Sea to Shining Sea

by Michael Phillips

  “There was a man named Dalton,” I put in. “I didn’t know who he was at first, but Pa told me later that he was the most important Republican in the state. He asked me to help with the election in November.”

  “Help . . . how?”

  “Writing . . . I don’t know,” I answered. “I’m not quite sure what he wanted.”

  “Corrie’s being modest,” added Pa. “I told you, Corrie, that you’re an important person in this state. There was even some talk,” he said, turning to Almeda, “of her making speeches on behalf of the Republican ticket.”

  “Corrie, that’s wonderful! What do you think—are you going to do it?”

  “I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Pa and I talked about it, and prayed together. We were both saying how you never know where something’s going to lead. But Pa’s news is even bigger! They asked him to run for the legislature in Sacramento!”

  “Drummond!” exclaimed Almeda. “Is it true?”

  “I reckon they figure there ain’t no harm in asking,” answered Pa noncommittally. “So ask they did.”

  “What did you say?”

  “I didn’t say anything. Just like Corrie, I said I’d think about it. I ain’t about to pick up stakes and disrupt my family again. So I don’t rightly see as how I could do it. But I didn’t tell them anything definite.”

  “My husband and daughter—the politicians!” laughed Almeda. “I can hardly believe it!”

  “You started it with all your notions of running for mayor!” joked Pa. “Now look what you landed me into!”

  “And giving me that journal,” I added in fun.

  “You two aren’t fooling anybody. You love every bit of it, and you both know it!”

  “Corrie, tell Almeda about the new friend you met there.”

  “Oh, Pa, why’d you have to bring that up?” I said, blushing.

  “What’s this?” asked Almeda and Becky at the same time.

  “Just some important young man who took a fancy to Corrie.”

  “Pa, he did not!” I said.

  “Don’t lie, Corrie,” teased Pa. “You should have seen them, Becky,” he went on, “together nearly the whole evening. Why, Corrie deserted me, and I was alone for most of the reception.”

  “Pa! Now it’s you who’s lying.”

  “Well, maybe exaggerating just a tad.”

  “I want to know all about him,” said Almeda.

  “There’s nothing to tell. He’s a friend of Mr. Denver’s, and he’s the one who took me to meet Mr. Dalton, that’s all. I’m sure he was just doing what he was supposed to do and nothing more. I’ll probably never see him again.”

  Finally Pa figured I’d had enough of the ribbing, and he turned toward Almeda. “Where’s Zack?”

  Her face fell and the room suddenly got silent.

  “Zack and Almeda had a big argument, Pa,” said Tad finally.

  “Is that true?” said Pa, his forehead crinkling as he turned toward Almeda.

  She nodded. “I’m afraid so, Drummond.”

  “What about?”

  “Something he wanted to do. I told him he’d have to wait until you got back and talk it over with you.”

  “What was so all-fired important that it couldn’t wait a couple of days?” asked Pa.

  “I don’t know what got into him. He just exploded. I’ve never seen him like that before. He stormed away, talking nonsense about always having to go along with what everyone else wanted and nobody ever asking him what he thought. I don’t know where it all came from, but from the sound of it, it must have been pent up a long time.”

  “I’ll take his breeches off and tan his hide but good when he gets home!” said Pa. It was clear he was angry.

  “Don’t do anything rash, Drum. Zack’s not a boy anymore.”

  “He’s my boy!”

  “He’s your son. But he’s grown, and whatever this storm is that’s built up inside him, it’s not something to be taken lightly.”

  “What was it he got in his head to do?”

  “He said he was going to join the Pony Express, Pa,” said Tad.

  “That true, Almeda?”

  “That’s pretty much the gist of it. They were offering good money, he said, and he and Little Wolf had both decided to go. There were some openings between Nevada and Utah.”

  “What about Lame Pony? What does he think?”

  “I haven’t seen him since. It only happened two days ago.”

  “And Zack hasn’t come back?”

  Almeda shook her head.

  “He’s probably up the hill at Jack’s. I’ll ride out there and see what’s up.”

