Allerleirauh

by Chantal Gadoury

  I wrinkled my nose as I slowly opened the box to reveal a golden diadem decorated with small pear-shaped diamonds in each crevasse and curl of the golden metal. I looked to Lord Haven with wide eyes and ardently shook my head.

  “This . . . this is too much,” I said, closing the box quickly as I tried to hand it back to Lord Haven.

  He pushed his hands behind his back, disallowing me to return the diadem.

  “The König insisted that you should have one of your own. He had the royal jeweler go through the crown jewels to make it for you.”

  I turned my gaze to Myriah, hoping for some guidance, but she continued to stare intently at Lord Haven.

  “I . . . I don’t know what to say,” I murmured softly, opening the box to look at the beautiful craftsmanship again.

  Lord Haven bowed gently and gestured with his hand toward the gift. “May I?”

  “Of course,” I replied and watched as Lord Haven lifted the diadem from the box and carefully lower it onto my head.

  It fit perfectly—too perfectly. My hands trailed up to the fitted crown, where I carefully traced my fingertips over the embossed gold. Myriah caught my gaze, her eyes wide with an emotion I couldn’t place. I did my best to smile at Lord Haven in gratitude.

  “I’ll be sure to thank father as soon as he arrives home.”

  “I think that would be best,” Lord Haven agreed, offering another bow in my direction. “I shall leave you ladies now. It is late and there is much work to be done until the König returns.” Lord Haven offered nothing more before he slipped past my door and left.

  As soon as the door closed behind him, my hands tugged the diadem off my head. The weight of the crown felt heavy and I carefully lowered it back into its box.

  “Why would he give me this?” I asked Myriah as I lifted my gaze to hers. Her warm, dark eyes reflected the same confusion as mine. “I’m not Königin. I could never wear such a thing in the castle. I’ve never been permitted to do so before. This is far too much for me to accept.”

  “Your mother held strange customs, yes,” Myriah replied. “I found it strange, hearing of her request to keep a crown from ever laying on your head. She wished only for herself and your father to be adorned with the crown jewels. Because of her vanity, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the castle, and you jeopardized such a thing for her. Even so,” Myriah rubbed her elbows nervously as she gazed into the wooden box. “It would do to thank your father for his generosity.” I knew her advice should be heeded as I stared at the golden diadem in the box.

  “You’re right,” I replied softly and lifted the box to her. “Perhaps I should do something special for him upon his arrival back to the castle.”

  “I’m sure he’d find that quite agreeable,” Myriah said plainly as she wandered back to her spot before the fire. “Would you like me to continue to read, or do you wish to retire to bed?”

  By her tone, I knew Myriah did not wish to continue this discussion about my father or the diadem any further.

  I sat in the tense silence for a moment as I took in all that had transpired in the last few days. I wondered if she had heard all of the rumors circulating the castle. While the castle was large, the court and servants knew how to spread gossip fast and far.

  I shrugged a little in her direction and pushed myself from the bed.

  “You may continue,” I replied softly as I came to sit on the floor beside her. I pulled the strands of my hair over my shoulder as I tugged on a nearby white-laced shawl. Myriah opened the book again and began to read as I did what I could to keep warm.

  8

  M y father’s arrival was greeted warmly by the court only a few days later. He was to be away for a fortnight, but to much of his traveling party’s surprise, decided to return to the castle far earlier. The servants and staff all lined up on the main steps of the entrance, while the rest of the court, including myself and Myriah, waited by the doors for his approaching caravan.

  His eyes locked with mine as he slowed his horse to a stop. His lips curled into a smirk, pleased with the sight of me. His pleasure was felt in folds of the striking red gown, which was sent ahead of his arrival and gifted to me earlier that morning.

  “A gift from the König,” the servant murmured to Myriah as they lifted the large, wrapped gift into her arms. And as Myriah peeled away the delicate cloth to reveal the red silk, my stomach twisted into tight knots; so tight I lost my breath.

