“How many people have you killed?” She pulled her hands away from him and crossed her arms. I couldn’t tell if she was kidding.
He looked up at the ceiling in an exaggerated manner and scratched his head. “Let’s see. Over the years, probably thousands. They’re all the same after a while.” He grinned. “Do you want to know where I hide the bodies?”
“Both of you stop it!” I stood in between them. Aidan was trying his hardest to stifle laughter. “Why can’t I know normal people?”
“I’m normal,” Paige insisted.
“Let me give you the rest of the tour and we’ll let Aidan get back to work.” I motioned for her to follow me. “He’s a writer.”
“Oh.” Paige actually sounded impressed as she followed me down the hallway. “I guess that would explain the books.”
“Some people just like to read, Paige.”
“Once I’m done with school, I may never look at a book again. How do you like your e-reader?” She stood in the middle of my room looking at the book overflow.
I hadn’t touched it. “I love it. This is my room. And the end of the tour.”
“You have your own room? I thought you guys were sleeping together.” She sat on the bed and wrinkled her nose. “It’s cute.”
“Our schedules are different. So while sometimes we wind up in bed together,” I giggled, “we actually sleep at different times.”
“What’s your schedule? Did you get a new job and not tell me?”
“I’m not working right now. I started school. So now your mother can rest easy.”
“That’s so awesome!” Paige jumped up and hugged me. “Where are you going? What classes?”
“I’m taking the CNA course at the Red Cross office.” I beamed.
“Oh.” Her face faded. “I thought you meant real school.”
“It is real school. I’ll be certified for a job when I’m done. What will you be qualified for?” I was sorry she came over. Or that she even called me. Because she was making me feel bad, as usual.
“You know I’m only there for my MRS degree.” She chuckled. I didn’t think it was funny at all.
“I’m not going to depend on some man to provide for me. I’ll have a job in a couple weeks, and then I’m going to keep studying until I become an RN. This way I’ll get tuition reimbursement.”
“Keep telling yourself that, Kyndra. Are you working now?”
“No.” Her insinuation left a layer of grime on my skin I liked to think I left behind when I stopped relying on Matt for a place to go.
“Then how are you paying for all of this?”
“Aidan is helping me out.” I held my hand up as her face lit up at the chance to protest. “For now.”
“So you’re fucking him for room and board and tuition.” Paige looked too satisfied, then she mocked me. “I’m not going to depend on some man. Don’t judge me for doing exactly what you’re doing. At least I’ll have a ring on my finger.”
“Would you prefer I stayed in the shelter? Because that’s where I slept when I didn’t want to bother you with my problems. Or at Matt’s house. There’s a strong man to have in my life. I had to fuck him to earn my keep there, too.” Now it was my turn to feel satisfaction at her shock. “Aidan is helping me. And any extracurricular activities are strictly voluntary.”
“You stayed in a shelter?” Her voice was little more than a whisper. She looked like she was going to cry. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“A lot of things happened that I didn’t tell you about.” And I never would. It would confirm all her mother’s fears that the world was really a scary place. “None of that is happening here. Things are good here.”
“But there’s just something about him,” Paige insisted. “I don’t know what, but he made me feel uneasy.”
“You made yourself feel uneasy. You’d already made up your mind to hate him before you even hung up the phone.”
Paige’s mouth dropped open. “Not true!”
“You can’t lie to me. I’m familiar with your work. Seriously, Aidan’s amazing. He writes romance novels under a pen name and he lost his first wife.” I traced my fingers along the seam of my comforter. “He’s still totally in love with her.”
“Kyndra, you’re setting yourself up for disaster.” Paige’s voice softened. “You’re already totally into him, and you don’t think he feels the same way about you, do you?”
I leaned back against my pillows and looked up at the ceiling. “I don’t know. He tells me all the time that I remind him of her. So I don’t know if I’m just taking her place, or what. But that’s the least of my worries, really.”
