by Maya Banks
Nathan tried to control the rise of anger. Where the fuck was Grace? How could she leave her sister when Shea needed her the most? How could she just fall out of contact when the two sisters were so deeply connected?
He knew his anger was unreasonable. There could be any number of reasons why Grace wasn’t communicating with Shea. But right now Shea needed to be surrounded with people who loved her. She needed her sister.
“Resnick feels like they’ve been unable to locate Grace and were focusing for now on Shea,” Sam continued.
“Who is they?” Joe demanded. “Do we even know who the hell is behind this? It’s pretty damn hard to fight a nameless, faceless enemy. Those bunch of damn science nerds aren’t the masterminds of this. They’re following orders. Even the security was lame. Someone is fronting the money and the manpower. The question is who and why?”
“That’s just it,” Sam said. “Everyone is denying involvement. We have to face the possibility that we’ll never know. I don’t fully trust Resnick. His ass is on the line. He won’t be completely honest with us unless it suits his purposes.”
“Do you believe that shit about why he took Shea?” Nathan asked. “Do we have any proof that he didn’t make everything up so I didn’t kill him?”
“How would we ever know differently?” Garrett asked.
“Let’s put nerd boy on it,” Joe said. “There isn’t info Van can’t find when he wants it.”
Garrett chuckled. “I wouldn’t let him hear you say that. He’ll kick your scrawny little ass. He’s got moves that I don’t think there are names for.”
“What about those two Russian scientists Resnick mentioned?” Swanny spoke up.
Sam frowned. “Resnick said they were back in Russia.”
“What if he’s lying? What if he doesn’t want them to be found? Or maybe that’s what he was told. Maybe he thinks he’s telling us the truth. Either way, it bears looking into because they’d know a lot of answers to our questions,” Swanny said.
Garrett suddenly grinned. “With Resnick so busy doing cleanup in New Mexico, he certainly won’t be at his office. Van and I could take a little trip so Van can do some hacking. Van would cream himself over getting into Resnick’s secure files. Can you imagine the shit that man has buried in his computer?”
“That’s not a bad idea,” Sam said slowly. “As soon as we land, you and Van take the jet and head for D.C. I want whatever information you can find and then we’ll know exactly how straight Resnick is being with us.”
Nathan eyed his older brothers even as his hold tightened around Shea. “What are we going to do?”
Garrett stared back, his blue eyes steely with resolve. “We do what we always do when there’s a threat to the family. We close ranks. We protect. We built that compound for a reason. Resnick breached it because he damn well knew how to, but we won’t make that mistake again. From now on, we trust no one. We’re not going to let a bunch of crazy-ass nut jobs pick Shea apart because she’s gifted. She belongs to you so now she belongs to us. We’re going to protect you both.”
“So eloquently said, Mr. Smooth,” Sam teased. “But I couldn’t have said it better myself. Stop worrying about us, Nathan. You focus on Shea. We’ll do the rest.”
“I don’t know if I ever thanked you,” Nathan said quietly. “All of you. Not just for Shea, though I’ll always be grateful for the risk you put yourself through for her. She means everything to me. She’s…my life. But thank you for not giving up when I was being such a hard-ass and so unreachable.”
A glimmer of a smile lit Joe’s face. “Now maybe we can stop tiptoeing around you and start beating your ass again.”
Nathan held up his middle finger. “You can sure as hell try.”
CHAPTER 44
IT was time to force herself back into the real world. She knew it. Embraced it. Sort of. But at the same time, lingering fear and terror paralyzed her whenever she made the effort to shake off the shadows that surrounded her.
Shea liked Dr. Scofield. There was a kindness to the young woman that put Shea at ease. At first, she’d been terrified that this woman was like all the others. There to study her. Hurt her. Treat her like a specimen.
But she was achingly gentle with Shea. She talked to her in soft tones as if she knew that Shea could understand exactly what she said. She’d smile and tell Shea not to hurry, that she’d come around when she was good and ready and when she felt safe.
