These Are My Confessions

by Robinson, Cheryl; Smith, Meta; King, Joy; Parks, Electa Rome

  At ten o’clock my manager informed me there was an emergency meeting upstairs that I was to attend in her absence. She had another client meeting that couldn’t be missed, and since she couldn’t be in two places at once, I was her stand-in. My stomach immediately fell to my knees because I knew Drake would be a part of the mandatory meeting. I’d have to be in the same room with him for at least an hour or more. That realization frightened me and made me sick to my stomach.

  At first I debated faking illness and leaving for the day, but I couldn’t run from him forever. Besides, my manager believed in me and confirmed that I was an asset to the company by sending me to represent our department at an important meeting. Today was the day I’d make a stand and prove I was strong. Drake wanted me to bow down and surrender. I refused.

  I arrived upstairs ten minutes before the meeting was to begin. I figured I’d need the additional minutes to pull myself together and psych myself out. Plus, I needed to review the agenda. The friendly administrative assistant informed me where the meeting was to be held. I was one of the first to arrive in the large conference room at the end of the hallway. I spoke to the two other women who were already there and made sure I secured a seat near the middle of the table. I didn’t want to be up front, where I knew Drake would be. Yet, I didn’t want to entirely disappear at the very back either.

  Slowly, different managers started drifting in with cups of freshly brewed coffee and pens and notepads in hand. Drake was one of the last to arrive. For just a quick second, I saw the surprise flash across his face when he saw me seated at the massive table. I looked down at my yellow legal pad and pretended to read my briefing. As always, his presence intoxicated and overwhelmed me.

  “Okay, people, let’s go ahead and get this meeting started,” Drake said, chairing the meeting and looking from one to the other of us. “We all have a lot on our plates today, and I apologize for taking you away from other matters. However, we have a small crisis that needs to be addressed and handled as promptly as possible.”

  He stood tall and confident as he went on to inform us that one of our major clients was threatening to pull out once their contract ended in a couple of months. This company’s bigwigs had complaints of inferior service and poor customer service, among other things, and said they could obtain lower pricing elsewhere. They had been a client for many, many years and brought in an enormous amount of revenue. Everyone seated at the table knew there was no way in hell we could afford to lose them. We had to handle them with kid gloves and come up with a planned resolution; our jobs depended upon it.

  Drake skillfully went over the history of our client, revenue figures, and then addressed each complaint. When he came to the customer service piece, he looked directly at me for guidance.

  “It appears we have Miss Logan in our presence today. For those of you who don’t know her, she’s a CSR and very familiar with this particular client. Maybe she can be so kind as to address some of these issues concerning customer service.” Then he looked at me again and smiled, knowing he’d put me on the spot. I wasn’t prepared. I was simply sitting in for my manager. He knew that.

  All eyes turned in my direction for clarification and understanding. I felt my face flushing. I swallowed the lump in my throat and gulped.

  “Mr. Collins, this is the first time that I’ve been made aware of these complaints concerning our department. As you know, I’m sitting in for my manager, who had a conflicting appointment. I’ll be happy to tag this as a take-away item, investigate, and report back to everyone ASAP.”

  Drake sat there with this smirk on his face. I wanted to slap it off. Honestly, I just wanted to slap him, period. “Miss Logan, as you know, this is of a most urgent nature. Time is of the utmost importance. Can you shed any light at all on the current situation? And when can we expect to receive your report?”

  “Today, by five o’clock.”

  Not trying to shift blame, I proceeded to explain what little I knew of the situation, starting with high turnover ratios in our department contributing to unusually heavy workloads. Until very recently, several different reps had handled the client’s account.

  “Very good. Thank you, Miss Logan, for your input,” Drake stated, as his eyes looked me up and down. “I’ll expect to have that report in my office, in more detail, by five o’clock sharp. Please copy everyone in this room as well.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Collins,” I responded. I was pleased with my comeback in his effort to make me look stupid in front of my colleagues.

