“Say my name.”
I whispered it, aching and full of want and need.
Gabriel’s feral grin curled my toes. His tongue slowly swept against mine. The sensual caress invited me to return the gesture. We played this way for a bit before separating, chests heaving against one another. Breath became a precious commodity, our kisses even more so.
“Say it again, Emma. Louder.”
“Gabriel.”
“More.”
“Gabriel!”
His hands slid from my jaw to my unbound hair. Without another word he fisted it, holding me immobile as Gabriel’s gaze glittered with carnal madness. “Tell me, Emma. Tell me what I want to hear.”
“I’ll never forget you, Gabriel. No matter what, you will be the last thing on earth I ever forget.”
“Swear it.”
“I swear.”
“Swear it on my heart, Emma.”
My eyes prickled with tears as my love for him overwhelmed me. “I swear it on both our hearts, Gabriel.”
A violent shudder went through his body. “You have no idea what hearing that means to me…”
“I love you, Gabriel.”
“Say it again, baby. Please.”
“I love you.”
Gabriel leaned back on the chaise and pulled me along with him. Silence reigned as he his hand stroked slowly from the top of my head to the small of my back.
“Emma, no matter how mad you get at me, and I can guarantee you will get blistering enraged with me too times to count, promise to always come back to me.”
I curled my fingers around his jaw. “I’m never going to leave you again, Gabriel. Not unless—”
“Ssh. I’ll never betray you so there will never be a reason for you to leave.”
“I wasn’t going to say that.”
“Then what were you going to say?”
I shifted my gaze upwards. The night sky stretched on forever. “Nothing.”
Gabriel closed his eyes. His face relaxed as if in repose. We sat like that for upwards to an hour. Later would bring passionate kisses and his fingers deep inside me. Afterwards, Gabriel would drive us to his penthouse where he’d then put me through my kinky paces before tenderly feeding me a late dinner by hand.
But now…now we were two people in love and at peace with our future.
TWELVE
The rest of the night raced down to zero. We laughed together often, but a pall hung over me. Hiding it exhausted me faster than I realized, but rest eluded me. Long after the game we played ended, I lied in our bed and watched Gabriel sleep.
We never mentioned Lucas.
My lover acted as if he’d never disturbed our night at the ballet, as if I never met him at all. The silence told more secrets than ever before. Gabriel, the man who never ran out of things to say, was mute on the subject.
So was I.
Every time I thought to bring it up that night and the next, I’d find a way to avoid the topic. Either we were having too much fun, or I was too tired, or Gabriel was working on his laptop late into the early morning hours while I pretended to sleep.
Hearing his fingers tapping on the keyboard while I concentrated on keeping my breathing even, I couldn’t deny the thorns piercing my happiness.
Something bad was coming and I was powerless to stop it.
Saturday
The wind lifted my ponytail as Gabriel and I sped down the highway in his convertible. With our overnight bags stowed in the trunk, we were on our way to visit Marie at her weekend house by the lake.
Gabriel seemed excited with the idea of having the women he loved under the same roof. I assumed Marie was being gracious and polite by including me in the invitation. Gabriel promptly corrected me of that idea.
“My mother has never invited my past acquaintances over to her house. Ever.”
“I love how you use that word. Acquaintances. Don’t you mean girlfriends, submissives, and almost-fiancée?”
He somehow threw me an arch look despite wearing aviator sunglasses. “You’re sassing me, Emma, and I don’t care for it.”
“What? For telling the truth?”
“For not acknowledging that those acquaintances and the rest are ones I wished I’d never met.”
“Revisionist history, Gordon.”
“Fervent truth, Adams.”
“How does Embry get categorized? History or truth?” Shit! I wished that hadn’t popped out of my mouth. It definitely made me sound insecure. Better said, it told my truth.
“Unfortunately truth, but thankfully also history.”
I angled my body towards him, curious. “Why do you say that?”
“Emma, love, I’d really rather not answer that. Not today when we’re supposed to be having a nice trip.”
“Why?”
He sighed at my persistence. “Because it’s a reminder of how close I came to making the biggest mistake of my life.”
“Getting married?”
“Among other things.”
Obviously, Gabriel didn’t want to talk about it. I did. I always did on some level. Strange that even though I’d been in his life first, when it came to Embry I was the one who felt like an interloper.
Eventually my insecurity was going to have to end. I couldn’t be upset with Gabriel for moving on after me, even though I never had after him.
Maybe that’s why I have a hard time with it. If I’d had some sexual experience beyond Gabriel, I might not feel so jealous.
“Okay. Change of subject.”
His fingers entwined with mine. Gabriel lifted my hand up to his mouth and kissed it. “You’re such a dear.”
I smiled. I wasn’t, not really. Embry’s image from the ballet rose up to haunt me once more. Regal, dressed in sapphire, she’d stood there with chin lifted, mouth pressed tight, and eyes throbbing with betrayal.
She would be back in our lives. It wasn’t a question of if but rather when.
