Transgender J

by Nia Eze

  “Besides, if he was lying the first time, what stops him from sending us on a wild goose chase a second time?” Umar queried rhetorically.

  “Guys, slow down.” Sarah Jane interrupted. “I don’t need you guys to come with me on this quest. I’ll do this on my own.” She said.

  “Sarah Jane, don’t be stubborn about this.” Obinna pleaded.

  Sarah Jane smiled faintly. “It’s better this way.”

  “Why is that?” Umar asked.

  “It’s safer. We can’t risk anyone else being exposed to whatever crazy stuff these guys were playing with. So it’s safer I go. Alone.”

  There was silence after that as each man tried to find an argument that could overturn her point. None of them could think of one.

  “How would you go about it?” Umar asked.

  Sarah Jane drew another deep breath. “I don’t think Greene was lying. There is something in that house that I need to get. It is either his directions weren’t entirely correct or someone else has those keys. I need to get into that house and hope that if someone else has access, they are either not savvy enough or did not know Greene well enough to find it.” She leaned forward. “I will find it. Whatever that antidote is, I will find it.”

  “And then?” Mahmoud asked.

  “What if the antidote doesn’t work? It may not work you know.” Obinna opined.

  “It must work. I won’t live like this.” Sarah Jane remarked.

  And they had nothing else to add to that.

  CHAPTER 19

  The court room was buzzing. For some reason, Jay had expected it to be gravely silent instead. He walked in and was guided straight to the dock to the right side of the judge. He hazarded a look at the judge who it seemed was looking at him like he was an oddity being studied at an exhibition. Jay turned to look at the rest of the court room and finally, at the other side of the room where his eyes came to mind-jarring contact with Doctor Greene’s.

  Jay rapidly turned away from him. He wondered again why he did not take the option of giving a deposition at the force headquarters. They had actually offered him that option concerned about the media storm that the case had generated. His ‘stubborn gene’ had chosen an inopportune time to assert its self and he had insisted on showing up at court.

  May be he had wanted to look in the face of his tormentors and …resolve his fears? Bring some sort of closure to his nightmare?

  He realized that the court clerk had asked him a question to which he had not responded.

  “Sorry. I…”

  “Christian, Muslim or Traditional practitioner?” the man repeated.

  Jay paused for a moment. He couldn’t remember ever being asked this question before and he was uncertain what he believed.

  “Christian.” He responded after the pause. The Achas were christian and if he was something of a surrogate son to them, then perhaps he should be christian even if he was not exactly sure what that meant.

  His oath was taken. He would tell the truth, so help him God. What was true and what wasn’t? His life as he remembered it was so unbelievable he was never sure where reality stopped and paranoia began. If he were being truthful, he had to admit that there were large holes in his memory of some of the more critical events of those days. What was real and what was paranoia?

  When the defense lawyer began his questioning, Jay tried to pay particular attention. The lawyer for the prosecution and his team had tried to prepare him for this. Prepare him for the nuances that he should be wary of. Jay wasn’t sure he could do this without tripping himself up.

  “Mr. Jay please answer the question.” He heard the judge address him.

  “I’m sorry. Can you repeat it?” he requested.

  “Why did you never attempt to escape, even when you had opportunity to do so?” the lawyer repeated his question. “You had ample opportunity for escape. You met with people who could have facilitated your escape. Why did you not?

  Jay was thoughtful for a moment. “There was nowhere to go.” He finally admitted.

  “Not even home?” the lawyer persisted.

  Jay felt the press of the bated breathes in the court room as it seemed that everyone leaned forward to hear his response. He looked at the lawyer for the prosecution. His eyes searched for his small cluster of friends, Obinna, Umar, Mahmoud and Oscar, the guy he had met in the group therapy class that he was attending.

  “Mr. Jay?” the lawyer prodded the gleam in his eyes revealing his excitement. It seemed his body was

  “Not even home.” Jay responded in a quiet voice.

  “And why not Mr. Jay? I would think that if you had wanted to escape, home, would be the logical place to go to.

