Hell Hath No Fury

by M. J. Schiller

  I stared at the papers in my hand. “But aren’t you reading them?”

  She smiled. “Nope. Those were for you and you alone.”

  She turned to go, but twisted around and pressed something into my hand.

  “In case you need it.”

  She gave my shoulder a squeeze and walked off. I looked at what I held in my hand. A travel pack of Kleenex. Good thinking. I had shed a lot of tears writing them. I’m sure I would shed some more reading them. I watched her walk away and get settled across the courtyard. She smiled and waved to me then took out her phone and some earbuds.

  I sat on the bench and read the start of the first one. “Dear Daddy….”

  This is stupid. I caught sight of the ring on my finger. But I’ll do it for you, baby, because I love you so much. Great. I’m already crying. I don’t have enough Kleenex. I’ll have to ration them.

  I peered at the sky, squinting in the bright sun. Closing my eyes, I drew in a deep breath through my nose, taking in the heady fragrance of the flowers, and exhaled out of my mouth. “For Kyle,” I said weakly. It became my rallying cry whenever I wanted to quit and walk away. I got to work. It both surprised me and didn’t surprise me that the pain was still so fresh. I never dealt with it. Pushed it down. I needed to keep it all together. That’s what I told myself. I shuffled my dad’s letter to the back and began reading Bill’s. I didn’t cry much. Maybe I got it out when I wrote it. When I was finished, I stood, left my dad’s letter on the bench, and walked the few feet to the trash can.

  “Bill, I’m done with the heartache you caused me.” I exhaled. “She’s right. It is odd.” I shot a look her way.

  For Kyle.

  “You were never worthy of my love, Bill. You proved that beyond all doubt. I was not lacking in any way. You were lacking in your ability to care about someone other than yourself, you jackass.”

  I stole another glance at the doc, as if she could hear my curse words. She was contentedly reading.

  “I will no longer allow you to hurt me. Hurt our kids. Hurt my marriage. I’m letting go of your lying, and cheating, sneaking around, and for doing it with my friend. I’m even letting go of my anger for you having me arrested and hauled off in front of our kids, you son-of-a-bitch.” I threw my shoulders back, pressing my lips together. “I will no longer allow you to have power over me.”

  Great. It’s like I stepped out of “Lord of the Rings” or something and am summoning evil spirits.

  I gazed at the doctor again and shook my head.

  I don’t know if I’m doing this right, doc.

  I took in another deep breath. “Damn it. This is how I’m doing it.” Sticking the letter under my arm, I struck a match, put the box on the ground, and held the match and letter over the trash can. “Goodbye, sucker.” I put the tip of the flame to the paper and it caught immediately, curling toward me and flaking off as it advanced. I turned the paper to avoid getting burnt so I could watch the fire longer. It was mesmerizing. I dropped it in the can and watched it burn.

  “Well, where’s the magical freedom, Doc? What was the purpose of all that?” But as I walked to the bench, each step seemed lighter. But I wasn’t done.

  “One down. One to go.”

  I dove in right away.

  No use trying to avoid it.

  I cried a lot this time around. In fact, at one point I broke into sobs and had to stop. Not hearing her approach, I was startled when Dr. Downing touched me gently on the shoulder. I was doubled up, and finding it hard to breathe.

  “Are you okay, Samantha?”

  I didn’t lift my head or look at her. “Yes. Yes. I’m fine.”

  “Okay.” Then she disappeared.

  I wrapped my arms around myself, literally attempting to pull myself together. I drew in air, trying to get my breathing back to a regular pattern. I summoned all my strength, rose, and walked over to the trash can. There was no reason to read the rest of it. It all said the same thing in the end.