While I believed Gabriel loved me completely and madly, Embry’s past importance couldn’t be eradicated. Especially not with Lucas championing her as Gabriel’s perfect mate.
But how could I explain it without getting into all of it?
Lucas never actually said anything specific about her to us. He just came to the ballet with her family and stood with her as we unknowingly passed them by. Forcing my emotions to take a back seat, I looked back on the event. I could see it for what it was—a power play, one designed to unsettle and make me back out meekly.
It half-worked.
“Well?”
“Well what?” I asked, shaken from my darker thoughts.
“You said change of subject. What would you like to talk about?”
Your uncle and Embry. No, not now. Later. After we get back from our trip.
“How about…I don’t know. You pick the topic.”
“All right, I have one. Do you like what I’m wearing?”
He was dressed in the clothes I bought for him. Looking him over again, I finally understood why he enjoyed dressing me so much.
“You’re the most handsome man that ever lived, Gabriel.”
“Oh, too bad.”
“What?”
“There goes my head. It got so big it floated away.” He rubbed my thigh, waiting until I stopped laughing before asking, “How about you tell me why you’ve been so tense since Wednesday.”
“What do you mean?” I tried to keep my voice light even though I knew there was no point to it. Gabriel would pick and pick until he broke through. There were times when his persistence annoyed me.
This wasn’t one of them.
“Emma, did you really think I wouldn’t notice? Hmm?”
“Well…”
“You made me chase you all over the city—something completely uncharacteristic of you—and I know it has everything to do with Wednesday.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“I know. That’s the problem,” he drawled. “Was it being there with my mother?”
“No, of course not!”
“Me?”
Smiling gently, I shook my head.
“The ballet?”
“What do you think?”
“No, I don’t think it was that at all. Was it my uncle?”
When the moments ticked by, Gabriel sighed and turned off the radio. The silence became our fourth passenger. The third being Lucas and what happened at the ballet. “Emma? Are you still there?”
I responded to his sing-song voice with a strained smile. “I’m here.”
“What was that? I can barely hear you.” He cupped his ear. “Repeat that for me. I think I heard something but it was so, so tiny. Maybe I have a fairy riding shotgun?”
“I’m here!”
“Better.” Gabriel squeezed my thigh. “Come on, baby. Let’s talk this out before we get to my mother’s. Tell me what’s on your mind.”
I didn’t even know where to begin. “You don’t want to talk about Embry, right?”
“I’d rather not.”
“Then I don’t know what to say.”
Gabriel muttered my name in warning. “Are you irritated with me, Emma, or are you trying to purposely irritate me?”
“Neither.” There was no way around this nicely. “Gabriel, what’s the deal with your uncle and Embry?”
“Not much. He knows her family through his ex-wife Delia.”
Bull.
“What else? Are they close?” A suspicion wormed to the surface. “Did he introduce you two?”
My lover looked over to at me, mouth drawn into a grim line, and nodded.
Oh. That…hurts…when it shouldn’t. I can’t be mad over this. I wasn’t in his life. He wasn’t in mine. Gabriel had every right and expectation to move on and get married. To be with someone other than me.
I touched the spot above my heart.
It hurts more this way and I don’t know why.
“He likes her, doesn’t he? I mean, he likes her for you.”
“Whether Lucas likes Embry or not doesn’t have any bearing on us. I’ve made it more than clear to Embry that we’re over and Lucas knows that.”
Oh, did Gabriel really believe that or was he saying it for me? I traced his arm and blurted out, “I saw her at the ballet. She was with your uncle.” The muscle beneath my fingertips stiffened for a brief moment.
“When?”
His soft voice should’ve been reassuring. It wasn’t.
“After we…you know.”
“After we made love? Excuse me…after we fucked each other senseless in a utility closet?”
Although Gabriel smirked, I couldn’t summon one to match it this time. Just remembering their expressions as they gazed upon us with contempt…even now it filled me with shame.
We didn’t do anything wrong but…
“We passed by them and didn’t even know it. They were watching us and I could tell they knew.”
His sharp laughter came first and then “That explains why we didn’t see Lucas for the first of the night.”
“You know how it looked to them though, right?”
Gabriel took his attention away from the road long enough to ask, “What? Tell me.”
I had to tread lightly. “We looked tawdry, as if you’re with me for the sex and once the excitement is over…we’re over.”
Gabriel’s jaw clenched. He didn’t say anything.
“I don’t believe that, okay? I don’t. I’m just saying that I believe that’s what they think.” If anything my answer only seemed to anger him further. “Gabriel…”
“No.” He exhaled. “You’re right.”
I leaned back against my seat and closed my eyes. “I was afraid of that.”
“Emma, my family is complicated.”
“I hear that’s typical for families.”
“Isn’t yours?”
“It’s actually incredibly simple because it’s just my mom and me. The only things that were ever complicated were our finances. I love her. She loves me. We’ve always been a team who wants the best for each other.”
“Hmm. I envy you then.”
Gabriel fell silent. I didn’t prod for more, sensing the difficulty of what he wanted to share.
