Fire In Her Eyes

by Amanda Heath

  “How’s Harley?” Richard asks softly.

  “She was a little more injured than Paige, obviously. She is stable, though. We had to pump her stomach since she was given such a large amount of GHB, the drug. She also has a concussion, but it’s not as severe as Paige’s. We had to do a rape kit for evidence. We gave her the choice of taking the “plan b” pill since her rapist didn’t use a condom. She took it. Other than that, she will make a full recovery. She should be released tomorrow since we want to keep an eye on the concussion.” He nods his head and leaves the room.

  I look over at Richard, and he has silent tears coming out of his eyes. I nudge mom, pointing to him, and she quickly goes to comfort him. We have got to stop this crying before we go see Harley. It wouldn’t be good for her to see us so upset about it.

  Richard and my mom go in to see her first. I want to be last. It’s going to be hard enough going in there to see her. Dean comes over to sit on the floor with me. “Are you going in to see Paige?”

  “Hell, no. Her parents don’t like me at all. I’ll just wait for her to call me. If she even wants to see me,.” he says, playing with a thread on his jeans.

  “Who cares what the fuck they think? If you want to go see her then you should. She’ll tell you herself if she wants you to leave. And I doubt that very much, bro.” I nudge him with my shoulder as Carter and Lucy walk over to us. I see Mason by the door still. That dude is strange. He hardly moves at all. You almost look over him. Liam stayed in his seat, but he hasn’t taken his eyes off of Carter. That dude has got it bad. He better fix whatever he did to Carter. She didn’t have the easiest childhood. She deserves to be treated like a fucking queen. I’ve always felt kindred to Carter since we have similar fathers.

  “Spencer, are you going to be okay?” Carter asks me softly.

  I look up into her brown eyes and give her a small smile. “Yeah, chick, I’m going to be fine. I’m just upset that I wasn’t there to stop this from happening.”

  “It’s not your fault. You hear me, Spencer Grady?” She says sharply. “You weren’t even there. Dylan knew that. Dean told us how he left the bar y’all were at. He waited until you weren’t anywhere to be seen. We were so stupid. Everyone knows not to leave your drink unattended, but we didn’t think that this would happen in Duke. Nothing ever happens here.” She has tears coming out of her eyes now.

  I stand up and pull her into a hug. “It’s not your fault either, Carter. I see you trying to put the blame on yourself. He knows every single one of us. He knew how to get what he wanted. He was the one who suggested that we go out to a different bar tonight. When he bailed, we didn’t even think twice. No one knew he was this kind of person.” I hold her while she dries up her tears. I catch her bubble gum scent but it doesn’t do anything for me. I want my rose.

  Chapter 12

  Harley

  It’s like waking up from a dream: a nightmare, really. I keep thinking that this didn’t happen to me. This isn’t real. I’m not in a hospital bed just waking up from being raped. No, I’m in my bed snuggled up next to Spencer. His arms are around me and protecting me from it all. I open my eyes and look around the room. The walls are that bright hospital white that hurts the eyes.

  There’s an IV off to my right and I follow the cords to where they are stuck in my arm. The sight makes me cringe. I fucking hate needles. I’m glad I wasn’t awake for that one.

  I don’t feel much of anything. It’s like my whole body is numb. I’m guessing they are pumping me full of pain killers. It only takes the physical pain away. The emotions I am feeling are almost more than I can bare.

  I’m still trying to wake up from this fog when my dad and Polly walk into the room. My dad looks like shit and Polly doesn’t fare much better. I can’t even imagine what all my friends look like. Friends...Paige!

  “What happened to Paige? Did they find her?” I hear the hysteria in my voice, but I can’t bring myself to care. My dad walks over to my bed and picks up my hand. I flinch. I struggle through the torture of someone touching me. I know it’s only my dad, but I can’t take the skin on skin contact. “She’s alive. They found her a little ways from where you...were. She’s got a severe concussion and has to stay overnight for observation.”

  I feel creepy crawlies under my skin just thinking about what happened. I want to scrub my brain clean...and then my body. “That’s good.”

