A Mother's Love

by Miss Dee

  The limo came and took me to the church. I call to see where Quincy was and he said he was there getting ready. I was happy since he was taking this serious. He was getting out the game after this.

  I made it to the church and went into my changing room. Zaharra was there already and was dressed. She was my maid of honor and Red and Yellow was my bride’s maid. I got dressed and I headed down the aisle. At the end next to the minister was my man. Our colors were blue and white. My man was looking good he had his dreads braided. He was smiling from ear to ear. I was excited and at the same time scared. What if this wonderful man changed, what if he was lying, but I had to take that chance I took it with everyone else.

  The minister started the ceremony and I cried tears of joy. Q wiped my tears. We said our vows and kissed. We did the old tradition of jumping the broom. Our reception was at a big hall. We had food, food, and liquor, and more food. I was dancing for Q now you know I had to put on a show for him. We had fun; we danced and played wedding games with the family. People won prizes even my Mama showed up. She really like Q she just didn’t like the fact that we had so many kids. But fuck it we could take care of them. I had graduated and was working for the government as a social worker. I absolutely loved it. I was living the American Dream I had a good family, good man, I had survived the worst and was hoping for the best.

  That was what I had dreamed what I had hoped for. But before I could make it in the church I was shot down. I had an uneasy feeling when I left the salon I knew something wasn’t right. And when I called Q he said that he was on his way to the church also. When I pulled up I seen he had pulled up too. This was not good he was not suppose to see me before the wedding. I called him and told him to go in first. He was laughing and at my window by the limo looking in.

  “Boy go!” I was screaming with the window raised up.

  “I’m trying to see how good you look baby.”

  “You will see when I get in there now go.” I said laughing he was crazy.

  He finally went inside and I waited about ten minutes I really didn’t want to get bad luck. I got out of the car and Rick walked up to me. Now I didn’t know where he came from but he looked a mess. I hadn’t seen him in years and I definitely hadn’t talked to him. Every since the day he stood me up at the McDonalds.

  “Hey Denesha.” He said.

  “Hey Rick long time no see.”

  “Yeah I had to get myself together he said.”

  Shit I don’t know what he call getting his self together but he looked a mess. I think he was on drugs because he kept sniffing his nose and messing with it.

  “Oh okay well nice seeing you.” I started to walk away. He grabbed me.

  “Wrong bitch. This is the wrong day to see me.” And that’s when I noticed the knife.

  “Rick what the fuck is wrong with you? What you gone do with that knife.”

  I felt scared I had never felt so scared in my life. I had four kids by myself I had been a single mother, I had my heart broken, I had been a stripper, I had been in love, I had lived was it really my time to die?

  “You took both my men away from me. That little thug you about to marry killed my Aaron and bitch you took Vince from me. You think I’m about to let yall live happily ever after? Fuck that bitch today is your day to die.”

  And he stabbed me right in my chest. The pain was horrible. I instantly grabbed my chest. I guess my phone must have pocket dialed Q because as I hit the ground and I heard gunshots. Then my man was next to me he knelt down and grabbed my head.

  “D aw shit! Somebody call the fucking ambulance!” he was holding me but my life was flashing before my eyes.

  All I wanted to do was hold my kids and kiss them tonight. I could feel Q’s tears hitting my face. I wanted to reach up to my man and tell him to stop crying that it was okay. He was breaking my heart because I knew this was the last time I was going to see him. I knew Quincy would take care of them. I knew Shane and Lo would take care of their children. Tesha my sister she would step up and be there for them. But my mind was still angry I wouldn’t be able to see my Daphne’s first kiss, her first child, her wedding day. I wouldn’t be able to tell my girls don’t let any man mistreat them, beat them, and never be too trusting. I couldn’t tell my boys how to treat a woman never beat on her, stay away from the drug game, and always remember to take care of your sisters.