  “Daddy. You didn’t solely cheat on Mom when you had another family. You cheated on all of us. Cheated us out of time with you. Cheated us out of faith in you. I don’t know why Mom stayed with you, hung on afterward, but that was her choice. It won’t be mine.” I started strong, but lost it in the end. “Daddy. You were my world. I thought you could do anything. I told the other kids on the block you could lift a car, and they laughed at me. I waited for you to come home so many nights, at the door, on the stoop, or even up in my room, listening for your voice. It hurt. It still does. But I won’t be owned by it anymore. I won’t let you haunt my thoughts. You weren’t there for me, but I was strong and I made it. You failed to show me the love I deserved, but I can’t change that. I can only change me, and I will. I’m leaving that pain in the past, and claiming my joy in the future with Kyle.” I sobbed again. I just wanted to get home to him. He was taking an Uber from the airport and we’d be arriving home at about the same time. I plucked a match out of the box, I struck it on the concrete, and I held it to the letter. “Goodbye.” I threw it in the trash can and walked away. Turning my back on all that pain.

  I was both exhausted and stronger and more at peace than I ever had been. Dr. Downing rose as I approached and we met at the fountain.

  “How are you?”

  “Better.”

  She brightened. “Let’s head to the office so we can talk about it.”

  I checked my phone. “Actually, Doc…could we maybe do that at my next appointment. I want to get home to Kyle.”

  When I got to the car, a video message from Elise was on my phone. She didn’t send them very often, and she seemed kind of…upset, in the video’s thumbnail. I tapped to listen.

  “Hi, Momma. Umm…this is kind of weird and uncomfortable, but I need your advice. Uhh…I’m staying at Dad’s tonight, but if you have time, could you call or text or send a video, please? Thanks.”

  It ended. I frowned. That was not like Elise. This sounds like a conversation we should have in person, but she’ll be at Bill’s. I started the car, but glanced at my phone in the passenger’s seat and shut the engine off. The screen said Elise was active, so…. I hit the record button. I fluffed my hair as I talked. I never looked good in these things.

  “Hi, sweetie. I’m here now. Ready to answer any questions….”

  I sent it. I pulled down the visor and reapplied lipstick in the mirror. My phone buzzed.

  “So, Mom.” She took a deep breath. “I never thought I’d do this, but I need guy advice.” She stopped. I could tell she’d rather be talking this out with someone else and I was surprised she didn’t call Zoe or Dani. Then I remembered Dani and Tucker were on a trip, and Zoe would be working. “How do you know if you should believe in a guy? Like, how do you really know if they’re lying to you or not?” She hit end.

  Aww. Poor baby. She’s having boy troubles. But…that Hunter kid seems all right. He’s very good to her….

  I laid my head on the back of my chair and stared out the windshield. What should I tell her? My thoughts drifted and I thought about Kyle’s silly storybook, and how it made me trust him. And it came to me. A Bob Marley quote. I couldn’t remember the exact words, but I thought I knew the general gist. I straightened up, held my phone in front of me, gave my hair a quick fluffing, and hit record.

  “Hey, baby. I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. So I’m not only giving you my advice, I’m giving you Bob Marley’s, too. Cuz he da mon. Okay. Ready. I won’t get it perfect, I’m paraphrasing here, but he said something like, ‘People will hurt you in life. There’s no getting away from it. You have to find the ones who are worth getting hurt for.’ That didn’t sound very Rastafarian, but, you get the picture. So chew on that for a while and we can video text again when I get home in about…fifteen minutes or so. I love you. Talk to you soon.”

  I never knew how to end those things. I sighed, but it suddenly struck me. That quote applied to me, too. I started the engine.

  People better get out of my w
ay, because I’m on my way to my man.

  Kyle

  I heard her car pull in the garage and ran out to meet her. “Hey.”

  She threw her arms around me but didn’t say anything.

  “Hey, there. Are you okay?”

  She drew back and nodded, but I could see she’d cried.

  “Are you sure? Did you have a difficult session?”

  She slid her arms around my waist and we moved to the door. “Yes. It was difficult,” she said slowly. “But it was good. I’m a lot better.”

  “But you’re pretty drained, huh?”

  She nodded. “Can we go sit on the couch together for a minute?”

  “I’d like nothing better.”

  We collapsed on the couch, both tired from long days. She snuggled into me.

  “Tell me about your trip.”

  “Well, this was a wild one, Sam.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. You wouldn’t believe it but…I was working out at the gym near our hotel in Anaheim on the first leg of the trip, and I thought I heard something. Sure enough, this woman was calling for help because she failed in a lift and her barbell was on top of her.”

