” He smiled and touched a tendril of hair that had escaped onto her cheek. “One o’clock okay?”
She nodded, afraid to speak, afraid of what she might say. Instead, she watched him drive away, touched her lips with her hand, and wondered what she had done to deserve such a miracle.
Thank You, God.
Matt stopped in at the bakery every day the following week. Sometimes he came in the morning to get muffins for him and his father. Other days he came late in the afternoon and drove Becky home from work. Every time he kissed her before he pulled away. She felt like she was getting better at it.
And today they were going to the movies. She continued to thank God every day for His blessings but tried not to think about her life before she lost her weight. Things were so different then.
She sat on her bed and retrieved the stash she kept hidden in her nightstand drawer. She lacquered her nails with a clear coat of shiny polish, and once they were dry, she plucked a few stray eyebrows. She held the mirror close and inspected, pleased with the way they made her eyes look larger.
She pulled out the makeup she had bought earlier in the week and brushed on a light rose-colored blush, then dabbed her lips with a soft pink color. A tiny bit of mascara, a splash of perfume, and she was done. She’d never felt so pretty before, and the man of her dreams was coming to pick her up soon.
Without warning, her bedroom door flew open.
“Ruben! I’ve told you to knock.” She tossed everything back into the bag and slammed it into the drawer. Her brother sidled closer and peered at her.
“What’s on your face?” he said. “Makeup? Mamm and Daed are never going to let you out of the haus like that.”
Becky sat taller on the bed. “I’m in my rumschpringe, you know that. You’ll be there in a couple of years.”
Ruben folded his arms across his chest. “You’re doing all this for your new boyfriend.” He rolled his eyes.
Becky sighed. “Ruben, what do you want?”
“Guess that’s why you lost all that weight—so you could get a boyfriend.” He cocked his head to one side. “I hope he’s worth it.”
“Ach, he is. Now, what do you want?” She stood up, walked to her dresser, and pulled out a thin silver bracelet she’d bought several months ago but never worn. As
she slipped it on her wrist, she looked up at Ruben and raised an eyebrow.
“Matt’s here. In a car.”
Becky thought for a moment. “We’re going to the movies and to eat,” she said. “Too far to take the buggy.” She glanced down at her dark blue dress and black apron, wishing she was wearing blue jeans and a nice shirt. Maybe next time.
She brushed past her brother and hurried down the stairs. Matt was talking with her parents when she hit the landing. Her father scowled the moment he saw her, and Becky knew it was because of the makeup, even though she’d been careful to only apply a little bit.
“Ready?” Matt said. He turned to her father. “I’ll have Becky back before dark.”
Daed stroked his beard as he looked at the clock above the mantel. “That’s a long day. What do you have planned?”
Becky held her breath. “To a movie, and then to eat,” Matt said.
Daed frowned but nodded. “Choose the movie wisely,” he told Matt as he shook his hand.
When they got to the black car, Matt opened the back door so Becky could get in, then he walked around the other side and slid in beside her.
“This is Mr. Hensley,” he said as he nodded to the driver.
An older man with gray hair and a matching beard smiled at her from the driver’s seat. “And where are you two kids off to today?”
“Lancaster,” Matt said. He reached for Becky’s hand and squeezed. “To the theater.”
“Okay then. Off we go.”
Becky had seen Mr. Hensley before. He offered rides to members of their district, and he didn’t charge very much. His wife had died a few years ago, and he said he enjoyed the company. He did most of the talking on the way to the movie theater, and Becky was thankful for that.
“I’m going to do some shopping, then I’ll be parked over there by the time the movie is done.” Mr. Hensley pointed to his left.
Matt paid for the movie tickets and murmured a quick prayer that there wouldn’t be anything on the big screen that would embarrass either of them. He had let Becky choose the movie—a romantic comedy that looked like it should be okay.
They walked straight to the concession stand. “This is the best part of going to the movies—the buttered popcorn and soda.”
He tried to concentrate on the menu board, but other thoughts kept getting in the way. How could he find a way to tell her that she didn’t need that makeup? Sure, she looked really pretty, in an Englisch sort of way, but he thought she was even more beautiful without it. And that perfume! He couldn’t stand it. What he wanted to smell was the scent of her—lavender soap and fresh air and grass.
He pushed the thought away. “What do you want?”
“Ach, I just ate before we came. I don’t need anything but a diet soda.”
Matt forced a smile. Movie popcorn wasn’t nearly as much fun if you didn’t share it. But he wasn’t about to argue with her. “Okay.” He ordered her drink and a buttered popcorn and large Coke for himself.
“Everyone must want to see this movie,” he whispered as they searched for a seat in the full theater. He was excited for Becky to get to see her first movie. “How about here?” They slid past two Englisch girls and sat down. It was a little too close to the screen for Matt, but there weren’t many seats available.
As much as he wanted to put his arm around Becky, public affection was frowned upon, so he just reached for her hand instead.
They both laughed through much of the movie, and Matt loved watching her reactions. He could have done without some of the language the characters used, but overall it was a funny movie without anything too embarrassing.
“Well?” he asked as they walked to where Mr. Hensley was parked after the movie.
Becky’s face lit up with a smile. “I loved it! Danki so much for taking me. My favorite part was when she walked into the haus and he’d filled the living room with yellow roses.”
