Forgotten Husband

by Susan Bella Ikin

  I heard Mitch draw in a breath as I undid Michelle’s nappy and the mess became obvious.

  “Oh my god, how can such a small child do that? I thought she smelled funny, but I was just so desperate to get her to stop crying that I didn’t think. How are you going to get that off?”

  I looked around.

  “Well, these moist towelettes might do, but I don’t like to use too many chemicals on Michelle. Could you wet a washer with warm water instead? It’s not as bad as it looks, some warm water will do the job and be kinder on her skin”.

  Between the two of us we got Michelle cleaned up and changed into some clean clothes. Mitch had wanted to throw away the old ones but I tersely told him to leave them. I could wash them, I was not going to change my habits just because he had so much money to throw around. Once Michelle was clean I handed her to Mitch, still not looking at him, and went into the bathroom to wash my hands. When I came out, they were nowhere to be seen, and I walked out, following the sound of Mitch’s deep voice and Michelle’s little giggles. I found them in a beautiful lounge room, standing near the floor to ceiling windows, looking out over the river and to the city beyond. I had taken the opportunity while in the bathroom to press some cold water over my eyes, and thought that the evidence of my earlier tears was gone, but then Mitch looked at me and narrowed his eyes, so I ignored him and held out my hands for Michelle. As she snuggled in to me, I smelled her now clean baby smell, and I glared at Mitch over her head, then turned my back to him, walking over to a chair – still limping slightly – and sat down, positioning Michelle on my lap. She put her head back to rest on my chest and I spoke, trying to moderate my voice so as not to frighten her.

  “Where did she go?”

  “Who would that be, Helen?”

  “Don’t play with me, Mitch, your sister. I can’t see her anywhere”.

  “How did you know she is my sister? Has something come back to you?”

  “No, I heard you mention that Michelle is her niece. It’s not rocket science Mitch”.

  “How long were you listening?”

  “Long enough. Long enough to work out why I thought she didn’t like me, because it’s obvious that she doesn’t. She was always like that, wasn’t she?”

  Mitch looked at me for a moment.

  “Well, no, she wasn’t. At least, not that I saw. What exactly do you mean?”

  I rolled my eyes, smiling at Michelle when she looked at me with her little brows drawn together mutinously.

  “I knew when I heard her voice that whoever was speaking didn’t like me, I could feel the tension in my gut. I don’t remember her, but I know what my reactions to things mean. Her voice made me feel sick, so obviously we never got along before. If she’s going to visit a lot, can you please tell me when she’s coming so I can stay in my room? I don’t need to put up with that sort of attitude, so I’d rather not be in the same room with her if you don’t mind”.

  Mitch looked at me for a long while then, his brows drawn together in a similar way to Michelle’s. If I wasn’t so upset, I would have laughed.

  “This is your home Helen, you shouldn’t have to hide in your room. You have to understand that Amy is probably just being a bit protective of me, after the way you left”.

  I exhaled heavily.

  “So, we’re back to that again? I told you, that whatever relationship your sister and I had before wasn’t a good one, it has nothing to do with what she’s like now. I’d expect her to be wary of me now, but she obviously had a problem with me before. Anyway, that’s not the most immediate problem now”.

  At Mitch’s querying look I indicated a squirming and increasingly grumpy Michelle.

  “She hasn’t had much chance for play today. We were travelling for a few hours, then she’s had a big sleep, if she doesn’t get to burn off some energy, she’ll get really bored soon and she won’t be able to sleep tonight. This apartment of yours is very nice, but there’s not much room for a toddler to run around”.

  Mitch looked at Michelle then stood up.

  “Come on, let’s go for a walk to the park. It’s not far away, and we can run around and burn off a bit of energy there”.