“Emma, I’m not sure how to proceed. It’s not because I don’t trust you or ever think you’d divulge my secrets. It’s just...hard…to say certain things out loud.”
“I understand. Really, I do.” Squeezing his hand, I confessed, “I’m sorry for not bringing it up earlier. I just didn’t know what to say or even if I should say anything.”
“I could’ve asked but I didn’t. Probably for the same reason.”
“So why did you ask now?”
“Because I didn’t want to keep avoiding it anymore. We should really talk, Emma, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, I do.” I scooted over as much as I could and leaned my head on his shoulder. “Why does Lucas dislike me?”
Although I didn’t expect him to refute it, I can’t deny it still stung a bit when he didn’t. Instead, Gabriel kissed the top of my head, seemingly in apology. “Probably because he doesn’t trust you.”
“Because I’m not rich.”
“Yes and no. He can’t control you and because of that he’s afraid of what you might do.”
“But he can control Embry because she and her family have money?”
“Yes. That and Embry knows what’s expected of her. She knows how her actions affect her family’s standing with Gordon Industries and she’s used to being controlled.”
I bit my lip, instinctively swallowing my question before going forward anyway. “Was she always like that or did that happen after you?”
“Embry has always been docile. Setting us up at lunch was the most defiant, outrageous thing I’d ever seen her do. I’d almost be proud of her if I wasn’t so damned pissed.”
“Okay then. Good to know.”
Gabriel cursed under his breath. “I’m sorry, Emma. That came out too damned complimentary, didn’t it?”
I don’t want to be this kind of person. I don’t have to be this kind of person. I can change right now.
“It’s not a big deal and it’s not your problem or even hers. It’s mine.”
He kissed my head again. “I’d call her a bitch if that would make you feel better but…”
“But it would make you feel like an ass.”
“Yes.” Before I could say anything else Gabriel cleared his throat once. “Because of what Embry said, you know about my father being physically abusive to my mother.”
“I remember.”
It wasn’t something I had considered bringing up anytime soon considering how conflicted Gabriel was about his father’s actions and his darker needs.
“That brutality was something we had to live with for as long as I can remember. My mother did everything she could to protect me, but it only went so far—especially once I got older.”
“Why?”
“Because I started making myself a perfect target. The more he hit me, the less he hit her.”
Remembering Gabriel’s behavior in school, I wondered if that was part of his target-practice strategy.
“When he wasn’t lashing out and hitting my mother, he was insanely jealous about where she was and who she might be seeing.”
“Your father thought she was cheating on him. Really?”
“Yes. Not that I would’ve blamed her if she did. It’s hard to be loving to a man who rages at you half the time and then ignores you the rest while he’s off doing the very damned thing he accuses you of doing.”
I was fiercely glad that I’d never meet the man who’d inflicted so much pain on Gabriel and Marie. I honestly didn’t know what I’d do if I had to stomach the presence of a monster who would hurt the very people who depended on him.
“Do you remember the library?” Gabriel asked suddenly.
“I’ve never forgotten.”
He showed it to me the one night we had together in high school. Acres
of bookshelves lined the high walls from top to ceiling and an exquisite stained glass window created a beautiful space that I had privately vowed to recreate one day.
“We spent so much time there because it was the only room my father wouldn’t go in. I guess it reminded him too much of his father’s study…I’m not sure. I’d like to think it was because some scrap of humanity he possessed kept him from defiling a room she loved so much. Then again maybe it was just wishful thinking.”
I would’ve thought Marie’s sanctuary would’ve drawn her husband’s jealousy even more so because it was a place that brought her happiness outside of him. Especially because it didn’t sound like he wanted Marie to have any joy.
“Do you know if they were ever happy?”
Gabriel chose his next words carefully, as if he’d never spent much time thinking about his father being a different kind of man. “My mother told me he used to be sweet and very kind. I can’t imagine it because that’s not who I knew.”
“I’m sorry.” As far as comfort goes, my constant repeating of those two words lacked eloquence but I meant it every time.
“You know I’m glad I never saw that side of him,” he declared softly. “It would’ve hurt worse if I’d lost it.”
“But you’re his son. Why did he treat you that way?”
My beautiful boy remained silent for a bit before saying, “There are some things that are not my story to tell, Emma. I hope you understand.”
I flashed back to Lucas and Marie. The way he looked at her inspired a scandalous suspicion. Gabriel was right—it wasn’t his story to tell and it wasn’t one I needed to ask about.
Jesus, I hope it’s not true.
Leaning across the seat, I feathered my lips softly across his high cheekbone. “I do understand. You can tell me as much or as little of this as you want, Gabriel. It’s okay.”
He opened his mouth, closed it, and then said in a rush, “Back in high school you always thought my life was charmed and it made me so damned angry that it wasn’t true.”
I immediately flushed with guilt. “I’m sorry for judging you like that, Gabriel. There’s no excuse. Really. I was just…so distrustful…of the world around me and of the people we went to school with that I took it on you. I’m so sorry.”
Dangerous for You Page 13