“Ach, a romantic, ya?” He opened the car door for her.
“I guess so.” She blushed as she reached down and fumbled with the silver bracelet she was wearing.
Mr. Hensley backed the car out of the parking space. “Where to now?”
Matt turned to Becky. “What are you in the mood for?” Inside, he silently begged, Please don’t tell me you’re not hungry.
“Anything is fine with me.”
Matt took off his hat and put it in his lap, scratched the top of his head. “How about a burger?”
“Sure.” She gave him a dazzling smile.
But when they got to the restaurant Mr. Hensley suggested, all Becky ordered was a small dinner salad.
“That’s all? Mr. Hensley said they have great burgers here.”
The waitress tapped her pen to the pad, waiting, but Becky nodded. “Ya, I’m sure. That’s plenty for me.”
Matt glanced at the clock on the wall. “By the time we get done here, there will still be lots of daylight left. I could have Mr. Hensley drop us at my haus, then we could take the buggy to the creek. I could still have you home by dark.” He paused. “Unless you think it will be too cold.”
“It’s not too cold,” she said, “but it’s really windy.”
A pretty noncommittal answer, he thought. He tried again. “We can take the covered buggy.”
She nodded and took a bite of her salad. Matt couldn’t tell if she really wanted to go or not, but he figured they could at least give it a try.
Becky hadn’t been to the creek since the day she’d asked God for a miracle almost three months ago. As Matt slowed the buggy near a poplar tree where everyone tethered their horses, she thought about how much her life had changed. She was no longer the fat girl that people made fun of. Matt liked her. Everything was perfect.
Everything except Elam.
She hadn’t seen or heard from him in ages. She hoped he was okay.
She walked with Matt to the water’s edge and came at last to the spot where she had stood that day. Her stomach clenched with anxiety as she looked down at the creek. The water level was low, not rushing and wild as it had been before. She had been so desperate that day, desperate enough to consider—
She pushed the memory away. “Do you know if the Millers found someone to help out on their farm?” she asked Matt.
“Ya, I heard that Bennie Stoltzfus was helping them out.”
“Mary’s bruder?”
“Ya.” Matt picked up a rock and skimmed it across the creek.
“Elam thought you and Mary were dating.” Becky held her breath, fearful of the answer. Mary was so pretty, and Becky felt like she had to work so hard at it.
Matt shook his head. “Nee. She’s not my type.” He tossed another rock out into the current, although this one didn’t skim the top like the other one.
Becky pulled her sweater tighter and sat down on a fallen log. He sat down next to her and put his arm around her. “Cold?”
“Nee. Not too much.”
“This is my favorite spot at the creek.” Matt leaned over and kissed her gently. “And I’m glad to be here with you.”
“I’m glad to be with you too,” Becky said. But the truth was, she wished she were somewhere else. Anywhere else.
What on earth was the matter with her? Here she was, on a date with the handsomest man in the district. He had his arm around her. He was kissing her.
God had answered her prayer. Made her thin. Given her the miracle she’d always wanted.
So why did everything feel so wrong?
Chapter Eleven
Becky arrived at Marie King’s Tupperware party with her mother the Saturday before Marie and John’s wedding. The groom’s mother, Esther, was hosting the party. As was customary, the attendees would purchase items, and the hostess would earn points, all of which would be given to the bride-to-be to make selections.
Becky was standing in a corner in the living room when the guest of honor walked in. She made a beeline across the room. “So, will there be another wedding in our future?” Marie said. She
grinned and raised an eyebrow.
“Rosa and Adam’s in a few weeks.” Becky paused. “That’s all I know of.”
Marie inched closer. “Nee, I meant you and mei bruder. Are you and Matt moving in that direction?”
Becky lowered her eyes. “We’ve only been dating a couple of . . . a little while.”
“Matt seems very happy. I wouldn’t be surprised if we end up sisters-in-law.”
Becky couldn’t think of anything in the world she wanted more.
“Guess we’ll see.” Marie winked at her before she eased away to mingle with her guests, and Becky felt warm all over. If things should move in that direction, apparently she would have Matt’s family’s blessing. She went to join her mamm and Hope Bowman.
“There’s lots of delicious food in the kitchen.” Hope was carrying a small plate filled with appetizers. “You have to try Rosa’s pineapple pecan cake.” She pointed to a square on her plate. “I could probably eat the entire cake, it’s so gut.”
For the first time in a very long time, Becky’s mouth watered as she eyed Hope’s plate.
She took a deep breath and lifted her chin a bit higher. She could beat these temptations. “I don’t eat things like that anymore,” she said.
Hope stopped chewing for a moment and glanced at Becky’s mother.
“She’s taken this diet thing too far,” Mamm said with a shrug. She scowled at Becky.
Becky stiffened and glared at her mother. “I’ve worked very hard to look like this.”
The moment the words slipped out of her mouth, she regretted them. She sounded vain and snobby and condescending. And she was pretty sure her comment to Hope about the pineapple cake came across that way as well. Neither Hope nor her mother responded, but her mother’s expression was one of pure disgust.
“I—I’m going to browse the items displayed on the table. Gut to see you, Becky.” Hope eased away toward the long table on the far side of the living room where the Tupperware items were available for viewing.