  “Well, unless there are any more questions or concerns, I suggest we all get back to work, and with your take-aways in hand, be prepared to meet again on Wednesday, same time and place. I’ll have my administrative assistant send out an agenda. I would like a manager’s meeting scheduled with them by next week. Thank you.”

  Everyone rose to leave.

  “Miss Logan, may I speak with you for a minute, please?”

  I wanted to scream out Hell no, but controlled myself.

  “Sure,” was all I said. Drake was now seated at the head of the table. He hadn’t looked up again and was reading his notes. By now mostly everyone had filtered out of the room.

  “Do you mind closing the door, Miss Logan, so that we may speak privately?”

  As I got up to close the door, I could feel his eyes taking me in. Caressing my body. At one time I enjoyed knowing that my man was watching me. Now it made my skin crawl. I stopped myself from scratching. I turned slowly around, didn’t make eye contact, walked and sat two seats down from him.

  “You did great today. I put you on the spot, but you were quick on your feet. I like the way you didn’t tolerate everyone placing total blame on your department for the mess we are in. You are very loyal.”

  “Loyal to those who deserve it.”

  Drake laughed and stared at me for a few seconds.

  “You look very nice today.”

  “What do you need to speak with me about?”

  “Oh, so now you don’t have any manners?”

  “You look very nice today.”

  “Thank you.”

  Drake reached for my hand. “I’ve missed you, Kennedy.”

  I pulled my hand from his reach. “Is that all, Mr. Collins?” I acted as if I hadn’t heard his previous comment.

  “Did you hear me?”

  “Yes, I did. Is that all?”

  He chose that moment to move and sit directly next to me. I instantly felt a powerful combination of uneasiness and desire rise from the pit of my stomach. Despite my feelings for him, he was still a very handsome and sexy man. No one could take that away from him. And today, dressed in a black suit with a crisp white shirt, his hair freshly cut and him smelling divine, I couldn’t help but notice and wonder how he could look so good on the outside and be so messed up on the inside.

  “You are so beautiful. You’re all I think about lately. When are you going to forgive me and let bygones be bygones?” He reached over and caressed my face and hair. I froze.

  I couldn’t believe what he was saying. Let bygones be bygones. Like we’d had a simple argument over something trivial. He was either in denial or totally insane; maybe both.

  “How about never? Is that clear enough?”

  “You can’t mean that. I promise, what happened will never happen again. It was a test.”

  “If that’s all, I have to get back to my desk. I have a report to deliver by five. Sharp.” I stood to leave.

  He roughly grabbed my arm and pushed me back down into the chair. “This meeting isn’t over. I am your superior, Kennedy, and don’t you forget that. I can make your life a living hell. With the economy the way it is, now isn’t a good time to search for a new job. Do you understand me?” Then he reached down, boldly placed his hand inside my blouse and fondled my left breast, first gently, then rougher as I attempted to pull away.

  I jerked away like I’d been burnt. “What are you doing? Take your hands off me!” I screamed through gritted teeth.<
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  Drake grabbed me by the wrist. “We’ll continue this conversation later. Believe that.”

  “Don’t hold your breath!”

  “Good day, Miss Logan. Like I said, we’ll talk later. Real soon.”

  “Stay away from me. I mean it or…”

  “Or you’ll what? Go to your manager, who is seriously sweating me, by the way, and tell her that I’ve been fucking you silly and that you’ve loved every damn minute of it? I don’t think so. Kennedy, you don’t air your dirty laundry like that. You’re too much of a lady. Well, that’s what everyone thinks anyway. I’ve seen the real Kennedy. The real freak.”

  “Stop!” I screamed, placing my hands over my ears to block out his words.

  “Kennedy, you should know by now that I get what I want. One way or the other. And I want you. And I will have you,” he stated, tracing a circle around my nipple through the sheer silk of my blouse.

