You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This

by Karenna Colcroft

  She wanted to do this, for crying out loud. The thought of anal sex and butt plugs turned her on. If she could have reached her own butt with her foot, she’d have kicked herself. She couldn’t believe something she’d fantasized about for years freaked her out this much.

  But of course, the butt plugs weren’t what had her freaked. Okay, ordering them and actually having one in her ass made her nervous, but what Alec might think of her really got to her. Anal sex sounded nasty and dirty, he’d said. She couldn’t help but wonder if that meant he’d think she was nasty and dirty for wanting it. And not in a good way.

  Carrying his oversized coffee mug, from which steam and the wonderful aroma of French vanilla creamer rose, Alec came into the room. “You’re still blushing.”

  “Yeah.” Kyla looked at her hands to avoid his eyes. She had to calm down, or she’d end up crying. She did that too often around him. “This is kind of weird. I’ve never shopped for a sex toy with anyone before.”

  “You think I have?” He sat down and rested a comforting hand on her knee. “Hey, love’s all about new experiences, right?”

  “ I guess,” she said doubtfully.

  “What are you worried about?” he asked, concerned. “Am I going to think something horrible about you because we’re looking at butt plugs? I’m not, you know.” He gently lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. “Honey, this was my idea. I think it’s incredibly sexy to look for them together, and I think after we’re done you’ll probably wind up in bed for a reason other than napping.”

  She had to smile. “Is that a proposition?”

  “It sure is.” He put his arm around her and hugged. “My girl.”

  “My man.” Her wonderful, caring, reassuring man. Anxiety relieved, she hitched her chair closer to his. “Okay, let’s see what we find.”

  He used the same search engine she did, and got the same results. Thousands and thousands of results. “Hmm, porn.” Alec leered. “That could be interesting. Want to watch some butt‐fucking, honey?”

  He had to be kidding. At least Kyla hoped so. No way would she be comfortable watching porn with him. “Um, maybe, but not right now.”

  10

  He laughed. “I’m joking. If we did watch porn together, it would be on your DVD player. Your TV has a bigger screen than my computer.”

  God, he was such a geek. Kyla grinned and shook her head. Alec winked again and clicked the link to an online store that sounded like it had every type of sex toy anyone could want. Suddenly pictures of butt plugs covered the computer screen. Different shapes, different sizes, different colors. “Lots of choices,” Alec observed.

  “Too many.” Her mind boggled, and she blinked at the sight. “How do you even know where to start?”

  “Look at the pictures, see if any appeal to you,” he explained. “Then read the descriptions and see if it would work for a beginner.” He scrolled down the page, carefully studying each item’s description. “You know, they really should have something just for people who are new to this. Anal for dummies or something.”

  Kyla laughed. “A beginner’s book of anal.”

  “Yeah.” He chuckled. “There probably is one.” He went back to the search engine. “Wonder what would happen if we used that term?”

  “Try it and see.” She could only imagine what that search might turn up.

  Most of the results showed how‐to articles or books about anal sex. Incongruously, they included one for a book about guitar instruction. But at the bottom of the page, a link to a search for “anal toys beginners” appeared.

  “That looks promising.” Alec clicked it.

  Despite the remaining heat in her face, Kyla squelched the last of her embarrassment. After all, like Alec had pointed out, neither of them had done this before. She shouldn’t be embarrassed. Besides, this search should never have been this hard, and now her stubbornness took over. She’d find the damn butt plug even if it took all day.

  She scanned the web page. Partway down, a listing for something called the “Anal Beginner’s Kit” jumped out at her. The description called it perfect for those who wanted to “break the anal barrier.” It sounded like just the kind of thing they wanted. “Check that one out.” She tapped the screen with her finger, proud to have found something useful.

  Smiling at her reaction, Alec clicked the link. The browser shifted to an online store page with a full‐color picture of the kit. “Let the anal training begin!” it read.

  Kyla couldn’t hide her nervous giggle. Anal training. Not at all an appealing term, but certainly accurate. They needed to train her ass. More laughter boiled to the surface, so much that tears came to her eyes.

  “What’s so funny?” Alec asked, surprised.

  “A nal training.” Kyla barely managed to choke out the words through her laughter. “Oh, my gosh, do people really say that kind of thing? Hey, honey, I want you to train my ass.”

  He gave an “I’m just going to humor you” smile and patted her knee. “Yeah, it does sound weird. Does it embarrass you that I’m seeing this with you?”

  Um, duh. But not nearly as much as it had embarrassed her a few minutes earlier. “A

  little, but I guess it’s okay. I mean, we’ll be using it together, right? Whatever we buy.”

  11

  “Of course. I have to ‘train’ that adorable ass of yours if I want it to let me fuck it.” His voice became thick with lust. “I think it would be hot to play with toys together. Any sex toys, not just butt plugs.”

