Dreams to Sell

by Anne Douglas

  Sometime after four o’clock, she helped Norma to carry a tray of tea into the waiting room where Mr Appin and Mr Franklin were sitting in silence.

  ‘No Mr Shield?’ asked Norma brightly. ‘Is he still having his interview?’

  ‘He’s been in there ages,’ Mr Appin muttered, accepting his tea and drinking it fast.

  ‘Longer than either of us,’ said Mr Franklin, shovelling sugar into his cup, as though he felt he needed it.

  The girls, returning to the staffroom, exchanged glances as they drank their own tea.

  ‘Oh, d’you think that Mr Shield’s going to get it?’ Norma whispered. ‘What a nice fellow, eh? You must be keeping your fingers crossed, Roz.’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know – you can’t really tell what someone will be like from first meeting, can you? We’ll just have to wait and see.’

  Wait, Roz did, of course – for Mr MacKenna’s return, anyway. He looked weary, she thought, when he finally appeared sometime after five o’clock, but pleased. Things must have gone his way, then?

  ‘Well?’ she asked anxiously. ‘Who got it?’

  ‘There’s been nothing official said to the candidates – we’re going to write to them.’

  ‘They’ve gone?’

  ‘Oh, yes, to catch their trains.’

  ‘Nothing official. What’s unofficial, then?’

  Mr MacKenna smiled broadly. ‘Mr Banks and I have both agreed – it’s to be Mr Shield.’

  Mr Shield. As she took in the news, her face told her thoughts and Mr MacKenna laughed.

  ‘You’re pleased, aren’t you, Roz? It wasn’t just that he’d had some experience, he was the best all round and we think he’ll be an asset to the firm. But why do I have the feeling that you’re not going to miss me at all?’

  Twelve

  It wasn’t the case, of course, that Roz wouldn’t be missing Mr MacKenna, her mentor, her father figure, when he departed. Having always worked with him at Tarrel’s and finding it so pleasant, it would take more than a new fellow to replace him, however good he was at smiling. True, she was pleased Mr Shield had got the job and she felt more at ease about the future but, come the day when she arrived at the property department and Mr MacKenna wasn’t there, she was still going to feel a huge gap that would take time to fill.

  For now, though, everything was nicely routine at work and all she had to worry about was Dougal’s departure, which was so soon approaching. Flo was, for the time being, bearing up well, which was so surprising. No one could quite believe it, but it was Dougal himself who appeared on edge. Perhaps he was worrying about whether he’d done the right thing? After all, it had all been his idea; he’d not asked for advice, seemed so sure he knew what he was doing, but as the time grew closer for his departure maybe he was beginning to have second thoughts?

  ‘I bet he is,’ Chrissie declared. ‘I mean, who’d want to be a soldier? Always being ordered about, told what to wear, made to clean your stuff or be in trouble – I mean, your life’s not your own, eh?’

  ‘Fellows seem to enjoy the life, they say,’ Roz replied. ‘And they get to go places, see the world, do different things. That’s what appealed to Dougal.’

  ‘Aye, but look at him now – face like a wet weekend! I think he’s got cold feet.’ Chrissie sighed. ‘Why is there always something to worry about in this family? The one thing that cheers me up is seeing Richard.’ She gave a dreamy smile. ‘He takes me right out of this world, Roz. Makes me forget all my troubles.’

  ‘That’s grand, Chrissie.’ Roz hesitated. ‘But you will be careful, eh?’

  ‘What do you mean? I know how to take care of myself, eh? I’m not going to end up in the family way, if that’s what you’re hinting!’

  ‘No, it’s not. All I’m saying, is, don’t get too involved, in case – you know – it doesn’t last.’

  ‘Thanks for that!’ Chrissie cried. ‘Thanks for thinking Richard is going to get tired o’ me, before we’ve known each other five minutes!’

  ‘Look, I didn’t mean that. It’s just – well, you know what I mean, Chrissie. I’m only thinking of you.’

  ‘You needn’t, then! You’re not exactly the one who should be handing out advice when you haven’t even got a fellow of your own!’

  ‘OK, OK,’ Roz said impatiently. ‘I’ll say no more. Look, we’re all on edge, eh? With Dougal due to go so soon? Let’s not fall out.’

  ‘Just as long as you go easy on telling me what to do,’ Chrissie said sulkily. ‘I’ve enough to think about, worrying about Ma. If she takes to her bed again after Dougal goes, Mrs Abbot will give her the push, no question.’