  I was fading away and I was bleeding profusely. I could hear Q screaming my name. I wanted to tell him it was alright I had lived. I had found my real love and he gave me joy. I wanted him to know I loved him. But all I kept thinking was why me? As soon as I got happy as soon as I started living life it had to be taken away. I wanted to feel peace but my mind was restless and I was angry. So with my last breath I said what I had been thinking, “This some bullshit.”

  Part Two: Denesha’s Kids

  Chapter Twelve

  My heartfelt heavy I could tell that something was wrong. As I sat in the park I could feel my body raising. I hated when this happened I would be content with where I was and my body would be sent flying across the earth. I couldn’t control it, every since I had been killed eight years ago my body just went wherever it had to be. It was messed up because the only place I wanted to be was with my kids and my man. But here I was floating through the air and landing somewhere else.

  As I soared through the air it was fresh, and crisp. It was sunny as I landed in front of a house that was abandoned. There was no grass on the lawn and the windows were covered with wood. There was a smell of piss in the air. I could hear laughter coming from the house. I went to the door and walked through it.

  I saw two young men sitting at a table covered with drugs. It was white so I figured it was cocaine.

  “Yeah nigga we about to come up now,” the light skinned guy said. He was about 5’6 and chubby.

  “Hell yeah that nigga Berto bout to start giving us so much weight we about to flood the city.”

  The other boy said. I could feel a familiarity with him. He was cute. He was brown skinned with dreads. He had a smile that would brighten up anyone’s day. He was muscular built and he had a diamond in his ear.

  “That’s right Mar come the end of the month we gone be twenty thousand dollars richer.”

  Wait… did he just say Mar. I stepped closer to the young boy with the dreadlocks. Oh my that was him. That was my little Shamar. Oh how he had grown and he was handsome. And was that a tattoo. It was my name with a broken heart. Aw I had broken my baby’s heart. I started tearing up. As I sat there and looked at my baby boy my heart broke. He was selling drugs, where the hell was Shane ass at he was suppose to be raising this boy and raising him right.

  As I got lost in my thoughts I felt my body start to float again. It floated into a house where a girl was looking in the mirror at herself. She was listening to some Lil Wayne as she did her makeup. She was real pretty. She was high yellow with big pretty Angelina Jolie lips. Her hair was done in some micro braids. She had some eyelashes that I had to admit were fly. The girl dropped the towel and bobbed her head to the music. She started putting on lotion on her body. The fragrance was immaculate. I looked around the room. The girl definitely had it going on with her clothes and shoe game. I looked at the pictures that the girl had in her room. It was the girl with different guys posing at different clubs. Then I saw a picture of me.

  It was a picture that I took at the car show years ago. Quincy was kissing my cheek I remember it like it was yesterday. I missed Quincy but who was this girl and how did she get my picture?

  “Violet turn that music down!” she heard a woman scream.

  Oh my I thought as I walked back to the girl who mumbling but turning her music down. I now noticed the tattoo on the girl’s right shoulder. It was a heart just like Shamar’s broken with my name in it. I looked at the girl and couldn’t help but stare. She was in her panties and bra. I looked at Violet in amazement. She was beautiful and she had curves just like me but she favored her father Vince a l
ot and was high yella just like him.

  As I thought about my old love Vincent my body started to levitate and float out of the house through the air and back onto the street. I was placed outside of a house with clothes thrown outside. You could hear yelling and then the door opened. It was a brown skinned girl with bad skin kicking a guy out.

  “Nigga get your shit I ain’t putting up with it no more!” she threw his clothes at him.

  “Bitch fuck you you ain’t shit no way.” He said as he gathered up his clothes.

  I didn’t even have to think twice about it, I knew I was getting a chance to see my kids. This must be Shane Jr. He looked just like his Daddy at this age too. The low haircut, the brown skin, and the gorgeous smile, it was definitely Jr. I watched in disgust as my son gathered his clothes off the street and hop in a brand new Lexus. Dumb ass boy I thought. What the hell was he doing getting kicked out of his house?