  She kicked her feet onto the table, but knocked off some mail I brought in. Bending to pick it up she said, “Oh, no. Was she hurt?” She straightened, shuffling through the mail.

  “Well, I came to her rescue,” I said smugly.

  Sam cocked her head and frowned. “Did you now?”

  “Yes. I did. I vaulted over the railing in the main part of the gym and—”

  “Oh, come on.”

  “I did.” She returned her attention to the mail while listening to me. “Me and another big guy lifted it clear of her, and later I found out she had a room a few doors down from me at the hotel and I ran into her again.”

  She stopped sorting through the mail. “That’s an odd coincidence.”

  “That’s what I thought, too.”

  “What’s this?” She was holding a big padded envelope addressed to her.

  “I don’t know. Did you order something?”

  “Not that I remember.” She flipped it over but the back was blank. “It doesn’t have any company’s name on it.”

  I sat forward, examining it, too. “That’s strange. Did someone stop by the house while you were gone and drop something off for you?”

  “Well, I kind of thought that. I thought Dani might have left something knowing about my appointment today. That would be something she would do. But it’s not her handwriting. Hmm…I guess I’ll just open it. I’m sorry.” She put her hand on my knee. “Go on with your story.”

  “Well, later that night, that same girl wandered into the hotel’s bar where I was sitting with Bob Ganshee. You remember him. He was the guy in St. Louis when I broke my leg…”

  “Oh, yeah. Bob.” She ripped the envelope open and removed a DVD. “What the hell?”

  “Is a note inside?”

  She felt around some more and shook it upside down, then set it aside. Nothing was written on the DVD to tell us what it was. “Isn’t this odd?” The jacket it was in was orange. “It looks like a homemade DVD.”

  “Where was the postmark from?”

  She read the envelope and observed me with a smile. “Anaheim. Is this one of your little surprises?”

  A foreboding slithered down my spine. Why would someone send her something from Anaheim? “No. I swear. I have no idea what this is.”

  “Okay…” she said as if she didn’t believe me. “Why don’t we pop it in, then?”

  I watched as she placed the disc in Jake’s old PS3 system, which we used as a DVD player.

  “Can you do the remote thing? I never get it right.”

  She handed it to me. I pushed the appropriate buttons and an image flooded the screen.

  “Dana?”

  “You know her?”

  It was Dana’s hotel room and she was lying on the bed. I came into the shot.

  Uh-oh.

  I reached over her for the pillow and then we were kissing.

  “Oh, my God!” we both said. I jumped to my feet. “Sam this is not….”

  The image blinked and it showed a couple in bed doing the nasty and Dana’s voice said clearly, “Kyle.”

  Samantha’s head spun around. Her mouth was open. I moved toward her, hitting my shin on the coffee table hard and having to hop to keep from falling.

  “Sam, this isn’t what— This didn’t happen. Not this way.”

  Dana’s voice said my name again. The figures on screen were under the covers and then Dana was moaning, and whoever was on top poured it on.

  I threw my hand out. “Sam. That’s not me. You have to believe me. THAT’S NOT ME.” I buried my fingers in my hair, walking in a tight circle. “This is not happening.” Dana’s cries came louder and faster, more high-pitched. She was clearly enjoying herself. Panic engulfed me making my heart race and causing me to sweat. “Can we stop watching this? Can we please…turn this off?” I was yelling. My God, what if Elise was home? Who did this? Who would do this?

  “Oh, come on,” Sam said. “We can’t leave now. This is building to a climax, isn’t it? We need to find out what happens. Well, you clearly know what happens, but I need to find out.”

  “Oh, my God.” My voice came out weakly. I couldn’t believe this was happening to us. I didn’t want to watch anymore, but it was like I couldn’t look away. Dana’s knees were bent and she had her hands on the sheet where her partner’s head appeared to be between her legs. A wave of nausea hit me. “Please, Sam. I’m begging you.”

  Sam calmly took the remote and switched it off. I knew by this point, calm wasn’t always good. She tapped the remote in her palm.