  I gazed at myself in the floor-length mirror as Myriah placed the golden diadem on my head, taking in the unfamiliar sight. I looked like a queen. The sleeves of the dress were long, but tight around my wrists. The bodice hugged my ribs and left teasing hints of the tops of my breasts while the skirt was long and flowing.

  I slid my fingers over the silken gown as I gazed at Myriah in the reflection. The words hung in the air between us: You look like the Königin. You look like your mother...

  “I find myself glad to see such smiling faces greeting me,” my father announced as his blue gaze darted from subject to subject.

  When his eyes landed on mine, my cheeks warmed and I suddenly felt more exposed to him. As though he could see through every scrap of the red silk dress, and there I saw his approval. My father pushed himself from the horse, and came to stand in front of me.

  “Aurelia,” he nodded to me as I returned his greeting with a low bow. I stayed there until I felt his fingertip touch my chin and gently tilt my head up to look at him.

  I had never seen such emotion in his eyes before. There was a spark of love and affection; of care and compassion. All my worries of rumors and gossip began to slowly seep away. My breath caught as I slowly rose from my bow. He extended his arm out to me as an invitation to follow him. I slid my arm around his and walked beside him, moving past the many watchful eyes of the court.

  My father led me through the main rooms, which were gilded with the evidence of the wild hunts my father participated in. Large antlers littered the walls, along with skins of forest animals and wild game. As we entered the dining room, several servants scurried ahead to begin to bring the prepared food to the tables. The tables and chairs were rearranged for a grand feast. Several tables lined the walls, while others were spaced about the room. My father led me to his table, which overlooked the entire room by a platform. As he pulled my chair out and offered me to take a seat, I felt his warm breath against my ear.

  “Do you approve of the gifts I’ve sent to you?” My father asked softly as he brushed my curls away from my neck. “The crown suits you.”

  He moved quickly, taking his seat beside me before I could respond. Servants leaned over us and began to fill my goblet with red wine. My father nodded to another bottle and grinned as they poured it out for him. He waited until the rest of the courtiers filed into the room and took their seats before he began…

  “My friends,” he said, standing with his goblet in hand. “I am so grateful for your enthusiasm upon my arrival. It warms my heart,” I knew his gaze descended upon my silent, still form by the way his hand came to rest on the back of my chair. “I invite you all to a grand celebration I shall host in five days’ time. This ball will be to honor a woman who has not only bewitched and entranced me, but whom I have come to love even more than before.”

  My heart raced as my palms grew clammy in my lap. All the courtier’s eyes turned to me. The room felt warmer than it did mere moments ago. The red dress screamed for their attention, while I so desperately wished I could hide.

  “To Princess Aurelia,” My father announced, lifting his goblet high into the air.

  He waited and watched, his eyes steady as the hands of the court slowly lifted their own goblets. He motioned for me to stand with the touch of his fingertips against my back. I searched the room with my eyes for Myriah desperately. My legs moved on their own accord as I stood and watched as the courtiers all toasted to my name.

  My father took a large swig of the liquid in his goblet, before slamming it down with a his
s. He watched as I lifted my own goblet to my lips and took a sip of the tangy, strong liquid. He appeared pleased by my actions as he took a seat and motioned for me to do the same. The rest of the court followed suit and began to eat the food at their tables.

  “So,” he began more intimately, leaning in. “What did you do to preoccupy yourself while I was away?” My father began to dig into a plateful of pheasant and cooked potatoes.

  “I-I spent much of my time focused on my studies,” I replied, keeping my gaze to my own plate.

  “How did you like your surprise?” he asked as he touched the golden diadem on my head. “I had it made especially for you.”

  “It’s far too much, Your Majesty,” I said and lowered my fork to the table. “It’s very beautiful, but I’m not quite sure I’m deserving of such a gift.”

  “You are a princess,” he reasoned, crinkles forming around his eyes as he grinned. “You should appear as such for the rest of the court.”