  My body started to float and I knew that she was going to see my eldest child Daphne. I was shocked at what I came across. There was Daphne and she was definitely gorgeous. Her chocolate skin shined even in the dark room. Her beautiful hair was cut short in a natural style. This girl was beautiful. She stood and I saw the tattoo with my name and the broken heart. I saw that all of my kids must have been around each other they all had the same tattoo. Well except Jr. his things were getting thrown around so much I didn’t notice it. Shamar had the tattoo on his neck, Violet’s was on her shoulder, and Daphne had hers on her arm.

  Daphne was sitting in the room crying her little heart out. What had happened? Then she saw the picture she was holding. It was Denesha and Daphne when she was a baby. They were at the shelter.

  “I miss you Mommy.”

  She said as she kissed the pictures and tears rolled down her eyes. I felt my daughter’s pain and I couldn’t help but wanna wrap my arms around my eldest child. I started to cry too. I cried for my children who bad a broken heart from the lost of their mother. It broke my heart to know that that is what they thought about when they thought of me that I had broken their hearts. They were without a mother. The spirit of me shook with sorrow as tears ran down my transparent face. I cried for the motherless children, my motherless children.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Shamar

  Cam and I had just got the break of our lives. I was fucking with this Mexican bitch that I caught in Miami and the bitch was connected. She pulled some major fucking strings and got me connected too. Now here we had twenty thousand in product. We were going to be the muthafucking kings of the city! Yeah, all the pussy, cars, and money for us, nobody had control over the city yet. Everybody just nickel and dimed it since no one was connected. But here we were with the key to the muthafucking world. We had broken the coke down and divided it up and were sitting back smoking a blunt at my man Cam’s crib.

  Cam lived by himself in a little bachelor pad in the heart of the city. I on the other hand lived with my girl Brittany. She was a cool chick nice head on her shoulder. Shit I had house hopped all my childhood once Moms got killed. Pops fucked with so many bitches so wherever he laid his head me and bro Jr. laid our head there too. As soon as I got a bitch with a house that’s exactly what I did move the fuck in. I got tired of sleeping on the floor and shit so when I met Brittany I moved right in with her. And I treated her good too, every once and a while I would cheat but it was beneficial to her because it was always about money. Pussy wasn’t shit to me to many bitches was willing to give it up.

  I lived and breathe money, money, money, and more money. But I had to admit being with Brittany for six years I really loved the woman. She was topnotch too. Kept the house clean, cooked for a nigga, didn’t trip on a nigga too much, and stayed looking good. She was 4’ 11 thick ass redbone and I tell you when I say thick she was thick. I mean if the bitch ate one more burger she would be considered fat. But hey I loved it. She had long pretty hair too, none of that fake artificial shit. Her hair was long like my Moms.

  Cam and I were just sitting here chilling thinking of a master plan when my phone rang. I looked and saw it was my little sister Violet.

  “What up sis?”

  “Hey brother you gone come and get your sister and take me to the mall?” aw shit here she goes.

  I loved my baby sister. Although we didn’t grow up together Aunt Tesha made sure we all got to see each other. I could have lived with Aunt Tesha if I wanted to but she was a drill sergeant. I don’t see how Violet got away with so much shit.

  “Yeah baby sis. You must got some dough?” I already knew that answer my sister was a hustler.

  She claimed she wasn’t selling no pussy but shit she was fucking them niggas that was taking care of her.

  “Of course Mar, what time you coming?”

  “We on our way,” I said giving Cam the heads up that we were about to go.

  “Who is we?” Now she knew damn well Cam was coming with me. I never left my right hand man especially when it was time to hit these streets.

  “C’mon now quit questioning me just be ready.”

  “Aight.” She said and hung up.

  We got into my car and when I opened through the door it felt like a hand grabbed my arm. The breeze whipped across my face and I got an eerie feeling. It was weird but it felt right. Like a mother kissing you at night before you go to bed, something I don’t even remember. But that’s what if felt like. It made me feel loved a different type of love I never felt. I checked my surroundings and got in my car.

