True: Ethan

by Rowan McBride

  Ethan smiled, nodded.

  Brendan dragged him against his body. “I won’t let you down.”

  Ethan inhaled, delighting in the scent of sex and sweat, earth and wildflowers. He noticed he’d lost a few inches overnight, and he wondered again about his mate’s tastes.

  For once in his life, he had the freedom to ask.

  “Brendan?” He gently untangled himself from the embrace. “I’ve changed.”

  Brendan’s brow furrowed, his knuckles gliding along Ethan’s cheek a few seconds. Then he broke into a smile. “Oh, your hair and eyes? They look nice.”

  This response confused him. Brendan was aware of the change, yet it didn’t seem to affect his opinion of Ethan one way or the other. It was as if Brendan didn’t really see his outer shell. “This is what you find attractive?”

  His hand paused on Ethan’s cheek. “Sure.”

  The one time he could have an open discussion with his mate and he couldn’t seem to find the right question. Ethan glanced briefly at the mirror. “But that man… He’s so plain. Why would you make these kinds of changes? How can someone like that be your fantasy?”

  Brendan’s confusion seemed to match Ethan’s frustration. “I’m not sure what you’re asking me. I didn’t make any changes, and the only fantasy I’ve ever had is to know the real you.”

  “The real…” His gaze whipped back to his reflection as he realized why that face looked so familiar. “This is my true form,” he whispered, before laughing softly. “How depressing.”

  A strong hand gripped his chin, turned his face around. “Why is it depressing?”

  He smiled, shy and embarrassed. “It’s just… I’ve been beautiful since I was seventeen. I’d forgotten how small I was, how bland I appeared.”

  Brendan didn’t return his smile. “How can you say that? Anyone would feel small around me—I’m six foot five. And nothing about you is bland. You’ve got gold spokes radiating in your eyes, and that same gold threading through your hair. If I tilt your head”—he tipped Ethan’s head back—“they catch the light and burn to life.”

  Ethan’s lips parted. He hadn’t known… He hadn’t known humans could think this way. “So the real me isn’t a disappointment?”

  “Ethan…” Brendan chuckled, lowered his head. “You’re so cute.”

  Their bond was still fresh, and—even if Brendan was True—it would take them a long time to slip into sync. That forced Ethan to use something as unreliable as spoken language to communicate. “You’ve always thought so, haven’t you? And it had nothing to do with my appearance.”

  A kiss was his answer. A slow, deep, devoted kiss.

  Ethan could hardly breathe when it was done.

  Brendan slipped his hands around his waist and tugged him close. “How about I order room service? After I get some fuel, I can see about keeping up with you in bed.”

  “You were amazing. The most Jeff could ever do was—” He snapped his mouth shut. Not again.

  Brendan’s eyes crinkled at the corners. “Well, you gotta say it now. How many times could my brother fuck in a night?”

  Abashed, Ethan answered in a whisper. “Two.”

  Brendan’s mouth crooked. “I probably shouldn’t feel as good about that as I do.” He ran a thumb over Ethan’s lips. “I’ve never met anyone with your kind of stamina. Give me a little time, and I’ll match your speed, okay?”

  No human could match a Novahn’s passion, but Ethan humored him. “All right. I can order the food while you take a shower.”

  Brendan straightened and rubbed at the nape of his neck. “Yeah, I am feeling a little…ripe.”

  Personally, Ethan liked the scent of hard loving, but he knew how humans were. He waited until Brendan disappeared behind the shower curtain and turned on the water, smiling as the scent in the room took on a trace of wildflowers caught in the rain. He’d never paid so much attention to the smell of a mate before, and he wanted to linger, but he forced himself to return to the bedroom.

  There was a menu on the nightstand, and he took a seat on the bed as he scanned its contents. Some items leapt out to him—fresh fruit, oatmeal, poached eggs, whole grain waffles, milk.

  These must be the things Brendan liked for breakfast.

  He picked up the phone and ordered them all.

  Ten minutes later there was a knock at the door.