  Chapter 9

  Father and Son

  None of us saw Zack for five days.

  Pa went up to Jack Lame Pony’s, but neither he nor Little Wolf knew where Zack had gone. Little Wolf couldn’t tell him much more than Almeda had, that a fellow they had met had offered the boys jobs with the new mail delivery service and that they had talked about taking him up on his offer. Then Zack had gone home to tell Almeda about it, and that was the last anyone had seen of him.

  Then as we were talking, Zack came walking through the door. We hadn’t even heard the sound of a horse riding up.

  I don’t know where he’d been, but he looked dirty and unshaven. He gave me a little nod of greeting, but he didn’t smile, and he tried to pretend Pa wasn’t there. He probably knew what was coming.

  “Where you been, son?” said Pa.

  “Out riding,” muttered Zack.

  “Where?”

  “Just around,” said Zack, shuffling toward the kitchen area to see if there was anything to eat.

  “I was a mite surprised to come home and find you gone,” said Pa. “When I’m away I expect you to look after the family.”

  Zack said nothing. He picked up a piece of bread and bit into it.

  “You don’t figure you owe no responsibility to the family, is that it?”

  Zack mumbled something, but I couldn’t make it out.

  “What’s that you say?”

  “I said it ain’t my family no more.”

  “What do you mean by that?” Pa’s tone was stern. It was easy to tell that he was getting riled.

  “What should you care what I do? You all got your own plans. Corrie’s got her writing, and you all think she’s pretty great at everything she does. And you’re busy being the town’s important man. There ain’t nothing Almeda can’t do for herself. What do any of you need me for?”

  “When I’m not here, I want you keeping a watch over things, that’s what,” said Pa, his voice icy. Zack hadn’t looked at any of us straight in the face since walking in. If he was embarrassed about running off, he didn’t show it. He just looked mad. I could feel the tension between him and Pa hanging in the air.

  “Zack, please,” said Almeda in a pleading tone, “I don’t want—”

  “You don’t need me, Almeda. Don’t try to pretend.”

  “Zack, that’s not true,” she said, turning to him with tender eyes full of anguish. “You know that I do need you—”

  “Almeda,” Zack said, cutting her off again, “you don’t have to try to make me feel good anymore like you did when I was a boy.”

  “That’s no way to talk to your mother, boy!” said Pa. By now he was storming mad.

  “She ain’t my mother!”

  “She’s my wife and a woman, and that means you better learn to talk to her with respect in your voice, unless you want my belt around that hind end of yours!”

  “So you still think I’m a little kid too?”

  “You’re my son, and I’ll whip you if I need to.”

  Becky and Tad stared at the two of them; it was all I could do to keep from bursting out crying. To suddenly have two of the people you love most in all the world arguing and yelling at each other was too horrible even to describe.

  Zack turned away and laughed—a bitter, awful laugh.

  “You find something funny in that?” as
ked Pa.

  “Yeah,” retorted Zack, spinning around and leveling that bitter-looking grin on Pa. “I’m twenty-one years old. I’m taller than you. I can ride a horse better than anyone for miles. But you still think of me as a little kid. You don’t even know what it’s like for me. I got a life of my own to live, and you don’t even know the kinds of things I’m thinking about. Everything’s about Corrie and Almeda or your being mayor or the Mine and Freight. You got no time for me—you never had. What do you care what I do? You just expect me to be around to take care of things so you can leave whenever you want.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You figure out what it means.”

  “None of that matters. You’re not going to the Pony Express without my say-so. Whatever you may think, I’m still your pa. And I still got a right to tell you what you can and can’t do.”

  Zack stared straight into his face, and the next words out of his mouth were so biting I could almost feel them slicing straight into Pa’s heart.