  “But mother never liked—”

  “I think it suits you,” he interjected with a warning tone. “It pleases me to see you this way.”

  My father pushed a bite of potato into his mouth and looked away. Had I angered him? A twinge of guilt filled me as I lifted a hand to his arm.

  “Forgive me,” I offered gently. “I do so wish to please you, father.”

  I watched as he paused his chewing and looked to my hand keenly.

  “You do please me,” he replied curtly. “I wish…” But he stopped speaking. He tightened his jaw as he stared ahead. It took him a moment more until his eyes finally met mine again.

  “What do you wish, Your Majesty?” I asked softly as my fingers unknowingly began to dig into his arm. His blue eyes were icy-cold.

  “In time, you will see,” he responded and forced himself up from his seat. The entire room quieted as he pushed the nearby chair out of his way and stormed off.

  All their eyes were on me. All their eyes were questioning what I might have done. I bit the inside of my cheek, doing what I could to prevent myself from crying. I would not do so there, in front of everyone. I would not give them such satisfaction.

  I felt Myriah’s hands on my arms suddenly, and her gentle voice beckoning, “Come, princess. Let’s away to your chambers.”

  9

  The next day, I decided I would keep to myself and spend my time in the library. After a long morning of reading passages from Aristotle, Plato, and Boethius, I decided I would go to the kitchens to see what I could have for my mid-morning meal.

  My head felt full of all my morning reading. But as I walked along one of the darkened corridors, I thought I heard muffled crying. As the crying grew louder, I hesitated before taking several steps around the corner. I looked to see who might be in the adjacent hallway. As soon as I saw my father, I pressed myself against the wall, doing what I could to try and disappear into the stone. I was grateful to wrap one of the tapestry curtains around myself for hiding.

  My father was clawing at one of the maid’s clothes angrily as she cried out again.

  “If I cannot have her, I will have you,” he growled as he tugged her bonnet from her head, revealing a bundle of brass curls. They were tousled and dirty from her days’ worth of work; hardly a match for my mother’s.

  He pressed his lips roughly against hers, growling as he pinned her arms. She sobbed as she clawed at him in defense, but nothing seemed to release her from his grasp.

  I couldn’t bear to watch. I couldn’t bear to see the monster of a man my father truly was, but I couldn’t look away. My focus remained painfully fixated as he pushed her against the wall and lifted her skirt quickly. His glare only wandered the length of the hallway once to be sure no one was coming in their direction.

  My stomach rolled while his hands undid the ties to the front of his trousers and pushed into her. I pressed my hands against my eyes, holding back my own tears. Her screams echoed all around me. She pleaded for him to cease, and yet he only continued.

  The contact was short-lived, for I heard a voice call out for me and my father froze mid-thrust. The voice belonged to Myriah. Again, her voice called out for me. As I slid a hand away from my face, I saw my father push the maid onto the floor.

  “Get up. Get out of my sight,” he snarled as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

  “Aurelia?” Myriah’s voice was coming closer and I did what I could to step back without being detected or seen by him. As I eased away, I felt Myriah’s hands on the back of my elbows. I let out a small cry of surprise and turned around quickly, pulling her back the way she had come.

  “Come, let’s go this way,” I said breathlessly.

  “What’s the matter, princess?” Myriah asked as she tugged on my hand.

  I didn’t loosen my grip as we continued with haste. I didn’t dare to look over my shoulder, in case he was there. I didn’t want him to know I bore witness to what he had done.

  “Don’t be silly,” I replied, doing my best to smile at her. I nervously tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. “There is nothing wrong. I thought perhaps we could go for a walk. I’ve been cooped up in the library all morning. Fresh air would be revitalizing.”

  “Would you not like to have something to eat?” Myriah asked, confused.

  “I don’t have much of an appetite,” I admitted. At least that part was true.

  “But Aurelia . . .” I saw Myriah glance over her shoulder and gasp softly.

  I already knew I’d find my father standing in the hallway. I already knew I’d see his sharp blue gaze.

