No More Yesterdays: A Rock Star Romance (Rocked in Love Book 2)

by Jessica Marlowe

  Everyone seemed to visibly relax, except Jimmy; he kept staring at her. Jack patted her thigh beneath the table.

  Will smiled. “Maggie and I have large families, so as soon as we were able to afford it, we had this room extended. Thanksgiving and Christmas are crazy here. Even with the four leaves in, we’re packed in tight, so enjoy the elbow room while you have it.”

  Emily didn’t think she’d be getting any invitations to the McBride family holidays any time soon.

  After that, conversation picked up. Trish was gearing up for finals and announced she’d be returning to the outpatient center at St. Peter’s Hospital for the summer.

  “Emily, Jack tells me your dad’s a Marine. Does he have plans to join the private sector?” Will asked.

  Emily froze. Her water glass hovered in midair. She hadn’t seen that coming. Not in a million years. Her heart hammered in her chest, and bile rose in her throat.

  Jack leaned over and whispered, “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t think.”

  Everyone stared. Blood pounded in her ears, and she was sure everyone could hear it. She stood, still holding the glass. “Excuse me, I’m sorry, I need a minute.” She put the glass down with too much force. She turned to Jack. “Bathroom.”

  “Down the hall to the left.”

  Emily forced her legs to carry her forward. When she reached the bathroom, she made sure not to close the door too hard. She flicked the light switch, sat on the toilet lid, and put her head between her knees. She refused to ask if this day could get any worse because history had taught her as soon as she asked it did.

  She took a few deep breaths, and the wave of nausea passed. She’d returned her phone to her purse, which was a good thing; otherwise, she’d be tempted to call a cab and get away from here as fast as possible. No way she was ever getting invited back. His mother was probably telling Jack he could do better than a broken drama queen. Maybe she could just stay in here forever. But Jack would never let her. The last thing she needed was him coming to check on her. That move had to be in the Drama Queen Handbook. Make a scene, leave, wait for boyfriend to rescue you. Emily didn’t need rescuing.

  Her dad’s voice echoed in her head. “My little warrior, you can do this. You can do anything you set your mind to.” With a deep exhale and a quick glance to the heavens, Emily splashed her face with cold water and dabbed it dry. With a deep breath, she soldiered on.

  When she returned to the dining room, conversation had resumed. She resisted the urge to stop and listen before she entered as eavesdropping usually didn’t end well. Jack stood and tucked her chair in. “I apologize for causing another scene.”

  Jimmy snorted. “Ha! That wasn’t a scene. Jack’s ex was a drama queen. She was the queen of scenes.” He laughed at his own rude joke.

  “Jimmy, enough,” Will said. He sent his son a “watch it or else” look.

  “Will, to answer your question, before he died, my father and his best friend operated a private security firm, and they’d planned on branching out into home security.” Emily swallowed hard.

  For the second time today, a weighted silence hung over the room because of her. Maybe this would convince Jack to cut his losses.

  Jack took her hand under the table and squeezed it only once. She longed for two more squeezes, but he didn’t know the hand thing. “I’m so sorry, baby,” he whispered.

  “I’m sorry, too. I had no idea.” Will shot Jack a look.

  If Emily ever wanted another invitation, she had to fix this. “Please, it’s okay.”

  Everyone relaxed.

  “How did it happen?” Trish asked.

  Everyone tensed.

  “Trish, butt out,” Jack said.

  She’d rather not talk about it ever, but that was her problem. People were curious, and Jack had warned her his sister was nosy. Trish got that from him. “It’s okay.” Emily took a deep breath. “We were driving down the shore on vacation.” She swallowed hard. “Hit head-on by a drunk driver.” She focused on Jack’s hand holding hers, helping her. “I woke up in the hospital a week later. They didn’t.”

  Everyone gasped. Jimmy’s eyes filled with compassion. He was a good kid. Emily got the distinct impression that Jack made a slashing gesture across his neck.

  “That’s awful. I’m so sorry for your loss,” Maggie said. She looked across the table at her husband.