  Jay looked directly at the man. Looked straight into his eyes as if to see his soul and understand how he could stand against the humanity of another person.

  “I can’t remember. I can’t remember my life before the…research.”

  He saw the lawyer’s eyes steady as he focused his point for the kill.

  “Amnesia, Mr. Jay?” his voice had a sing-song quality to it.

  “It would seem so.”

  “How extensive is your amnesia Mr. Jay?” he thrust.

  “I…am awaiting a result on my medical evaluation on that.” Jay parried.

  “You mean to tell this honourable court that you have never had a mental evaluation since your rescue from this…ordeal.” His tone was clearly indicative of his cynicism.

  “I had one immediately upon my release. But I have been regaining my memory. There’s been a lot that I’ve remembered…”

  “How credible are these memories?”

  “How do you mean?” Jay asked getting upset. The lawyer raised an eyebrow but continued with his questioning.

  “Is it not possible that these memories are figments of your imagination?”

  “Objection my lord!” the cry of the prosecuting lawyer rang out.

  “Sustained! Counsel kindly restrain yourself and do not make conjectures before this honourable court that cannot be proven competently at this time.

  “My Lord!” the lawyer bowed his compliance. “That will be all from me for this witness for now. May I crave the court’s indulgence to recall this witness as may be required at a later date?”

  “Counsel, we will discuss that at a later time. Your witness, prosecution.” The judge said crisply.

  And it began all over again.

  ****************************

  His head was pounding by the time he was finally let out of the dock. As he passed by on his way out of the court room his eyes were drawn to the bench where Doctor Greene and his fellow mad scientist sat. There was nothing in their expressions to indicate what they were thinking. It was as if a one-size-fits-all mask had been drawn over their faces. None of them looked at him as he left. Not one of them.

  Conversely, it seemed that everyone else couldn’t stop staring at him. He could feel the whispers of their curiosity on his skin as he walked by. The questions he had been asked and had been made to answer reverberating in his head as he struggled to put one foot in front of the other on his way out. Jay had never felt more the specimen and less the human than he felt in that moment.

  ‘And to think that I have to come back for more of this.’ That was his last viable thought before he was blinded by the lights of several dozen cameras going off in his face.

  He raised his hand to shield his eyes and felt someone grab a hold of his hand from behind him. He turned on the person reflexively only to see that it was Obinna.

  “Just keep moving.” He said as he shoved through the crowd of reporters while keeping a firm grip on Jay. Jay marveled at the number of journalist and cameramen trying to get his attention.

  “Jay! Turn this way!”

  “Jay what does it feel like?”

  “Are you going to bring a personal suite of action against Doctor Greene?”

  “Mr. Jay I represent Our Society Magazine and we would be interested in doing a
cover story.”

  “What are you plans now Mr. Jay?”

  That stopped Jay on his track. He felt Obinna tug harder. ‘What are my plans now?’

  Obinna shoved him hurriedly into a police car and hurried to the other side of the vehicle to get in even as the car had begun moving out of the court premises, scattering the last of the lingering journalist as it sped off.

  CHAPTER 20

  “Good morning Mr. Jay. You may go in now. First door to your right on that corridor.” The smartly dressed lady pointed in the direction he needed to go.

  Jay thanked her as he stood to keep his appointment. From the corner of his eyes, he noticed the lady eye him appreciatively. He never knew what to make of it when he got those looks. The last time he had been conscious of them, he had not been sure of what he was.

  He stopped at the door that had been described and read the name boldly emblazoned on the tag, ‘Mara Adeolu, Editor-in-chief.’

  Mentally adjusting his appearance, he knocked and on hearing a muffled come in, opened the door. It was a really bright space and it took him a short moment to adjust to it after the more dimly lit waiting room and corridor. As his vision focused, he could more clearly see the lady sitting at the desk directly across from him. It seemed to be a rather large, well appointed office. But how would he know how these things went? His experiences of offices were sadly limited.

  “Good morning Madam.” He greeted in his most ‘professional’ voice.

