Who Let the Dogma Out (The Elven Prophecy Book 1)

by Theophilus Monroe

Layla shrugged. “Fake it until you make it, I suppose.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, pretty much.”

  Agnus nuzzled my leg. “Tuna, bitch!”

  I chuckled under my breath. “Well, at least for now, things are back to normal.”

  Chapter Forty-Four

  “I can’t believe he gave his life for us.”

  Layla sat in the passenger seat of the Eclipse, Agnus in her lap.

  “Don’t forget what I did!” Agnus added. “If I hadn’t distracted them, you’d be dead.”

  “Thanks, Agnus,” I said. “You were the real hero today.”

  “I mean, I didn’t sacrifice my life or anything, but come on. I only have nine of those to spare.”

  I raised my eyebrow. “You know, that whole thing about cats having nine lives. It’s a myth.”

  “It is not!” Agnus said. “It must be true!”

  I shook my head. “I don’t think it is.”

  “Well, I’m not going to prove it to you. Why waste one of my nine just to win an argument?”

  I smiled. “Yeah, winning an argument is never worth the sacrifice. Not of one’s life. Not of one’s serenity, either.”

  “Was that why you deleted your Twitter?” Agnus asked.

  I nodded. “Exactly. Too much vitriol out there. It messed with my peace of mind, not to mention my sobriety.”

  “It blows my mind,” Layla said, ignoring the back-and-forth banter I was having with Agnus. “All my life, I thought the orcs, the elven giants, were barbarians. That they were motivated by nothing but blood-lust.”

  “Seems like the stereotypes you were served were meant to make it easier for your people to learn to oppose them.”

  “But to hear that the elven giants were the good guys and the elves were the bad guys?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know if it’s that black and white, Layla. I will stand against your father, although I don’t have a clue how I’m going to do it. His approach is wrong, but in his evaluation of humanity, he’s not entirely off-base.”

  Layla nodded. “I know you don’t believe in fighting.”

  “He’s a pacifist,” Agnus said. “Seems like the time is coming when Caspar here is going to have to learn to pass a fist across an elf king's jaw.”

  I chuckled. “Perhaps you’re right, Agnus. I don’t like it. In my mind, though, there is only one reason worth fighting a war.”

  “What’s that reason?” Layla asked.

  “To protect the innocent.”

  “You think humanity is innocent?” Layla asked.

  “Again, it isn’t black and white. I mean, people grow up with certain habits. Certain ways of looking at the world. They have worldviews ingrained in their minds since childhood. They become dogmas of a sort. And people grow accustomed to certain ways of life. Yes, much of the world has grown complacent, but they are not villains. Humans are complicated, full of virtues and vices, but we learn from our brokenness. We are a resilient species, and I believe, despite our flaws, all people are equally loved by God, with their warts and all.”

  “So you will fight,” Layla said.

  “I will try,” I said.

  “A lot of power, a lot of potential, but you’re like a nuclear bomb. If you can’t control it, if you don’t harness that power and you don’t learn how to wield it in a fight, it’s no good to you.”

  I sighed. “So, we have more meditating to do.”

  “Among other things,” Layla said. “But it’s time for you to strap on your commando getup. It’s time to make you battle-ready.”

  “Battle-ready?” I asked.

  “We’re going to the gym. Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing. I’ll have you in tip-top shape in no time.”

  Agnus was laughing uncontrollably.

  “You too, Agnus. Can’t take you to the gym, but you need to get some activity. Less human food, more Science Diet.”

  “Ugh! Gag me with a pooper scooper!”

  I chuckled. “Sorry, buddy. I mean, we have to save the world.”

  “Tuna is healthy!” Agnus insisted.

  “A can of tuna here and there is acceptable,” Layla said.

  “Speaking of food,” I said, “I’m starving. How about we order a pizza or something?”

  Layla turned and stared at me. I could feel the daggers in her eyes pierce my skin from the other side of the car.

  “Look, Layla. Starting tomorrow, I’ll eat what you say. But today, we’re going for an extra-large stuffed crust supreme with extra pepperoni.”