  I grabbed a couple of things for Michelle in case the weather turned cold, and shortly afterwards we found ourselves heading towards St Kilda Road. There was a huge green space between St Kilda Road and the Yarra River, and it was the closest green space to the apartment. As we walked, I kept a tight hold on Michelle’s hand, worried about the traffic. Progress was slow as Michelle was looking around and with such little legs as hers, we had to walk slowly to match our pace to hers. Finally Mitch swung her up onto his shoulders and held tight to her little hands to anchor her in place. With a squeal of mixed delight and fear, Michelle looked down at me for reassurance. I smiled up at her, and then she bounced up and down a little in excitement. I saw Mitch smile as he started walking faster. Now it was me who had difficulty in keeping up, Mitch’s long legs just ate up the ground, even carrying the slight weight of our daughter on his shoulders. Passers by smiled at us as we passed, I suppose we did look like a happy family, people weren’t to know what tensions existed under the surface. When we reached the gardens, Michelle squealed loudly to be let down, and Mitch put her to the ground, holding her steady while she regained her balance, and then she ran off. Mitch followed closely, and I tried to keep pace behind them both, almost breaking into a trot in an effort to keep up. Michelle ran to another group of children, and seemed to make a friend with a little boy who was playing with a ball almost as big as he was. I caught up to Mitch, who was watching from a little way off, and we watched as the two children each fell to their bottoms, sitting with the ball between them, pushing it from one to the other and chattering in gibberish. The other parents smiled at us from their place on a park bench, and I hesitated, not knowing whether to go to introduce myself or not. As I was dithering, Mitch’s hand snaked down to mine and he grasped it, holding me in place.

  “So, Helen. Was my sister the reason for your tears earlier, or was it me? I know you didn’t want me to notice, but I did. I’ve been thinking about what we were talking about, and I can understand why you wouldn’t have liked hearing it, but I’m surprised if that’s what made you cry”.

  “Don’t flatter yourself Mitch. If you think I was under any delusions about why you wanted me to come home with you, you can forget it. I know you’re only putting up with me because of Michelle, I didn’t need to hear you spell out that we’re a package deal. No, actually I was crying because I kicked a chair and hurt my foot”.

  At that, Mitch looked down, exclaiming.

  “Why didn’t you say something? I would have suggested going for a drive instead of a walk if I’d known you had a sore foot. Is it ok, or did you damage it when you kicked the chair? Why did you kick the chair anyway?”

  “For someone who seems to be successful in business you’re a bit of an idiot, Mitch. I kicked the chair because I was angry. I wanted to slam the door, but I couldn’t because Michelle was sleeping, so I had to take my anger out on the chair instead. Do you really have to ask why I kicked the chair after listening to you and your sister assassinate my character?”

  Mitch smiled briefly.

  “No, I guess not. You always did have a temper. I used to enjoy stirring you up just to get you good and mad. It was always fun to watch, and the sex was always amazing afterwards”.

  I sharply drew in a breath and looked sideways and up at Mitch to find him smiling down at me before the smile left his face and he looked forward so that he could keep watching Michelle. Why did he have to say that to me? It really wasn’t fair when he could remember things about us and I couldn’t. But I knew he was right. Even without being able to remember specifics, I was positive that sex with Mitch would have been special.

  ~

  Michelle played with the little boy for a while, Mitch and I eventually strolled over and made idle chit chat with the other parents. Although I was quiet, Mitch mana
ged to speak enough for both of us, and the talk stayed light and casual. Eventually the little boy started to get tired, so his parents picked him up, and with him waving at Michelle, he was bundled into his pram and they left. We turned back towards the river, and strolled along the waterfront, scrutinizing the various restaurants to see which one seemed as if it would have the most appeal for Michelle. I considered and discarded many of the offerings, either it wasn’t a cuisine that I thought Michelle would eat, or it looked just too upmarket for us. Several of them looked lovely, but the long tablecloths hanging down over tables stacked with glassware scared me, I didn’t know if Michelle would be able to sit still long enough for us to have a meal without me having to run after her. So, rather than experiment, I just said no to every suggestion Mitch made. Finally, as we drew near to yet another restaurant, Mitch blew out a breath in frustration.

  “Are you sure she wouldn’t like Thai? So far, you’ve found fault with everything we’ve walked past. What has she eaten before? We’ll get that if you like”.

