by Marie James
“Lay down, Alexa. I want to worship you.” I almost stumble getting on the bed. My knees are weak and my heart’s thundering in my chest.
It seems passionate Garrett is here tonight and it’s just what I need to calm my nerves and give me the extra push to talk to him about how I’m feeling.
He reaches under the pillow at the top corner of the bed and produces a condom. Once he’s sheathed himself fully he climbs on the bed and settles to my side, his fingers torturing me with soft touches just as I’d done to him. Down my neck, collar bone, and circling my nipples. The denial of his touch where I need it the most is maddening, but the anticipation and knowing he’ll take care of me when he’s ready is delicious.
“You are so beautiful.” I watch his eyes as they follow his finger around my body.
Finally his head lowers to my puckered nipple, giving it a soft suck. I hum my approval as his weight settles over me, my legs opening shamelessly to make room for his hips. The feel of his thick, hot cock lying directly across my cleft has me shifting my hips against him. I almost come undone when he shifts his hips and applies pressure where I need him most. That action combined with the soft sucking on my nipples almost has me coming, a powerful orgasm creeping up.
He must sense my impending release because his body calms over mine and his mouth releases my nipple, giving it one last gentle lap of his tongue. With heavy lidded eyes he watches me as his hips shift backwards, allowing his cock to rest right against the entrance to my body.
It seems like long minutes that he only looks down at me, watching me, memorizing my face. I do the same to him. I know the declaration I’ll make later may leave this as the last time I’ll see him like this. I do my best to commit him to memory.
“Alexa.” He whispers against my lips as he slowly pushes into me. My body is liquid fire as he retracts his hips deliberately before gliding in at the same torturously slow pace.
Garrett’s lips leave mine to suckle and nip down the column of my throat. “Fuck, Angel. You feel so good. I can’t get enough of you.”
The slow thrust of him inside me, his hot mouth on my skin, and the dirty talk in my ear has me quivering under him, preparing for release. I grip his back, my nails digging into his skin as I lift my legs and wrap them around his waist. It opens me further allowing him to delve deeper. The feeling is exquisite as he finds the end of me with each soft pump of his hips.
“Garrett,” I moan softly. “Ah! Baby, I’m so close.” I pant. “Please, don’t ever stop.”
His tempo changes to slow withdrawals and quicker thrusts. The large head of his thick cock is hitting me exactly where I need him inside. My pulse begins to rise and the first tingles of an orgasm settle in my lower belly.
We’re now looking directly into each other’s eyes. Watching. Waiting to go over the edge together. My orgasm hits in long waves as I see him clench his bottom lip between his teeth. The tiny muscles in my core ripple around him, squeezing him in pulses.
“Oh God! Alexa!” He grunts in a harsh whisper, his eyes seem to lose focus momentarily but never leave mine.
I cup his face and before my lips meet his, I whisper, “I love you, Garrett.”
He freezes before I’m able to land the kiss. His eyes turn scared and his glare is harsh.
Suddenly he pulls away from me and gets out of bed. “FUCK!” I hear him yell as he slams the bathroom door behind him.
Well, I guess I now have his answer.
Chapter 27
Garrett
The second the words were out of her mouth I was pissed. Not necessarily at her, because the look on her face said she meant every letter of those three words. I was pissed at myself. Getting away from her and locking myself in the bathroom was my first instinct, almost as if I couldn’t see her then it would be less real. If I avoid her then it never happened right?
I rip the full condom off and throw it in the trash can. I step into the shower and turn the water on without even waiting until it warmed up; the blast of frigid water does less damage to my nerves than her soft admission.
How did I let this happen? I know exactly how this happened. I went back for more. Something I swore thirteen years ago would never happen.
“FUCK!” I yell again and bang my fists against the tile of the shower. I’m doing my best to calm down. I lower my head and let the now hot water pound over my neck and down my back, the heat stinging where Alexa’s nails had apparently scored me. The image of her gripping my back while I slowly fucked her tonight makes my cock twitch.
I punch the wall again, the pain barely registering in my knuckles. Who am I kidding? Fucked? I made love to that woman tonight like it was the first and the last time I’d ever have her in my arms. I didn’t plan it that way. I was in the moment, like it was what we both needed at the time. It’s what felt right.
Thoughts of never seeing her again makes my heart race. The unsolicited memory of her words sends chills down my spine. Knowing I may never hear her say them again almost destroys me. Where that came from I’ve no idea.
I slide down the wall of the shower, my arms resting on my bent knees, head hung between my arms. I’m a coward for not going back in the bedroom to face her. I’d have no idea what to say to her.
I let my mind run through all the events of the past few weeks. There’s no denying I care for this woman, but that’s how it starts right? Give her a little and she demands more. Takes more, until I’m left broken. Again.
She’s not Jamie. She’s nothing like Jamie. She’s not demanded anything more from than hot sex and orgasms. There’s been no suggestive motives that even hinted that she wanted more from me. Her words tonight were merely a declaration of her feelings, and I acted like a fucking asshole. I stormed out, pissed, with no explanation why.