  “Extra pepperoni?”

  “The diet starts tomorrow. After we have pizza and cookie dough ice cream.”

  “Did you say ice cream?”

  “Like I said, the diet starts tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” Layla said. “It starts tomorrow. But you said the secret word: ice cream. How could I turn that down?”

  I laughed. “See, we all have our weaknesses.”

  “But no more Twinkies. I don’t care if the diet starts tomorrow. When we get back to the apartment, the Twinkies are going out the door.”

  I smiled. “It’s a deal. I’ll order a pizza and pick up some ice cream. After we get back home and shower.”

  I walked into my regular AA meeting. My stomach was still churning a bit from all the pizza and ice cream the night before. After this, I was supposed to go home, and Layla was going to take me to the gym for my first workout. Had to get battle-ready, and she already had a whole routine planned.

  She’d started to go over it with me. Weights in the morning, five days a week. I was still training at O’Donnell’s, so I had more sessions mid-afternoons. A jog through the park three nights a week. The other three evenings, intervals on a bike or a treadmill. We’d either have to get one somehow, or I’d be doing two-a-days at the gym.

  And I was eating whatever she told me to eat. A lot of eggs and fish. No sugar. Minimal carbs on non-weight-training days. A few extra carbs on training days, but no carbs in the evening. Pretty strict. But she said I’d always get a reward at the end of the day. You know, that kind of reward.

  I’m fairly easily motivated.

  Rusty was at the table before I arrived. I set my Big Book on the table and sat next to him.

  “How’s it going, Caspar?”

  I huffed. “It’s all right, I suppose.”

  “Make any progress trying to figure out your purpose?”

  I laughed. “Yeah, but there’s still a lot of uncertainty. A pretty scary future.”

  Rusty nodded. “The future can be scary. It is for all of us. But the one thing I know is, no matter what the future holds, it’ll go a lot better if I’m sober than otherwise.”

  I smiled. “That’s very true. On the bright side, I finally have a new girlfriend.”

  “Good,” Rusty said. “Now don’t screw it up.”

  I chuckled. “I’m not planning on it.”

  “What’s she like?”

  “She’s beautiful. Really, way out of my league. She has me working out.”

  Rusty looked at me incredulously. “Working out? You?”

  “It’ll be good for me,” I said.

  “Well, that’s fine, but I imagine it’s like this program. If you’re doing it for her, to satisfy her, it won’t work. I know when people come here and sit around these tables because they’re trying to get sober for someone else, they rarely succeed.”

  I smiled. “You know, part of me does want to do it for her. Because, yes, she’s in much better shape than I am. Because she deserves a more appealing specimen of a man. There’s also something to the idea that being with her makes me want to be a better man.”

  “As good as it gets?”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “Jack Nicholson. As Good as It Gets,” Rusty did his best Nicholson impression. “You make me want to be a better man.”

  I laughed. “It’s been a long time since I saw that movie.”

  “I watched it recently, not for myself, but to satisfy my w
ife. It was a miserable experience.”

  I smiled. “Yeah, I get the point. I won’t be happy if I’m only doing it for her sake. But it’s true. She has me believing that I’m meant for more than what I’ve made of my life so far. I’m meant for more than being shackled by church dogmas. I’m meant for more than lonely nights with my cat and video games. I might be getting close to forty, but I almost feel like a teenager again.”

  Rusty smiled. “There’s nothing quite like a woman who makes us feel young again. I’m in my sixties, and my wife, well, there are times when she looks at me the right way, she can make me feel twenty again.”

  “Twenty?” I asked.

  “Well, maybe forty. I mean, the joints hurt too much to make me feel twenty, and she can’t cure that. But the point is I feel young, like I have a whole lot of life ahead of me.”

  I poured a cup of coffee. As was often the case, a few grounds had made it into the pot. Bad coffee and AA; it was a staple of the experience. I could relate. Only a matter of hours before, I’d faced death. I’d thought it was the end, and it would have been if it not for B’iff.

