by Beth Wiseman
Becky swallowed hard as her heart pounded, and she felt a rush of pink stain her cheeks. She’d always hoped this moment would come, and now that it was here, she wanted to appear cool and relaxed. Instead, her voice squeaked when she said, “Ya, I’d like that.”
“Gut.” Matt shifted his weight. “I guess I’ll take you home before mei family gets here. They would wear you out with questions, wondering what we’re doing here together. And then Mamm would want you to have supper at the house Saturday night instead of us going out.”
Becky’s heart hammered against her ribs, and when Matt reached for her hand, his touch upset her balance and she almost tripped.
“You okay?” He squeezed her hand tighter.
“Ya.” She swallowed hard and tried to steady her breathing as Matt helped her into the buggy.
On the way to Becky’s house they talked mostly about goats, and she was thankful for the casual conversation. Her heart had eventually stopped thudding in her chest. When they pulled in the driveway, Matt got out and walked her to the front porch.
“See you Saturday. Five o’clock okay?”
Becky nodded. She had never felt so unsteady on her feet, and a knot rose in her throat. When Matt leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, she felt the blood surge from her fingertips to her toes.
She waved as he pulled out. Becky couldn’t move as her mind swirled with anticipation and wonderment about what it would be like to share a real kiss with Matt.
It was going to be a long six days.
She walked into the living room, and her mother was sitting on the couch. “Where is everyone?”
Mamm looked over the rim of her gold reading glasses. “Your daed is napping. Ruben and Lena stayed at the Bowmans’ haus. Some of the kinner were getting a volleyball game together.” She pulled her reading glasses off. “We couldn’t find you anywhere, but someone said they saw you leave with Matt King.” She smiled as she crossed her legs. “Is that true?”
Becky sat down on the couch beside her mother. She tucked one leg underneath her and took a deep breath. “Ya, it’s true.” She covered her face with her hands for a few moments, chuckling, then she looked back at her mother. “And I just can’t believe it. He asked me out for next Saturday.”
Mamm set her glasses on the end table. “I don’t know why you’re so surprised. You’re a beautiful girl with a kind, loving heart. I’ve noticed lots of young men giving you attention over the years, but you always ignored them.”
Becky sat taller, frowning. “I was fat. No one wanted to go out with me. And you know how cruel some of the kids were when I was young.”
Mamm shook her head. “Becky, you have always worried too much about your weight. You’ve always imagined yourself bigger than you really were.” She frowned. “And I don’t want you losing any more weight.”
“Ten more pounds and I’ll be at my goal weight.”
Mamm sighed as she picked up her glasses. She opened up the Bible and was starting to read again, but there was something else Becky needed to talk about. It had been weighing on her, and she hadn’t exactly promised Lena she wouldn’t tell. It was time to discuss it with Mamm. “Lena told me awhile back that she doesn’t plan to get baptized. Do you know anything about that?” Becky twirled the string of her kapp.
“Your sister wakes up in a new world every day,” Mamm said, then grinned. “Right now she doesn’t understand why a woman can’t be the bishop, so she’s decided not to join the church. She questions everything about our faith, the Ordnung, and the Lord.”
“And you’re not worried about it?”
“Nee, not really. I think it’s healthy. But I don’t think that she’ll choose to leave us. She’s young. She still has her rumschpringe to experience.”
Becky smiled. “I guess you’re right. I just wanted to mention it.” She stood up. “I’m going to go take a little nap myself, I think.”
Upstairs, she lay back on her bed, closed her eyes, and tried to picture her and Matt at supper Saturday night. Where would they go?
She opened her eyes when Elam showed up at the forefront of her mind. It saddened her every time she recalled the look on his face when she told him she didn’t love him the same way he loved her.
She missed her friend. Under different circumstances, she would want to share her news about Matt. But there was no way now.
What she needed was a girlfriend.
