Sam guarded herself from Landon’s pain. The confusion that creased his brow was the beginning of the end of his love for her. He was seeing who she really was. What awful things she was capable of.
Before she could stop herself, she drove the last nail in the coffin. “Go home, Landon.” The steadiness of her tone belied the quaking inside her. “Just go.”
I don’t deserve you, and I never will.
He took another step away, his gaze fixed on her. She felt his withdrawal, and her soul cried out, contradicting her words.
Love me anyway. Don’t leave me.
Don’t be a fool, Sam. It’s not a matter of if, only when.
He stilled, not reaching for the screen door. His eyes impaled her, and she knew this moment would haunt her forever.
How could you do this to him? Look at his face, Sam. He doesn’tdeserve it.
He deserves better than you.
“Go home,” she said firmly. “Just stay away from me.” She was doing what was best for both of them. Someday the ache would go away. Wouldn’t it?
His jaw tightened. “You don’t mean that.”
How could he know what she meant? What she thought? Hadn’t she just proven he didn’t know her at all? “I do,” she said past the lump in her throat.
Say it like you mean it, Sam, or all this will be for nothing.
Sam listened to the voice. It had kept her safe so far. “I don’t want you to come back, hear? Just leave us alone.”
She saw regret and compassion mingle on his face, but she turned and opened the door before she lost her courage.
He didn’t stop her this time.
Once Sam hobbled over the threshold, she closed the door and leaned against it. Her good leg was as unstable as a rickety table. Her hands trembled. She slid down the door, letting her legs fold, ignoring the pain in her ankle. It was no match for the pain in her heart.
With her head against the door, she heard the slap of the screen door. She heard the heaviness of Landon’s feet on the steps. She had dropped her secret, and it had exploded like a bomb in his face.
He wouldn’t be back. She had what she wanted.
But in the quietness of the room, she couldn’t help but wonder why she only felt empty.
Twenty-seven
The call of an eastern phoebe jarred Sam from a restless sleep. Her mind had turned all night, like the constant tide, not allowing her past the fringes of light sleep.
She turned and squinted at the clock. It read 7:18. Her thoughts went back to the night before. The kiss. She allowed her mind to entertain the feelings Landon had invoked, let them linger for just a moment before she chased them away.
It was over now. He knew everything.
The glare of the sun through her curtains annoyed her. How dare the day be sunny and bright? It should be raining. The sky should be heavy and dark with angry clouds.
Stop wallowing, Sam, and get off your behind. You’ve got work to do.
The sooner she got done, the sooner she could leave. That thought alone roused her from the comfort of the bed. She couldn’t begin to forget Landon until she was away from him.
Sam showered and checked her ankle. The swelling had gone down considerably. It hurt only when she put weight on it. She rewrapped it and popped two Advil. She didn’t feel like eating but had two slices of toast anyway, then she set a few things on the front porch for lunch, since the floor would be off-limits until it dried.
Landon had already taped off the woodwork, so she hobbled on her crutches to the porch, where he’d put the supplies. It shouldn’t be too hard to roll on the polyurethane, even with her bum ankle.
She opened the windows before she started. The curtains lay still against the warm morning, and she realized it was going to stink to high heaven quickly. She wondered for the first time if they’d be able to sleep there with the fumes. She turned on the bathroom fan and hoped for the best.
Saving the worry for later, she poured the liquid into the clean pan and set to work. The liquid spread easily, but her good leg fatigued from supporting her weight. The small kitchen took longer than she anticipated, but when she was done, she set the roller in the pan and stood back.
See, this won’t be so bad. You can do it on your own.
Next she began moving the living room furniture into the bedrooms. It was a tedious process using only the strength of one leg. She set each piece on a rug and pushed so as not to scrape the floor. The sofa and chair barely fit through the doorway, and by the time the room was empty, her ankle throbbed.
When she finished moving the furniture, she checked her ankle. It was swollen again, and she knew being on her feet all day wasn’t good, but she didn’t really have a choice.