It was odd, how disembodied Shea felt and how she could function and yet exist in a vacuum. She could process simple things like going to the bathroom. Eating. Drinking. Acknowledging simple requests. But it was as if her mind had been damaged, perhaps more damaged than her body, and both were taking time to heal.
The Kelly women fascinated Shea. Her quietness gave her the opportunity to study the women who’d married into the Kelly family as well as spend more time with Marlene Kelly and even Rusty, who she understood wasn’t a blood relation but a Kelly all the same.
Every day, one of the women visited her. Usually they’d sit on the back deck of Sam’s home and enjoy the warm weather and the view of the lake. Sam had insisted that Nathan and Shea stay with him and Sophie, since the home where Nathan had been living was outside of the compound.
At night, Nathan would tuck Shea into bed and then wrap himself around her, holding her, just holding her. He was a constant comfort to her. Rock steady. Unwavering.
Each day he took care of her, seeing to her every need or just sitting quietly with her. He didn’t push, but she could sense the growing disquiet within him. She knew he worried. She hated that she was the source of his unhappiness, but she didn’t feel ready to bridge the gap that existed between the world she’d retreated to and the world where Nathan waited.
Fear was a powerful inhibitor.
Today Shea sat on the deck, huddled in a blanket despite the warmth of the summer afternoon. She vaguely wondered who would come today, since not a day had passed that someone hadn’t come to sit with her since she and Nathan had come here.
Dr. Scofield would be back this afternoon as she was every afternoon. In the first days that Shea had come home, the doctor had been a constant presence, and Shea idly wondered if there was concern that she was a threat to herself. But then the doctor had told Shea that she was recovering nicely and that she’d look in on her in the afternoons.
Shea found herself looking forward to the company of the other women. She missed Grace, and worry for her sister weighed heavily on Shea. The other Kelly women and even Dr. Scofield filled an emptiness left by Grace’s absence.
With a sigh, she settled into the comfortable chair and focused her gaze on the sparkling waters of the lake and let her mind roam free, blanking out everything but the present. No past. No future. Just this moment. She closed her eyes and inhaled, letting the sun dance across her cheeks and spread warmth through the lingering coldness in her veins.
“SHE’S not getting better,” Nathan said, his voice thick with grief. He stood where he could see Shea through the window, watching as she sat, just as she did every day, staring over the lake.
Donovan and Garrett had returned from their fact-finding mission. There was a lot to process. There were plans to make. But he could do nothing until Shea recovered enough to sort out all that had happened. She was his priority. Always.
“I don’t agree,” Sophie said firmly.
“I don’t either,” Rachel said.
Nathan turned to where his sisters-in-law and Sarah stood a few feet away. Sophie was holding Charlotte on her hip. The baby was a miniature Sophie. All blond hair and big blue eyes. Beautiful just like her mother.
How he loved these women. They’d rallied around Shea, accepting her and sweeping in to care for her. Every single day they sat with her, talking to her, making sure she wasn’t alone. They bullied her into eating. They treated her just like she was normal. Already a part of the family. It was as if she’d always been there.
His throat knotted becaus
e he wanted to tell them how much he loved them for what they were doing, but he couldn’t even get the words out.
“She is improving, Nathan,” Sarah said softly. She put a gentle hand on his arm and squeezed. “At first she didn’t even acknowledge us. I wasn’t even sure she knew we were here. But then I noticed that she’d look at us. She’d listen to what we were saying and even respond. Not overtly, but I could tell she knew what we were saying.”
“She’s waiting for us even now,” Rachel said. “Look at her, Nathan. She knows we should have been out there by now. She keeps turning her head, just slightly, but she turns so she can see the door because she’s expecting us to be here just like we have every day.”
“With your permission, we’re going to try something a little different today,” Sophie interjected.
Nathan’s brow furrowed and he looked questioningly at her.
Sophie shifted Charlotte to her other hip then exchanged looks with Rachel and Sarah before glancing back at Nathan. “We’re going to take a more direct approach. I want you to stay away. Don’t interrupt.”