But Becky had spent her entire life isolating herself from girls in the community, afraid of being mocked or hurt, never getting too close to any of them. Now she wished she had a good friend to share with.
She closed her eyes again. What a lonely soul she had been when she was fat. Being thin changed everything. Matt King had asked her out. What were the chances of that happening six months ago?
She felt called to pray for Elam, for him to find the right person who would love him and be good to him. Dear Lord . . .
Elam ran Leader hard out in the pasture until they were both dripping with sweat. He dismounted, walked his horse to the water trough, and then led him to the barn.
“That was a gut run, boy.” Elam rubbed the horse’s damp snout, then got a brush and ran it the length of his wet coat. He had hoped to burn off some of the resentment he felt toward Becky.
It hadn’t worked.
He supposed it wasn’t her fault that she didn’t love him the way he loved her, but the sting was still fresh. He’d also gotten word from four different people that Matt King was taking Becky out on Saturday. Gossip might be discouraged in the community, but when it came to relationships, rumor was plentiful.
Elam was pretty sure Matt never would have asked Becky out before, back in the days when she was much larger. He didn’t know the real Becky, the person inside, the way Elam did.
Elam had been praying for Becky, hoping she wouldn’t get too thin, and also hoping that Matt wouldn’t hurt her. He didn’t know Matt well, but he’d seen several girls get their hearts broken by him. He would date them for a little while, and then, for whatever reason, the relationship ended.
He was almost through brushing Leader when his mother walked into the barn with a glass of iced tea. “Thought you could use this.”
“Ach, danki, Mamm.” Elam took the tea and chugged from the glass until it was almost all gone.
“Elam, I want to talk to you about something.” Mamm sat down on a hay bale in the corner of the barn.
“What is it?” He took another drink before he set the glass on his workbench.
“I think we need to hire some help. This is just too much for you to do.” Mamm crossed her legs and nervously kicked her foot. “There are a lot of things we’ve let go.” She took a deep breath. “The house needs a fresh coat of paint, the fence needs repairs, and the chicken coop could stand an overhaul. I could go on and on, and we just don’t have time to get to all these things. And I’m worried the roof might leak again.”
Elam scratched his forehead, sighing. “I know.” The last thing he wanted was to hire help, but he knew his mother was right.
“Anyway, I spoke to Anne King, and she said that Matt has been taking on side jobs, trying to build up his savings account, so she is going to talk to him about doing some work around here on Saturdays and in the evenings.”
Elam grunted as he folded his arms across his chest. “Nee, Mamm. Not Matt.”
“He’s a gut boy, and he would be a lot of help. I thought you liked Matt.”
“I don’t know him that well.” He avoided his mother’s eyes. The thought of having to be around Matt in the evenings and all day on Saturday made his stomach churn. “What about James? Can’t you talk to Hope and see if James can help us out?”
His mother smiled. “I already did, but James mows lawns, and he’s been spending time with a girl.” She shrugged. “He’s not interested in taking on anything else.”
She stood up from the hay bale and brushed the wrinkles from her maroon dress. “So, you either find someone else, or I’m g
oing to offer the job to Matt. We have got to get some repairs done around here before the place falls down around us.”
She walked out of the barn, leaving Elam to stew. He could barely stand to think about Matt. Being around him daily would be a nightmare. He went back to brushing Leader, searching his mind for who else might be available to help them.
Chapter Nine
Saturday afternoon Becky changed her dress four times. Each one was identical, just a different color, but she couldn’t choose between the dark blue, green, brown, or maroon. In the end, she wore the pine green dress with a black apron. She shined her black leather shoes as best she could and slipped a tube of lip gloss in her apron pocket. Even though makeup was forbidden, most of the girls her age wore lip gloss. Unless they were baptized or married.
Becky hadn’t really had much of a rumschpringe, so she figured a little lip gloss was okay. She’d found some at the market in Bird-In-Hand last week. She’d also splurged on a bottle of perfume, and as she sprayed herself, she hoped her parents wouldn’t notice. Mamm probably wouldn’t say anything, but her father might. Daed already seemed a little uptight about her going out with Matt.