  Surprised, Ethan went to answer it. “Your service is—” His voice died in his throat.

  Jeff.

  Ethan couldn’t say anything. He could only stare up at his former mate.

  Jeff checked the piece of paper in his hand, glanced at Ethan. “Sorry, man. I must have the wrong room.”

  He doesn’t recognize me.

  The knowledge cut deep. He hadn’t changed so much, had he? Surely after six years, Jeff would see something familiar, no matter the form?

  “Wh-who are you looking for?”

  Jeff’s gaze traveled the length of his body. “My little brother. Brendan Hollings.”

  Ethan wondered how he looked, dressed in clothes a size too big. Did Jeff think it odd? Did he even notice?

  As if on cue, Brendan emerged, a towel wrapped low around his hips. “Is that room service? I’m starved.” He paused when he caught sight of Jeff. “Hey, bro.”

  Jeff raised his eyes and grinned. “Catch you at a bad time?”

  “Nope.” Brendan returned to the bedroom, leaving the door open as he dropped the towel and dragged on a pair of pants. “Come on in.”

  Ethan stepped aside, and Jeff walked on by him. “Who’s your friend?” he asked, taking a seat at the desk.

  “His name is Ethan.” Brendan didn’t bother with a shirt as he sat on the foot of the bed. “Don’t talk about him like he’s not here.”

  Ethan wanted to run, hide, crawl into a hole. But he could only trail into the bedroom, stand awkwardly by the wall.

  “Ethan?” Jeff turned his head, gave him another appraising look.

  “Yes,” he answered softly.

  Jeff stared a moment longer, then shook his head. “I knew someone named Ethan, a long time ago.”

  A long time ago? It was barely thirty days!

  Ethan hid his hands behind his back, curling them into fists so tight that his fingernails cut into his palms.

  “Funny,” said Jeff, turning his attention back to his brother. “I always thought you had a thing for my Ethan. Isn’t that why you came to town?”

  Some of the anger ebbed.

  His Ethan?

  Brendan leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I’ve been here a week, and this is the first time you’ve visited me. What’s up?”

  Jeff looked around. “This is a nice place. You tapping into your trust fund?”

  “No. Got promoted to head of software development at Lucent Systems. The pay’s not bad.”

  “Ah. You always were a smart kid, graduating from college early and everything.” Jeff stared at the carpet by his feet. “Have you talked to him? My Ethan?”

  Ethan’s breath caught.

  Brendan’s gaze locked on him a long, taut moment before drifting back to Jeff. “Why do you ask?”

  “Was wondering how he’s doing, is all.”

  Ethan fell forward a step.

  Brendan’s hands linked together, turning white from the pressure even as his voice stayed calm. “You miss him?”

  “Yes.” Jeff lifted his head. “A lot more than I thought I would.”

  That love, that old bond, tugged at Ethan. He wanted to ask that forbidden question.

  Why did you dump me?

  Brendan asked it for him. “Then why did you dump him?”

  Jeff shrugged. “He was just so…loving. So happy. And he kept trying to shower me with it. I thought he was smothering me.”

  Ethan blanched.

  “But I was wrong.” Jeff blew out a soft breath. “It’s quiet without him around. And the apartment’s not as bright.”

  The faint shadows under his eyes,
the tension around his mouth. Jeff had always been so hard to read, even after six years, but this pain was raw and etched into every facet of him.

  Brendan stood and thrust his hands into his pockets. “Sorry to hear that, man. I’ll let him know if I see him.”

  “Thanks.” Jeff gave his head a rough shake and smiled as he got to his feet. “Want to hang out later? Dinner or something?”

  “Dinner sounds good. I’ll give you a call.”

  “All right, then. See you later.” Jeff nodded at Ethan. “Nice to meet you.”

  Ethan nodded as well and watched him leave, staring at the closed door.

  “He wants you back.”

  He spun to see Brendan standing stiff by the bed. “I—”

  “Do you want him back?”

  Want him back? The concept sent swirls of unease throughout his body. “Our bond is broken. He’s not my mate.”