  “You do?” She blinked, astonished. She’d also never dared to ask him about using toys together. Two unasked questions answered in one weekend. Wow. She’d read that watching women masturbate turned some men on, and she’d wondered if Alec might be one of those men. A more confident woman might have just gone ahead and tried it. She really needed to work on that confidence thing.

  Good thing Alec’s patience with her made up for it. “Absolutely,” Alec said firmly. “Do you have any toys now?”

  “ I have two vibrators,” she confessed. She’d bought the first one online, after a friend dared her to. The other had been a gift.

  “You do?” Alec raised an eyebrow. “Is that how you keep yourself occupied when I’m not here?”

  Again she blushed. Damn it. At least Alec found it cute. She couldn’t believe they were having this conversation. Love was all about communication—fine. But communicating about something like masturbation would take some getting used to. She swallowed hard. Might as well be honest. “Sometimes. Usually I just use my hand.”

  “Really?” He sounded like the idea enticed him. “I wouldn’t mind seeing that sometime.” Maybe he wouldn’t, but she knew she couldn’t handle having anyone watch her touch

  herself. She hated performing for anyone. A lump formed in her throat and she inhaled

  deeply. I will not get upset about this. “I’ve never masturbated in front of anyone. My ex wanted me to a couple times, but I was too embarrassed, so I just pretended for a minute or two and then he decided he was bored with it.”

  “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; your ex‐husband was a moron,” he said in a hard tone. His voice softened. “Why did it embarrass you, though?”

  “ I don’t like putting on a show,” she snapped.

  “A nd yet you’ve told me you’re an exhibitionist.” He sounded perfectly calm, as though he hadn’t even noticed her annoyance.

  Deep breath, Kyla told herself. She wasn’t angry with Alec, and she refused to speak angrily to him. She swallowed a couple times and managed to make her voice neutral as she replied, “I said I have exhibitionist tendencies. I like being looked at, but I don’t like doing something that makes me the center of attention.” Great, that made no sense at all. She couldn’t even be coherent when she tried to talk about things like this. “It’s hard to explain.”

  Alec patted her hand. “No problem. I think I understand. Does that mean you wouldn’t let me watch you masturbate?”


  So he did like to watch women masturbate. Now if she could just get herself to like having him watch. If he wanted it, she wanted to do it for him. He did so much for her; he deserved some reciprocity. “I don’t know,” she said quietly. “I mean, I’d let you, but I don’t know if I’d be able to finish while you were watching. I think I’d feel too self‐conscious.”

  “Okay,” Alec said agreeably. “Then I’ll use one of the vibrators on you. Would you like

  12

  that?”

  The pulse beginning to beat between her legs said she would. “Yes,” she whispered. “Good.” He turned back to the computer. “We’ll try it sometime.”

  “Sometime?” She couldn’t decide whether to be disappointed or relieved that he hadn’t

  meant right away.

  “Unless you want to try it now.” He leaned closer to the monitor. “I thought we were ordering an Anal Beginner’s Kit.”

  “Yep, but that isn’t going to take very long, is it?” She hoped it wouldn’t. And she hoped he didn’t plan to stay on the computer and ignore her after they finished ordering.

  “Just a few clicks of the mouse and a little bit of financial information to type in.” Now he completely focused on his task. Just like he always did when something involved a computer. “I’ll pay for it. Consider it a… how many months have we been together?”

  “Eight. It’ll be eight on Wednesday, actually,” she said, smiling at his lack of memory. She kept herself from arguing about paying for the kit. If he wanted to buy it for her, she could let him.

  “Okay, so consider it an eight‐month anniversary present.” He stood and took his wallet out of his back pocket, then went through the process to place the order. “There,” he said, satisfied. “Seven to ten days and we’ll have it. Which means I think the weekend after next, we should plan to spend some quality ass time together.”

  “Quality ass time?” Another attack of laughter hit her.

  “Well, you wouldn’t want it to be ass time with no quality, would you?” he deadpanned. “Speaking of quality time, when do you have to pick up the kids?”

  “Before four.”

  Desire filled his eyes. “Which means we have about three hours until you have to leave. So let’s spend a little quality time together now.” He pulled her to her feet. “Race you to the bedroom.”

  “I’ll win,” she taunted.

  “Of course you will, because I want to watch your cute butt going up the stairs in front of me.” He lightly swatted her ass. “So get going!”

  She hurried ahead of him, but with his longer legs he caught up to her at the stairs. Hands on her hips, he half chased, half pushed her to the bedroom, both of them laughing the whole way. He made everything so much fun! She’d always been scared of letting go and losing control, and playfulness had just made her feel nauseated. But Alec was so unlike anyone she’d ever known, he’d changed her. With him, she dared to let go, and he’d brought out the playful side she’d never known she had.

  Just inside the bedroom door, with a twinkle in his eye that belied his stern expression, he grabbed her and dragged her toward the bed. She squelched the brief fear that surged inside her, covering it with laughter. Like Alec would ever hurt her.

  He hurt himself, though. As usual, he slammed his shin into the protruding footboard of the bed. “Damn it!” he yelped. “We’re buying another bed.”