  I paused, hesitant to say anything at first about my concerns, but then decided to just go ahead and tell Mitch the truth.

  “I don’t know. We never ate out at a restaurant before”.

  Mitch moved around to the front of me, staring down at me incredulously.

  “What, never? You mean you cooked, at home, every night?”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “Of course not. Michelle and I had most of our meals at home, occasionally I took her out for fast food, but we never went anywhere where the food didn’t come in paper bags or cardboard boxes!”

  “You’re kidding me? You never went out? Why not?”

  “Well, for a start, despite what you think of me, I didn’t have the spare cash for us to eat anywhere really nice. What would have been the point anyway? Michelle was just a baby until recently, I would have just been spending a lot of money to buy fancy food for myself, and I couldn’t afford that. Now that she’s the age she is, I’m a bit worried about her getting bored and running around, if you really want to know”.

  I hadn’t looked at Mitch while I had been speaking, but as he hadn’t moved, I lifted my eyes to his face, and was disturbed to see that he was staring at me.

  “So, does that mean you never went out by yourself, without Michelle? Like on a date?”

  The answer seemed to be really important to Mitch, and I reasoned that of course it was. I hadn’t known I was married, but I was, even though I hadn’t remembered it. I started to feel guilty about the few miserable and short lived dates I had been on.

  “Well, I did go on a couple of dates, but I left Michelle at home with Hilary”.

  I was intrigued to see a muscle twitching in Mitch’s jaw. I hadn’t seen that before, even when he had been angry. Before I could work out what it meant, Mitch spoke, tightly.

  “Only a couple of dates? Did Michelle stay all night with Hilary?”

  I put my hand up and rested it on Mitch’s arm as I answered him. No matter how angry he was with me, at what he thought I had done, it was important for me that he knew the truth.

  “No, Mitch, no-one ever stayed the night. Just to be clear, since that’s just a euphemism anyway, I haven’t had sex with anyone else since you”.

  “That you can remember”, Mitch said tersely.

  I sighed as I had to concede the point.

  “That I can remember. But even though you don’t believe me, I don’t think I was unfaithful to you before the accident anyway. You can believe it or not, but I don’t think I’m the type of person that would have done that to you. Anyway, you know where this type of conversation will lead us, we’ll just get angry at each other and I’ll get upset. I’m hungry and I don’t want to argue now, so let’s eat”.

  I grabbed Michelle’s hand and headed into the restaurant that we had been standing in front of. I could feel Mitch’s warmth at my back as I stood at the podium, waiting to be seated, and we were shortly shown to a table. Mitch and I sat opposite each other, Michelle occupying the seat in between us, her little eyes like saucers as she looked around. The helpful waiter brought over a booster seat, and Mitch lifted Michelle into it, her little face breaking into a smile as she could now see so much more. I turned my attention to the menu, looking for something Michelle might like.

  “What about a Pad Thai?” Mitch suggested. “Kids love noodles, don’t they?”

  In the end, Mitch ordered a selection of dishes, and we all tried a little of each. Michelle pulled a horrified face as the heat of the chicken curry hit her, and I helped her with her water as she tried to gulp it quickly. The Pad Thai was a great success, Michelle treated the noodles very like she treated her spaghetti, shoving some in her mouth and then sucking the trailing noodles in with gusto. She ate a little of the satay, but although more sauce seemed to get on her clothes than in her mouth, she seemed to enjoy it. The spring rolls were a big hit, Michelle cleaning up my share as well as a fair amount of Mitch’s as well.

  As we walked back to the apartment, Michelle’s steps got slower and slower as she tired. Even though she had napped, it had been a long day, and after a big feed, she was done for. Before I could say anything, Mitch bent to scoop her into his arms. Michelle lay there quietly, her little eyes drooping further and further as her feet bounced with every step Mitch took. I glanced over at them as I walked, my heart swelling with a mixture of joy and sadness at the picture they made. They looked so right together, and Michelle looked so safe in Mitch’s arms, yet I still couldn’t shake that niggling sense of fear when I saw them getting closer.