  He nods and puts my hand back on the blanket, sitting down in the chair next to the bed. “How are you feeling? You’re not in any pain are you?”

  I give out a sigh of relief when he lets my hand go and answer him, “Everything is fuzzy. I think they gave me some good pain meds. I do have a weird taste in my mouth. Did I get my stomach pumped?”

  Polly walks over and puts her hand down on Dad’s shoulder. “Yeah, sweetie. The doctor said you had a lot of GHB in your system.” She looks at me and I see pity in her eyes. I don’t want anyone’s pity. “Your friends are dying to see you, so we are going to step out so they can come in.”

  They say their good byes and five minutes later Carter and Lucy walk into the room. They look like complete shit as well. Carters hair is up in a lose bun and her eyes are red and puffy. Lucy’s dark hair is frizzy and sticking up everywhere. Her eyes match Carter’s.

  They stop about a foot from the bed and look at me with sad eyes. I can’t bring up the emotion to cry. I want to, but I’m too numb.

  “We are so sorry, Harley. We never thought in a million years something like this would happen. I don’t even know what to say to you. I feel like it’s all my fault.” Carter sits in the chair my father had just been sitting in. She starts to really cry and Lucy puts an arm around her.

  “It’s not your fault. It’s only Dylan’s fault.” I cringe at saying his name. I don’t ever want to hear that name again. “Don’t blame yourself; either of you. Paige and I are alive, that’s all that matters.” I sigh and shift around on the bed. “How is Paige?”

  “She’s high. Like, really high. They gave her some good meds. We went in with Dean and she was hitting on him. Poor Dean didn’t know what to say.” Lucy gets a dark look on her face before going on. “She didn’t know what had happened to you. Her parents didn’t tell her, so we did. We thought she deserved to know. She didn’t take it well. The doctor had to come in and put her to sleep. It was awful.” She shakes her head as tears start to fall.

  I don’t know what to do with that so I say, “I want to see Spencer. He is here isn’t he?” Lucy nods and pulls Carter up. “Yeah, we will send him in. He’s a wreck. I’ve never seen a grown man cry like he was. It was heart-wrenching.” They both come closer to the bed with arms outstretch. I wave them off. “I can’t take it if y’all touch me. Just go get Spencer.” They look a little hurt, but they comply with my wishes and leave.

  When he walks in, I suck in a breath. His black hair is sticking up in all directions like he’s been running his fingers through it constantly. He’s wearing a scrub shirt and I wonder where his own shirt is. His jeans are stained in blood. I remember him hovering over me after pulling Dylan out. My heart breaks for him, remembering the tears pouring out of his eyes. My Spencer. My angel.

  “God, baby girl, you look great. How are you feeling?” He says with a smile on his face. I don’t tell him I know it’s fake. It doesn’t reach his eyes. No, those eyes hold a world of pain that I’m sure matches my own.

  Spencer

  She looks so broken lying in that bed. I want to touch and hold her so bad, but I remember how my mom didn’t like physical contact after what happened with my dad. So, I glue my feet to the floor to keep me from running over and crushing her to me.

  “I’m numb. I can’t feel a thing.” She closes her eyes and exhales loudly. “I want to thank you for coming for me. I don’t know what would have happened had you not shown up. Paige and I could be dead.”

  She opens her eyes and looks at me. I flinch at the emptiness in them. Her fire is gone. That bastard took it from he
r. It had taken everything in me to keep me in this room. I’ve wanted to go kill that fucker since I walked in here. She should be enjoying her summer hanging out with her friends: going on dates with me, partying with everyone. She should not be lying in this bed. You can just look at her and tell the summer is going to be hard on everyone.

  “Don’t thank me, Harley. I should have saved you. This shouldn’t have happened to you at all. I’m a sorry excuse for a human because I let this happen to you.” I stay rooted to my spot and fiddle with my thumbs.

  “This isn’t your fault, Spencer. God, I’m so fucking sick of having to explain this to everyone tonight. This is Dylan’s fault. He chose to do this to me. You didn’t let it happen. You weren’t even there when it happened. No one could have saved me.” She is just lying there staring at the ceiling. I hurt for her. God, do I hurt for her.