  “Dinner’s getting cold. Let’s eat,” Will said. “Everything’s delicious, Magpie, as always.” Love shone in his eyes.

  Emily picked up her fork and forced herself to finish her dinner. Jack continued to hold her hand, which she appreciated. After a few minutes, the easy conversation returned, and the rest of the meal passed without incident.

  Was it really only yesterday that she’d promised Jack to give them a chance? As if they didn’t have enough issues, Jack’s mom hated her. People had a hard time letting go of first impressions, and she’d made a stellar one; an emotional wreck with a tragic past, who they’d never see as anything but pitiful and broken. A terrible choice for Jack.

  chapter

  FOUR

  Emily had been quiet on the ride back to The Yorkshire. And even though, it was after midnight, Jack couldn’t sleep because Emily was on the far edge of the bed. After they’d made love, Jack had dozed off, but he woke when she moved away. Soon after, she’d stopped fidgeting and her breathing steadied. He hated that she moved away from him. He wasn’t even close enough when he was inside her, but she had a rough day.

  Her expression when his dad asked about her father scared him. Jack thought that’d send her over the edge, but she just took a few minutes to compose herself and made a quick explanation, and the rest of the day had been wonderful. Jack suspected Trish would get engaged soon. He liked Brad, and he treated Trish well. He had a way of getting her out of therapy mode, reminding her gently that not everyone wanted her help.

  Emily stirred in her sleep. She made small sounds, rolled onto her back, then bolted up, and looked around.

  He laid his hand on her shoulder. “You okay?”

  “Bad dream. I gotta pee.”

  He watched as she walked into the bathroom and shut him out. He hated the sound of the click when the door closed. Just when he couldn’t stand another minute, she came out. She’d been in there for eighteen minutes.

  Emily grabbed his T-shirt and slipped it over her head. “We need to talk.”

  Jack sat up and turned on the bedside lamp. They did, but he hoped it was about the challenges they faced and not that she couldn’t do this.

  Emily paced at the foot of the bed. “I’m feeling overwhelmed. You told your parents we were going to look at apartments this week, but that was news to me. And we should go over your tour schedule. I have to start my next book, at least get an outline to Meg. My bosses understood needing more time off, but I need to have my shit together when I go back on Thursday.”

  On the outside, Jack chuckled. On the inside, his whole body unclenched. “Is that all?” He’d known she had a lot on her mind.

  “No, but that’s enough for now, don’t you think?”

  He patted the bed next to him, and she obliged, snuggling into his side. “Did you see the look on my mom’s face when I told her I was moving back to New York?”

  “Yes, she was thrilled until you told them we’d be looking at apartments, then the thrill was gone.”

  Jack hadn’t noticed because Emily’s body had tensed so much he’d thought she’d snap in two. “You knew I was going to move home.”

  “Yeah, but I didn’t know you’d contacted a real estate agency and set up an appointment for this afternoon to discuss it.”

  She was cute when she was frustrated with him. “I called on Saturday, on the way into the city from your place. But I forgot after—Anyway, if today’s no good for you, I’ll reschedule.”

  Emily sat up and faced him. “Don’t you think you should’ve told me about it first? You made it sound li
ke we’d be moving in together. We’re not.”

  “Not right away but eventually. Besides, I’ll be on tour until the end of next year, so we have plenty of time to discuss it. But you’ll be spending time there, and I want you to like it. I thought we’d find a place big enough so you could have an office.”

  Emily sighed and smiled. “That’s very sweet of you.”

  He’d taken her by surprise, and he liked it. But she had a point. If he wanted her to open up to him, he needed to stop making assumptions. He’d move in with her today, hell, he’d bought her a ring which was locked up tight in the room safe. Jack kept reminding himself they’d only met three days ago. “You’re right, I should’ve talked to you about it, certainly before mentioning it to my parents. I’m sorry. After I work out with Buzz in the morning, I’ll have Viv get me a copy of our itinerary. We can go over when I’ll be able to fly home and when you can come see me.”