  “You never knew what it was like for me,” said Zack. “You never knew the times I cried myself to sleep when I was a kid, hoping you’d come home. I was frightened without a father. I got teased and made fun of something awful ’cause I was little, and sometimes I came home with bruises and a black eye from trying to defend myself. I used to dream how good it would be to come home to feel the arms of a pa to hold me. I’d beg God to help us find you. But we never did, and I had to grow up alone like that. You’ll never know how much you hurt Ma, and how she’d cry sometimes when she didn’t know I was watching. She kept loving you and kept praying for you—always asking God to protect you and watch over you. But I finally quit praying, because I was sick of being disappointed.”

  Zack stopped for a second, trembling with emotion. Then he added, “So I don’t reckon you got a right to call yourself my father no more. You may be my pa. But I figure I’m old enough to decide for myself what I want!”

  Zack’s words came so fast and were so unexpected that Pa didn’t know what to do. I know Pa was hurt by what Zack had said, but his response came out as anger.

  “However mixed up a job I done of it, I’m your pa whether you like it or not!”

  “I’m stuck here with nothing but women and babies and little kids,” Zack shot back. “You can go off and do whatever you want, and you figure I got nothing of my own that matters?”

  “You got no right to talk about your mother and sisters that way. You apologize to them, or you’re gonna feel that belt like I told you!”

  “Ha! Your belt ain’t gonna come anywhere near my rump! And I ain’t apologizing to nobody! It’s true, everything I said. I said to myself a long time ago I was getting out of here first chance I got. God knows I spent my muscles and blistered my hands working that mine for you all these years. You don’t know how many days I sweated all day long, aching inside just for you to smile at me once and say I’d done a good day’s work. But I might as well not even been there, for all you ever noticed! I don’t reckon you’ll figure you owe me anything for it. Well, that’s fine with me. But all that’s over with. I met a guy, and he’s got a place arranged for me in the Pony Express. And I don’t care if Little Wolf’s changed his mind, I’m gonna take it. It’s the chance I been waiting for to get out of this place!”

  He turned and strode toward the door, still without looking at any of the rest of us. But Pa was closer, and took two giant steps and cut him off. He laid a strong hand on Zack’s shoulder.

  “No you’re not, son,” he said. “You ain’t goin’ nowhere without my leave. Now you get back in here, and we’ll sit down and talk about it.”

  “I’m not talking about nothing,” retorted Zack. “I’ve listened to all the rest of you long enough. Nobody ever seemed much interested in talking to me before. Now I’m going, whether you like it or not.”

  “And I’m telling you you’re not.”

  “It’s too late. I signed the papers. I start my first run next week.”

  “Then I’ll go talk to this fella and unsign them.”

  Zack laughed again.

  “You’re not leaving home, Zack! You hear me, son? You got duties to this family.”

  Zack’s eyes squinted ever so slightly, and his next words weren’t loud but they cut deep.

  “Is that how it was when you left Ma?” he said icily. “Duties to the family!” He laughed again. “You talk to me about duty to the family? Where were you all those years when I needed a pa? Even after we’d come all the way across the country to find you, you didn’t want us. You denied you even knew us!”

  Zack’s back was to me as he spoke, and I could see Pa’s grip on my brother’s shoulder loosen. Pa unconsciously took half a step backward, as if Zack’s words had been a physical blow across Pa’s face. The rest of us stood in stunned silence to hear Zack accuse Pa like that.

  “Well,” he went on, “you talk about duty all you want, but I figure I’ve already about done as much as you ever did. You ran out on us, and even now you’re always gone somewhere or another, but still you figure I’ll do for you what you never did for me. Well, I tell you, I ain’t gonna do it no more! If I go ride for the Pony Express, at least I ain’t leaving a wife and five kids like you done!”

  He wrested free of Pa’s hand. As he did, Almeda approached, her eyes full of tears, and stretched out a hand and gently placed it on his shoulder.

  “Oh, Zack,” she pleaded, “if only I could make you see how much we all—”

  But Zack, still backing his way free of Pa, either didn’t hear her tender words of love or misunderstood her gesture. For whatever reason, as her hand touched him, thinking she intended to restrain him further, he reached up and in a swift motion threw her hand off him and took a step toward the door.

