Double-O Dodo

by Tom Angleberger

  Then we saw a cart where a cougar was using an airbrush to paint a picture of Leonardo da Vinci on a T-shirt.

  “Can I get that?” asked the second baby chick.

  “No, you already have one at home and you never wear it,” said Didi.

  “WAH!” cried the second baby chick.

  Then we passed a tiger with a big bunch of balloons shaped like US presidents.

  “Can I get an Eisenhower balloon?” asked the third baby chick.

  “No, you’d let it go and then it would float away and you’d make a big fuss.”

  “Probably true,” muttered the third baby chick.

  Then we passed a gift shop where two bobcats were stacking drinking glasses that said “Humanland 1987!”

  “Can I git zat?” asked the baby zebra.

  “No, you’d only break it,” said Didi.

  “WAH!” cried the baby zebra.

  Then we passed a place called Raul’s Really Big Ramps. No one asked for a ramp.

  Then I thought I saw the baby zebra’s mom!

  “Look,” I said, “I think I see a zebra over by the carnival games!”

  We ran over to the carnival games.

  “My mistake,” I said. “It wasn’t a zebra. It was an okapi. Sorry.”

  Unfortunately, now the kids had seen the carnival games.

  “Uh-oh,” Didi and I said.

  “I wanna play Stub-A-Toe!” said the first baby chick.

  “I wanna play Catch-A-Kid!” said the second baby chick.

  “I wanna play Pick-A-Nose!” said the third baby chick.

  I waited to hear what the baby zebra wanted to play.

  But it didn’t say anything because it wasn’t there!

  “The lost baby zebra is lost again!” I shouted.

  “Uh-oh,” said the baby chicks.

  “Let’s retrace our steps,” said Didi.

  We ran back to PriceyTown.

  “There he is!” shouted Didi. “At that glue booth!”

  A huge grizzly bear was yelling at the little baby zebra.

  “When I say come buy yourself some glue, I mean COME BUY YOURSELF SOME GLUE!”

  “Uh huh,” sniffed the little baby zebra.

  “OK buddy? IS THAT CLEAR?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “So you WILL come over here and you WILL buy some glue and you WILL enjoy it or you WILL HURT MY FEELINGS!”

  “OK.”

  Just as we got there, the bear was handing the little baby zebra a tiny glue stick.

  “Is this your kid?” growled the bear.

  “No, I mean, yes,” I said, remembering that I was pretending to be the zebra’s dad.

  “WELL THEN PAY UP!!!!!” roared the bear.

  “What are you telling me with the pay up?” I said. “I don’t have any money left. And anyway, we don’t want your glue.”

  The grizzly bear roared and waved its huge claws.

  “I WANT MY MONEY!” bellowed the bear. “AND ALSO A SINCERE APOLOGY! MY FEELINGS ARE VERY HURT!”

  The bear jumped out of the glue booth and started to chase us!

  “Run for your lives!” I screamed.

  “The bear’s too fast!” shouted Didi. “Everybody, jump on my back!”

  We jumped on her back.

  “Hold on tight!” she yelled and fired the rocket pants.

  FWOOOOOSH!

  First, we smashed into the lion selling hats. Foam ears went everywhere!

  The lion roared, waved its huge claws, and started to chase us!

  Then we splashed into the cougar painting T-shirts. Paint went everywhere!

  The cougar roared, waved its huge claws, and started to chase us!

  Then we crashed into the tiger selling balloons. Balloons went everywhere!

  The tiger roared, waved its huge claws, and started to chase us!

  Then we bashed into the two bobcats stacking glasses! Broken glass went everywhere!

  The bobcats roared, waved their huge claws, and started to chase us!

  “I hope you have a daring plan!” I yelled. “Because we’re surrounded by large and very angry cats!”

  “Yes,” said Didi. “I do have a daring plan! Hold on tight! We’re headed straight for Raul’s Really Big Ramps!”

  “Uh-oh,” said the baby chicks.

  We hit Raul’s biggest ramp and went flying into the air.

  We flew right out of PriceyTown, right over the Fun Fun Tube Slide, and ALMOST right into the giant meatball!

  At the last second, Didi turned off the rocket pants and we dropped out of the sky and into a trash can filled with old corn dogs.