Warning bells went off in Nathan’s head. He didn’t like the sound of this at all. “Maybe we should wait to see what Maren thinks.”
Rachel shook her head. “We’ve already discussed this with Maren. She agrees. We’re not going to be hurtful to her, Nathan. We know how fragile she is. Promise us you’ll let us try and that you won’t interfere. Ethan will be over in just a few minutes to take you to the shooting range. He says it’s high time you got off your ass and went back to work.”
She finished the last with a cheeky grin.
“I don’t want to leave her,” Nathan said. “I don’t want her to think for even a minute that I’ve left her. What if she panics? What if she thinks she’s back in that hell she existed in? What if she needs me?”
Rachel’s eyes darkened in sympathy and she took his hand in hers. “I know you don’t want to leave her. You’ve been with her every day. She knows you’re here. She knows you aren’t going anywhere. She knows that, Nathan. I promise. You need to get out. Get some air. Spend some time with your brothers. Leave Shea to us. I swear to you we’ll take good care of her.”
They were right, but it didn’t make it any easier to think of leaving her even for a little while. Rachel squeezed his hand and urged him with her eyes to do as they’d asked.
He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. “I know you will. I couldn’t leave her in better hands.”
“Then go,” Sarah urged.
He let go of Rachel’s hand and started toward the door but then paused and turned back one last time. “Call me if…if there’s any change.”
THEY were late. Shea would have frowned but there wasn’t much to frown about and it took too much effort. It was too beautiful a day to exert negative energy, and she’d worked so hard to expel any and all blackness from her mind.
A surge of excitement danced up her spine, dispelling some of the murkiness she’d embraced, when she heard the door slide open. She turned ever so slightly to see that Rachel, Sarah and Sophie had all come out. The baby…Shea pondered a minute, trying to remember the baby’s name. Charlotte.
She loved it when Sophie brought the baby out to toddle around in the playpen that had been erected on the sprawling deck. A mat covered the wood so that Charlotte didn’t get splinters in her hands or feet.
Toys were scattered carelessly around the area, and Shea thought the entire house and deck looked…lived in. Like a family shared love and laughter within its protective arms.
Sophie leaned over to put Charlotte down on the mat and handed her one of her favorite toys to chew on. She was teething and gnawed on anything she could get her hands on.
Rachel settled into the swing next to where Shea sat wrapped in her quilt while Sarah sat on Shea’s other side in a wicker armchair. Sophie came away from the partitioned-off play area and sat with Rachel in the swing.
“You’re looking better today, Shea,” Rachel said, her sweet voice soothing over Shea’s ears like music.
Sarah and Sophie both smiled and nodded their agreement. Shea knew they were lying, but she loved that they cared enough to want to make her feel better. And even if she didn’t look better, she thought maybe she did indeed feel better.
Sophie rose from the swing and went to perch on the oval wooden table that rested just in front of Shea. Their knees were nearly touching. She reached for Shea’s hands and for a moment simply held on and squeezed comfortingly. Rachel and Sarah both sat forward, their gazes focused solely on Shea. Shea could feel the warmth and the love in those stares. She marveled at how these women could care so much for someone they didn’t really know. But then Shea already liked them so much and she drew great comfort from their company.
“Shea, it’s time to stop hiding,” Sophie said gently. “I know you’re scared. I know you’ve been through such a horrible ordeal. But you’re safe now. You’re with people who love you. It’s okay to let down the barriers and allow us in.”
Rachel glanced first at Sarah and then to Sophie and finally back to Shea. “We understand what you’re going through. We’ve all been there. I’m still working on getting there, but it gets easier every day. We’re all here to help you. All of us.”
“Nathan is so worried for you,” Sarah said. “He’s not sleeping well. He’s not eating. He loves you so much, Shea. He’s suffering too, and I know you don’t want that. He hides it from you because he doesn’t want to burden you and he doesn’t want to add to your stress.”
