by Marie James
We watch Kaleb walk back towards the parking lot in silence. I’m completely drained, emotionally and physically. I can’t help but think how things would be totally different had I not flipped out when she told me she loved me. The regret sits in my stomach like a brick.
“You ready to go back in?” Ian inquires, as he looks back down at his watch. “Hopefully we haven’t missed an update.”
The thought of something happening while we’re outside and missing it sets me into motion. I push off of the wall and begin walking back through the doors. “I appreciate you, man but Lorali needs you right now.”
Once we make it back in to the emergency room waiting area, Ian goes straight to Lorali and wraps her in a hug. She seems calmer with him around. I hear him ask if there’s been another update and she shakes her head no.
I settle into a seat across the room from the trio, feeling the need to keep to myself. I feel like an interloper watching the women that are more like sisters than friends. I’m ashamed of how I’ve treated Alexa and I’m not sure how they feel about me being here. No doubt they wouldn’t want me here if they knew the details about what happened before she was shot.
I want to storm the operating room and demand answers, but I own no real estate in her life. Hell, now that I think about it she could’ve just muttered those words because she was in the moment and had no actual feelings behind them. Wouldn’t I be the poor sappy motherfucker if she said them and there was no actual truth behind them?
Fuck! Now I don’t know what to think, how to act, which makes me even more of a piece of shit for responding the way I did without talking things out with her.
Before I can get deeper in my head the doors leading to the ‘Staff Only’ area of the hospital swing open. The doctor from earlier comes out and walks over to Lorali. We all jump up, giving him all of our attention, and wait for him to speak.
“She’s out of surgery,” he informs Lorali. “Things went very well. She’ll be in ICU for a day or so, but she should have a full recovery.” We all exhale a collective sigh of relief.
“Can we see her?” Lorali beseeches timidly. I know she’s thinking what I’m thinking. They’ll only let family see her and technically none of us are family.
The doctor cuts his eyes towards Ian and then responds, “They’re still getting her settled, but in about thirty minutes you guys can go back two at a time.”
Lorali nods her head in acknowledgement and I can’t help but be grateful to Ian. I know he had to have worked something out with the hospital for us to be able to break the regulations to see her. This favor may have very well cost him millions in the form of a hefty donation to the hospital. A price I’m sure he’d pay ten times over for Lorali to be able to sit with her best friend. He beat me to the punch because I’d give every penny I have to be able to see her.
The doctor leaves us and we head across the hospital to the ICU waiting area. I settle in one of the hard plastic chairs, wondering if I’ll even get to see her at all.
“Garrett?” I hear Lorali say just a short while later.
I raise my head and see her standing near the door leading back to the area where Alexa is. “You coming?” She prods, tilting her head to the door.
My eyes dart over to Josie. I surely thought they’d be the ones heading back first. Josie’s eyes are blood shot and swollen from crying, but she has a small smile on her face and is giving me a slow nod, telling me I should go first.
Before my eyes can sweep back over to Lorali, they land on Ian. He just inclines his head towards Lorali and the door that separates me from Alexa. “Go see your girl, Garrett.” I wonder if he told Lorali about my declaration outside, and if that’s what it took so I could see her, I’d tell everyone I saw.
It takes all the strength I have to get up calmly and not rush the ICU department getting to her. Somehow I manage to get up and walk calmly with Lorali. A short squat nurse leads us to the small room where Alexa rests. Lorali goes straight to her; I can only manage to hover in the doorway.
She’s beautiful. I was expecting tubes and a tangle of wires but other than an IV and the machine that registers her heart rate and the blood pressure machine, she looks like she’s taking a nap. The seaweed colored cover is pulled up to her chest and her arms are resting by her side.
I step in once I see Lorali struggling to pull the lone chair away from the wall towards the bed so she can sit. I move the chair for her and back away again as she reaches down and clasps Alexa’s hand, a low sob escaping her lips.