  ‘Worrying about Ma?’ Roz’s grey eyes darkened. ‘We’re all in the same boat there.’

  On Dougal’s last evening before he left for his regiment, Flo and Chrissie came home early from the café so that all the family could be together for tea. Not that anyone expected it to be a cheerful meal, but it seemed the right thing to do, and though Flo constantly kept her eyes on her son and there was little conversation, all went off better than hoped. Afterwards, however, when Roz and Chrissie had cleared away and washed up, Flo’s face began to take on the blankness the family dreaded and their hearts began to sink.

  ‘I’d … better pack my bag,’ Dougal said, clearing his throat. ‘Though I’m not taking much. I’ll be kitted out there.’

  ‘Kitted out?’ Flo asked, her gaze on him now expressionless as she drew on a cigarette. ‘You mean you’ll be in the same uniform as your father?’

  ‘Aye, I will. What else?’

  ‘Doesn’t it make you feel bad, to think o’ him?’

  ‘No, I feel proud. I felt proud when I told ’em about him at my first interview and they were impressed.’ Dougal’s voice was strong, his manner definite. If he’d had misgivings of sorts, he’d lost them now. ‘And when I get to wear the same uniform as he did, I’ll feel good, Ma, so you’ve no need to worry about it.’

  Flo was silent, finally looking away, and Roz said hastily, ‘Dougal’s right, Ma – you’ve no need to worry about how he feels.’

  ‘Maybe I’m worrying about how I feel, Roz. You all know what I think about Dougal leaving us for the army.’

  ‘But we thought you’d got used to the idea!’ cried Chrissie. ‘You’ve not said a word lately!’

  ‘Doesn’t mean I’ve not been thinking about it.’

  ‘Ma, have a heart!’ Dougal said roughly. ‘It’s all fixed – I leave tomorrow. Don’t make it hard for me!’

  ‘Hard for you?’ Flo tossed her head. ‘What about me? Yes, you leave tomorrow, so when do we see you again, I’d like to know? This is your thanks to me for bringing you up, worrying about you—’

  ‘Ma, I’ll be back on a weekend pass before you know I’m gone!’ he cried. ‘They’ve told me that new recruits soon get a trip home, so you can see how I’ll be and you needn’t upset yourself or us any more.’

  He leaped to his feet. ‘Now, I’m going to pack my bag in your room and then I’m going down to say goodbye to the lads at the Crown. If you’re in bed when I come back I’ll come in to say goodnight and I’ll expect you to wish me luck. But don’t you or anybody else see me off tomorrow because I’m leaving early like I told you, for the first train out.’

  Red in the face, Dougal fixed his mother with a last fierce glare, then stalked away and the three women in his family, sitting speechless in their chairs, heard the crash of Flo’s bedroom door behind him.

  Thirteen

  Oh, my, thought Roz, oh, Lord! That’s torn it! Dougal was so pleased Ma had seemed to have got used to him going, he’d not been able to take it now she was playing up again. But what would happen now? Ma would never accept it, her son speaking to her like that – she’d be away to her bed, eh?

  But Flo made no move. She seemed turned to stone, sitting in her chair, cigarette in hand, her eyes cast down while Roz and Chrissie waited fearfully for some sort of reaction. Only when the cigarette began to burn her fingers did Flo give
a start, put out the stub and turn her eyes on her daughters.

  ‘Did you hear what he said?’ she asked huskily. ‘Just then – what Dougal said to me? “You needn’t upset yourself or us any more” … that’s what he said. “Needn’t upset yourself or us any more”… Have I upset you girls? Have I upset him? Is he blaming me?’

  Chrissie, shaking her head, looked at Roz as though she couldn’t find the words to say all that she wanted to, and it was Roz who had to find an answer.

  ‘Ma, of course we’re upset if you’re upset. That’s always been the way, eh? We can’t be happy if you’re not happy, can we?’

  ‘I’ve made you all unhappy? Because I’m ill?’ Flo’s face was twisting with pain. ‘I’ve never meant to, never! I’ve always done my best – but you don’t know what it’s like, when the darkness comes down. It’s like night to me, black, black night, and I try to struggle up, out of it, but there’s nothing I can do, nothing, till it goes …’

  She began to cry, putting her hand to her eyes like a child, until Roz ran to her and put an arm around her.