Do I think she wants more? Of course. She’s a woman; a magnificent woman who deserves more, but can I be the one to give more to her? The thought that I may not be able to give her everything she deserves strikes me, then the knowledge that even though I may not be able to, I sure as hell wanted to try hits me in the chest like a brick.
What the fuck have I done?
I race to my feet, grab a towel and wrap it around my waist. I storm out of the bathroom with more force and determination than I entered it earlier. I swipe my gaze to the bed, empty. I make my way across the apartment, finding no trace of her. If it wasn’t for the dinner plates still on the table waiting to be dealt with I’d think tonight never happened. I wish that were the case. I wanted a do over, a chance to respond how I should have the first time.
Would I have said it back? Probably not. I would’ve let her kiss me rather than bolting out of bed. Do I love her? I don’t think I do. Could I love her? Yes, eventually with every piece of my ruined heart that still has life in it.
I rush back to my bed room and dress hastily in jeans and a t-shirt. I don’t even bother with socks as I slide my still damp feet into a pair of running shoes. I have to go to her and make this better. I can’t have her ending the night after saying something like that this way. I know she may reject me after the way I treated her. I know I’m going to have to explain to her why I’ve lived my life the way I have for more than the past decade. I hope it’ll help her to understand my reaction.
Reaching for keys and cell phone on the breakfast bar I find a scribbled note under them.
It’s best we don’t see each other anymore.
I’ll do my best to keep things from being weird
when we have to see each other socially. ~Alexa
The tear stains, smudging the ink in places cause my heart to clench. I grab my keys, phone, and head to the door.
I can’t help but punch the wall again as I leave my apartment. Like hell I’ll let this be over with her. I know I was an asshole but she doesn’t get to end things like this.
My driving speed is less than safe but even in my haste it still takes longer than it should due to some bullshit detour from the quickest route, but when the road
is blocked off and police are redirecting traffic you kind of have to obey.
My truck’s barely in park before I’m swinging the door open and jumping out. As soon as my feet hit the ground, I’m hit with a wave of nervousness. Do I want to do this? My life could just go back to normal. I could pretend she never happened. This situation would be complicated and would require loads of work to repair if she was even amenable to me.
My phone rings and it’s the perfect distraction I need right now to think things through a little more before I barge in on her and demand she…what?...take me back? I shake my head to attempt to clear it and swipe the phone to answer it. Ian’s name was on the screen.
“Hey, man.” I sigh into the phone.
“Garrett, where are you?” Fuck I can’t get into this right now.
“I’m heading in to go talk to a friend. What’s up?” I lean against my truck and rub at my eyes with my hand.
“You need to get to Denver Regional, man.” He tells me.
“What for? What the hell is going on, Ian?” My heart is pounding. I know something has had to have happened to my dad. Another heart attack maybe?
“It’s Alexa.” I gasp. “She’s been shot and it’s bad man.” What the fuck?!?
“Shot? I’m outside of her apartment, Ian. She just left my place less than an hour ago. No way it’s her, man.” My heart tells me it’s not possible but my brain, knows he wouldn’t call unless he was sure. My brain, although unthinking, is controlling my body and thankfully it’s moving me into the driver’s seat and backing out of the parking garage.
“What happened?” I’m able to finally whisper as my truck syncs up sending our conversation over the speaker system, allowing me to have two hands on the steering wheel.
“She was at the Bottle Shop a few blocks from her apartment. Lorali says she goes there to buy wine.” I can hear him pull the phone away from his ear and do his best to console Lorali who’s crying in the background. “Someone went in to buy something and found her shot and the store clerk dead. That’s all we know. How far out are you?”
“I’m still about ten minutes away. Where are you guys?” I ask so I know where to go once I park.
“Emergency room. I’ll wait outside for you.” I hang up on him before acknowledging his last statement.
A short while later, I pull up outside of the emergency room and although I do technically park illegally I’m cognizant enough to not leave my truck somewhere that would interfere with people getting emergency services.
Just as he promised, Ian’s waiting outside of the emergency room entrance. He slaps me on the back as I slow my pace but don’t stop completely on the way in.
I let him lead me to the waiting area where I see Josie and Lorali embracing, and rocking each other through sobs. The sight is absolutely gut wrenching and I almost lose it; the desire to punch something so I don’t breakdown is heavy in my chest. My hands are trembling and I clench my fists to try to stop it as I pace around in circles trying my best to calm down.
If I hadn’t acted the way I did earlier we’d be in bed right now in the middle of round two no doubt. I can’t lose her; she can’t die not knowing how I actually feel.
I hear a throat clear and raise my eyes to see a doctor standing near Lorali.
“I need to speak with the family of Alexa Warner.” He states looking between all of us.
Lorali stands on shaky legs. “I’m her emergency contact. We’re not blood, but she doesn’t have any other family.” Lorali looks around motioning to all of us standing here. “We’re her family. We’re all she’s got.”
He nods like it’s common place for people to come in to the emergency room and not have blood relatives here.
She doesn’t have any family? How did I not know that?