I’d love nothing more than to go to the other side of her bed, but the room is small. It’s made for utility and not for hordes of visitors. It’s apparent that not only are we not family visiting, but we’re also being allowed to break the ‘only one visitor at a time’ rule as well.
Lorali’s demeanor has improved marginally since the doctor gave us the good news about Alexa’s prognosis. She’s whispering things to her about helping her when she gets home, planning a girl’s night when she’s better, and she’s also apologizing for not replacing the wine they drank last week during an overlong visit they had.
I want to console Lorali and tell her this entire situation is my fault and that she should have no regrets and all of her blame should be placed on my shoulders. It seems the weight of the world is resting there anyways. Why not add more?
I realize I’m staring off into space and paying no attention to what’s going on in the room when I feel a small hand on my shoulder. Lorali has gotten up from the chair and is standing beside me and my mind has registered none of it.
“Go sit with her, Garrett. Talk to her and let her know you’re here.” She gives my shoulder another small squeeze and leaves the room.
I slowly cross the tiny room and sit down in the chair beside her, reaching out and taking her hand in mine. I’m overcome with emotion, just like I was outside. The only difference this time is there’s some relief thrown in the mix. I feel like an ass. I shouldn’t be having a break down right beside her while she’s trying to recover, but my head and my heart are overwhelmed and I can’t control it.
“Fuck, Angel.” I sob to her, hoping she can hear me. “Sorry about that.” I bring my t-shirt up with my free hand and wipe my eyes.
I want to plead to her, to beg her forgiveness, but I know what I set in motion is unforgivable. How can I ask her forgiveness when I know I’ll never forgive myself? I know that getting up and leaving is what she’d want. She wants nothing to do with me, the note she left at my apartment said as much, but I’m a selfish bastard and until I see her beautiful green eyes and hear her voice, it’ll take an act of God to get me to leave this room.
I sit with her in silence; the only noise in the room is the periodic beeping from the medical equipment. Holding her delicate hand I stroke my thumb over the back of it. Nurses come in periodically and take readings from the machines but say nothing. I’m sure I’m sending off the ‘don’t fuck with me’ vibe. It’s not intentional but I’ve never been in this situation before.
The only other time I’ve ever had to see someone I love helpless in a hospital bed was when Dad had a heart attack a few years back. I was living in Los Angeles at the time and he was awake and responsive by the time I made it to his bed side. It’s a very surreal situation to sit beside someone who has been the victim of such unnecessary violence. It’s torture knowing life can change and loved ones can be ripped from you in the blink of an eye
I have my head down near our clasped hands when I hear the shuffle of feet behind me. I don’t raise my head because I figure it’s another nurse coming to check on her. “Garrett?” I hear Ian’s voice. I turn my head towards him. “I got you a cup of coffee, man.”
I reach out and take the cup from him knowing caffeine would help right now. I’m exhausted but even without aid from a stimulant I know I won’t sleep until she wakes up. “Thanks, Ian.”
“Any change?” He inquires.
“None.” I take a sip from the cup. I ment
ally acknowledge that it’s actually pretty decent for hospital coffee. I don’t have much experience but you always hear about how bad food is from the hospital. I’m grateful that’s not the case with their coffee.
“Hey, I was planning to get Lorali out of here, but she wants to see her one more time before we go, and Josie would like to step in for a minute also.” He leaves the request hanging in the air.
I don’t want to leave her and I swore I wouldn’t but I’m in no position to deny her longest friends time with her. Plus if they’re leaving then I’ll have her all to myself shortly. I stand from the spot I’ve been sitting vigil over her, lean in kissing her forehead, and walk towards the door. Ian clasps me around my shoulder and walks with me out of the ICU. We pass Lorali and Josie as they head back to see her.
After sitting in the chairs of the waiting room Ian speaks. “Josie is pretty upset so we’ll be taking her back to our place to get some rest. They want to see her as soon as she wakes up. Shoot me text?”
