Unfinished

by Shae Scott

  “Will you stay with me for awhile? I’m tired. I don’t think I can go back down there just yet.”

  “I’ve got all the time in the world,” I said.

  “Thanks,” she said, and I saw the hint of the real smile that I remembered. She moved to lie down on the tiny bed. She threw me a look that said I could move from my perch on the side of the bed. I moved hesitantly so my back was rested against the metal headboard. She looked up from where her head rested on the pillow.

  “You wanna tell me about them?” I asked.

  And that’s what she did. She lay beside me and told me stories of her family while I soothed her hair. And when her words faded to silence I stayed with her and I watched her sleep.

  Chapter Four

  The following day I avoided my Facebook. I was dying to check it, but the not knowing felt safer. What if he hadn’t responded? What if he had? This whole thing was making me more than a little crazy and I couldn’t figure it out. All of my cool collected persona had gone out the window with his short little message. It was ridiculous. I scolded myself for even giving it a thought. Still, all of the scolding couldn’t keep me from actually succumbing to my curiosity and opening the site to see. I waited for it to load and realized I was holding my breath. I couldn’t help it.

  I felt the smile tug at my lips as the notification appeared. There he was. My friend, Owen. I clicked the message icon and waited as his words filled my screen. I leaned in, closer to the screen to read.

  I’m so glad that you accepted me, or remembered me for that matter. That would have been embarrassing. How are you? What has life brought your way since we last spoke? I need to know. Me? I’ve been working. A lot. I live in Chicago. You’ve heard of it, it’s windy. I was thinking about you and now I’m glad that I looked you up.

  Huh. He was thinking about me. Why did that make my stomach flip? I mean, it’s not like he meant anything by it. Right? I sunk back into my chair and let the tension that had built up in my shoulders relax. This was such an odd situation. I read the email again and thought about my reply. It was all so superficial; details of a stranger’s life in the name of catching up. I might as well be sending them to someone I’d met off of the street. Only, it wasn’t a stranger off the street. It was Owen…underneath whatever he might have become over the years he was still my Owen. I could spend way too much time analyzing it or second guessing my words, but what was the point?

  I hit reply and sent him over my own short message about how I worked in advertising and was living in Nashville. I asked him how his family was and if he liked Chicago. It was mundane and expected. It covered all of the normal basis. I ended it with one line that I hoped would relay how I felt.

  I’m really glad you looked me up too. I have always missed you.

  I hit send before I could convince myself to delete it. I logged out immediately, so I wouldn’t be tempted to check to see if he’d gotten it. I went back to work, feeling a little lighter and secretly giddy about the whole situation.

  *****

  The next morning I was at my desk going over reports and figures for a client’s media campaign. I was engrossed in research and trying to nail down what it all meant that I jumped when my computer dinged with an incoming chat message. I glanced up, assuming it was a message from Cassie, who often used it to send me random comments or beg me to escape for coffee.

  I dropped the pencil that was in between my teeth, however, when I glanced up and saw the message that had popped up. It was Owen. I had the instinct to duck, like he could see me somehow, staring at his words and the little blinking cursor that begged me for my response. Shit. He wanted to chat? I didn’t want to chat. Did I? Ugh, I was such a basket case.

  Owen: Hi. Busy? I thought I’d say hi.

  Me: Hey. Not too bad. Just paperwork. How are you?

  Why was my heart beating so fast? I sounded lame. How do you make small talk with a stranger? Worse, how do you make small talk with a stranger that knows you so well? Or used to.

  Owen: Good. I don’t want to bother you if you are busy. I just saw that you were online, so I thought I’d take a chance. I hope that’s okay.

  Me: Of course it’s okay.

  Owen: So what are you doing today?

  I smiled, took a deep breath and settled into a conversation with my old best friend.

  That afternoon at lunch I sat with Cassie at a local deli. I had just finished telling her about my chat with Owen. “So, you just chatted with him all morning?” she asked.

