He wasn’t making sense, his slurred declaration making me squint with shock. “You need to get treatment, George!” I stated again, the first time the very reason he had attacked me.
He screamed, jerking under me as he lost control. “Why don’t any of you understand? I like who I am. I don’t want to go back to being the sad, pathetic cunt I was. That piece of shit couldn’t protect his family. This is the only way I can live, Katie!”
Although I was so angry right then, I couldn’t help but pity him. He’d never accepted how our family lived, what we were. He hated violence with a passion, yet that had been the very thing he’d turned to when his mind let go and drowned him in all the shit.
He stared up at me with wide eyes, the agony inside him bleeding out with his cries of despair. I dragged him up, holding onto him when he let go of all the horrors inside him.
Debora and Becca’s death had finished him. I could see he didn’t want to carry on, he didn’t want to breathe anymore. And that truth burned a hole in my chest until I was sat on the floor with my only brother, rocking him as we both screamed at life.
“I hate him,” he choked out. “It’s all his fault.”
Closing my eyes, I sighed. “It’s not all his fault, George.” I was sick of hearing it now. It was growing old. “You can’t blame him for everything that goes wrong in life.”
“But he is the one to blame. Why can’t you ever see it? Look at Mum. The cancer’s back and she daren’t even tell him!””
I froze. “W-what?”
“What kind of relationship is that?” he went on, ignoring my shock. “He should see it, like I have. How can he not see his own wife dying in front of him! That’s how fucking selfish the bastard is! And it’s probably back because of all the shit he puts her through!”
I scrambled up, staring at him in shock. “What?”
He snorted, shaking his head sadly. “You know, I pity Mum. If I were her, with a family like ours, I’d grab hold of that cancer and force it to kill me.”
Revulsion floored me. I couldn’t move my horrified eyes from his.
“She would be so much happier. She’d be with Katie, and Courtney.” He nodded to himself, obviously forgetting I was there as his rambling became feverish. “She could be with Grandad George. He was the only one who loved her properly, who took care of her like she deserves. She gives her life to that bastard, and what does she get in return but a pile of fucking shit?”
I stepped backwards, unable to support my legs with his revelation. Mum’s cancer was back.
Turning, I ran. I couldn’t listen to him any longer, the frenzy in his manic, one-sided discussion was making my brain tremble.
Steed jumped up when I burst into his apartment, his eyes full of shock when I clung to him with scrambling fingers.
“Hey, hey.”
I sobbed into him, I couldn’t stop. It was all going wrong. It was all a fucking mess.
Picking me up, he carried me to the sofa where he lowered us both down and allowed me my breakdown.
“Shush,” he whispered as he dropped kisses to my head, his arms holding me tightly and securely. “It’s okay, Katie. It’s okay. I promise I’ll make it better.”
Fury began to trickle its way inside, anger at everything making my blood itch with need. Everyone was falling apart and I couldn’t do anything to help them. My mother was coping with so much on her own. My dad would never survive it again. My brother had gone mad. Aunt Courtney was dead, hacked apart and dumped in a back alley. And I couldn’t do anything to make it all right again.
I clawed at Steed’s t-shirt, bunching the material in my fingers as I lifted my eyes to his. “Hurt me.”
He wasn’t surprised by my request. He knew me by now. But this time, for the first time, he shook his head. “No.”
Narrowing my eyes on him, I tore at his shirt. “Hurt me!”
He remained calm, shaking his head. “No, Katie. This isn’t your fault.”
“I don’t care!” I growled, “I need you to hurt me. Fucking – hurt – me!” I punched him in the chest, needing to bring out his own temper. “Don’t pretend you don’t want to discipline me. I know you do.”
Once again he shook his head. “No, you’re blaming yourself. It isn’t your fault. I won’t punish you for something that you can’t control. That’s not what our relationship is about.”
I bit into my lip, hitting him again. He didn’t move as I slapped at him, my fury becoming overwhelming. He sat watching me when I broke and began to beat him, my screams as wild as my blows as everything burst from me in one almighty storm.