  “This is all your fault!” the baby chicks yelled at the baby zebra.

  “I dint do anyfing!” wailed the baby zebra.

  “Children!” yelled Didi. “Do you want to spend the rest of the day in time-out?”

  Everybody glared at everybody.

  I groaned.

  “We’ve made a huge mess! We’ve spent all our money! And we’re all miserable and mad at each other!” I yelled. “This is terrible!”

  “No, it’s perfect!” said Didi. “Just like a real family!”

  Interlude

  “Yep,” said Didi Dodo. “Our undercover operation is going so well, no one here has any idea who we really are!” “KOKO! DIDI!” someone yelled.

  It was Penguini! We were standing right in front of his food stand.

  A big sign said: EAT PENGUINI’S SPUG-ETTI CONES!

  “Welcome my friends, KOKO and DIDI, to Penguini’s Humanland Food Stand.”

  “Please, Penguini, don’t say our names,” whispered Didi. “We are undercover as a normal family. Pretend you do not know us.”

  “AH! I understand,” said Penguini. “Then maybe you would like to eat some of my spug-etti cones? Normal families love them!”

  “What are you telling me with the spug yeti?” I asked, looking around for Bigfoot.

  “It’s spaghetti in a cone so you can eat it while you walk around the park!” said Penguini.

  “Genius!” said the first baby chick.

  “Brilliant!” said the second baby chick.

  “Delizioso!” said the third baby chick, who can speak Italian.

  “WE WUNT IT NOW!” yelled the baby zebra.

  “But I’m all out of money!” I yelled back.

  “They are free for you, my friends who I pretend I do not know,” said Penguini.

  He served us six spug-etti cones. Each cone was filled with spaghetti, sauce, and meatballs.

  “What do you say?” asked Didi in her motherly voice.

  “Fank yoo,” said all the baby animals.

  “It IS delizioso!” I said. “Penguini, you are truly a master chef!”

  “Thank you so much, dodo I pretend I don’t know,” said Penguini. “But if I was a true master, I could figure out how to make Spaghetti-on-a-Stick! That would sell even better than spaghetti in a cone! But . . . it is not so easy!”

  Penguini took us into his food stand’s kitchen, where there were boxes and boxes of corn dogs.

  He picked up a corn dog and put spaghetti on it. The spaghetti slid off onto the floor.

  “Have you tried wrapping the spaghetti around the corn dog?” asked Didi.

  “Yes, but then the meatballs roll off,” said Penguini, sadly. Then he got happy again. “By the way, have you seen my giant meatball?”

  Penguini waved a flipper at the giant ball of meat that loomed over his food stand.

  “Amazing!” said Didi. “What keeps it from rolling away?”

  “It’s propped up by a bronze statue of the famous Greek warrior Achilles.”

  “Hmm,” I said. “To me that doesn’t seem like a very safe way to prop up a giant meatball!”

  Chapter 7

  Just then, Galileo walked up to Penguini’s food stand.

  Of course, it was not really Galileo; it was another mascot. He took off his big foam head.

  Underneath was a puffin.

  “He
y, Penguini!” said the puffin.

  “Hey, Puffini!” said Penguini. “Are you ready for lunch?”

  “No, thanks,” said the puffin. “I had a corn dog already. But now I want some dessert!”

  “Have a cannoli, my friend,” said Penguini.

  He handed the puffin a cannoli, which is sort of like a cookie with extra cream.

  The puffin ate it, said thank you, then put its big foam human head back on and walked away.

  “I just came up with a new plan!” said Didi. I was glad she was talking in her normal voice again.

  “Is it a daring plan?” I asked.

  “No,” said Didi, “it’s a yummy plan!”

  “How can a yummy plan help us find the Queen?” I asked.

  “By helping us find the kidnapper!” said Didi.

  “Huh? How?” asked the baby chicks.

  “When the Queen said she was kidnapped by a human, we thought she meant a real human,” said Didi.

  “But humans aren’t real!” said the first baby chick. “These mascots are all animals in human costumes!”

  “Right,” said Didi. “And now we know the kidnapper is just using one of the costumes as a disguise.”

  “But which one?” asked the second baby chick. “There are so many mascots!”