  “Yeah, it was pretty generic stuff. But it was fun. We kind of got caught up on what we have been up to since we saw each other last. It’s weird. It was just really easy talking to him, which is kind of nice considering that we haven’t spoken in nine plus years.” I took a sip of my soda and waited for her questions. She always had questions.

  “Hmmm. Well, that’s good. I mean it’s nice that you were able to do it over a chat. Technology makes things so easy. How did you leave it?” she asked.

  I shrugged. “We just kind of broke for lunch. I told him I had to head out and he said he’d talk to me later when I got back.”

  “Hmmm,” she said again.

  “What? What is with all of the hmms and thoughtfulness? What are you thinking? Is this weird?” I asked.

  “No. It’s not weird. It’s kind of exciting. Handsome Owen from the past showing up and being all, let’s get to know each other is fun. I mean, obviously I’ve never met the guy, but I know how you felt about him. I was there when you got over him the first time. If I were you I’d be anxious to see where this goes. Just see it through. What’s it going to hurt to get to know him again? It’ll be nice to reconnect with an old friend.”

  She was right and I was excited about the possibility of getting to know him again. I missed our friendship. Even now, it was one of the most honest and real ones that I’d had. That was hard to find. I had never imagined that I’d be in a place where one, I would have lost it to begin with and two, where I’d have to try and rediscover it. Maybe I was thinking too much about it. Cassie was right. I just needed to see what happened. I was putting way too much pressure on one morning of random conversation. I was getting ahead of myself. I needed to relax.

  “Yeah. You’re right. I’m thinking too much. It’s just so random. It brings back so many memories and it makes me feel…” I left the sentence unfinished because I wasn’t exactly sure what I was feeling.

  “I know.” Cassie gave me a reassuring smile. “You guys were really close. You always said that things with Owen were easy. So let it be easy. Don’t let any of the weirdness of your ending take away from reconnecting now. You’re both different. See what happens.”

  “This is why you are my best friend.” I said. She laughed.

  “I am awesome. It can’t be helped.”

  “Your modesty is one of your best features,” I teased.

  She gave me a wink. “I know.”

  I thought about Cassie’s advice. Let it be easy. She was right. That is what made me and Owen special. We never had to think about what we were to each other. We just were. It is what I missed most about him. I just had to remember that and stop letting my head get in the way. I was letting past feelings muddle the situation and make this whole thing more than it probably was. I was putting too much meaning on a few emails and a random conversation. If I took a moment to think about it I would see how ridiculous it actually was.

  Back in my office, it wasn’t long before Owen showed back up on my chat screen. And it continued that way. Each day he would pop up and we would catch up. It quickly became my favorite part of the day. It often meant longer days because I’d get caught up in conversation when I should have been working hard. But the pull of conversation was too much to ignore. Whether we were relaying college stories or he was grilling me on my favorite things it was all just very…easy.

  Chapter Five

  Owen- Past

  The thing about Ally is she doesn’t see herself accurate
ly. She has no idea how funny she is, or how beautiful. She just doesn’t. There is an innocence about her and it’s so damn perfect that it leaves me in awe, but she just sees a plain Jane. She thinks her nose is too small, her laugh is too loud, and that no one will ever really know her. But she doesn’t see it. I already know her. I’ve studied her and I see who she is when she thinks that no one is looking.

  I smile at her now, as she lies on her stomach, stretched out on the blanket we brought. She is wearing a sundress and cowboy boots and her feet are dancing in the air above her. She is so focused on her book that she hears nothing going on around her. I strum my guitar and watch her as she works her bottom lip with her teeth. She does this when she is nervous or anxious and I wonder what the words are that have her feeling that way.

  This is what we do. This is our normal. Ally has become my safe place. I don’t have to be on when I am with her. She just gets me. We can sit here together in the same space, completely silent, and just enjoy the company. Sometimes, it’s just like this…each of us lost in our own world, other times we talk for hours about everything in the world. She is my best friend, my closest confidant. She knows me better than anyone else. I don’t keep walls up when it comes to her and it just feels right.