Her mother said that was normal for a first date. “Daed will lighten up,” she’d said. “He just knows that you’ll be leaving us someday, and he wants you to choose wisely.”
There was no doubt in Becky’s mind that Matt was the right man for her. She’d known it for years, but the dream of being with him had seemed so far out of reach until lately. She pulled her mirror from the drawer of the nightstand, gave herself a final look, and decided to wait to put on the lip gloss. No need to get her father all worked up.
But he’d be plenty worked up if he knew the truth—that all she’d been able to think about was Matt kissing her tonight.
She hoped.
“You look very nice,” Mamm said when Becky walked into the living room.
Her father sat up and sniffed the air. “What’s that smell?”
“It’s all right, dear. She’s in her rumschpringe,” her mother said before Becky had a chance to answer.
Daed shook his head but went back to working his crossword puzzle.
Becky sat down in the rocking chair opposite the couch so she could see Matt pull in. She pushed against the wooden floor with her shoes and rocked nervously.
Her pulse quickened when she spotted a buggy coming up the driveway.
“Sounds like your date is pulling in,” Mamm said.
Becky swallowed hard and stood up. “Do you want him to come to the door, Daed, or is it okay for me to go meet him at the buggy?”
“I know Matt well enough.” He sighed. “You go ahead, but be home by nine.”
“Ya, I will.” Becky darted out the door, then forced herself into a slow stroll across the yard, holding her head high. She was a different person now. Thinner. More confident. It was time she started acting like it.
She wished she’d put the lip gloss on, but as she fondled it in her apron pocket, she knew she could find a time later.
Matt got out and walked around to the passenger side. He offered her his hand and helped her into the open buggy.
Courting buggy, she thought. Just the idea filled her with warmth.
“You look pretty,” he said, smiling.
“Danki.”
“Where would you like to eat?” Matt flicked the reins as they went down the driveway toward Lincoln Highway. “Somewhere in Paradise? Or we can go to Bird-In-Hand. I’m gut with anything.”
Becky turned to face him. “You pick.” Visions of her supper with Elam danced through her head again. She didn’t feel the same way about Elam as she did about Matt. But she did miss him.
“Does pizza sound gut?”
She wanted to tell him no, that the pizzeria had been hers and Elam’s special place, but she nodded. “That sounds fine.”
Matt crinkled his nose. “You, uh . . . you smell different.”
It was not the reaction she’d been hoping for.
Matt waited for Becky to sit down before he eased into a chair across from her. He had wanted to go out with her for a long time. She intrigued him, and the fact that she’d never seemed interested in him made her all the more alluring.
He’d dated other girls, but it never lasted. They were all worried about how they looked on the outside, and Matt usually didn’t find them nearly as pretty on the inside—or they just ended up not being compatible with each other.
He had spent enough time with Becky recently to have high hopes that maybe she was the one for him. Her kind spirit and gentle ways had always appealed to him. But until she lost weight, she wouldn’t even talk to him. Maybe she’d been self-conscious about her size.
Well, she had nothing to be self-conscious about now. She was, he had to admit, absolutely stunning sitting across from him, and he struggled to keep his eyes from her full lips. He’d been counting down the hours until today, and dreaming about the possibility of kissing her.
I hope I’m her first kiss.
“What kind of pizza do you like?” Matt stared at his menu as he spoke. “I’m starving.”
Becky thought about Elam again, and the large pizza they always ordered, with everything except mushrooms and onions. She wasn’t planning to eat much anyway. “I’m fine with anything.”
Matt closed his menu. When the waitress came back, he ordered a supreme pizza, and they both asked for iced tea. Becky wished she’d brought a sweater. It was cooling down in the evenings, and it was cold inside the restaurant. She briefly glanced at the booth where she and Elam always used to sit.