  As I stopped just at the courtyard’s doorway and turned, I saw my father at the end of the dismal corridor. He appeared disheveled even from afar. I could feel his glare burning into my skull. He knew I had seen him—witnessed all he’d done to that innocent maid. I turned away before he could call me toward him.

  “Aurelia! You’ll catch a chill!” Myriah pleaded with me as she hurried after me.

  “I’ll be fine! It would do me some good to take a walk,” I replied.

  I ignored her as she beckoned me to come back. I sucked in a breath of the chilly weather. The sleeves to my gown were hardly appropriate, but I walked on, relieved to see Myriah had given up, scurrying back inside as I ventured out past the gardens.

  As my gaze slid back toward the castle, I saw my father’s dark form lurking near a shadowed window. I wondered how I would ever come to trust him again.

  I turned the corner of a cluster of trees and disappeared from his view. As I weaved through the tree trunks and began on a path back to the western entrance of the castle, there he stood again and I gasped, falling back a step. I didn’t understand how he was able to appear before me so quickly. My father stood near the door with a large fur-lined cape and a snowy glare. He started toward me and I froze.

  “You shouldn’t be out here in such frigid weather,” he barked as he advanced.

  As soon as he was close enough, he removed the cape and draped it over my shoulders.

  “I wanted fresh air,” I replied softly, tugging on the edge of the cape to draw it closed around me.

  “You will not come out here like this again, do you understand me?” His eyes were icy-fire. His lips were thin as his fingers dug into my arms.

  “You’re hurting me,” I cried as I tried to pull myself from his grasp, but he did not release me. Instead, his grip grew tighter while his gaze intensified. I could see the underlying questions in his eyes: would I acknowledge what I had seen?

  I challenged him to ask. I challenged him to admit his terrible crime out loud. After a long moment, my father finally released me with a snarl.

  “You will not behave this way again.” I knew this was not a request—this was a command. “Inside.”

  He jabbed his finger toward the large door as his pale gaze bore into me. I parted my lips to speak, but he roared, “Inside, Aurelia!”

  I took the cape from around my shoulders and pushed it into his hands. The cape fell at h
is feet as his hand snapped around my wrist.

  “You will release me,” I said through gritted teeth.

  “Oh, will I?” He challenged as his grip constricted. “I am König. I am law. You are nothing.”

  As true as his words were, they stung. He and my mother had spent years of my life reminding me exactly how worthless I was to them and the crown. I was nothing.

  “Do not be foolish, Aurelia. Do not make me punish you. Go inside,” he snarled and jerked his chin toward the door again. “You will go straight to your room and you shall not leave it for the rest of the day.”

  “Are you going to terrorize other women, too?” The words slipped from my lips before I could stop them.

  I saw his hand lift to hit me, and then pause when I flinched away. His lips curved in a small sneer. I took the opportunity to pull my wrist free from his grasp and ran inside.

  I dared not look back as I ran down the corridors toward my room. The only sounds were the echoes of my shoes hitting the hard stone floors.

  10

  “Y ou should not have challenged the König so, princess,” Myriah said as she combed my hair in front of the warmth of the fireplace.

  I closed my eyes as I tried to erase the memory of the maid and my father in the hallway. I tried to erase the image of my father’s icy eyes staring into mine. Another shudder rolled down my spine.

  “Perhaps not,” I whispered softly. Myriah tugged a little too hard on a strand of hair and I flinched.

  “I’d say not.”

  I bit my bottom lip as I turned back to sit straight again. My gaze fell back to my wrist where the hint of small finger-shaped bruises surfaced.

  “Your father is a powerful man, child. He’s not the kindest or gentlest of Könige, but he is wise and he has ruled with a firm hand.”

  “I do not understand how you can defend him. After everything he’s ever done to you—to the other girls in the castle…”

  Myriah sucked in a breath and shook her head. I knew she did not like to recall the time of her youth when the king had merely been a prince, and had taken advantage of her.