  ‘Ma, don’t cry, you’ll soon feel better again. The night does go, eh? You’ve been so much better lately.’

  ‘Aye, till Dougal had to go, till there’s no way out. He’s away tomorrow, and then there’ll be the worry – the fear. I had to take the telegram, you know, when your dad went. I can remember it now – just how it was, all those years ago.’

  ‘Ma, there won’t be any telegram about Dougal!’ Chrissie cried. ‘He’s not going to war, he’s told you. It’ll all be different for him!’

  ‘He’s in the army. He’s at risk, he’ll always be at risk, and how do we live through it? Tell me that.’

  ‘Would you like a hot drink, Ma?’ asked Roz desperately. ‘Some cocoa, maybe?’

  ‘That’d be good,’ Chrissie hurried to agree. ‘I’ll make it. I’ll put some milk on now. Then you could go to bed, Ma, and Dougal will come in to see you, like he said.’

  ‘If he wants to,’ sighed Flo.

  ‘Of course he wants to!’ cried Roz. ‘You know he does!’

  ‘Aye, well, I think I will away to my bed, then. But in the morning, I’m going to be up to see him off. Whatever he said, that’d be only right, eh?’

  ‘We’ll all be up,’ Roz told her, glancing round to see Dougal in the doorway, his small case in his hand.

  ‘All done!’ he cried cheerfully, going to his mother. He drew her to her feet, kissed her on her cheek and held her close.

  ‘Shan’t be long, Ma. I’ll just say cheerio to the lads, and then I’ll be back. But you go to bed if you want to and I’ll come in to say goodnight.’

  ‘All right, son,’ she murmured. ‘That’ll be grand. I won’t be asleep, that’s for sure.’

  Will any of us sleep tonight? Roz asked herself.

  And it did seem as though there was hardly any night at all before they heard Dougal getting up, and then they were up and kissing him goodbye and watching him stride away into the morning, his hand giving a last wave as he went for an early tram.

  ‘How d’you feel, Ma?’ Roz asked softly. ‘You going back to bed?’

  ‘No, might as well stay up now.’ Flo’s voice was weak, her face a mask, but it seemed as though she had made up her mind to go to work.

  ‘It’d be good if you could go to work, Ma, if you feel up to it.’

  ‘I’ll feel no better if I stay at home, that’s the truth of it.’

  Roz and Chrissie exchanged glances.

  ‘Mrs Abbot’ll be pleased, anyway,’ Chrissie remarked, trying to sound cheerful.

  Flo’s only reply was, ‘Oh, well, nice to know I can please somebody, then.’

  And as the sisters looked at each other again, they knew that whatever they did, however things worked out for them or Dougal, the way ahead would have its problems.

  Fourteen

  The days lengthened, grew truly spring-like, as hopes strengthened that this post-war time would lead to lasting peace. Even the long-standing civil war in far-away China looked like coming to an end, with the Communists poised to defeat the Nationalists and create a republic, while southern Ireland had already quietly declared itself a republic with the name of Eire. All very interesting, if you liked to read the newspapers, but all that mattered to the Raineys left at home was that nowhere did it seem likely that a Scottish regiment might be called upon to fight somewhere foreign – which was exactly what Dougal had said.

  ‘You see, Ma, it’s true,’ Roz told Flo. ‘He’s in a peacetime army; he won’t be going to war, and look at the postcards he’s sent – he’s enjoying himself, eh?’

  ‘I’m sure,’ muttered Flo. ‘We’re out o’ sight, out o’ mind, seemingly. Are we enjoying ourselves, then?’

  ‘I am!’ cried Chrissie. ‘I’ve got Richard.’

  At that, Flo’s expression softened and she even smiled. ‘Well, that’s true, Chrissie. And he does seem a nice lad.’

  ‘A perfect gentleman?’ asked Roz, also smiling to see her mother for once forgetting Dougal. ‘When am I going to meet him, then?’

  ‘Oh, not just yet,’ Chrissie answered. ‘But you will meet him, Roz, I promise, and then you’ll understand why I think he’s so nice. Meantime, what’s happening with you? When’s your new boss starting?’

  ‘Next week,’ Roz said swiftly. ‘I’m already collecting for Mr MacKenna’s leaving present. We’re going to get him a new briefcase.’

  ‘And then he’ll be away?’ asked Flo. ‘Shame, eh? When you got on so well?’