“Are you sure?” Paige crawled up to the head of the bed and put her head on my shoulder. “I’m sick of you getting hurt.”
“Aidan won’t hurt me, intentionally.” I snuggled in against her. “All good things must come to an end. I should have it tattooed on my forehead.”
“If Aidan writes romance novels, he’s got to believe in happily ever after.” Paige was on his side now? “That’s what I want. And it’s about time someone gives you a reason to start believing, too.”
Fourteen
You’re coming out with me tonight. Paige texted. Remember, I know where you live.
I’d avoided talking to Paige since her visit. Every time I saw her, she made me question every decision I made, including the one to talk to her. I knew she wasn’t happy with herself, the purging was a flashing red light of that. Was she upset that I was moving on in my life without her? She had no way to keep me under her thumb anymore, now that I didn’t have to stay with her. Misery loved company, but so didn’t happiness.
What are we doing? Maybe we’d do something fun, like the movies. But then I realized I had no money, so that was out. Anything but hanging out at her house was out of my budget. The only drawback to not having a job was no income. Otherwise, I was surprised how much I didn’t miss the store. I was sure her mother couldn’t wait to interrogate me about my new living arrangements, if Paige had even bothered to tell her anything. She could hang out here, but I’d worry the whole time that she and Aidan would come to blows.
Does it matter? I miss you.
I knew she wouldn’t understand. I don’t have any money.
Borrow some from your boyfriend! j/k You don’t need any.
There was no way out of this, I had to go out with her. Even if Friday night meant I could stay up all night with Aidan. Maybe I could just go with her for a little while. Yeah, right. Once Paige had her claws in me, she’d never let me go home early.
“Where are you going?” Aidan eyed my skirt and top when I came out of my room.
“Some stupid party with Paige,” I sighed. Now that I had a home again, I enjoyed being a homebody. “I don’t want to go anywhere.”
“You should go.” My heart sank. I wished he asked me to stay. “You’re eighteen. You shouldn’t be sitting in the house on Friday night with an old man like me.”
“But I want to stay with you. Why don’t you come to Paige’s party with me?” I traced the line of his jaw, down his neck. He jumped away. So much for being sexy. “What was that all about?”
“It tickled.” Aidan sounded distracted. “And as appealing as Paige’s stupid party sounds, I’ll take a rain check.”
“Can we go someplace tomorrow night?” We hadn’t gone out since New Year’s Eve. Maybe he had a point. Going out with Paige tonight was a smart idea. My life needed to consist of more than just Aidan.
“Where would you like to go?” he asked, mimicking my movement but tracing his finger down the side of my leg.
To bed. With you. Right now. But that’s not what he meant. “Surprise me.”
He leaned down and kissed right above my knee. My body tingled in appreciation. “Deal.”
Paige texted me and I met her at the curb, where she was waiting in her car. “What have you been doing?” she asked me as soon as I buckled myself in.
“School. The usual. Why?�
�
“That’s not what I mean.” She laughed as she pulled into traffic. “Your lips are so swollen, you look like you had Botox. Did I interrupt something?”
I put my hand up to my mouth, and it did feel tender to the touch. “Why would I ever get Botox?”
“You know what I mean, Kyndra.”
“I didn’t know I had to ask your permission to kiss someone.” I turned my swollen lips toward the window.
“Man, jump down my throat much?” How did Paige always turn these things around to make me feel like a jerk?
“Why do you judge everything I do?” Another great start to hanging out. “I feel like I can never do anything right.”
“If you feel that way, it’s not because of anything I’ve said.” She sounded indignant. “All I do is try to help you.”
“I don’t want to fight with you. But some of the things you say really hurt.” I glared at her as she drove into familiar territory.
“I just wanted to know is if you had been making out with your sexy weirdo. Geesh.” She stopped at the red light near my old neighborhood.
“See? Aidan’s not a weirdo. Stop it.” Unreal. “Where are we going?”
“High school house party!” Paige whooped. “At Jimmy’s house. It will be awesome to see everyone.”