  She looks up from her book and catches me watching her. “What are you doing?” she asks shielding her eyes from the sun. I strum the guitar on my lap and look down at my fingers.

  “Trying to figure out how in the world you read so much.” I wink at her and she laughs.

  “It’s not so bad. You could learn a lot from these books,” she says arching an eyebrow at me.

  “Oh yeah? Are you reading smut?” I ask feigning interest. She rolls her eyes at me.

  “Might help you out with the ladies,” she says standing up and walking over to the tailgate where I am sitting.

  “I don’t need any help. Pretty sure I could write my own steamy book,” I offer giving her my best sexy stare. She laughs at me. This is why I adore her. She wouldn’t fall for my games even if I tried them on her. Not that I would ever try and work her over like one of the other girls. Ally is different. I’m very protective of her. She has a boyfriend, but I’m not all that fond of the guy. His name is Brendon. Not Brandon, like a normal person. No he has some sissy prep school name…Brendon. She likes him well enough, but he’s a douche. He is cocky and arrogant and thinks he’s hot shit. Ironic I know…since I am also known to be cocky and arrogant, but I’m not trying to get in her pants. That’s just it; I know I’m not good enough for her. She deserves someone who can give her the world. I just have a broken home and a trunk full of issues to sort out. I don’t know how to be the good guy. My dad ran off on our family when I was 10. Bad guy is just in my DNA. At least I recognize it. I’m not trying to pretend to be someone I’m not.

  The truth is I wish I were good enough. I wish I had what it took to be with her, because she is a prize. Honestly, I’m just lucky to have her in my life at all. I know how special she is, even if she doesn’t always see it.

  She shoves my shoulder and sits on the tailgate beside me. “I can’t believe you actually get girls to fall for that crap,” she said. She always gives me a hard time about the girls I spend time with. She doesn’t judge me, but she’s not afraid to tell me that she thinks I waste my time on the wrong girls. I tell her that since I am having fun, it’s not a waste of time. I think she thinks that I’ll grow out of it all eventually. But the way I see it, it’s just easier to keep my encounters sans entanglements. Commitment is not something I am interested in. It’s just too messy and complicated and it never ends well. So, yeah, I go with the no strings route. It’s just easier.

  “Come on, look at me…they can’t resist,” I give her the smirk I know she hates and am rewarded with an eye roll.

  “You really are full of yourself,” she points out.

  “I know,” I smile. Her dark hair falls over her shoulder brushing across her gold skin and I have to stop my thoughts from going places that they shouldn’t.

  “Are you working on something new?” she asks. I rarely play for anyone else but her.

  “Yeah, just something I’ve been playing with,” I said strumming a few chords. I play her a little and she closes her eyes and smiles. This is why I play for her, that dreamy look she gets. I don’t want to be a rock star; I play because it is a way to clear my head. My dad taught me how to play when I was young. Before he left. When he took off, I wanted to quit, but mom pushed me to keep it up because she knew how much I loved it. She would always say that I should keep a connection with him, even if I was mad at him for leaving. I have no idea how she does that…forgives. I don’t want to forgive him. I don’t want to be like him. But at the end of the day, I didn’t want him taking anything else from me. So I play, for me, and for Ally.

  “I like it,” she says when I’ve finished.

  “Yeah? Not sure where it’s going, but I think I like it.” I put the guitar down and stretch my legs out in front of me.

  “You going out with that guy of yours tonight?” I ask. The sun is starting to sink into the horizon. We always stay for the sunset. It is important to her. So, no matter what, when we have the opportunity, we always wait on the sun.

  “Yeah. He wants to go to Scott’s party,” she says this with a slight scowl on her face.

  “And you don’t wanna go to Scott’s party?” I ask.