  Aw look at my youngest two. They seem to be close and Shamar seem to be a good big brother. I see he was going to go pick Violet up and take her to the mall. Um that girl is something else I bet. I reached out to Shamar and I think he felt me. He stopped and I think he could feel my touch. He was something special that Shamar, all my kids were but it was just something about that Shamar. I needed to keep a careful eye on him. He trying to sell dope and be some type of thug. Now I don’t know where he got that shit from. Shane would hustle but he was small time he didn’t really want that lifestyle he worked every day.

  But Shamar it seemed like he wanted the big time and I that could only end up two ways dead or in jail and I didn’t want either for my baby boy.

  Violet

  I puffed on my blunt while I waited for my brother Shamar. I was glad Aunt Tesha had left to go to the store. I needed to smoke bad and wasn’t a smoking in the house. Aunt Tesha was a cool Aunt and I loved being the only child with her but she did not play. After my Mom got killed Aunt Tesha took me in since my Dad was dead too. Shamar, Jr., and Daphne went with their Dad’s side. But I didn’t have a Dad’s side well I did but I don’t think Tammy would have wanted me or my older sister Victoria. But Aunt Tesha didn’t have any kids so she took me in. And she treated me like her own. She made sure I got to see my brothers and sister. She would have let them stay with us too but their Dads were not having that. I remember Daphne’s drunk ass Daddy talking to Aunt Tesha when she suggested that Daphne stay with her.

  “Bitch,” you could hear him through the phone, “my baby staying right here with me and my mama.”

  Yeah he was saying that shit because Daphne’s grandmother Nancy really took care of Daphne. Lo was too busy getting drunk and beating on his white wife to take care of my sister. Shamar pulled up and I got up to walk to the car. I had on some short, shorts with a pink halter top. I know my brother was going to say something. I got in the back seat and passed him the blunt, he grabbed it.

  “Man damn you knew I was coming you could have changed.” He puffed on the blunt.

  “Well hey big bro it’s good to see you too.” I said laughing I knew he was going to say that shit.

  Camron gave the head to toe look and I ignored him. Old fat ass nigga, I didn’t like my brother’s friend Cam, not because he was fat but because he was a preemie. Yeah that’s right I tried to break the nigga off some pussy and he came within five minutes. Shamar pulled off and we jammed to some Kanye West. I loved riding with my big bro throug
h the city. I got tired of dealing with thirsty ass niggas all day. It was good to just ride with a nigga and they have no intentions even if it was just my brother.

  We pulled up to the mall and I grabbed my oversize purse. Yes a bitch had three grand in her pockets but fuck that I wasn’t spending no money on no clothes I was gone get it for free. Shamar knew damn well too so he better be ready to distract these hoes while I get some shit. We first went to the women’s department. I saw some cute little club dresses that I could stunt in I got those so you know I had to get me some shoes. Mar distracted the hoes and while I stuffed my purse with whatever I wanted. My bag was getting pretty full so I grabbed the keys from Shamar and went to empty some of the clothes. I went to pop the trunk when a great wind hit me real hard. I mean this wind was so hard I stumbled over.

  “Now what the fuck was that!” I screamed out lot and put the stuff in the trunk.

  That was your Mama trying to whoop your behind you little thieving heifer. Look at this girl out her stealing all these clothes. And Shamar just letting her, he knows good and damn well what she is doing. I can’t believe Shamar my son is a drug dealer and he letting his little sister steal? This boy has turned into some kind of man. Umph. And I am thinking he special yeah he special alright a different type of special did I drop him when he was a baby…

  I finished shopping with big bro and Cam and I even got them some stuff. We separated the clothes in the car.

  “Aye give me one of those dresses to give to Brittany.”Shamar told me.

  “Un un that big bitch can’t fit my size.”I started laughing.

  “Man she is not fat.” He said grabbing one of the dresses I stole.

  He was right Brittany wasn’t fat she was thick as hell but I had to fuck with my brother. I mean we were about the same size I just had more hips and she had more thighs. And then the nigga picked out the best dress. Fuck it I could come grab it tomorrow. I got out the car and gave my brother a kiss on the cheek.