“Sure thing, man.” I wipe my hands over my eyes aggressively trying to help them wake up. “She may not want me around once that happens, so I’m glad they’ll head over immediately. I don’t want her to be alone.”
“She cares for you man; she’ll want you there.” I hear his words and can’t help but pray they’re the truth.
Chapter 29
Alexa
I do my best to open my eyes but they feel like sandpaper, like I’ve been out in the sun for days. I’m uncomfortable and cold; I want nothing more than to roll over and get resituated. My right hand is warm but the rest of my body is cold. I try to shift my weight to one side so I can curl up. I have to wince at the pain shooting through my body.
My stomach is on fire and feels like I’ve been stabbed with a hot poker from the fireplace a hundred times. Being unable to move without waves of pain over every inch of my body, I force my eyes to open.
My surroundings are unfamiliar. The sterile environment informs me that I’m in a hospital. I look down at my hand in an attempt to find out what’s warming it and see the top of Garrett’s head and the broad expanse of his shoulders. My hand is in his and his head is resting on top of them. I can just barely hear the soft pants of his breath as I look around the room. I notice several vases of flowers across the room on the counter by the sink.
I close my eyes, exhausted from the small amount of energy it took to look around the room. I wish my brain would clear so I can understand why I’m here and what happened. Seconds is all it takes for everything to come back to me.
Garrett’s rejection. Stopping by the liquor store near the apartment to get a few bottles of wine to help deal with Garrett’s rejection. The visibly sick man coming in and shooting the store clerk. The man turning around and pointing the gun at me.
“No!” I scream when I hear the gun go off in my head.
Tears are streaming down my face when Garrett’s gorgeous face comes into my line of sight. He’s leaning close to me, gently stroking my cheek, whispering calming words in my ears. I close my eyes and let the warmth of his sweet words sweep over my body, my pain is subsiding and I no longer feel uncomfortable; before long I slip back into a restful sleep.
***
I jolt awake when the gun is about to go off again. Before I’m able to freak out again, my mind reminds me that I’m in the hospital but I’m ok. Garrett is still by my side, but I hear other voices in the room as well.
My tired eyes sweep the room, landing first on Garrett’s bandaged hand holding mine. What’s wrong with his hand? Lorali and Ian are standing by the window, talking quietly and Josie is on my left side, curled up in a ball in a chair.
I try a feeble attempt to clear my throat and feel pain low in my gut; the effort draws everyone’s attention to me.
“Wh…what happened?” I finally manage.
I see Lorali step away from the window and walk towards me. Before she reaches me I chance a peek in Garrett’s direction. He looks tired. His face and chin covered in what looks like days’ worth of stubble, his eyes look tired and his clothes are rumpled.
“You don’t remember what happened?” Lorali questions delicately.
“Shot?” I whisper, my voice barely working.
She nods. “At the liquor store just down from the apartment.”
“How bad am I?” I pray I’m not paralyzed, but I hurt too badly to try to move again. It has to be pretty bad because I feel like I’ve been hit by a semi-truck.
“One bullet, but it bounced around a bit. They did surgery and had to repair several places in your intestines.” She explains.
I cringe, thinking about all the scars I’m sure to have. I know I’m lucky to be alive but I can’t help the vain thought that seeps into my head when I think about summer coming up, knowing I’ll be sporting a one piece more than likely for the rest of my life.
I know Lorali can see the look in my eyes and can tell what I’m thinking. “You’ll be on a liquid diet for the next few weeks.” She smiles, knowing just how vain I can be. “So you’ll lose those five pounds you have been bitching about since college.” She winks at me and I can’t help but laugh, and then grimace as the action sends fire through my gut.
I close my eyes and try to will the pain away. Once it subsides I open them again since I have more questions.
“How long have I been here?” The way my body feels it seems like I’ve been lying in bed for weeks.
“Two and a half days.” She replies. “You’ve been in and out the last thirty-six hours. They did your surgery, kept you in ICU for twenty-four hours and when they determined you were stable they moved you to this room.”