  I couldn’t go back to a meaningless existence.

  Not after he died to give me a chance to live.

  Sure, his point hadn’t been to give me happiness. He’d saved me because he’d felt I was meant for something important. Because he’d believed I was the chosen one. But when someone dies for you, no matter the reason, it means you must make the most of the life you have. Maybe I’d die within the year. If the elven legions attacked, there was a good chance of that. Or maybe I’d live to be eighty. Layla and I lying side by side while a hired nurse changed both our diapers. So romantic.

  Whatever the case, I was done just existing.

  It was time to live.

  I walked back to my apartment. I’d needed a meeting, and I felt better. Rusty always knew the right thing to say. Sure, he was an electrician, but he had experience, strength, and hope. He’d gotten that from the program, and I needed some of that now. There was no telling what we were going to face in the future. The king was gone for now, but the gate hadn’t closed, not fully. When I’d destroyed the Blade and flown through the ley line while releasing ungodly quantities of magic, I’d somehow charged the gate.

  It wasn’t a permanent gate; at least, we didn’t think it was. It wasn’t what might have happened if King Brightborn had gotten his hands on the recharged Blade of Echoes.

  But it was enough that we couldn’t be sure how many legions might pass through at any moment. Enough to conquer the Earth? There was no telling. Every person who came through the gate would weaken it. We didn’t know if the gate would handle two travelers or a whole elven legion.

  But the king also knew the truth. He knew I’d fulfilled the latest part of the prophecy, and this one was clear enough, specific enough, that he wasn’t going to be able to weasel his way out of believing it. B’iff had said the last seal was clear. The chosen one would destroy the Blade of Echoes.

  But Layla was skeptical that her father or the elven priests would yield to that.

  Two more seals were left if they hadn't been broken yet. So long as the end of the prophecy had yet to be revealed, there was room for the elven priests to imagine how the events that came to pass aligned with their plans to subjugate the Earth.

  But the king had been visibly shaken by all that happened. He wasn’t yet ready to act and certainly not without enough reinforcements to counteract my level-five badassery.

  I smiled as I stepped into my apartment. In the past, Agnus would have been waiting at the door, meowing incessantly. I’d have to get him some tuna before settling into the next show I decided to binge on Netflix for the night.

  But what I saw when I came home tonight was much better. Agnus was cuddled up in Layla’s lap.

  Before Layla, I was just existing. I was doing, as they say in the program, the one-day-at-a-time thing, but I couldn’t ever see a future beyond that. Now, I saw something worth living for. I saw a life with a woman I loved.

  And yes, with my cat.

  The poor guy was trembling as Layla stroked his back. Probably having a nightmare.

  Yeah, he talked a big game for a cat, but on the inside, he was sensitive, fragile, like most of us after what he’d been through. Sure, he’d been treated well, but it was no less frightening.

  “Think he’ll be okay?” Layla asked.

  “I hope so. I can’t imagine what he was going through.”

  Layla nodded. “But he’s strong, and he still has a role to play, however the rest of this prophecy is going to unfold. After all that happened, I’m done guessing what it means.”

  “All I know is that this isn’t over. With the gateway compromised, it’s just a matter of time.”

  “Hopefully, the elven giants can slow them down long enough to give us a chance to figure something out.”

  “I know I’m supposed to be the chosen one and all, but do you think I can stand against an army? I’ve never been much of a fighter.”

  Layla nodded. “I suppose with whatever time we have, we should start your training.”

  I shrugged. “Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?”

  Layla laughed. “We’ve focused on controlling your magic. I’m not as worried about that now. And we’re working on getting you into fighting shape, but you need to gain some skills so you know how to use magic for battle.”

  I shook my head. “Isn’t that what killed magic on New Albion? Using it for war?”

  Layla nodded. “But that’s because it was used for personal ambition. You’ll be using it to defend the Earth, and that’s a noble cause.”

  “But if I can wield level-five magic, powerful stuff, why do I need to learn karate?”