Sam began in the corner, leaving a path from the front door to their bedroom and bathroom. She’d have to wait until tomorrow to move the bedroom furniture into the living room. Caden would be here to help, but even so, the beds would have to be taken apart and reassembled. Why hadn’t she thought about that?
Sam hoped the work would keep her mind off Landon and the loneliness that hit her the moment he left.
It’ll be better when you’re in Boston. You’ll forget the island. You’llforget Landon.
She wasn’t sure she believed the voice this time. She hadn’t forgotten Landon before, not really. What made her think she would forget him now after he’d seeped so deeply into her heart?
The look in his eyes after she told him about Bailey flashed in her mind. The look of betrayal had been bad enough, but when she told him she was responsible for his brother’s death, she killed something inside him. She killed his love for her.
It shouldn’t hurt so much. Had she not accomplished what she’d set out to do?
Sam knew what he was thinking when that look passed over his face. He might have forgiven the betrayal. Maybe even the mistake that caused Bailey’s death. But she had kept the truth from him when he was desperate for answers. A decent person would have told him the truth immediately.
He’d come to her in the middle of the night, after she took a cab home. She was sound asleep and awoke to a firm tapping sound.
Sam opened her eyes and looked around, trying to place the sound. The only thing she heard was the patter of rain on the roof. Her mouth felt like it was stuffed with dryer lint, and her head pounded.
The memory of what she’d done with Bailey came down on her like a hammer. She went out with him on the boat. She slept with him.
What have I done?
A tap on her window startled her. She saw the shadow of a person behind the gauzy curtains and started.
As the adrenaline faded, she came to her senses. Maybe it was Bailey. Maybe he’d come to his senses too.
What was she going to do now? Why did you do such a foolish thing,Sam?
The tap came again, louder, and she knew she’d better open the window before Emmett woke.
Sam pulled back the curtain. It was Landon’s face, not Bailey’s, that stared back at her. His widened eyes struck her with fear.
She jerked up the window, fighting the old wooden sash.
“Sam. Thank God.” He laid his forehead against the screen.
A thread of anxiety rippled through her.
His breaths came hard, as if he’d run all the way over. His wet hair clung to his head. Even in the darkness, she could see his white dress shirt was soaked through.
“What’s wrong?” She whispered so Emmett wouldn’t wake.
He lifted his head and looked at her. “It’s Bailey. We think he took Dad’s boat out.”
Thunder rumbled, and a few seconds later, lightning flashed across the night sky.
“Dad’s boat is gone, and Bailey is missing.”
Bailey was missing? In the storm? “I’ll get dressed.”
“No, wait.”
His eyes were black shadows. “We’ve already found the boat. It capsized. There’s no sign of Bailey.”
Sam’s breath caught. Her hand covered h
er mouth. “I have to help.” She made a move to stand.
“There’s nothing you can do.” Landon’s eyes grazed her face like a caress. Water trickled down his face. She wondered if tears mixed with the rain. “Sam, I . . . I thought . . . I was afraid you were on that boat too.”
Her heart seized. Why would he think that? Had someone seen them together?
“I haven’t seen you since you were talking to Miss Biddle by the refreshment table. I was so afraid I’d lost you.” Landon reached out as if to touch her, but his fingers connected with the screen instead.
It had been right after she left Miss Biddle that Bailey approached and asked if she wanted to get some fresh air. It was his idea to take the boat out. He fished bottles of beer from the ice-filled containers behind the bar and slipped outside.
With sudden clarity, she remembered her last sight of Bailey sleeping in the captain’s chair, the boat rocking gently He couldn’t be dead. He’d just been sitting there. He’d looked so peaceful.
“Tie me off, will you?”
The words struck her heart like an arrow. She tied off the boat, didn’t she?
But she couldn’t remember doing it. No!
Think, Sam. You must have done it. You had so much to drink.Maybe you just don’t remember.