  Emily’s face paled. Right, he was assuming again. It was too soon for her to spend her weekends flying to see him, or maybe she was worried about the money. “Of course, only when you’re ready to, and I’ll pay for your flights.” Jack was pleased with himself until he realized she looked like she was going to be sick. “Baby, you okay?”

  Emily didn’t move. He wasn’t even sure she was breathing. Her eyes were closed, but a tear escaped. Jack pulled her to him. “I’m sorry, I thought you wanted to talk about my schedule. It’s too soon.”

  More tears rolled down her cheeks, and she took a shuddering breath and tried to move away from him, but he didn’t let go. He couldn’t stand it if she shut him out again tonight. “Hey, tell me what’s wrong.” When she shook her head, anger bubbled over. “You can’t keep running to the bathroom every time something upsets you. I need you to talk to me.”

  Emily pulled out of his arms and rolled off the bed. She grabbed a few tissues and sat.

  Jack tensed but didn’t move.

  She stood and paced for a minute before sitting next to him. “I can’t fly.”

  Jack’s heart dropped. She wouldn’t meet his gaze and looked ashamed.

  She took a deep breath. “We were flying to New Jersey from Reno. My dad had retired from the military, and we were moving from Bridgeport Marine Corps Base in California. I’d been on an airplane before, and I’d never had a problem. We hit some turbulence, which was no big deal. I’d look at my dad, and he’d wink at me, letting me know we’d be okay. Anyway, halfway through the flight, one engine failed, but I was still okay. Planes are designed to fly if one engine fails, but when a second failed, we dropped.” Emily swallowed hard. “When I looked at my dad, I knew he was scared. I’d never seen him fear anything, and that scared me more than the loss of altitude. I thought we were gonna die. Riley held my hand so tightly I thought he’d break it.” She blew out a breath. “The engine came back on, and the plane made an emergency landing, but I haven’t been able to get on a plane since.”

  “How old were you?”

  “Eleven.”

  Shit. “Baby, it’s not a problem. I’ll do all the flying.” It sucked he wouldn’t get to see her every weekend, but he’d deal as long as she didn’t end them.

  Emily stood and glared at him. “It’s a huge deal, Jack. You travel enough, and I can’t even help. You should run. A million other girls would be a better—”

  Jack jumped up and stood in front of her. “First off, if I had two million to choose from, you’d still be my only choice. Second, if you’re looking for the door, it’s through there.” He swung his arm toward the bedroom door.

  Emily took a step back from him.

  He hadn’t meant to scare her, but he wouldn’t take this anymore. “I thought we agreed you’d stop trying to make my decisions for me.” Jack’s muscles tightened. “I don’t want you to go. I’m in love with you, but this won’t work if you keep threatening to leave.” His stomach clenched. Jack sat on the bed and waited for her to grab her bag and run from him.

  Emily hugged him to her. “Sorry, didn’t mean it that way. I told you I didn’t come here to bail on you again.” She kissed the top of his head.

  When he looked up at her, sincerity shone in her eyes. Now he was confused and pissed at himself for blowing up at her. “Explain it to me.”

  She placed her hands on the side of his face. “It’s been three days, and you’ve already been exposed to all my…crazy. Normally, this stuff comes out slowly.”

  He pulled Em onto his lap. “You’re not crazy.”

  “I wish I didn’t have so much baggage.”

  Jack kissed her lips. “You’re perfect the way you are.” His hand slid down from her side and touched her right thigh, where her scar began. “I don’t care about this.” He gently stroked over her battered skin. Em tensed, so he withdrew his hand. “I don’t care that you can’t fly. It’s a hiccup. We’ll work around it.”

  Em slumped against him.

  “Let’s get some sleep.” Jack stood with her in his arms, turned, and laid her on the bed. Em moved to the center, and he moved in next to her. She turned on her side and snuggled into him.