  Seeing him rebuke Almeda so rudely was all Pa needed to jolt him awake from his stunned silence. Zack’s reaction could not have been more ill-chosen.

  Pa’s eye’s inflamed with rage. He leaped forward and struck Zack across the jaw. Yet even as Zack fell, Pa realized what he’d done and pulled back.

  His cheek red from the blow and his body trembling, Zack slowly rose. “It’s no secret where your loyalties lie,” he said. “Everything for the women, but you won’t lift a finger unless it’s against your own son!”

  He turned, opened the door, and stalked off, slamming it behind him. Pa half stumbled back into a chair, mortified at what he’d done. His face was white as a sheet.

  The house was silent. The next sound we heard was Zack’s horse galloping away.

  Chapter 10

  Pa and Tad

  The silence, the tension, the uncertainty the rest of that day and the next was so thick and strong that we all walked around in a numbed state of sadness. Besides Pa, I think Zack’s leaving was hardest on Tad. He had been a devoted son to Pa and a loving younger brother to Zack. And now suddenly the two idols of his world had nearly come to blows. He moped around in silence.

  Pa managed to keep busy in the barn, going to town a lot, fixing things. He worked harder at the mine than I’d seen him work in three years, taking out his frustration on the rocks.

  By the end of the second day, I sensed a gradual change come over Pa, and I was glad to see it. Zack was gone, and how long it would be before we might see him again, no one could tell. But instead of allowing it to destroy what was still left, Pa began to draw Tad closer. I suppose if good can come out of such a problem, it was good to see Pa trying to make use of what time was left him with his youngest son to build up the relationship so he didn’t hurt him like he had done to Zack.

  Of course Tad had been involved in the mine ever since he had found the huge nugget that had changed everything for our family. But on the second day after Zack’s leaving, instead of just walking up to the mine to pound away by himself, Pa said, “Say, Tad, how about you and me seeing if we can dig any gold out of that hill today?”

  Tad was still feeling pretty low, but he went with Pa.
I don’t know if the two of them talked much, and if they did I doubt they talked about the one person who was most on their minds. But they both came back, sweating and tired and dirty, in much better spirits than before. Hard work has a way of clearing out both the mind and the heart when they’re cluttered up with feelings that are hard to understand.

  The next day they cleaned out the barn together and repaired a section of the corral. Almeda and I could see that Pa was doing what he could to help ease Tad’s pain and at the same time trying to give them both something—not to take the place of Zack, but maybe in the place of Zack’s being there. That something was each other.

  The two of them kept busy all week—busy, active, working hard, and tired. If they were going to keep thinking about Zack, they were going to have to do it in the midst of work and exercise! They got more gold out of the mountain and stream than they had in any week for three years, prompting Alkali Jones to fairly burst at the seams with his predictions of a new lode just waitin’ to spill out all over the dad-blamed valley, hee, hee, hee!

  The barn and grounds hadn’t looked so tidy for a long time. They even took the wagon out into the woods and got started on next winter’s firewood supply when summer hadn’t even officially begun yet. At week’s end, the two of them mounted up and went up into the mountains overnight—the first time Pa had ever gone hunting alone with Tad—and they came back the next afternoon with two bucks slung over the pack mules. For the first time since Zack’s leaving, I saw a smile on Tad’s face as he was telling us about stalking the one that he himself had shot.

  “He was too far away to get a clean shot when we first spotted him,” Tad said, his eyes gleaming. “So we had to work our way through the brush and trees to get closer without spooking him.”

  “You shoulda seen him,” said Pa proudly. “He took dead aim right into the flank below his shoulder. One shot was all it needed. The big creature dropped where he stood without twitching a muscle. I’ve never seen such a shot!”

  Tad went on excitedly telling about how they ran across the second one. I glanced over at Pa, watching him quietly. I could tell from the look in his eyes that he knew his efforts all week had paid off, that Tad felt better about Zack. Pa couldn’t know it yet, but his efforts accomplished far more than just helping Tad deal with the loss of his brother. The two of them were closer than they had ever been, and were fast friends from that day on.