by K. G. Reuss
“Woohoo! The gang’s all back together again,” Andrew whooped. “I get you two split, or whatever, but clearly, you both have moved on. We shouldn’t sacrifice hanging out together. I’ll even come help you girls get everything organized. I’m the master party thrower after all. Don’t know why you girls wanted to hold the party at Brax’s house anyway.”
“Maybe because your parents were actually going to be in town for a change,” Jess rolled her eyes.
“Yeah,” Andrew grumbled with a sigh.
“Everybody got their costumes figured out?” Jess asked.
“Damn,” Andrew muttered. “I bet the store is almost out of everything.”
“Probably. I’m sure they’ll have one of those cow costumes or something left,” Lance commented. I wanted to laugh, but I refused to laugh at something Lance said. He might think I’d forgiven him for being a jerk. But I could only imagine Andrew in a cow costume.
Andrew downed his soda and got to his feet, tossing money on the table.
“Where are you going?” Jess asked, frowning.
“Uh, no way am I getting stuck wearing some lame ass costume. I gotta bounce,” he answered.
“So, have you tried Miss May I’s new line of perfumes?” Claire asked, pulling my attention away from the group. “The Sunflower Paradise is to die for!”
“I haven’t, but I saw it was out,” I answered brightly.
Claire and I had gotten so involved in our cosmetics conversation that I didn’t notice that everyone had left, and Corbin had arrived.
“Ah, and look who it is!” he said, looking at Claire. “Claire from St. Michael’s.”
“Hi.” She went from happy to withdrawn in a matter of moments. I looked at her worriedly.
“She’s here with me,” Lance cut in, glaring at Corbin.
“Of course, she is.” He smiled easily. “How did you two meet?”
“Here, actually,” Lance replied.
“Claire, me, and Brax go back. Don’t we, Shepherd?” Corbin said, grinning at Brax.
“Yeah,” Brax muttered, casting a quick glance at me.
“You know Claire?” I asked, surprised at the news. They hadn’t acted like they knew one another. They hadn’t even said hello.
“We met in passing once,” Brax answered.
“Yes, we met at a club,” Claire stated, surprising me. She didn’t seem like the club going type. “We hung out. Then we went back to… Brax’s place or maybe it was Corbin’s. I can’t remember much from that night.” She shrugged and took a sip of her drink.
The idea that maybe she had a history with Brax made my heart ache. But I knew he’d been with other girls. And that wasn’t a crime.
Corbin’s eye caught mine. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat before looking away. He knew too. Even Lance looked uncomfortable. They probably all knew about it. My stomach twisted and churned. And I hated that it made me sick, but there it was, the ugly beast of jealousy, rearing its gnarled head.
I had to get out of there and collect myself. “Excuse me, I need to use the restroom.” I got up and retreated away from everyone like a fire had been lit beneath me. I rushed to the ladies’ room and splashed cool water on my face.
He has a past. You knew that when you accepted your feelings. So, get over it! But back off. You need to back off. Take things slow.
I gave myself a pep talk as I stared in the mirror. I could do this. I would do this. I’d manage somehow.
I walked out of the bathroom and ran straight into Lance.
“Hey,” he said, his hands catching me as I stumbled.
“Hey,” I mumbled, not looking at him.
“How have you been?” he asked quietly, clearing his throat.
“Surviving,” I answered.
“Yeah? Me too, but just barely,” he murmured.
“Seems like you’ve been doing just fine,” I replied, finally looking up at him, my heart aching as I took in his face.
“Looks can be deceiving, Maggie,” he replied, a pained expression on his face. “I miss you like crazy.”
“So much that you slept with Heidi and now have Claire?”
“I didn’t sleep with Heidi. I swear it. I’d never do that to you—”
“No? You’d just embarrass me in front of half the school and break my heart,” I replied, my eyes burning. I wiped at them quickly before they fell. I hated being so weak about this!
“Maggie, listen to me. I didn’t want to do that with Heidi. I did it to keep you safe. To protect you. Look, there’s something I need to tell you—”
“That you couldn’t stop yourself from treating me bad and then making out with her? Spare me, Lance. It doesn’t matter anymore. That’s not how you protect someone anyway!”
“Believe me, it’s not how I wanted to do it. Things aren’t what they seem, Maggie. I really did do it to protect you. And if I had my way, I’d sweep you up into my arms and take you away from here right now. I’d kiss you. I’d tell you how I really feel. I’d tell you everything.”
“Then say it. Tell me. I’m right here,” I whispered, searching his face. He looked so sad. It mirrored how I felt. I’d lost my best friend. We both knew it.
“I love you,” he whispered. “I’ve been in love with you since we were fourteen. I used to watch you in the library as you studied. I’d write letters to you that I never sent. I-I took this position to keep you safe because, Maggie, you’re my entire fucking world. Each day you’re away from me is like dying. Every fucking morning I wake up dying! It’s torture. And it happens over and over again. I can’t live knowing you hate me. I-I can’t. I’d have waited until the end of the world and into eternity for you if that’s what it took. I just want you. In every possible way. I want you.”
His words shook me. The intensity of his stare made my breath hitch in my chest.
“You had me.”
“I never had you,” he answered sadly. “And that’s why I let you go that night. He had you. He’s had you the moment he entered your life. We both know it.” A tear slid down his cheek. “But I could give you more, Maggie. I could give you a home, children, love. I could. We could run away together. I could tell you everything. I-I could protect you. You need to know, Maggie. Brax is dangerous. So is Corbin. I’m not saying it because I’m in love with you. I’m saying it because it’s true. Don’t you think it’s odd that they both showed up at the same time? I know you can feel it, Maggie. You just need to open your eyes. See it. God, please see it!”