  13

  “No point doing that if we might move,” Kyla said practically.

  “ I meant when we move.” Smiling, he abruptly shoved her down to the bed and imprisoned her with his arms. “Unless you have other ideas.”

  “When we move?” she repeated, shocked. She must have missed that decision. Sure, they’d said things like “if we move in together, we should…,” but it had never been anything definite. Even though she desperately wanted it to be. After her marriage, she hadn’t thought she’d ever want to live with any man again, but in her heart she wanted a life with Alec. And his words sounded pretty definite.

  “ I want you and the kids to live with me.” His arms abandoned the cage they’d formed and wrapped around her as he lay on his side next to her. His eyes filled with the deep feelings she knew he had for her. “I love you, I love them, and I love being with you. It just doesn’t feel right when I head home and leave you behind.” He sounded uncertain as he added, “I thought we’d already decided we would move in together, but maybe I was wrong.”

  Kyla’s heart soared. For weeks she’d wondered where their relationship stood, and now he had told her. He wanted a life together as much as she did. She’d never dreamed she would find love this strong.

  He studied her, waiting for her response, and she hastened to reassure him. “Maybe I’m just too literal. Maybe I expected you to come out and formally ask me.”

  “Which I just did,” he pointed out. “Yes.”

  He blinked, confused. “Yes I just asked, or yes you’ll move in with me?”

  “Yes, I’ll move in with you!” To show how much she meant it, she brought her mouth to his in a hard, tongue‐filled kiss. “As soon as I talk the girls into it,” she added slowly when they parted.

  “Good luck with that,” Alec joked. “They aren’t going to want to live with me.” “Bullshit,” Kyla said firmly. “They adore you. They just won’t want to move again.”

  “Yeah, well, I know how much their father moved you guys around,” Alec said. His face twisted like he’d smelled something horrible, the way it often did when he mentioned Kyla’s ex. Then he smiled. “We’ll have plenty of time to talk about it. It’s not like it’s going to happen tomorrow.” With a lascivious look in his eyes, he moved onto her. “Right now I think we have something to do before you go pick up those girls.”

  “A nd what would that be?” Kyla said innocently.

  “Where do you hide your toys?” He pressed against her so she couldn’t mistake his arousal.

  “Oh.” Her gut curled in on itself. She really wished she hadn’t mentioned the vibrators to him.

  She had no clue how two people would use a vibrator together, anyway. The things were intended for a woman to use to get herself off. Of course, she knew there were other uses. Her friends sometimes talked about using vibrators with their partners to spice things up. But that didn’t mean Kyla knew how to do that.

  14

  Alec tickled her lips with her tongue. He always seemed to know when she got agitated, and he always did something to try to make her laugh. “It’s okay, honey,” he soothed. “If you just want to make love without any objects involved, that’s fine. It’s just that we were talking about toys, and I thought you wanted to use one.”

  “ I do, but I…” Damn it, she should not be this frustrated over the idea of using a vibrator with him! “I just never have before, and I’m not sure how,” she said, the words tumbling over each other from the speed with which she spoke.

  “Never have what?” Alec asked calmly. “Used your vibrator with a partner?” “Yeah.”

  “Didn’t we say downstairs that it would be hot to try?” His tone encouraged her. “We did. Though it’s easier to talk about than do,” Kyla admitted.

  “Ah.” He nodded in understanding. “Then how about another time? Right now, all I really want is to feel your wet pussy around my cock.”

  She snuggled against him. He made things so easy for her. No matter what she said or did, he never seemed irritated. Laid back described him perfectly.

  But sometimes she really wished he’d push her more. She was spinning in a damned muddy rut of a comfort zone, and she wanted him to help her out of it. It would be way too easy to let him let her off the hook. She just had to tell him she didn’t want to use the toy.

  Yeah. Way too easy. Get over it, Kyla. If you’re thinking about trusting him enough to let him fuck your ass, you damn well should trust him enough to use a stupid toy with you .

  She squirmed away from him. “I’ll get the vibrator.”

  “Are you s
ure?” Alec studied her with concern. “I don’t want to do something you’re uncomfortable with.”

  Kyla set her jaw. “I’ll be damned if I’m going to let a piece of plastic get the better of me,”

  she stated.

  Pride lit Alec’s face. “That’s my girl.”

  She kept her vibrators hidden in a shoebox on the top shelf of her closet, so her thirteen‐ year‐old wouldn’t find them. Kyla so didn’t want to have to explain vibrators to her child, though given what she knew about thirteen‐year‐olds, the girl probably wouldn’t even have to ask.

  She opened the box and gulped. No way could she use the vibrator the other guy had given her with Alec knowing where it had come from. But the one she’d bought herself looked hideous; a bright pink piece of hard plastic shaped like an oversized lipstick. It had been the least expensive one on the site, but she should have sprung for something better looking. Ugh! She really didn’t want Alec to see it.