  “I’m sorry, baby girl. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just feel awful because I wasn’t there. I shouldn’t have let him talk us into going to a different bar. I should have gone out with you like I wanted. If I had we wouldn’t be here now.” I feel the tears start to fall. I’m fucking cracking in front of her. I wanted to appear calm and strong, not weak and pathetic.

  “He knew what he was doing. No one in this town saw this coming. I’m pretty sure he didn’t think he would get caught. His only fuck up was that he didn’t go far enough away.” She sighs and looks into my eyes. “I’m tired. Why don’t you go home and get some sleep. Tell everyone out in the waiting room to go as well. I don’t feel like babysitting y’all all night long. I just want to be alone.” I flinch from her tone. She’s close to losing it. “Okay, baby girl.” I say before walking out of the room.

  *****

  I had to convince everyone to leave. They didn’t want to leave her here. I told them it would be best if we did. She is going through a lot right now and doesn’t need us hovering over her. They all agreed after a while and went home. I didn’t. I left the hospital, but I had another stop I needed to make. Dean tagged along. I didn’t even ask him too. I’m going to need all the support I can get after this.

  We have all known Dylan Topher our whole lives. He’s been one of us for that long, for crying out loud. He’s someone you trusted throughout your entire life. That got taken away in one second. The second I found him with Harley beaten and raped in his truck, this mother fucker deserves to die. I’m not trying to play God, here. It’s just something I believe with my whole heart. You can’t just betray people who love you and trust you like this. It wouldn’t be near as bad if it was someone we didn’t know, someone who was nameless and faceless. This face I’ve looked at almost every day for fucking years.

  We pull up outside the police station. My mom used to date the sheriff when I was younger, so I’m hoping he will let me back to see Dylan. I have to know why he did this. Mike is sitting at the front desk almost as if he is waiting on me. Even if he wasn’t there, I’d never wait for visiting hours.

  “Spencer, I’ve been waiting on you,” he says calmly. Mike is the average cop, with his big belly from too many donuts. He’s got a full head of dark brown, wavy hair. His brown eyes look at me with sympathy. Yeah, he knows exactly why I am here.

  “I know, Mike. We just want to talk to him. We just want to know why he did this.” I hope if I just tell him the truth he’ll let us back to see him.

  “Like I said, I’ve been waiting on you. We can’t get him to talk. I was hoping you and Dean could get some answers out of him. We all want to know why he did this.” He rubs a big hand down his face and waves for us to follow him.

  The walk to the back is silent and my nerves are jumping up and down. I’m not sure how I will react when I see him. I just hope I don’t take a gun off of Mike and shoot the bastard between the eyes.

  We finally stop at the holding cells. Dylan is the only one back here. That should tell you about the crime here in Duke. I shallow my nerves and walk right up to his cell. He’s pretty beaten up. Most of his face is swollen up. He’s here in this cell and not in a hospital so we must not have done much damage.

  “What do you want, Grady?” He sneers.

  I don’t see my friend in there. I don’t see the guy who drank beers with us and talked about girls. I don’t see the guy who snuck me my first porno magazine. I definitely don’t see the guy I called one of my best friends. “I want to know why you did this, Dylan.” It comes out calmly but I feel anything but.

  He lets out a chuckle. The sound brings chills to my spine. “You want to know, do you? I don’t think you can handle it, pretty boy.”

  “Quit playing around and just tell me. You have a lot of people wanting to know the answer to this. Remember, you were my best friend once, you owe me this.” I put my hands on the cell and say all this looking into his eyes.

  “I did this because I wanted her. She wouldn’t ever give me the time of day. She’s always had eyes for you, Spencer, never anyone else. When you announced that you were fucking her and going to date her, I lost it. I had to do something to get back at you. You took something that I wanted for years with the bat of an eye lash. It wasn’t fucking fair. So, I did the one thing that would take her away from you...”

  Chapter 13

  Harley

  They released Paige and I at the same time. She took one look at me and broke out crying, pulling me into a hug. I tried to cry with her, but the tears wouldn’t come. I’m without pain meds and I’m still numb. Maybe I won’t ever feel again. That would be a relief, because when this pain hits me, I don’t think there is going to be much left of me.