  She shrugs. “I dunno. He’s a douche. I don’t like him. But I guess I don’t have to talk to him. Half the school will be there. What about you? Are you going?”

  “Maybe. I thought about it. Maybe I’ll go and make sure Scott plays nice,” I offer. It’s stupid. Granted, I was probably going to go anyway, but knowing that she’ll be there makes the decision easier. I wonder if I’ll even get to talk to her. Brendon isn’t really a big fan of mine. Probably because I’ve gotten in his face a few times. Ally doesn’t need to know that, but I don’t want him treating her bad. I don’t really think too much about my reasons. I just know that Ally means something.

  “Good. We can avoid Scott together,” she says. “Are you gonna bring, Sarah?”

  I let out a laugh that sounds more like a grunt. “No.”

  “I thought you liked her,” she cocks her head to me like a confused puppy.

  “I like her fine. But I don’t want her to get the wrong idea,” I shrug.

  She puffs out air in an exasperated way and I chuckle. “Owen, when are you going to settle down? You gotta give one of these girls a shot at some point. Don’t you want to be with someone? I mean you know, that you can talk to or just hang out with. It’s nice to have someone,” she says.

  I smile at her. “I do have someone. I have you.” I mean it. She is pretty much my best friend. She knows me better than anyone else.

  “You know what I mean.” I can tell she doesn’t have much fight left in her. We’ve had this discussion many times before.

  “Kat, you know how I feel about relationships. It’s not that I don’t think they can work, I just don’t know that I can make them work,” I say simply.

  She looks at me seriously, “You aren’t your dad, Owen.”

  I sigh. “I know. But I could be. And I don’t want to put anyone through that.” I think about my mother and the nights that she cried herself to sleep when she thought I couldn’t hear. I think about how she has struggled to keep us afloat without any help from him.

  “But, what about later? Won’t you want to get married or have a family?” She understands how I feel, but she still wants to fix me. I try to humor her most of the time, but the truth is, I don’t see that future for myself. I just don’t trust myself. I know it might be crazy to think that I’ll turn out like him just because we share blood. I know that I could fight against it, and maybe, with the right girl, I would. The trouble is, how do you test the theory on the right girl? I think about Ally and how much I care about her. She is the closest thing to perfect that I’ve ever run into and the idea of betraying h
er and causing her pain makes me sick. So, no, I don’t know that I could ever even try.

  “Maybe I’ll just do one of those arranged things. Or help some poor girl get her visa,” I smile teasingly at her.

  She laughs a little, “Whatever, Owen.”

  We go quiet and watch the sun make its final decent. I hear her take a deep breath as she takes it in. I watch her from the corner of my eye, because I can’t help it. When the sun is gone I bump her shoulder with my own. “Ready?” I ask. She just nods and jumps to the ground.

  Chapter Six

  Things were good. Life was good. I was happy and content and living in a strange virtual relationship. It had been a few weeks since I had reconnected with my past. We chatted all the time and oddly, it felt like I knew him nearly as well as I had back in high school. He was still that same contradiction of easy going and extremely driven.

  It was all unfolding naturally, much like it had when we’d become friends the first time. The difference was that this time I had the knowledge of what it was like to cross the friendship line. My memories of that night long ago were always there, teasing me. They made my heart beat a little faster when he’d say something particularly insightful. It messed with my head a little and I had to give myself a constant reminder to push that night out of my mind.

  It was easier to do, to keep the distance, when he was just words on a screen. I didn’t have to hear the gravelly tone of his voice. At least in my head it was gravelly and sexy. I could only imagine how he’d grown into it. I still had trouble putting the two images I had of Owen together. I’d seen a few pictures, but they felt like pictures of a stranger. So it was easy for me to forget that he was not the boy I remembered. It was easy to keep everything light. I laughed as I remembered telling Cassie that he was kind of like my hobby. He kept me entertained and it made me happy. But it was abstract. A daily part of my life that was actually completely separate from it. It was an odd sensation.