  “Karate?” Layla laughed. “All right, Daniel-san.”

  “First, I’m impressed that you know those movies,” I said.

  Layla shrugged. “You showed me Netflix the other day. I watched Cobra Kai.”

  I huffed. “Dammit. I’ve been meaning to watch that. Just wait for me to catch up before you start the next season.”

  Layla’s eyes shifted back and forth. “Sorry. Too late. I couldn’t stop watching. I plowed through every episode in a few of your shifts.”

  “Well, I assume you’ve learned enough from the show and from your experience training on New Albion that you know a few months of lessons won’t be enough. I took karate lessons as a kid. Great in a tournament or something where there are rules to govern how and where you can kick. Not so useful in a real fight. Not until you get to black-belt-level skills.”

  Layla nodded. “Then we’d better not waste any time.”

  “I’ll tell you what,” I said. “Before work every day, we’ll train your way. In the evenings, until my work schedule changes, it’s my turn to teach you.”

  Layla raised her left eyebrow. “Teach me what, exactly?”

  I grabbed my remote and clicked a few buttons. “The ways of the Force, padawan.”

  Layla rolled her eyes. “We’re going to watch Star Wars movies?”

  “Damn straight!”

  I was just about to press play when there was a knock on my door.

  I gave Layla a quick peck on the cheek and stood up. I opened the door.

  “Philip?” I asked.

  “Hello, Caspar.” The minister of St. Matthew’s church stood there, a wide smile spread across his face. Philipp Schwartzerdt was part of the local council. He was a relatively quiet man, tall and beanpole-thin. He had dark, curly hair trimmed just above his ears. He was roughly my age, only a year ahead of me at seminary. Philip had a good heart. Sure, he tended to vote with the rest of the crowd. He usually followed Flacius’ lead, but he wasn’t a malicious man. His motivations were in the right place.

  “What’s up? Didn’t expect to see you here anytime soon.”

  “Do you have time to talk?”

  “Sure,” I said, gesturing inside. “By the way, Philip, this is my new girlfriend Layla
.”

  Philip smiled. “I’m glad to see you’re finally putting yourself out there, Caspar. Watch out for this one, Layla. He can be a real firecracker.”

  Layla laughed. “Oh, trust me, you don’t know the half of it.”

  Philip smiled kindly. “So, Caspar, the reason I’m here. Since you were there when it went down, I suppose you know about what happened to Matthias.”

  “Yeah,” I said, scratching my head. “Poor guy. Hopefully, he’ll get the help he needs.”

  “About that,” Philip continued. “He’s been stripped of his position as bishop and temporarily suspended from the clergy roster. At least until the legal charges he’s facing are sorted out, and he gets the help he needs.”

  I took a deep breath. With everything that had been going on, I hadn’t given the damage Matthias had done to his career much thought. “I suppose that’s a wise move.”

  Philip nodded. “And in light of his problems, the council elected me the new bishop.”

  “Congratulations,” I said. “You’ll be a good one.”

  “Thank you,” Philip said. “I’ve taken it upon myself to revisit some of his recent decisions. I just left Holy Cross. I had a meeting with the elders of your former church.”

  “How are they doing?” I asked.

  “Doris says you saved her life,” Philip said. “She says God saved her through you. Is that what happened?”

  I shrugged. “To tell the truth, God works in mysterious ways. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I’m glad she’s well.”

  “Holy Cross has not only requested but insisted that you be restored to your post. Frankly, I’m inclined to agree with them. You should never have been removed. You’re the best thing that’s happened to that church in decades.”

  I sighed. “I appreciate that, Philip. I do. I’m just not sure.”

  Layla grabbed my hand. “You should do it, Caspar. Those people need you.”

  “A lot of people need me now, Layla,” I said, squeezing her hand.

  Layla shook her head. “Don’t worry about what might happen weeks or months from now, Caspar. What’s the next right thing?”

  I chuckled. “I suppose you have a point. All right, Philip. I’ll come back to Holy Cross. On one condition.”