She had to be kidding. “I don’t want to see those people!”
“Why not?”
I turned my face back to the window, wishing I could jump out of it. “What am I supposed to say? ‘Oh you spent the summer in Europe? I spent mine on the streets.’ It’s just awkward.”
“You’re fine now. And I already told everyone that.”
Shaking my head slightly, I didn’t say anything else. I could only imagine what she told them. Paige might mean well, but as much as it hurt, I needed to break away from her.
In school I hadn’t been close with the person hosting this party, and I didn’t think Paige had been, either. She wrapped him in a big hug, and repeated the action as she entered the room, hugging and kissing everyone. Feeling awkward since I didn’t get the same reception, I wandered around the living area of the house, not sure what to do with myself.
“Hey, Kyndra,” a girl who had been in a lot of my classes approached me. “I didn’t think I’d see you here.”
“Me neither.” I tried to make the best of it. “What have you been up to?”
“I’m applying to study abroad next year. I’m hoping for India.” She leaned in closer. “You look great, considering everything.”
What had Paige told everyone? I stayed diplomatic. “It’s been a tough year, but I’m getting back on my feet.”
“Coke is an ugly drug, I’m rooting for you to break the addiction.” She seemed oblivious to my shock. I didn’t think anyone knew I’d done that. “I know you’ve done some things you aren’t proud of, but you can bounce back.”
I looked around to see if anyone heard what she said. Did I hear her right? I wanted to crawl under the couch. “What are you talking about? What did Paige tell you?” I whispered.
She looked confused, and moved closer to me. “I didn’t talk to Paige. Your boyfriend is my boyfriend’s weed supplier. I don’t like that he does that stuff, but he says it helps him relax. I went with him to make a pick up, and he realized I’d gone to school with you.”
My hand flew up to my mouth. At first I thought she meant Aidan, but she could only be talking about one person. “Matt isn’t my boyfriend. He never was, and he never will be. Excuse me.” I needed to find Paige. Now.
“What?” Paige looked annoyed when I grabbed her arm. She was in the middle of a pack of girls I didn’t care if I never saw again. “Just relax and enjoy yourself, Kyndra.”
“Maybe she needs a fix,” one of them said, and the rest of them burst into laughter. “She looks a little jittery.”
“Or to put on a show.” More laughter.
“All these people think I’m a coke whore,” I whispered. At one time, they would have been right.
“I didn’t say that!” Paige slammed down her cup in a sea of abandoned bottles on the counter. “What is wrong with you tonight? If you didn’t want to come out, you should have just said so.”
“She told us you were in rehab now,” one of Paige’s friends offered.
“I’m not in rehab! I applied to work at a rehab center. I’m taking my CNA test next week. Jesus, I’m not a cokehead,” I snapped at the crowd, then turned back to her. “I’ll be outside.”
Since I never had a chance to put down my coat, I still had it tucked under my arm. Pulling it on as I fought through the groups of smokers out front, I dug my phone out my pocket. I hated to bother Aidan, but I needed to get out of here. Now.
“Come get me,” I pleaded, leaning up against a tree a few houses down. Slush seeped into my shoes. “Please.”
“You’ve barely been gone an hour.” He laughed, but stopped when I sighed. “Okay. Give me the address.”
I got excited every time a dark car turned the corner down the street, but none of them were Aidan. Too soon. A white SUV made the turn, its stereo bass vibrated my bones even at a distance. I squinted, hoping I wasn’t as familiar with the car as I thought I was.
The SUV slowed as it approached me. “Walking the streets now?” Matt poked his head out the window and spit. “Is this your new job?”
Instead of answering him, I kept walking. Matt threw the car in reverse, keeping pace with me. “We miss you at the house, princess.”
“Are you nuts?” I hollered at him. “You’re going to kill someone. Stop it!”
He slammed on the brakes, the car rocked back and forth from the force. A couple of his boys peered out the window at me. I pulled my coat tightly around my body, feeling exposed, and shot my audience a nasty look before I started walking again.