But she remembered what happened after she got out of the boat. Her stomach had turned. She’d run to the edge of the pier and vomited over the side.
What next? She remembered looking back at Bailey, seeing he was asleep. She’d turned and walked away. She’d left him there in the boat.
Landon pulled away. “I have to get back to my parents. They’re waiting at the club.” He wiped the rain from his face. “We’re hoping the boat just came loose from the dock. Maybe he’ll just walk in the door and say, ‘Hey, what’s up?’ you know?”
But she knew better. Bailey had been in that boat when it drifted off, and it was her fault. Tell him, Sam.
“I’ll call as soon as they hear anything.”
Say it! “Okay.” She knew she should at least go with him. He needed her now. He would need her if Bailey never came home. But fear and guilt held her captive.
He called Sam the next morning and told her they hadn’t found Bailey yet. In her heart, she knew they would never see Bailey alive again. Landon and his parents agonized over Bailey’s disappearance, but she was too afraid to tell them what she’d done. When his body washed ashore the day after that, she was relieved the wait was over.
Now, the darkness of those days filled her again. She should have told them. Why hadn’t she just been honest? How Landon must hate her now.
Sam filled her roller and swiped it across the floor, trying to shake the nightmare. Instead, the mindless task was like a playground for her wandering thoughts.
A knock on the front door startled her. What if it was Landon? What would she say? Get a reality check, Sam. Why would Landoncome back after what you told him? You’re the last person he wants to see.
She set the roller down and limped to the door. The lock turned easily, and she pulled open the door. Caden stood on the porch with her bag, wrapped in a beach towel, her hair hanging in damp straggles along her face.
“Hi, honey.” She stepped aside to let her in and waved at Melanie as she backed out of the drive. “Watch the floor; it’s wet over there.”
Sam pushed the door shut. “Did you thank Mrs. Walker?”
“Yeah.” Caden wrinkled up her nose. “Shooweee! It stinks in here.”
“I have the windows open, but it’s not doing much good.”
She waved her hand under her nose. “I’m going outside.”
“Change first,” Sam said.
Caden disappeared into the bedroom, climbing over the sofa to get to the dresser.
A few minutes later she appeared in the doorway wearing her khaki shorts and Red Sox T-shirt. The sun had added a few new freckles on her nose, and her skin had darkened a shade. Like Sam, she’d never been one to burn.
“Did you have fun?” Sam asked.
“Yep. The surf side is sweet.” She yawned. “I’m tired all of a sudden.”
“It’s the sun.” Sam remembered the times Landon’s mom took them to the other side of the island. The waves weren’t huge, but to a kid with a Boogie Board, it was like a liquid amusement park. When she’d come home, she’d always been beat.
“I guess watching TV is out of the question.” Caden stared at the TV pushed into the corner of their room.
“For now.” Sam set the roller down. “When this dries, I’ll need your help moving the bedroom furniture so I can do those floors.” Even with the two of them, they’d have to take the drawers from the dresser and chest to lift them.
Caden plopped on her bed and stretched out. “We can’t move this heavy stuff.”
“Sure we can. You’re a strong gymnast, right?”
“What about your ankle?”
“It hasn’t stopped me so far.” Sam gestured to the furniture she’d moved into the bedroom. Caden needn’t know it took her over an hour to do it.
“Just have Landon do it.” Caden clasped her hands behind her head and closed her eyes.
Sam knew she had to tell Caden something. Landon had been around constantly, and she would notice his absence sooner or later. She leaned against the door frame. “Listen, honey, Landon is busy. I don’t think he’ll be coming over anymore.”
Caden turned her head toward Sam. “Why not?”
How much should she say? As little as possible, if you’re smart. “He has a job, honey. We can’t just expect him to drop his life and come to our rescue. Besides, we can do this. The two of us, what do you say?” She injected some enthusiasm as if it were some wild adventure and not boring house maintenance.