  I slapped his hand away. “Why are you doing this to me?”

  “Because I can. If I wanted to, I could have you down on your knees doing what you do best. You want to suck my big dick, Kennedy? You’re one of the best; I taught you well. I bet I can even get you to sleep with my brother again. It was a trip watching my twin brother handle his business.”

  I started to cry softly. “You are sick.”

  “Don’t cry now. You were not crying when Blake was hitting it from behind.”

  “What man would want to watch another man screw his woman, let alone his own brother?”

  “A man who can control his woman. Why not my twin brother? It was like watching myself get busy.”

  “You’re sick,” I said again.

  “Join the club. When my brother Blake was hitting it right, I didn’t see any complaints. You were all into that shit. All over his dick.”

  “I thought he was you. I didn’t even know you had a twin.”

  “You don’t know how your own man moves and feels inside you?” Drake asked with disgust in his eyes.

  I shook my head sadly. “I can’t believe I thought I loved you. You don’t even know the meaning of the word. How could I have been so blind? So misled?”

  “At some point in time, y’all all do…think you love me. Women always confuse a good fuck with love. I, on the other hand, know that good pussy is just that…good pussy. Fix yourself up and get back to work.”

  With that, Drake turned and readied himself to walk out of the room. Not another word was spoken, but the tension in the air could slice through steel.

  After I had composed myself enough to walk out of the conference room, I found the administrative assistant sitting at her desk looking at me curiously. I turned away and kept walking. As I stifled a sniffle, I could feel her eyes boring into my back.

  The Finale…

  It was a little over a week later, after our first impromptu business meeting, that I found myself riding the elevator back upstairs for yet another meeting. My manager had asked me to finish it up, since I started the process, and to report back to her. She claimed that this would be good experience for me. The previous week, I had turned in my findings in a detailed, comprehensive ten-page report. Today was to be a follow-up meeting for all concerned and to tie up loose ends.

  As before, I arrived early. Again, I wasn’t sure what to expect from Drake after the fiasco last time. I knew I wouldn’t and couldn’t allow myself to be alone with him. I had thought long and hard about filing sexual harassment charges, but I wasn’t sure. I had no doubt Drake would drag our so-called secret affair into the spotlight, and I definitely wasn’t ready for that. I was totally confused. I had no clue what I should do or how I should proceed. I just knew my life was in shambles and I had to do something to move forward and reclaim it.

  This time when I arrived on the floor, the conference room wasn’t empty. Apparently, another meeting was going on, which was expected to end shortly. I stood just outside the door and chatted with the administrative assistant. She was an older black woman, with salt and pepper hair, who I heard had started out as a temp and eventually moved into a permanent position.

  “How are you today, Miss Logan?”

  “I’m okay, and yourself?” I asked.

  “I can’t complain. I’m here, I’m alive, and I’m kicking. That’s a blessing in itself, wouldn’t you say?”

  I laughed. That sounded like something Mother would say.

  “True.”

  “Sometimes you young people forget to count your blessings.” She winked.

  “You might be right.”

  “I know I am. I have a daughter about your age.”

  I smiled and looked toward the conference room door. I didn’t want a lecture on religion or the state of the younger generation.

  “If I may say, you’re smart, gorgeous, and seem like a wonderful person who was brought up right.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I mean it. Your mother should be very proud of you. I noticed you months ago. You stand out around here because of the way you carry yourself with such grace. You don’t gossip and be all up into everyone’s business. You have class.”

  “Thank you,” I stated, again glancing back at the conference room.

  I noticed the other meeting was ending, as associates walked out the conference room, scattering in different directions. I saw a few familiar faces and I waved.

  “I like conversating with young people, and I think they like talking to me because I call it as I see it. I’m real, as you say. For you, I have just one simple piece of advice. Remember, what looks good isn’t always pretty,” she said, raising her eyebrows.