  “Please,” I had to swallow to find my voice. “Please, Sam. I love you. This didn’t happen. Someone—”

  Her voice came out like a steel blade. “You know this woman?” She gestured to the TV. “Well, clearly you know this woman.”

  “Oh, Sam.” I didn’t know what to say to make her believe me. “Please, if you could just listen for a minute.” She slowly walked back to the couch and sat. She raised her gaze to mine. Her eyes were wet and pierced right through me. “Well? You wanted to talk. So talk.”

  I tilted my head and licked my lips. My throat ached. What could I tell her that she’d believe? “Sam—” my voice cracked. “It didn’t—”

  She cut me off. “You said you knew her. Dana? Is that what her name was?”

  I was finding it hard to breathe. “Yes, but—”

  “And how did you two, meet, pray tell.”

  I moved around the coffee table to her, even though I didn’t know if approaching her was the right move. I wanted to take her in my arms and beg for mercy for a crime I didn’t commit. “This is the girl. The girl from the gym.”

  “Oh. The girl from the gym. Of course. So how did you get from the gym to the bedroom? Did you have dinner first or go straight up? Was a lot of foreplay involved or did you go right at it?”

  “Oh, my God.” I put the side of my shaky hand against my forehead like I was saluting her or something. I closed my eyes.

  This CAN’T be happening to us.

  “Oh, my God,” she repeated. “Is that what she was saying when you went down on her, Kyle? Is that what she was crying out when—” Her voice broke and she dropped her head, covering her face with her hands. Her shoulders shook.

  “Sam, I swear this didn’t happen.” I didn’t know what to say. How could I make her believe something her eyes told her was not true? I exhaled. I had to try. “Sh-she did come on to me, but I told her I needed to go back to my room to call you.” A few quiet sobs escaped her, each a weight on my heart. “Then, at the hotel, she was drunk off her ass and I helped her get to her room.”

  She sniffed. “Kind of you.”

  “Sam—” I flailed around in my mind, trying to find something to say. “She could hardly stand. I helped her to open the door. And—”

  She st
ood. “I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear it anymore,” she shouted.

  I took her shoulders. “I didn’t sleep with her. Once I had the door open, she just…collapsed. I couldn’t leave her.” Sam didn’t comment. “I helped her to the bed— I was getting the pillow when she kissed me.” I blinked out slow, cold tears that clung to my face. “I wanted to…prop her up, in case she got sick. But I told her to stop. I told her—” I searched her face. “I would never do this to you. Never.” I let go of her arms, finishing quietly. I had no energy left. “I got a trash can for her, watched over her for a bit…I went to my room. Nothing like that ever happened.” My phone rang on the coffee table. We both looked. It said Dana.

  “You have her phone number?”

  “Yes. I-I gave her mine so she could call me if something went wrong. I couldn’t…leave her, without anyone to help her if…if she got sick, or her ex-boyfriend came after her….”

  “Ex-boyfriend?”

  The phone continued to buzz. I slammed my hand on it and picked it up. “Dana? Hold on I’m putting you on speaker phone so my wife can hear.”

  As I transitioned to speaker phone, I caught her shaky, “O-o-okay.”

  “Dana. Tell my wife nothing happened between us.”

  “Leading the witness much?” Sam slowly sat and put her head in her hands.

  I suddenly knew this wasn’t the way to make her believe me. “Hold on, Dana. I’ll call you in a minute.”

  As I disconnected she called, “Wait.”

  “We’ll call her back in a minute.” I clasped my hands around Sam’s arms. “Listen, Sam. Please, honey, look at me.” She begrudgingly complied. I wanted to turn away from the pain in her eyes. The pain I inadvertently put there. I spoke slowly and distinctly. “I would not do this to you— Could not do this to you. Ever. I love you. Please look at me and believe me.”

  She stared, and her face seemed to shift from one emotion to the next. She took a shaky breath and closed her eyes. This could be the end of us right here. My heart was breaking. Her eyes blinked open, and she…smiled. A flutter of hope rose even as I fought to squelch it.