And when I’d done, he picked me up, carried me upstairs and made love to me. Softly, tenderly, adoringly, and with so much love that I clung to him in a fevered sweat as my body let go and my mind withered under the heartache.
***
“Evening, boss,” Louise, the bar manager at The Fox, greeted me when I walked in and slid onto one of the barstools. “I didn’t expect you today.”
“Meeting with Kade,” I explained as my eyes scanned the room for him.
He was sat at a corner table talking to Kris, one of Jake Devine’s men. Lifting a hand to acknowledge him, I ordered a drink and then went over to join them both.
“Katie,” Kris smiled at me. “How’s you and the family?”
“Good,” I lied, “And you?”
Strangely, he shrugged. “The usual.” Picking up his drink, he stood. “I’ll leave you to your business.” Turning to Kade, ne nodded. “You know where I am.”
Kade nodded. “Yeah, count on it.”
“What’s going on?” I asked when Kris went to join a few other men to the other side of the room. “If you’re needing to enlist outside help then it’s something serious.”
“Got a print off that envelope that was sent to Mase,” he explained. “Rich Vaughan.”
“Shit,” I hissed. “So it is personal.”
Kade nodded slowly. “Looks that way. I take it the pics were sent to hurt Mason, and you, after what you did to Jacob.”
“You think this is cos’ of Dad grassing?”
“I dunno,” Kade muttered, his face screwed up in thought. “Seems a bit amateurish for the Vaughans if I’m honest.”
“Yeah.” I couldn’t help but agree with him. Sending pictures of me and Steed just seemed too immature. Rich Vaughan was the sickest shit out there. He wouldn’t do something as tame as hurt someone’s feelings for payback. “One thing bothers me,” I said, “How did the Vaughans know about me and Steed? It wasn’t common knowledge. We were careful, we have been for three years.”
Kade frowned, tipping his head to the side. “Could they have followed you?”
I shrugged. “They could, but I doubt it. I know what this life involves, Kade. I’m careful. I know how to spot a tail. Steed is the same. He always came in the back entrance…”
“I bet he did.”
My mouth fell open but I couldn’t hold back the laughter. “We’re not all like you and my dad.”
He grinned, his blue eyes twinkling with mischief. “He loves it!”
I slapped at him playfully, “Eww, TMI. That’s my dad!”
“There’s something else.” His voice dropped, his humour evaporating. I knew what was coming.
“Mum.”
He blew out a breath, his face paling when a sadness seeped across his handsome face. My mum was so lucky in many aspects, two men absolutely doted on her. It wasn’t the most conventional relationship, but it worked for them. To have the love and support of two men in this shitty world was a privilege we could all use.
Reaching out, I took his hand. “She’s a fighter, Kade. You know that.”
He swallowed and the tears that built in his eyes made my chest tighten. “I don’t know that she has that much fight left, Katie. She’s tired.”
He was right. I had said the very same thing to Steed not an hour ago. But then he’d sat me down and told me the very things I was now saying to Kade.
“But this is my mother,” I told him quietly, leaning towards him. “You and I both know she’ll take this head on like everything else. She’s tired, but she will never give in. She loves you and my dad too much to ever leave you.”
He nodded. He didn’t feel my conviction. Picking up his pint, he downed the rest and stood up. “We better get to this bloody wake; Courtney will have a fit if we’re late for her party.”
I smiled, chuckling and nodding. “Yeah, she always was a stubborn cow.”
A sorrow passed Kade’s eyes. He blew out a breath, blinked back his tears and grabbed my hand. “Let’s go get raging drunk, honey. Give our girl a send-off she’d be proud of.”
Nodding, replicating his long exhalation, I linked his fingers. Then we both went to say goodbye to one of the best.