  “Right,” said Didi. “So we need to get all the mascots to take their big foam heads off.”

  “But the kidnapper won’t do that!” insisted the third chick. “If they are hiding inside a mascot suit, they will want to stay hidden. They can’t risk being filmed by a security camera or seen by someone who knows them.”

  “Right!” said Didi. “So if all the normal mascots take off their heads, then the only mascot with a head would be the kidnapper!”

  “That’s a really smart plan,” chirped the baby chicks.

  “It is,” I said. “But how will you get them to take off their big foam heads?”

  “I won’t,” said Didi. “YOU WILL!”

  “What are you telling me about me?” I asked.

  “Koko, you need to create a cookie so yummy that all the mascots will want to take off their heads to eat it!”

  “Then we grab whichever human is left and make it free the Queen!” cheered the baby chicks.

  “It sounds yummy AND daring,” I said.

  “Can yoo do it?” asked the baby zebra.

  “Of course, I can do it,” I said, waving my wing, lifting my beak, and putting my baker’s hat back on. “I’m Koko Dodo!”

  Chapter 8

  Penguini offered to let me use his kitchen and any of the ingredients he had.

  “Anything to help save the Queen!” said Penguini.

  “Anything?” I asked.

  “Anything!”

  “OK,” I said. “Everyone be quiet for a moment so I can imagine the perfect cookie.”

  Everyone was really quiet, but outside I could still hear the screams from the roller coaster and the whines from the teenagers and the music from loudspeakers on every light pole.

  And then all of those sounds faded away and I had a vision.

  It was a vision of the perfect cookie for the job.

  It was a vision of a corn dog that was more than a corn dog, a cookie that was more than a cookie, and a stick that was more than a . . . well, OK, the stick was still just a stick.

  It was a vision of . . .

  “THE COOKIE DOG!” I shouted.

  “What are you telling us about a cookie dog?” asked everybody.

  “I am telling you about the greatest thing to happen to fair food since the funnel cake,” I replied. “Now, everybody, please wash your wings, hooves, and/or flippers! I’ll need your help!”

  While I used the cannoli ingredients to make cookie dough, the others unboxed the corn dogs.

  Then we rolled the corn dogs in the dough and started baking them. Then we dipped them in my supersweet icing and covered them with sprinkles.

  They smelled yummy.

  “Those smell yummy,” said Genghis Khan, who happened to be walking by.

  “Have one for free,” I said.

  “Thanks!” said Genghis Khan. “First let me take off this big foam head.”

  Underneath the big foam head was a cheetah. He took a big bite out of the cookie dog. “It tastes as good as it smells!”

  “It works,” said Didi Dodo. “But the smell won’t reach all the way across the park. We need some other way to let all the mascots know about the free cookie dogs.”

  “I’m the official park announcer,” said the cheetah. “I’ll head back to my office and make the announcement right now!”

  And he ran off really fast!

  “Wow, that was lucky,” said the baby chicks.

  HUMANLAND

  Mini Cookie Dog Recipe!

  To make a true Cookie Dog, you need to have all of Penguini’s kitchen stuff. But you can easily make one of these Mini Cookie Dogs in your own kitchen.

  YOU WILL NEED:

  • 1/2 cup of confectioners sugar (Don’t use regular sugar! You’ll just end up with a wet hot dog!)

  • 1 can Vienna sausages

  • 1 quart-sized Ziploc bag about half full of cereal (Try different cereals for different tastes!)

  • A bowl

  • Measuring spoons

  • Straws

  DIRECTIONS:

  1. Don’t open the can of sausages yet! Settle down! And don’t take the cereal out of the bag yet either! Sheesh!

  2. Use the can like a rolling pin to crush the cereal in the bag. Keep rolling the can back and forth until the cereal is a fine powder.

  3. Put the confectioners sugar into the bowl.

  4. Add two teaspoons of hot water to the sugar. (Hot water from your tap is hot enough.)

  5. Stir it up. Wow, it’s turning into icing!

  6. Add another teaspoon of hot water and keep stirring. Is it good and runny yet? If not, add another teaspoon of water.

  7. Once the icing is good and runny, open the can of sausages. Put one sausage into the bowl and roll it around in the icing.