  ‘He’ll have a day to show Mr Shield the routine and then he’ll be off to Aberdeen.’ Roz sighed. ‘Sold his own house here, you know, in no time at all. Some friend wanted it and Mr MacKenna let him have it without it going to sealed bids, which is just the sort of thing he would do.’

  ‘You’ll just have to hope that this new chap is as nice,’ Chrissie told her comfortingly. ‘He’s younger, anyway.’

  ‘As though that matters,’ said Flo, looking into space. ‘I wonder when Dougal’s coming home for that weekend he mentioned? I hope he won’t be wearing his uniform.’

  Oh, dear, thought Roz, catching Chrissie’s eye. There they were – back to Dougal again. She supposed it was only to be expected.

  The big day came at last – Mr Shield’s first and Mr MacKenna’s last. Roz, who had spent half the previous night worrying what to wear, eventually wore what she usually wore to work – white blouse, dark jacket, dark skirt – and arrived at the office hoping to be first there. Mr MacKenna, however, was already at his desk, with Mr Shield in his formal suit with hair well flattened sitting next to him, surrounded by files and papers.

  ‘Ah, here’s Miss Rainey,’ Mr MacKenna said cheerfully, as both men rose to their feet. ‘She’ll soon sort us out.’

  ‘I’m not late, am I?’ she asked, as Mr Shield favoured her with his smile. Mr MacKenna smiled too.

  ‘Haven’t we had this conversation before? No, it’s just that we came in early, to get on with the handover.’

  ‘Is there anything I can do?’ asked Roz.

  ‘I don’t think so, thanks. I’m just going through my notes and the legal stuff with Mr Shield here.’

  Roz hesitated, her thoughts concerned with the presentation of the briefcase that was to take place in the afternoon.

  ‘Will you be going out to lunch at the usual time, Mr MacKenna?’

  ‘Oh, yes, Mr Banks is taking us both out, with the partners.’ Mr MacKenna looked apologetic. ‘Sorry we couldn’t all have gone.’

  ‘That’s quite all right.’

  She smiled, aware of a sympathetic look in the new lawyer’s eyes. As though she’d expect to go out to lunch with Mr Banks and the partners! From the door, she asked if they would excuse her as she must just check something with Miss Ward, and as they returned to their files she sped along the hall to Norma at Reception.

  ‘The briefcase,’ she said to Norma urgently. ‘It’s still there under the counter, eh?’


  ‘Sure it is. Why wouldn’t it be?’

  ‘I don’t know, I’m just worried because I had to collect the money and help Mr Newman choose it, then wrap it up and all that. If anything happens to it, I’m responsible.’

  ‘Honestly, anybody’d think it was the royal regalia!’ Norma cried, laughing. ‘Look, here it is, and our farewell card as well, with all our signatures.’

  ‘Oh, thanks, that’s grand.’ Roz studied the large parcel wrapped in red paper and tied with a bow. ‘Just as long as we know where it is when it’s time for the presentation.’

  ‘That’s not till this afternoon.’

  ‘I know.’ Roz laughed. ‘Should be back from their lunch by then, I suppose.’

  ‘Oh, yes, they’re all going out to lunch, eh?’ Norma’s brow had darkened. ‘No question of anybody inviting us, you’ll notice.’

  ‘Did you think they would?’

  ‘Well, you should’ve been asked, Roz. You’ve worked with Mr MacKenna for a long time.’

  ‘I think he would have liked to invite me, but he’s the one being taken, you see. It wasn’t his place to tag me along.’

  ‘Well, maybe the new chap will have different ideas.’ Norma’s eyes gleamed. ‘If you ask me, I think he’ll be different altogether from the guys we’ve got now.’

  As Miss Calder came tapping along the hall, Roz shook her head warningly, and Norma, colouring up, rapidly began to sort a sheaf of papers on the reception desk.

  ‘Everything ready for the presentation, Miss Rainey?’ Miss Calder asked. ‘Mustn’t mislay the briefcase, must we?’

  ‘No, Miss Calder. It’s safe here in Reception.’

  ‘That’s good. Now, when Mr Banks and the lawyers have gone to lunch, I’d like you both to help me put out some glasses in Mr Banks’s room. There’s going to be wine and sherry provided, so that we can all drink Mr MacKenna’s health and wish him luck.’

  ‘Ooh, nice!’ cried Norma.