  “Take a seat Mr. Jay.” The forthrightness of her tone had him scrambling to do her bidding.

  “Good morning Mr. Jay. What can we do for you?” she asked with a beaming smile after he had sat.

  Perhaps, it was a combination of her manner and her smile which had surprisingly lit up her face with an inner glow that rendered it beautiful though not classically so that rendered Jay at a loss for how to begin. He had had it all clear in his mind but something about her ‘welcome’ had thrown him off course.

  “I…wo…Would you by any chance be interested in me writing for your magazine?”

  Mara seemed taken aback by his request and Jay felt the compulsive need to allay her…concerns?

  There must have been a telling frown on his face because she opened her mouth as if to speak and then shut it again with a nonplussed expression on her face.

  “Jay, can I call you Jay?” she asked and continued at his nod. “That was unexpected.” Her voice slurred like she was struggling to get her words out.

  “I imagined you wanted us to do a story on your experiences…journey, but to want to write? What…have you ever done some w… scratch that!” she snorted out a laugh more to herself than at Jay.

  “I suppose what I’m trying so unsuccessfully to say is that we are…I am honoured that you would bring this offer to us. What would you want to write about though? We are a women’s monthly magazine and the demographic that subscribes…I’m not sure whether…” she trailed off looking thoughtful. She tilted her head to the side as she looked at him, accessing.

  “Ma’am I would think that the demographic would work in my favour. I could do a blogging thing. Talk about my experiences living as I am now, what I missed before, anything.”

  She still didn’t look convinced. She folded her hands on her desk and leaned forward.

  “Why would that interest me or my readers? She asked him.

  Jay shrugged. “It just seems that an inordinate number of people want to get into my head. Understand the inexplicable perhaps. So why not explain it all to them on my own terms?”

  She made a hand gesture of ‘and so?’ as she leaned back on her chair.

  Jay’s folded hands replaced hers on the desk as he leaned desperately forward.

  “I have a few things I have written. You can go through them and if you feel that…” he put his hand into his satchel and began to bring out a file but was stopped by the scraping sound of Mara’s chair being pushed back. He looked up at her as she stood.

  “Why do you want to write? Why do you want to tell this story? And why my audience?” she asked her voice coloured by an anger that Jay could not understand.

  Jay felt the slow leak of a deflation in his heart.

  “Compassion perhaps.” He answered. He went on at her raised eyebrow. “Perhaps, they would understand and finally welcome me to humanity.”

  He saw the air whoosh out of Mara’s body in the same slow leak as it had from his heart. She sat back on her seat looking straight at him. She stared at him in silence for a few long minutes.

  “Write me something that makes me want to slap myself silly for forgetting about your humanity.” She reached into a drawer on her desk and pulled out a complimentary card giving it to him. “Have it ready in a week for me to review. If it’s any good, I want to hear what else you have to say.”

  “Does that mean I have a job?” Jay asked excitedly.

  “Not…quite.” Mara doused his hope. “Let’s say, I am very interested. Now sell me the idea.”

  CHAPTER 21

  Angela looked up from the sheaf of papers in her hand.

  “Wow Jay! There’s no way that this would not impress!” she exclaimed as she handed the papers back to him. “I would never have guessed you would write like that.” She said wonderingly.

  Jay glanced apprehensively at the papers he had taken from her. “You think it is good enough?” he asked on a sigh. “I’ve lost sleep over this.” He said as he carefully put the papers back in the satchel from which they had emerged.

  “It’s awe-inspiring Jay!” Angela thrilled. “I saw a lot of what you went through to get ‘here’ but it was like re-living it all over again. Only this time, more fully! It’s like I’ve eaten egusi soup all my life but then I eat this one plate that makes me appreciate all the egusi soups I had eaten in the past.”

  She smiled sheepishly at his astonished look. “I’m not as eloquent as you are.” She scolded in mock indignation.

  “You aren’t doing badly at all. Not that eloquent. I just have a tale to tell.” His shoulder slumped forward dejectedly.

  Angela shifted from her perch opposite him to seat beside him. “What is the matter Jay-boy?” she asked in a sing-song.