  Brendan’s muscles tensed, and Ethan immediately knew he’d said the wrong thing. “You’ve got a chance to fix it now. Have a happily ever after with the man you love.”

  Not wanting to say the wrong thing again, Ethan carefully thought through his words. Yes, he wanted a happily ever after with the man he loved. But how to let Brendan know that in no uncertain terms? “I—”

  “Fuck it.”

  Ethan froze. “What?”

  Brendan’s eyes narrowed into emerald slits. “If you had to think about it that long, then it’s obvious what you really want. Go on, get out of here.”

  The fragile bond between them cracked. Ethan looked into his face, saw that he was serious. He wanted to fight—wanted to beg—to stay.

  But he couldn’t.

  It wasn’t the Novahn way.

  He ran a slow hand through his brown hair and turned to leave. “Goodbye, Brendan.”

  Ethan walked out of the suite, closed the door behind him, and tried to keep his heart from crumbling into dust.

  * * * *

  With no home, no mate, no life, he simply wandered the city for a while. This new face—his real face—blended seamlessly into the crowds around him, and it was surprisingly easy to duck into a quiet place now and then to shed a few tears. Nobody noticed when he chuckled to himself.

  Dumped again.

  As children, they were taught that loneliness simply wasn’t part of their genetic makeup. As an adult, Ethan couldn’t help but think some of those lessons were wrong. That loneliness might be at the very core of who they were. Yet the human in him needed shelter, friendship, sanctuary.

  And there was one person in this city who’d always offered him all those things without hesitation.

  Ethan knocked on her door, and his eyes rounded when it swung open.

  “You’re alive,” whispered Myra.

  “Your hair is black.”

  “You look like you did when we were kids.”

  “It wasn’t black last night.”

  “Cooper and I got back together.”

  “Brendan wanted to know the real me and then sent me away.”

  “Oh,” they said in unison and threw their arms around each other.

  An hour later, they were eating Chinese food in her living room.

  “I’m glad you mated with him, even if he did dump you.” Myra balanced a piece of chicken between her chopsticks. It didn’t quite make it to her mouth. “At least you’ve got another lunar cycle of life. We’ll find you another mate.”

  Ethan sighed, removed the chopsticks from her hand, and replaced them with a plastic fork. “I can’t. I know I can’t. Brendan was True.”

  “If he was True, he wouldn’t have sent you away.”

  He frowned. “Maybe it’s because he’s human. Maybe the bond doesn’t twine around his heart the way it does with mine.”

  “Do you love him?”

  Ethan lost his appetite and set his carton on the coffee table. “Yes.”

  “Did you tell him?”

  He stopped short. They’d skipped over that part. Would it have changed things? “Everything happened so fast. I didn’t get a chance.”

  Myra shook her fork at him. “That’s his fault, not yours. I did the same to Cooper. Then he came here last night to—”

  Ethan sat straight. “Cooper knows where you live?”

  “Yes, he knows. Like you’re one to lecture.”

  Against all odds, a smile tugged at his mouth. “Sorry.”

  Myra’s answering smile was bright and full of love. “Anyway, as I was saying, Cooper came here last night to speak from his heart, and suddenly my hair was midnight again.”

  “He didn’t notice such a sudden transformation?”

  She leaned her elbows on the table. “It was weird. Like he saw past the form and right into me.”

  “It was the same with Brendan,” he said softly.

  “That’s too bad. Some rules we just can’t break, no matter how badly we want it.”

  Ethan slid off the couch and to the floor. “Why did you tell Brendan the truth about us? If the elders find out, they’re going to lock you away.”

  She sobered. “He showed up at my door and started telling me how he had to find you. I remembered how you were always saying that Jeff was almost a perfect fit, almost True. I thought maybe you just had the wrong brother, missed your True mate by one. Because I was desperate to save you, I took a chance.”

  His best friend was so brave. He didn’t deserve her. “Thank you. I won’t squander your gift.” His smile didn’t waver as more of his life’s energy slipped from him. They both knew there was no recovering this time, but he wanted to make it easier for her. “When my cycle ends, will you spend the last hours of my life with me?”