Matt backed up more, only stopping when a horn honked frantically behind him. “I hear your playing house with your new sugar daddy. Stop acting like you’re too good for me. You’re still a worthless whore. You’ll be right back where you started when he figures you out.”
“Shut up!” I yelled, not looking at him. Someone flipped on their porch light to voice their distaste for our argument.
“You’ll be begging me to come back when he gets sick of you, princess.” Laughter came from the back seat of his car, barely audible over the honking horn of the driver behind him. “You better lose some weight before you start begging. I don’t fuck fat chicks.”
Why did everyone keep commenting on my weight? My clothes were tighter, but they still fit. I wasn’t wandering the streets in my spare time and eating more than once a day, so I didn’t look strung out anymore. I thought it was an improvement. And I felt a million times better, healthy for the first time in a long time.
I hyperventilated the whole time I waited for Aidan. Matt must have had business at the party, and didn’t drive by again. What a bunch of hypocrites. The last thing Matt needed to see was me getting picked up from a street corner, especially climbing into a nice car. And I didn’t want him and Aidan to cross paths, ever.
“Let’s go for a ride, how does that sound?” Aidan didn’t ask what was wrong when he arrived, he just fixed the problem. Being with him was like being able to shed my mask from all the people who pointed and whispered, and just be myself. No judgment. I nodded, and I wasn’t sure if he saw me or not since he’d pulled back on to the main street.
“Everyone that I met before you treats me like I’m trash.” I traced my finger along the edge of the window as I spoke. “All they want to believe is the worst about me.”
“Why do you think that is?” he asked. My breath caught in my throat, since I wasn’t prepared for that question.
I watched the world pass by as he drove. Everything always looked the same, no matter what happened. I needed to think about my answer. “Because no one ever forgot when my mom showed up shitfaced to the science fair in junior high and knocked over Jimmy Sullivan’s erupting volcano. Because I let those sa
me people walk all over me. I let them treat me like crap.”
“You aren’t your mother.”
“But I’m doing a pretty good job at following in her footsteps.” Now was the best time to tell him about Matt, the sooner the better, as much as I didn’t want to. He still circled my life, and like Aidan had said before, he didn’t like surprises. “I just saw my ex.” I just told that girl Matt had never been my boyfriend, but we had been together in more ways than I wanted to admit.
“I take it you didn’t have a happy reunion.”
“He’s a drug dealer.” I stopped to watch for Aidan’s reaction. He nodded, barely, as we went through the toll booth on the Pike. “Weed, pills, coke. I did all of that, when I was with him.”
“Did you like it?” I’d expected him to be disgusted.
“I hated it. I hated myself for not having the control to say no. I hated that I needed to go back to him, but some nights I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I did whatever he had because it just made everything go away.”
“Are you still doing those things?”
“No,” I said quickly. “I’m not going to say the temptation isn’t there, when things aren’t going my way. Matt makes me feel like less than a person, especially when drugs are involved. The girls who can’t pay for their fix, he makes them do things they don’t want to do. I can’t be sure of what I’ve done when I was messed up. But everyone at that party thought I was an addict.”
“You’re not an addict.” Aidan spit out the words.
“I’m not so sure. Am I? Maybe I just replaced one thing with another. Now I crave you. I knew that party was going to be awful, but that’s not why I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to leave you. And you need to know I’m not perfect. I’m not Marielle. I don’t deserve you.”
“You deserve what you think you deserve. You didn’t want to stay with Matt anymore, and you made the decision to stay with me. You knew you wanted a better job, and you signed up for school. Just because the options were there didn’t make it automatic. You chose better things for yourself. What you want is what you deserve.” He locked eyes with me, speeding down the highway, then looked away and swerved to avoid a slow car at the last minute. Like my heart could pound any harder.
Silent Night: Vampire Holiday Romance (The Night Songs Collection Book 4) Page 9