“You’re shivering.” Matt turned to the waitress and asked if she might be able to adjust the thermostat.
“Sure.” The Englisch girl had long blond hair pulled back in a ponytail, big blue eyes, tight blue jeans, and a white blouse that revealed ample cleavage. And . . . did she just bat her eyes at Matt?
Becky had never tried on a pair of blue jeans in her life, but since she was in her rumschpringe, maybe she needed to start acting like it. She knew plenty of Amish girls who went to movies, out to eat, and other places wearing Englisch clothes. Most parents knew their teenagers were enjoying privileges that went along with the running around period, but Becky was pretty sure her father would have a fit if he ever saw her wearing Englisch clothes.
“Have you ever been to a movie at the theater?” Becky pulled a slice of hot pizza onto a plate the pretty blond had given her. She tried to choose the one with the least amount of onions and mushrooms.
“Ya, twice.” Matt took a large bite. “But it was a long time ago. Have you?”
“Nee.”
“Do you want to?” Matt finished off his first piece and reached for another one.
“Ya. I would. After I’m baptized, I won’t be able to, so it seems like I should experience it at least once.” She paused, holding her slice of pizza but still not taking a bite. “I haven’t really done much in my rumschpringe.”
“How about next Saturday? We could get an earlier start than we did today and go eat and to a movie.” Matt didn’t look up as he took another bite. He meant it when he said he was starving.
Becky closed her eyes, took a breath, and prayed that if she was dreaming, she’d never wake up. She was getting everything she’d hoped for. Matt was already asking her on a second date, and they’d hardly begun the first one. “I would love that,” she finally said.
Matt wiped his mouth with his napkin. “Ach, I wanted to let you know that Elam’s mother asked if I would be interested in working on their farm some evenings and on Saturdays.”
Becky put the slice of pizza down and twisted a corner of her napkin.
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to do it. I mean, I’d like to help them out, but I don’t think I’m Elam’s favorite person right now.” He took a sip of tea and helped himself to more pizza. “Thanks to mei sisters, word got out pretty fast that we were going out tonight. And since Elam seems to want more than friendship fro
m you—well, I thought it would be best not to take the job.”
Becky breathed a sigh of relief, but she hoped that Elam and his mother could find someone to help them. She knew they struggled, and members of the community helped them as much as they could, but the last time she was at the Miller farm, she had noticed that the fence needed repairing and the house could use painting.
She looked around the nearly empty restaurant. A wave of regret filled her heart. “You’re probably right about Elam. But it’s a shame because I know they could use the help.”
“I wouldn’t have a problem with it, but now that we’re dating, I think Elam would.”
Now that we’re dating. The words sent a thrill through Becky’s veins. She finally took a small bite of her pizza.
Matt scowled at her plate. “You’re not eating much.”
“Ach, I am.” She took another bite, then a sip of tea. “I just don’t eat near as much as I used to.” She paused. “For obvious reasons.”
“I love to eat.” He chuckled, then turned serious. “Becky, I want you to know that I like the person you are. I always have. Heavy or thin.”
“You don’t mean that.” She didn’t want to have this conversation, but the words came out before Becky could stop them, and then she felt the need to explain. “I mean, I don’t think you would have asked me out when I was so big before.”
“You don’t have a very gut memory,” Matt said. “I asked you if you wanted to go to the singing with me before you lost any weight.”
“Nee, you just asked if I was going.” Becky avoided his eyes and desperately tried to think of a way to change the subject. She didn’t like to think about how things were before.
Matt chuckled. “I kind of botched it up, I guess. I was trying to ask you to go with me, but I’d been wanting to get to know you for a long time, and you just wouldn’t have any part of it.” He paused, frowning. “Why’d you change your mind?”
Becky swallowed a small bite of pizza, trying to avoid a small mushroom. “I didn’t think . . . you know . . . that you were interested back then.” She smiled, hoping to change the subject. “I love black olives. I could put them on everything.”