  J

  Emily lay in Jack’s arms, absorbing his warmth. The nightmares started again after her breakup with Sully, and they were getting worse. This one left her cold. Their screams as the truck rolled still echoed in her head. When the nightmares began, the therapist had suggested she turn on the faucet. Water had a calming effect and helped her focus on something besides the screams. Shit. She should call Eddie tomorrow. He always made her feel better.

  Jack called her fear of flying a hiccup, like it was just another hurdle they’d face together. He traveled for a living, and he’d have to do a lot more of it if their relationship would stand a chance.

  “You still awake?” Jack’s sleepy baritone interrupted her thoughts.

  “Yeah. I thought you were asleep.”

  “Nope. Just enjoying the blissful feeling of you in my arms.”

  Jack tightened his arm around her, so Emily snuggled closer. “Better?”

  “Mmm-hmm. Much.”

  “I can’t sleep.”

  “What’s on your mind, baby?” Jack adjusted the pillow but didn’t turn on the light.

  “Is there anything I can do for you?” Emily asked.

  “What’d you have in mind?”

  Jack’s playful tone told her what he had in mind, and she could practically hear him waggle his brows. Not that she didn’t want to, but it wasn’t what she meant. The long, trying day had taken its toll on her verbal skills. “You’re going out of your way to accommodate me, the flying thing, taking things slower than you’d like. I was wondering if there was something I could do to make you happier.”

  “You mean that?”

  “Yes.” When he didn’t answer, she lifted her head. “Tell me.”

  “Why didn’t you bring more clothes? You don’t have enough for four days.”

  Emily hadn’t missed the look he’d given her half-empty bag, and she’d been surprised when he hadn’t said anything. She wasn’t comfortable staying here, and she’d agreed but only went halfway. Damn. “I’m sorry. I should’ve brought more stuff with me, I guess I was hedging my bets.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m not comfortable staying here. It’s like we’re living together.”

  “So how many days do you feel comfortable with?”

  “Honestly, none. But we’ll be apart a lot, and I wanted to see you this week, but I didn’t know what your plans were, you know, band-business-wise. We were in a hurry to get to your parents’ house, so I didn’t have time to think it through.”

  Emily felt his chest rise and fall in steady breaths. She didn’t think he was angry, but he didn’t say anything either. Men got quiet when they got angry.

  “We could both do better with communication. We’ll have to if this is going to work. I should’ve said something when we were at your place. I know I keep saying we’ll slow down, but I
don’t seem to be able to accomplish that.” Jack hugged her closer. “I’ll get you your own room here, that way we can see each other without you being uncomfortable.”

  Emily smiled. He was so sweet. “I don’t need my own room. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

  He sat up “The hell—”

  “Kidding, Jack.” Emily sighed. “How about I make a quick run home on Tuesday to get more stuff?”

  He relaxed back. “I’d love that.”

  Emily kissed his chest. “What else?”

  “More of that, please.”

  “We spend too much time screwing and not enough talking.” She couldn’t believe she just said that.

  “Okay, talk now, screw later.” Jack flipped on the light. “I hate it when you shut me out. I want to know when something’s wrong.”

  Fuck. Emily sat up. Sully had hated that too, but he’d gotten used to it. “Sometimes, I need a few minutes. I’m used to dealing with everything by myself and—”

  “You’re not alone anymore. I’m here, and in case you haven’t figured it out, I need to help.”

  Emily swallowed hard. Over the past weeks since her breakup, she’d spent a lot of time going over their relationship and realized that there’d been signs that things hadn’t been so fairy-tale perfect as she’d thought. She also knew that she hadn’t listened to her gut most of those times. Emily had been so anxious to move away from her past that she’d glossed over things that hadn’t felt right to her so she could keep moving forward.

  In the early days, Sully had been just like Jack was now, always pushing her to share her feelings. Emily was used to fending for herself, and she’d never go back to that helpless, trapped girl she’d become after the accident, and the sooner Jack realized that, the better. He was a good guy, but she couldn’t afford to make the same mistakes. She wouldn’t.

  Waves of anger and fear washed through her, so she took a deep breath. Anger at Sully and fear that Jack was no different.