  8. Insert a straw into the sausage. It’s just like a corn dog on a stick, except the straw is a lot safer!

  9. Holding the straw, insert the sausage into the bag of cereal powder. Shake.

  10. Remove the sausage from the bag, and you’ve got a Mini Cookie Dog! ENJOY!!!!

  Chapter 9

  “ATTENTION, MASCOTS! ATTENTION, MASCOTS! FREE COOKIE-DOGS-ON-A-STICK RIGHT NOW FOR ALL MASCOTS! HEAD TO THE GIANT MEATBALL FOR YOUR FREE COOKIE DOGS! DON’T WAIT! ACT NOW! SUPPLIES ARE LIMITED! VOID WHERE PROHIBITED!”

  Mascots started showing up immediately.

  “Can I get a free Cookie-Dog-on-a-Stick?” asked a caveman.

  “Me too?” asked Alexander Hamilton.

  As Penguini and the others started giving away cookie dogs, Didi and I hopped on the Ferris wheel so we could get a good look at what happened next.

  “I do not like high places!” I moaned. “I am a cookie baker! I just want to be in my kitchen!”

  “Settle down,” said Didi. “If you want to save the Queen, you need to open your eyes and help me look around.”

  I looked around. Every mascot in the park had stopped posing for pictures and was running to get their free cookie dog! It was like a stampede!

  And then, as soon as each one was served, they took their big foam head off to eat!

  From up on the Ferris wheel, we could see it all!

  “There’s the wolf who sold us our tickets!”

  “There’s Puffini the puffin! I guess he was still hungry.”

  “There’s an elephant! How did it even fit that trunk inside the foam head?”

  “LOOK!” shouted Didi. “There’s Queen Nefertiti!”

  “What are you telling me about Queen Nefertiti?” I asked. “Isn’t she a human?”

  “Yes!” said Didi. “But she hasn’t taken off her head yet!”

  “She isn’t even getting a Cookie-Dog-on-a-Stick!” I said.
“Isn’t she hungry?”

  “She’s looking around suspiciously!” said Didi. “I think she’s figured out what’s going on!”

  “She’s making a run for it!” I cried.

  “Let’s catch her!” yelled Didi.

  “But how can we catch her?” I groaned. “We’re stuck at the top of the Ferris wheel!”

  “This is the daring part of the plan,” said Didi, with a wave, nod, and sparkle.

  Then she grabbed me by the wing and jumped off the Ferris wheel!

  “NOOooooooooo!” I cried as we fell. “It’s too daringggggg . . .”

  Chapter 10

  “Queen Nefertiti’s headed for the waterslide!” I shouted. “Do you think we can catch her?”

  “I’ve got a better idea,” said Didi. “Let me borrow your phone.”

  I gave her my phone and she called Inspector Flytrap.

  “Hey, Flytrap! Ask your goat to bite a leg off the statue of Achilles that is propping up the giant meatball.”

  “Funny you should ask,” said Flytrap. “She’s already chewing on it right now!”

  “Big heel,” said Nina.

  She bit right through Achilles’s leg. The statue snapped in two, and the meatball started rolling.

  “Gotta go!” yelled Flytrap, and he hung up.

  Seconds later, he and Nina went zooming past us on their skateboard.

  “That’s the fastest meatball I’ve ever seen!” yelled Inspector Flytrap. “Run for your lives!”

  He was right. The giant meatball was thundering straight at us!

  “It’s going to crush us!” I shouted.

  “Hold on!” yelled Didi.

  She fired her rocket pants, and we shot into the air just a second before the meatball rolled under us.

  By the time we landed, it had already rolled onto the waterslide. That’s when it really started going fast!

  “The kidnapper is about to get clobbered!” said Didi with a smile. “All we have to do now is watch.”

  The mascot and the meatball whooshed around curves, through dips and loops, toward the huge, scary, steep drop at the end.

  Queen Nefertiti was fast, but the meatball was faster!

  “It’s gaining on her,” said Didi, with an even bigger smile. “There’s no escape!”

  Just then we heard a loud

  QUACK!

  “That was the Queen’s quack!” I said. “Not the human queen, the DUCK QUEEN!”