The doctor fills Lorali in on what’s going on and I only grab bits and pieces of what he’s saying; the pounding roar of the pulse in my ears prevent me from catching every word.
Shot in the back.
Left for Dead.
Perforated bowel.
Emergency surgery.
Left. For. Dead.
I hear nothing else after that as I fall heavily into one of the waiting room chairs.
Chapter 28
Garrett
I can’t sit still and wait for the doctors to come out and tell me that my girl is dead. My girl? She probably hates me. I stand and walk out of the emergency room. This is one of those times I wished I smoked so I would have something to do with my hands.
I lean against the wall just outside of the automatic doors. I feel Ian position himself beside me.
“What if she doesn’t make it?” I mutter to him without even looking his way.
“You can’t think like that, Garrett,” he answers in a comforting voice.
“Left for dead.” I repeat the doctor’s words. “She was shot and fucking just left there like trash!” My anger is boiling over and I know I’m seconds away from destructive actions. “You said the clerk died?” I look towards him for confirmation.
He shakes his head. “That’s all we know.”
“She told me she loved me tonight.” I blurt out.
“Fuck.” He mutters quietly.
“Yeah.” I raise my head up, eyes closed and pray to a God whom I haven’t talked to in way too long to keep her safe and make sure she makes it out of this alive.
“How did that go over?” He implores gently even though I know he can tell by the situation just how things ended up.
“I didn’t take it very well,” I struggle to admit. “I left her in the bed, went into the bathroom to work shit out in my head. Once I realized what I did was a total dick move, I went back out to talk to her. She was already gone.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to fight the burn from the tears that want to fall; my sinuses burning from the effort.
“What were you at her apartment for?”
“Fuck, man.” I look over at him. “I was going to tell her I’m sorry and that…” I can’t even finish as a sob escapes my lips.
Ian doesn’t say a word; he just rests his hand on my back in support. I crouch down against the wall and hang my head, unable to stop the tears and the sobs that wrack my body. It seems like days before I’m able to get control over myself. Once I gave into the emotions they were all I knew.
Finally I’m able to stand and I wipe my eyes with the bottom of my shirt.
“You love her.” It’s not a question but rather a statement.
I’m not able to deny it even to myself anymore, no sense in lying to him. My feelings are rather transparent at this point.
“Yeah, man. I do.” I wipe another set of tears that have escaped with the back of my hand. “I mean I didn’t know it until I was hit with the fact that I may never see her again. Never hear her voice.”
I have to cough to keep another wave of sobs from escaping. The thought of her dying before I can tell her I love her back is unbearable. My eyes are closed, but I feel Ian shift away from the wall. Opening my eyes I see a vaguely familiar man walking towards us.
Ian holds his hand out to receive his, “Kaleb.” Ah, yes. The drug detective from Denver PD. “You remember my cousin Garrett Hale.”
Ian releases his hand and Kaleb reaches for mine. I shake Kaleb’s hand out of courtesy, but I’m in no mood to be cordial tonight.
“What brings you to the hospital this late?” We both look at him as he gives us a knowing look.
“Alexa?” I question. “Don’t you work narcotics?”
“I do.” He answers. “We were able to pull the video surveillance from the liquor store where Alexa was shot. The suspect did nothing to hide his face. He was so high on meth; he couldn’t care less if people knew who he was.”
I shift away from the wall, my full attention on the cop about to tell us who the fucker was that shot her. I’d kill him after I tracked him down.
“He was a confidential informant of mine at one time.” He pauses, not provid
ing the name. Smart man.
“What’s the PD doing to catch him?” I persist with annoyance. Why the hell is he here if they know who did it.
“Caught.” He states.
“Excuse me?” I urge, slightly confused.
“We’ve already caught him.” He replies without celebration. A man’s still dead and another woman is in the hospital fighting through surgery is enough reason to not have cause to celebrate. I like this guy already!
“Where?” I question quietly, my body trying to calm down from the surge of adrenaline that was beginning to bubble at the idea of finding him and ripping him to shreds.
“At home, passed out, with a needle still in his arm. Seems he got the money from the store, went straight to the dealer, and then back home to get high.” He shakes his head. “Any word on how she’s doing?”
I’m not able to give him many details, thankfully Ian steps up and takes this one.
“Doctor came out about,” he looks down at his watch, “an hour ago. Said she was shot in the back, bullet hit a few spots in her intestines. They were having to do exploratory surgery to find all the fragments. He says her vitals are strong and they should only be another few hours. Prognosis looks good.”
Well, fuck. I missed the part about her vitals staying strong. A wave of hope washes over me.
“I just came by to check on her. We have video surveillance but I still have to get a statement from her at some point. I’m gonna leave you guys to it.” He looks over at Ian. “Can you shoot me a text when she wakes up and feels like talking to me?”
“Sure thing,” Ian shakes his hand first and then I do. This time I’m sincere. I’m grateful the police caught this fucker, because I know I wouldn’t rest until either they did or I tracked him down myself. A part of me still regrets that they got to him first.