Thirteen
Mason
I watched Ava stand at the edge of the room. Courtney’s wake had been held in the upstairs room of The Loft. Greg was so distraught that he had been unable to arrange much, so the staff had all rallied round to give Courtney the send-off she deserved. Many of our friends had approached her. She’d given them a quick moment of her time and then she’d given her excuses and moved on. My wife was slowly falling apart. And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to help her.
She gave me a tight smile when I walked over to her and slipped my fingers through hers. The touch of her skin always grounded me, but this time I could feel her itching to move away. “Don’t do this,” I growled quietly, my patience frayed with her.
“Mason!” she hissed when I pulled her through the room of the club and up to the office. It had once been my sane space, in here, but now Katie had decorated, her own shit piled high and untidily. My daughter didn’t take after her mother in anything other than looks, her domestic skills another trait I found annoying.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Ava spat when I kicked the door shut behind us and grabbed her arm.
She gasped when I pushed her against the wall. “I’d like to know the very same thing.”
She blinked, trying to hide her surprise. “What are you on about?”
Her lies were fucking me right off. “Don’t take me for a fool, Ava!”
Shaking her head with anger, she pushed against me. At one time she’d have been able to shift me, but now she was fragile, delicate almost. Her frailty sent bolts of anguish through me but I didn’t show it, I couldn’t show her any mercy. It was dangerous, and we both needed to do this.
“We’re both staying right here until you talk to me.” I pushed her farther back to back-up my declaration. “I’m struggling, Ava. I’m trying to keep Greg above water. I’m trying to keep some fucker off my ass. My son has completely lost his fucking mind. I’ve lost my daughter. No way am I gonna lose you. I need you. Always.”
Her face softened slightly with my last words. I saw her swallow, and the hardness that had lived on her face for the past few weeks crawled back in. “You need to harden up, love. You’re getting soft.”
I stared at her, unable to hide the shock. The rhythm of my heart sped up as I sucked in the gasp that was desperate to get out. “What did you say?”
She shifted her gaze from mine, the bitterness in her fighting with the need for understanding. “We need to talk.” Her voice was quiet, hesitant, and if I hadn’t heard that tone before I wouldn’t have any inkling what was coming. But I had. However, I refused to listen to it.
“No, not if it means what I think it does. You won’t push me away again, Ava. I won’t let you.”
She scoffed, sighing and shaking her head as her blazing eyes found mine. “Believe me, you will wish you’d have run, as far as you possibly could when you hear what I have to say.”
“You have cancer,” I stated bluntly, needing her to see that I loved her no matter what. “I know. But this time I’m going to be right the fuck beside you. I’m your husband, Ava. I will be the one that pulls you through the other side. I’ll be the one that cleans up when you lose control, I’ll…”
“It’s not the cancer!” she cried, her face glowing with fury. “I don’t fucking care if it eats me alive, Mason. I pray it fucking does because I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to fill my lungs with any more rotten air. I don’t want to open my eyes every morning and see nothing but death and destruction… destruction we have created! Death that is our responsibility. Because it’s us, Mason. We’re the rotten, decaying sickness in our children’s lives. They deserve so much better than us, they deserve normality, and security. Not this fucked up version of family.”
I didn’t know where it was all coming from but it spewed from her in a torrent of hatred.
“I look at the twins, and I see us, Mason. Us, twenty years ago. Riddled with hatred and depravity. We created them, we built them to be soldiers of this world we live in. And we did nothing but destroy them in the process.”
“Ava…”
Tears flooded from her, but her fury was more potent, its intensity assaulting me with every vicious syllable.
“She warned me, she warned me. I didn’t listen to her. I told her she was being over-dramatic.” A loud, wretched cry tore from her as her fists beat me. “She told me. SHE TOLD ME!” she screamed. “And I laughed at her. I fucking laughed.”
“Baby…”
She was losing control, the white of her eyes turning yellow with insanity as she continued with her verbal breakdown.
“He hurt her because of us, Mason. He killed her because of us!”
“What?” She wasn’t making sense. “Who, who did?”
“We did that. WE MADE THAT!”