  “What if… it’s bad enough! The stares, the whispers, the snubs…will it get worse? Would I…do I want to put it all out there? It may read like a sci-fi but this is my life. Can I take the heat? Do I want to? Is it necessary?” he sighed loudly again.

  Angela put a hand to his forehead and the side of his neck as she asked “So many questions and you haven’t given yourself a migraine?”

  Jay cut her a quelling look and buried his face in his hands with a groan.

  “You know what?” Angela quipped, “I’m going to get us both a drink of water?” she paused but got no further response from Jay. “And I’ll be right back so we can talk this thing through. Heads up though! I think you should do it.” She backed away as Jay made to counter what she just said. “Let me go get the water! Talking with you is thirsty business!” she went towards the kitchen, shutting the door behind her as she went.

  Jay flung himself back on the sofa and shut his eyes. Perhaps it was the change in the way the air hit his body or the shadow of a body blocking the light from the window, he was not sure what it was but he realized that someone had come to a stop in front of him. He opened his eyes expecting to see Angela and chide her for trying to sneak up on him only to see that it was Mrs. Acha. He felt a jolt of shock run through his spine.

  “Good afternoon Ma.” He greeted as he bolted upright from the sofa. Agnes Acha took her seat opposite him.

  “Can I read it too?” she asked.

  Jay’s confusion barely lasted a moment before he understood that she was asking for his write-up. He hesitated for another moment before he brought it out of the satchel and gave it to her. ‘Might as well hear what a real skeptical reader would say.’ He thought.

  Mrs. Acha took it from him and began to read. Jay watched her as intently as
a hawk, noting any nuance of expression on her face, trying to judge what she was feeling and thinking from it. So intent were both of them that they did not notice Angela come in with a tray and back out when she saw what was happening. After a long while, Agnes Acha looked up at Jay and quietly handed his papers back to him. She leaned back on the sofa and stared off into space.

  “I never asked because I wasn’t sure how to broach the subject before. What are your earliest memories? Do you remember anything, no matter how vaguely?” she asked him, still not looking directly at him.

  It was like a cold place in Jay’s heart shook with the first stirring of a defrosting.

  “Do you find my questions offensive?” she asked when he did not immediately respond.

  “No!” Jay fair shouted. “Not at all! It’s what I hope. What I want.” He made to get up from the sofa and then sat back down. He formed his fingers into a steeple as he tried to decide on what he wanted to say and how to say it.

  “I don’t still remember a lot. I’m remembering a lot of things, but I’m never sure what’s real and what is not or even if I’m remembering correctly or in context. I won’t lie to you and say I’m even on the way to figuring it all out. There are days when I’m almost convinced that it’s hopeless. But I’ve come so far. I can acknowledge that now. It’s been a long road. I want to see what…lies at the end.” He fell silent. “I’m not so sure I made sense just now.” He made a self depreciating huff.

  Agnes remained silent, contemplative for a moment. “I guess…we’re all trying to figure it out.” When Jay looked up at her, she turned to look at him and continued. “Life. It does throw you one when you least expect or want it. Sometimes, even what we think we want doesn’t quite work out…come in the package we think it should come in.” She shifted in her seat as if she was trying to be comfortable.

  “I thought I had it all figured out where you were concerned you know.” She smiled wryly. “You were…ministry.” She made a ‘voila’ gesture with her hands still smiling wryly. “Fix you up somewhat and move you on to the next stage of your journey wherever that was.” She pierced Jay with a direct look into his eyes as if she was trying to decipher his soul. “How was I to know that God had a different road laid out?” she sighed. “I’m…I really would rather not take this road Jay. I really would rather not. And it wasn’t because I thought you less, I never have.” She shook her head. “It’s a hard road. I judged you based on my assessment of your strength alone. I didn’t think you’d…cope. I forgot. We all are made of more. I forgot that God is available to anyone and everyone. I never gave a thought to what HE could do in your life. I forgot.” She said wonderingly as if this was a puzzle she had tried to put together in her head and failed to.