  I opened my mouth to ask her what that meant, but just then Drake and a very lovely woman with legs from here to eternity and a Halle Berry short hairstyle came around the corner. I’d never seen her on the floor before, and I knew all the managers.

  “Excuse me,” the mystery woman said in a condescending tone as she stuck her nose up at me and walked around me.

  I moved out of the way. Drake barely acknowledged me.

  “Miss Logan, the meeting is starting in just a few minutes,” he stated, looking down at his watch as if I was running late.

  I delivered a half smile to the administrative assistant. “I guess that’s my clue to go.”

  “Sure, darling. You take care of yourself,” she replied.

  “By the way, who was the woman with Mr. Collins?” I asked.

  “Oh, that’s Miss Reynolds. She started a week ago. Replacing the management slot that was vacated by Mr. Stephenson.”

  “Umm. I see.”

  By the time I made it into the conference room, I had to sit closer to the front and to Drake. I vaguely noticed Miss Reynolds glaring at me out of the corner of my eye. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why I was getting strong vibes that she didn’t care for me. This from a woman I hadn’t even had the opportunity to be formally introduced to or knew existed until a few moments ago.

  “Good morning everyone. Today’s meeting should be short and sweet,” Drake announced, his eyes lingering on me for a few additional seconds. I noticed Miss Reynolds catching him and openly glaring at me.

  “Before we go any further, for those of you who haven’t had the opportunity to meet her yet, I’d like to introduce you to Miss Brittany Reynolds. She’s one of our new managers.”

  She waved and stood briefly. “Thank you, Mr. Collins. I look forward to meeting everyone and fostering a productive and meaningful working relationship.”

  “Okay, let’s get down to business. The first item on the agenda is…”

  The meeting went by quickly, and the good news was that we were able to pacify our client with some modifications on how we handled their account. Bottom line, they were no longer pulling out and our working relationship would continue, hopefully, into infinity.

  Throughout the meeting, I noticed a silent communication going on between Drake and Miss Reynolds. It was very subtle, but there nevertheless. I knew it wasn’t my imagination
because it was how we used to interact with each other in public. I immediately picked up on the vibes.

  Finally, the meeting ended and I couldn’t wait to get off that floor. I retrieved my notes, purse, and pen, and was trying to slip quietly away. Of course, that wasn’t in Drake’s plan.

  “Miss Logan, have you been formally introduced to Miss Reynolds?” he inquired. He was trying to be funny, and I hated him for it. I knew what was going on. He was messing with me.

  I turned around with a plastered smile on my face. Drake and Brittany were standing side by side, looking at me expectantly. “No, I haven’t.” I reached out my hand. “Good to meet you. I’m Kennedy Logan.”

  “Brittany Reynolds. Kennedy, what a lovely name.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re one of those customer service reps, aren’t you?”

  “Yes, I’m one of those.” I immediately didn’t like her condescending tone.

  “I must come down there and check out the team. I haven’t been in the trenches in a while.” Then she laughed, a shrill, irritating cackle.

  “You do that.”

  “I told Brittany what a wonderful team you and I made behind closed doors, working on our project,” Drake injected, emphasizing working.

  “Did you?” I said, knowing what he was insinuating.

  “Well, Drake and I have spent an enormous amount of time behind closed doors as well,” Brittany said. “So, your services won’t be needed anytime soon. He now has me to handle that role.”

  “Good for him.”

  “Drake is showing me the ropes, so to speak,” she laughed, daring me to read between the lines.

  Heifer! I silently screamed.

  “Well, it was nice meeting you. Take care.”

  “You too, Kendall.”

  “That’s Kennedy.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. Of course, Kennedy.”

  I bet you are. Heifer!

  With them not too far behind me, I started to make my exit and escape. I could hear them whispering and laughing behind my back and having too much fun. Yes, they were very comfortable with each other. As much as I despised Drake, I still felt a tinge of jealousy.