  She bowed her head, nodded.

  He caught her gaze. “Promise me no tears?”

  She hiccupped but gave him a trembling smile. “I promise.”

  Myra would break that promise, he knew. The idea was nice, though. It would help them get through these weeks as his energy started to wane. He doubted he would cry—his eyes could not possibly make any more tears. But he’d promised himself a few things as well. And he intended to stay true.

  This time, he would make no effort to find another mate.

  This time, he would not face his death alone.

  This time, he would take his last days and live.

  A sharp pain lanced though his heart, and he pressed his palm to his chest.

  Brendan, you wanted me for five years, and you send me away after one night? Why? You’re my True mate. How could you break me like this? How could you…

  His fists clenched, even tighter than they had when he’d seen Jeff this morning. Blood trickled down his palms, pooled on Myra’s coffee table.

  “Ethan,” Myra said, her voice soft. “Breathe. Let the pain dull.”

  He lifted his head, uncurled his fingers one by one. This pain, it would never dull. It would follow him into death.

  “Please, Ethan.”

  He’d made a promise to live. Now was as good a time as any to start. He took a slow, careful breath and forced a smile. “Thanks.”

  She picked up a napkin and wiped the blood from his palms. “Anytime.”

  Someone with an extraordinarily heavy fist pounded on Myra’s door, rattling it in its frame. The sound reverberated throughout the apartment, seemed to shake the floor beneath them.

  Eyes wide, Ethan twisted around. “Cooper?”

  “Cooper’s not that, hmm, aggressive.”

  The hammering intensified, and Ethan stood. “Stay here. I’ll check it out.”

  “Are you nuts? What if it’s some crazed murderer!”

  He looked over his shoulder. “I’ve only got a month to live anyway.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Yes, but if he gets through you, then he has a straight line to me. And I have a long and fulfilling life ahead of me.”

  Chuckling, Ethan went to the door and checked the peephole. His laughter faded when he saw who was on the other side.

  Another assault of poundin
g nearly knocked the door off its hinges, and Ethan rushed to open it up. “Brendan?”

  His fist was still raised in the air as he stared down at Ethan. “You’re here.”

  Too stunned to ask the questions flooding his brain, he could only confirm Brendan’s statement. “I’m here.”

  Brendan stormed inside. “Good, because I’ve got something to say to you.”

  Ethan closed the door, turned to see the barely controlled fury in the other man, and wondered if he should have opened the door in the first place. “Oh?”

  “Why the hell did you leave me?”

  Confused, he offered the only answer he had. “Y-you sent me away.”

  Brendan growled, making him take a step back. “Why didn’t you say anything! You took me as your fucking mate. I thought that was a big deal! Didn’t I mean anything to you at all? Why didn’t you question me? Fight me? Anything?”

  “Fight?” He caught Myra spying on them from behind an archway, clutching a chopstick to her breasts like some kind of weapon. “You didn’t explain that part to him?”

  “You were dying. I didn’t exactly have time to school him on All Things Novahn.”

  “You told him he didn’t need a condom, but you didn’t give him the details of breaking up?”

  “I was trying to save your life!” She came out into the open to shake her chopstick at him. “You needed sex to live, and I was trying to facilitate that!”

  Brendan’s gaze shot to her, and she squeaked, jumping back behind the archway.

  Ethan searched for the lost thread of the argument. “You wanted me to fight?” he asked softly, coaxing the other man’s attention back.

  The fire in Brendan whispered out, replaced by pain and longing. “Hell yeah, I wanted you to fight. I was trying to be all noble, giving you a chance to get back with Jeff. I-I didn’t think you’d actually leave.”

  “But…” Ethan palmed his own chest. “I felt the break. You wanted me gone.”

  Brendan’s gaze fell, fixed to the floor. “I was scared. You loved Jeff so damned much, and I saw the way you looked at him this morning. I just wanted it quick, so I said those things.” He lifted his head. “There was nothing on your face when I said them, no emotion. And then you just left me. How could you do that?”