I nod my head; it seems like the only thing I’m capable of right now. In a moment of self-pity I allow tears to streak down my face. I can feel Garrett’s weight shift and then his warm fingers on my face wiping them away. I clamp my eyes shut; his sweet actions make me want to cry even more.
Unable to take his pity any longer, I shift my hand until he releases it. I hold it up. “Lorali?” I say without even opening my eyes. I hear Garrett clear his throat as if trying to shove down some type of emotion and then feel Lorali take my hand. The second I hear Garrett step away from the bed I miss him.
I give into the exhaustion; being shot really takes a lot out of a person.
***
The chatter around the room seems happier than the last time I woke up, almost like my ability to hold a small conversation has lifted spirits now that they know I don’t plan on dying. The thought makes me smile.
“Here she is,” advises a familiar voice. I open my eyes to Mallory standing by my bed. She smiles back at me. “I was worried about you.” She whispers to me.
I just smile at her. What do you say in this situation? Thanks? Doesn’t seem like enough.
We chat for a bit. Lorali and Josie have moved in close and we sit and talk for a while. Each one of them never mentioning what actually happened but talking and making plans about who’ll help me when I get home. I’m very grateful for their attention but my eyes search the room and land on Garrett.
He’s still here. I was sure after I forced him away and requested for Lorali to take my hand that he’d leave. I mean that’s what a fuck buddy would do right? His face is unreadable, but I can tell he’s watching me, trying to evaluate how I’m doing physically. My gaze lowers from his eyes and land on the soft blue brace on his right wrist. I make a mental note to ask Lorali about it once he’s gone.
I bring my attention back to the girls, but can’t help but look over periodically and make sure he’s still here. The last time our eyes met I thought I saw a hint of pleading, but for what? I won’t let myself even try to analyze what’s going on with us. The longing and hope I have for him is fruitless. I vow to just let it go. I have to focus on getting better and dwelling on what could’ve been with him will only derail that.
My conversation with Lorali, Josie, and Mallory is cut short when the door to my room opens and a very handsome ma
n steps inside after a light knock. He’s wearing a pair of slacks and polo style shirt that fits his muscled chest and arms perfectly.
Just as I see the badge and gun on his belt I hear Josie sigh. Ah! This must be the sexy as hell cop she’s been crushing on since Lorali and Ian had their little issue a few months back. Now I see what the fuss is all about. I don’t say a word; I just take in his gorgeous face that hints at his Latin heritage and want to swoon at the sight of his stunning green eyes.
He takes in the room, testing the atmosphere; his face and demeanor are all business until his eyes land on Josie. They soften at the sight of her and small appreciative smile marks his handsome face. Yep, he’s just as smitten about her. The thought makes me smile.
From the back Ian can’t see the little stare fest going on with them and interrupts. “Alexa, this is Kaleb Perez.” Kaleb’s trance is broken and he turns his head towards me, his hand instinctively reaching out to shake mine. “He works for Denver PD, Narcotics Division.”
I shake his hand, but look at him questioningly. “Narcotics?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He smiles down at me, revealing an amazing smile. Oh yeah, now that’s what Josie’s so excited about. The woman in me wants to flirt with this sexy man so bad, if anything to try to get a rise out of Garrett, but I’d never do that to Josie, who happens to have backed herself in a corner and is just staring at him, like he’s a museum piece that she’s not allowed to touch.
I want to tell her to get off her ass. I know she’s super shy, but all she has to do is hint to this man that she’s interested and he’d jump at the opportunity to take her out. I file that away for later, knowing I need to just lay it out for her. She needs to know that there’s much more fun in touching than there is in just watching from afar.
“I want you to know that we have the man in custody that shot you. We also have video surveillance, but I still need to get a statement from you about what happened.” He pauses, his eyes cutting towards the IV that’s distributing my pain medicine. “Are you up for it?”