Sam knew Caden wasn’t buying it when she sat up slowly and dangled her feet over the edge of the bed. “Landon said he was on vacation. He said he’d be here all week.”
Sam hadn’t counted on that. She guessed Landon and Caden had talked plenty while they worked together. “Things changed. His plans changed, so now it’s just us. Don’t worry—we can do it.”
Caden cocked her head. “Something happened while I was gone, didn’t it?”
The girl was far too perceptive for an eleven-year-old. Sam should have known. But this was grown-up stuff—and none of her business. Sam crossed her arms and spoke firmly. “We’ll be finishing up the house alone, Caden. That’s all you need to know.” She turned to go.
“What did you do?” Her daughter’s voice was accusing.
Sam turned. “This is none of your business, missy, and I’ll thank you not to use that tone with me.”
“You chased him away, didn’t you?” Tears welled up in her eyes. “Why? He’s the nicest man ever!”
Sam stared at Caden, her thoughts whirling. When had her daughter grown so attached to Landon? Was it because he was her uncle? Having a relative was a novelty for Caden. A male relative. Had Caden begun to think of him as a father figure? Sam remembered the way they danced together a couple of days ago and realized Landon had slipped into her daughter’s affections the same way he’d slipped into hers. Sam’s heart bottomed out.
“Amber’s dad calls her princess.” Caden swiped at the corners of her eyes. “I want a dad who calls me princess too.”
If only it were so simple. “Amber’s parents are divorced. Her dad doesn’t even live with her.” And sometimes it was better having no dad at all than a bad one. She wanted to tell Caden what Emmett had called her. Princess didn’t come close.
“Well, at least she has a dad. I don’t have anybody.”
The words struck their target. “You have me.” Sam was her mom, and she was committed to Caden. It was more than she had as a girl.
If Sam had hoped for an apology, she was disappointed. Instead, Caden glared at her.
Sam’s head pounded, and she rubbed her temples. It was going to be a long four days.
Twenty-eight
Landon walked along th
e cobblestone sidewalks down Main Street, pulling back on Max’s leash. Summer people and tourists meandered down the walk, pointing in windows and crowding into shops. They smiled and laughed, seemingly at peace. Meanwhile, his own thoughts spun like a whirlpool.
He’d gone back to work the past three days, trying to stay busy, keep his mind off Sam. He ran errands in the evenings, arriving home late and tired. Now, as the sun sank low on the horizon, he was out of reasons not to go home.
Sam.
He could almost feel his blood pressure building at the thought of her. He’d lain awake each night thinking about what she’d said. There was so much to take in, starting with Caden. Bailey’s daughter. His niece.
His dad had a granddaughter he didn’t know about, and his mom—would things have been different if she’d known? Would knowledge of Bailey’s daughter have been enough to live for?
Her health declined rapidly after his brother’s death. Bailey had been so much like his father, and his mother doted on him. Landon knew she loved him too, but there was a special connection between his mother and Bailey. When he died, something in his mother died as well. Bailey’s death ushered in the end of their family as he’d known it.
And Sam was responsible.
The thought hit him fresh, and his heart squeezed as if a muzzle had clamped tightly around it. Why hadn’t she told him all those years ago? She let them wonder for two days. Two unbearable days.
Hearing the truth had been hard enough without realizing why Sam told him to begin with. It didn’t escape him that Sam had done it to push him away. She’d done everything in her power to deny her feelings, and when that failed, she broke his heart. First with her betrayal with Bailey, then with the truth about his death.
He hoped she was happy now. Alone and happy.
Max barked, and he rushed forward, pulling the leash taut.
Landon followed Max’s line of vision. Scott stood beside his tour van, talking to a middle-aged woman dressed in clothes better suited to a teenager. He slowed his steps, wishing he could sneak away, but Max was already at Scott’s side.
Max nuzzled Scott’s hand, and he looked down. “Hey, Max.” He petted the dog and looked at Landon. “Hey, Max’s owner.” He answered the tourist’s question, then turned to Landon when she walked away.
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