The truth suddenly hit me and I stumbled back, my heart refusing to beat as my ears refused to listen. She couldn’t be saying what I thought she was. She couldn’t. No. No. “No.” It wasn’t even a whisper; it was said on a breath. Yet she heard me.
“Yes!” she hissed, the viciousness with which she looked at me making my stomach roll. “Yes! Our son ripped my best friend to pieces. He hacked her until she was unrecognisable. He tore her face apart.”
My head shook as I took another step back. “No.”
She stepped closer, the hatred rolling off her and wounding my soul with every word. “We created a monster. All because we wanted what we shouldn’t have. Power. Greed, Mason, is an evil thing. We craved it. We needed power, and we were greedy for it. And now we have to pay for it.”
She stood looking down at me as my back slid down the wall. Her beautiful face blurred in my vision as horrified tears of revulsion spilt from me.
“You and I both know we’re to blame. George wasn’t strong enough for this life. Yet we couldn’t stop. We wanted more, needed more, and we dragged him down with us.”
“Baby…”
She laughed, a cold and humourless laugh that froze the blood in my veins. “So come on, Mr Fox. Which of us is it to be?”
I shook my head. “What?”
Quirking an eyebrow at me, she huffed. “Didn’t think so. I pity you,” she sneered. “I pity that you’re so unable to see what’s in front of you.”
She spun on her heels and strolled across the room. I couldn’t move, shock rendering me frozen in place. I watched as she stabbed the safe code into the keypad. “You’re not strong enough,” she mumbled as she took out one of the guns stashed in the safe, and checked it over. “Like I said, you need to harden up. You’ve become soft. Old.”
Narrowing my eyes, I stiffened. “What are you doing?”
She paused for a fraction of a second before turning back to me. “Someone has to do it. Someone has to take life for life, Mason. You know this. It’s the rules.”
I knew what she was saying but I couldn’t quite make myself accept it. She was lost, completely taken by insanity. I’d only ever witnessed this once before, and I never wanted to see it again. I couldn’t let her do this. She would never recover mentally.
Making myself move, I stood up and held my hand out. “I’ll do it, baby. It’s my responsibility.
”
She frowned, tipping her head. I could physically see the craziness creep into her eyes, her exquisite Irish greens dimming into pools of jade sludge. Her right eye was closing; a sign her mind was splitting in two. Her mouth was opening and closing as she silently spoke to herself. My little warrior was losing the fight. Life has pushed and pulled at her for too long, and she had given in. My heart fractured when she shrugged and handed me the gun.
“Okay.” She was so casual, so detached that I knew it was too late. I wanted to join her. I wanted to climb into that void in her mind and hold her until death took us both. Like her, I’d had enough. I was tired, so tired.
Sliding the lock screen on my phone, I dialled Sam, covertly holding it behind my back so she wouldn’t see it but Sam would still hear me. I turned back to Ava as the call connected. “Baby, I’m gonna get Sam to come up here. He’s going to bring my mum.”
“Is your mum here?” she asked, frowning.
I nodded softly. “Yeah, you spoke to her earlier. She’s going to give you something to help with all this pain. She’s going to make it all better now.”
She laughed. “I doubt it.”
I was barely holding onto reality. The pain that was engulfing me was taking my breath from me. My amazing woman was so far from me that I wondered if she’d ever be able to find her way back.
I heard Sam and my mum enter the room and I made my move, scooping Ava into my arms before she could get away. She melted into me, her arms instantly wrapping around me. “Help me,” she whispered, just before my mother slid a needle into her vein and gave her the peace she craved.
Fourteen
Ava
The darkness in my mind cocooned me. It wrapped me in its security and was the only thing keeping me sane. Everything hurt; my veins, my bones, my heart, my soul.
Finding the strength to open my eyes, Mason’s face came into focus. He was laid beside me on the bed, his arm laid over the top of me, protecting me, always protecting me. I had wanted to protect him, save him from the horror of the truth. Yet I had failed at even that.
Decay (Heart of Stone Book 13) Page 9