Shea’s brow wrinkled and she blinked. They all looked so very sincere. And worried. Part of her wanted to push through. Shrug off the heavy veil of silence and the comforting white void. But the other part of her feared losing that barrier because, without it, she was without defense. Open, raw, memories clawing relentlessly at her.
Rachel leaned forward and added her hands to Sophie’s as she stared earnestly at Shea. “You don’t have to do this alone. You have the entire Kelly family behind you. I’ll always be willing to listen. Or to help you. I still go to a therapist to talk about the time I spent in captivity. It does get easier. I promise you.”
“And I go twice a month to a rape counselor,” Sarah added quietly. “Garrett has been so wonderful. His—my—family has been unfailingly supportive. It feels so good to say ‘my family.’ I’m not even married to Garrett yet, but you are all truly my family. And that includes you, Shea. You’ve been a part of this family since you brought Nathan home to us.”
“Our point is that we all have our share of fears, imperfections and issues to work through,” Sophie said. “But we do it together. As a family. Because that’s what family—or at least this family—is all about.”
Tears burned Shea’s eyelids. Emotion welled and expanded in her chest until she thought she might burst at the seams. She had no idea what to say or if she could say anything at all. She stared helplessly at these women who were for all practical purposes her sisters. Like Grace.
“Come home, Shea,” Rachel said softly. “Come home to stay. It’s safe here.”
She raised her gaze to fully meet theirs for the first time. She saw excitement bloom in their eyes as she met each one in turn. And then she saw movement behind Sophie. Her breath caught as the baby toddled toward the multitude of steps leading down toward the lake.
One of the gates had come open and Charlotte was fast heading toward the steps. Shea tried to shout a warning, but the words stuck and she could do more than watch helplessly as the baby started to fall.
To hell with this. She was tired of being a coward, and this beautiful baby wasn’t going to suffer because she was scared to face reality. Was this what she’d become? Some spineless, witless blob of insanity?
She bolted from her chair, knocking Sophie to the side as she flew toward Charlotte. The other women let out startled exclamations, but Shea could only see Charlotte and the imminent danger she was in.
Shea dove low, snatching her litera
lly from the air as she pitched over the first step. She rotated so she’d take the brunt of the fall and she wouldn’t squash the child. Then she braced for impact.
She landed on the fourth step with enough force to knock the air from her lungs, but still she hung tenaciously on to Charlotte, determined to protect her at all costs.
She slid down the remaining steps, head first, on her back, each bump jarring her entire body. When she hit the bottom, she lay there a moment and stared up in wonder as Charlotte gave her a huge gummy grin and promptly drooled on her.
Sophie, Rachel and Sarah flew down the steps, babbling, yelling, shouting “Are you okay?” and “Oh my God!” Sophie tried to take Charlotte from Shea, but Shea held on and hugged the baby to her as she gingerly rolled the rest of her body off the steps.
Her entire body hurt, but nothing felt broken. Still clinging to Charlotte, she settled on the bottom step and buried her face in all that sweet-smelling baby skin and hair. Charlotte, completely unfazed by the event, chortled in glee and grasped a handful of Shea’s hair, pulling as she tried to maneuver it to her mouth.
Tears streamed down Shea’s cheeks. She hadn’t even realized she was crying. Her shoulders shook and she wept. Huge, aching sobs.
Around her, Sophie, Sarah and Rachel gathered, sitting in intervals on the steps so they could wrap their arms around both Shea and Charlotte.
“Thank you,” Sophie whispered. “Oh my God, thank you, Shea. I don’t know how you did it. I was so scared. I didn’t see her. I don’t know how the gate came undone. I’m always so careful. Sam is always so careful. If you hadn’t seen her. Oh God, if you hadn’t seen her.”
Charlotte began to squirm, protesting the suffocating circle of women surrounding her. She pulled away from Shea and this time Shea let her go. Charlotte patted Shea’s cheeks with both hands and let out a squeal of delight that Shea felt all the way to her toes.
And then Shea smiled back. God, it felt so good. Then she laughed. Tears still streaming down her cheeks, she laughed and let the sheer joy of the moment invade her soul.