  My dad is here to take me home. I don’t know where Spencer is and I don’t ask even though I really want to. I want to see his handsome face. I feel so weak now and I need his strength. He may not see it the way I do. He saved me when I had no hope left. I will forever remember the look of death in Dylan’s eyes. He didn’t want me leaving that truck alive.

  “You ready to go, Harley?” My dad asks. I nod and he grabs my elbow to guide me outside. I flinch when he touches me, but he isn’t looking at me so he doesn’t notice. I really wish he wouldn’t touch me. I don’t want anyone to catch this filth I have all over my skin.

  The drive back to the house is filled with an uncomfortable silence. I don’t think either one of us knows what to say to the other. What do you say in this type of situation? Oh, I’m sorry you got raped, but it will be okay. How I wish that was true. I don’t think life will ever be easy after this.

  Pulling up to the house, I notice that Spencer’s truck isn’t in the driveway. I’m not going to lie, that hurts a lot. I know I didn’t ask him to be here, but I kind of thought we had something special. He is a guy; I guess he just can’t handle it. Or maybe he can’t stand to see me anymore.

  I feel like a ghost walking through my own life. My brothers are here as well as Polly. They don’t say much to me. I sit on the couch and try to tune in what they are saying. I just can’t focus on anything. It’s all mundane, anyway. Superficial stuff I don’t need to add my words to. Well, if I had words.

  I think it’s a defense mechanism or something: The reason why I can’t feel anything or the reason I’m not reliving the whole thing over and over again in my head. It’s just blank. Whatever it is, I’m thankful for it. I couldn’t stand for my family to see me fall apart like that. It wouldn’t be fair to them. I just cringe to think about what will happen when I’m alone.

  I know that I sit at the dinner table and I eat whatever it is that Polly made. I know that my brothers, my dad, and Polly were all present, but I can’t tell you anything else. I don’t remember anything that was said. I don’t remember what anyone was wearing. I can’t even tell you who sat next to me at the table. I don’t want to be this way, but I can’t find myself inside this shell I have become. I’m lost. And alone.

  *****

  It rains right after I lay down for bed. Every time I hear the thunder or see the lightening, I whimper. It’s a small, broken sound. I don’t want
anyone else to wake up. I don’t want to have to talk to anyone. I don’t want them to touch me with their comforting hands. I don’t want to see the pity in their eyes.

  Lights peek in through my curtains, but not the lightening kind. No, these are car lights. Spencer is home. I don’t even think, I just get up out of my bed and walk in a daze to his room. When I get there, I open the door and walk to his bed. I curl up under his covers and take in his scent. The musky outdoor smell makes me feel safe. Spencer makes me feel safe.

  I wait for him with baited breath. I just want to see him so bad. Everything will be all right if I do. I hear the front door shut with a soft “whoosh” and his footsteps coming down the hall. When he opens the door to his room, I suck in a breath. Maybe he will have grown his wings since the last time I saw him. Maybe he will fly me away from here.

  “What are you doing in here, Harley? You should be in your bed, asleep,” he says softly, not coming very far into the room. I haven’t talked very much since it happened, so my voice comes out horse and unused. “Why weren’t you here? I really wanted you to be here.” I sound like a little child. I’m hurt, though. Can’t he see how much I need him?

  “I’m sorry, Harley. I just had a lot of things on my mind and needed time to think.” I can barely see him, but I know he’s rubbing his hand over his raven hair. He does that a lot when he’s uncomfortable. “That’s nice. I don’t have anything on mine. It’s pretty blank in there right now.” A flash of lightening through the windows and the sound of thunder make me whimper. I curl tighter into the covers. He hears the sound and walks over to the side of the bed quickly. He gets down to eye level with me and all I want him to do is touch me.

  I’m so selfish for that, but I need his touch. He’s the only one who can take the pain away. “It’s okay Harley. You’ll get back to normal in no time. You’re stronger than this. You can fight your way back and I promise I will be right here with you the whole time.”