  After we reached the apartment, Mitch headed into the bathroom with Michelle.

  “Do you still bath her, or will she shower?” he said in a stage whisper, as she was almost asleep.

  “Oh, actually tonight I might skip the bath. She’s so tired, she will probably end up crying through it. If you just give me a minute to get some things together, I might just give her a wash”.

  I returned to the room to find Michelle still in Mitch’s arms, with him rocking her softly and humming into her ear. I looked away, tears stinging my eyes at the picture they made. I settled the basin of warm soapy water on the change table, and bustled about getting a clean nappy and some pyjamas ready. When I nodded, Mitch laid Michelle on the change table, and before I could move towards them, he had already started undressing her, talking to her quietly as he did. Under my instruction, he took her singlet and t-shirt off first, wringing out the washer in the warm water and cleaning up her face and sticky hands first, then running the washer over her torso and patting her with the hand towel I passed him before putting a clean singlet and her pyjama top on. I expected Mitch to wimp out when he got to the nappy, but he didn’t, taking it off and disposing of it in the bin on the floor, before standing there with the damp washer in his hand, looking down at Michelle uncomfortably.

  “What are you doing, Mitch? I already changed the dirty nappy, you’re safe now”.

  “It’s not that”, he whispered, looking uncomfortable. “It just feels weird, you know, she’s a girl, what do I do?”

  I looked at him in surprise. I hadn’t even considered he might be a little embarrassed or squeamish about this part of the hygiene routine. I showed Mitch how to wash Michelle, and he seemed very relieved when it was done and he could put her nappy and pyjama bottoms on her little body. He picked her up, placing a kiss on the top of her head and holding her out to me so I could do the same, then laid Michelle down in her cot and tucked the blanket securely in over her. Michelle gave a little sigh then her eyes fluttered closed and her head turned to the side.

  After I had cleaned up the basin and rinsed out the washer, I stepped out of the bathroom to find Mitch waiting in the hallway.

  “Would you like to join me in the lounge room for a drink? It’s been a busy day and we haven’t had any time alone. There’s a few things I want to go over with you”.

  I nodded my assent then followed Mitch to the room overlooking
the city, taking a glass from Mitch as he settled himself in opposite me. I sipped the drink, finding the wine crisp and delicious, and waited for Mitch to start.

  “Helen, I just want you to know what arrangements I’ve made for your safety, and for Michelle’s safety. I still don’t know what happened two years ago, but let’s just say you really were kidnapped, and that the man you thought was your husband was one of the kidnappers. Have you thought about what it would mean if he wasn’t working alone?”

  I stared at Mitch, the drink forgotten.

  “Do you think they will try again?”

  Mitched contemplated me for a while before speaking.

  “Maybe. Did you ever wonder what happened to the money? If you don’t have it, who does? Or maybe the man who died hid it somewhere? So, if he had accomplices, and they know you’ve reappeared, it’s logical for them to think that maybe you know where it is. That puts you in a sticky situation, doesn’t it?”

  My mouth suddenly dry, I put the drink down on the coffee table in front of me. I had been so focused on the fact that Mitch thought I was guilty of defrauding him, that I hadn’t even thought through what it would mean that I hadn’t.

  “Do you believe me now? Does that mean you think I’m in danger, or that Michelle is?”

  “Let’s just say that I didn’t get to be successful in business by not thinking things through, considering all the angles, and looking at the bigger picture. I still don’t understand what happened, so unless some evidence turns up that shows that you had something to do with your disappearance, I am going to work on the theory that you didn’t. If that’s the case, then you would be in danger, and that would mean that Michelle is too. So I have arranged for security to accompany you and Michelle anywhere you want to go, unless you’re with me”.

  My mouth turned downward as I saw how convenient this arrangement was for Mitch.

  “So, is this a bodyguard, or a minder? It seems to me that though you say you’re concerned about our safety, this is also a good way for you to watch me if you still don’t trust me, isn’t it?”