“Brax will protect me,” I murmured. “And Corbin is my friend. Neither are here to harm me.”
“Ugh!” he growled. “They have you blinded! Damnit! I knew it! I knew this would happen!” He tugged at his hair angrily. “Just tell me one thing, Maggie. Have you slept with him? Have you slept with Shepherd?”
“What? No!” I shook my head at him angrily. “And what business is it of yours if I did?”
“Because, Maggie, if you did very bad things could happen. And I’m not so sure I could save you then.”
“Then don’t. Maybe I don’t want to be saved,” I whispered, backing away from him as he looked at me with so much emotion on his face that I couldn’t handle another moment of it. “Maybe I just want to fall.”
Chapter 52
Tension hung heavily in the space between us. I had to get some air, so I went out the backdoor and pulled in a few deep breaths which seemed to calm me. Lance had the nerve to tell me he loved me! Why did he wait until now to say all those beautiful words? He made my head a jumbled mess. I made my head a jumbled mess.
Maybe I did need to slow down with Brax. But we’d only just started! I needed time to think. I didn’t think I could stand another broken heart so soon. I pulled myself together and went back inside, surprised to find Brax sitting alone at the table with his eyes downcast and his lips turned into a frown. Even upset, he was beautiful as he sat there.
When he lifted his eyes up and looked at me, it left me breathless. But I knew what I h
ad to do. I sat down across from him, our eyes never leaving one another’s.
“I owe you an apology for the way I behaved,” I started as I stared at him. “I acted poorly. I shouldn’t have been kissing on you. I’ve never acted that way in my life. I’m not sure what came over me.” The heat of embarrassment colored my face. “Also, I shouldn’t have gotten upset about you knowing Claire. We aren’t a thing.” I gestured between us. “I have no right to get angry about anything you do. I’m sorry.”
“Why aren’t we?” Brax leaned forward, his words rushed.
“Why aren’t we what?”
“A thing? Why aren’t we a thing, Maggie? Why aren’t we together? I know you feel something for me. And I won’t deny, I feel deeply for you. So, why aren’t we together?”
“Brax…” I swallowed hard, wanting to jump into his arms and scream YES at the top of my lungs. I knew that it was moving too fast though. If I didn’t slow things down and make absolute certain I could handle everything that came with him, I’d drown in the wreckage he’d leave my heart in if he left. “I-I need to go. Thank you for the last few weeks, and especially the last couple of days. I’ve had so much fun hanging out with you. You’re so… special.” That word didn’t even begin to describe what I thought he was.
“Why does it feel like you’re telling me goodbye, angel?” he asked, his voice strained as he got to his feet with me. It tore at my heart.
“Because I need to go. Alan will be home soon. If I’m not there—”
“Maggie, you know what I mean,” he pressed, taking my hands in his and squeezing them. That heat that came with his touch shot through my body, making my knees weak.
“I-I just need to think about some things.” I pulled my hands away, an unsteady smile on my face. “I’ll see you at your party, right?”
“Absolutely,” he whispered. “I’ll be the one waiting to kiss you. For real, this time.”
My heart jackknifed in my chest at his words. But it was the look on his face that had me. It was filled with longing and desperation. With fear and desire. It had me blushing to the roots of my hair. I had to get out of there. If I didn’t, I’d fall to my knees and worship him for eternity. I just had to make absolutely certain I’d be able to get back on my feet if he walked away.
Chapter 53
The following days were miserable as they passed by. I didn’t have Brax or Lance. I only spoke to Brax when it was a necessity. And I still tried avoiding Lance. My anger at him had dissolved, fading into disappointment then sadness. Truth be told, I missed him too, but the feelings I’d had for him had started to go away. I was simply left with a numbness inside. Lance telling me he loved me didn’t help matters any. Deep down inside, I loved him too. But not in the same way. It was the love I’d always had for him. Friendship. I’d hoped it could grow into more. He was a good guy, and he was always protecting me. From what, I didn’t know, but I tried not to dwell on it. Brax was right though, when the pull didn’t exist, you couldn’t make it.
I couldn’t pinpoint when it happened, but I started feeling… weird. I was having strange dreams at night. A man visited me in the dreams. He was a beautiful creature with white-blond hair and eyes the color of the sky on a cloudless day. He smiled at me and offered me his hand. But I never took it. Something about it scared me. Every night, he came to me in my dreams, beckoning me forward wordlessly, and every night, I turned my back and fled. Then I woke up, drenched in sweat. Something had to give.
Though I was avoiding Lance and Brax, Corbin was back in my life. One afternoon we were strolling. It was sunny out with a slight breeze. The leaves had changed colors.
“What’s going on with you?” Corbin asked
I looked up at the leaves for a moment before focusing my eyes on his. “Do you believe in angels?” I asked.
His eyes widened for a moment before a smirk cut across his face.
“I believe in a lot of things, but they don’t believe in me,” he answered with a shrug.
“What do you mean?” We’d walked into the park, and I sat down on a swing. Corbin moved behind me and started pushing me gently. I let the tips of my feet skim the ground, waiting for his answer.
“There’s divinity and wickedness in the world,” he started. “And I think our belief is what makes them what they are. Do those things exist to those who don’t believe? Or are they simply unfortunate events and people who don’t mesh well in society? I think at some point, everyone loses touch with their reality, only to find a new one. And in that new reality, things like angels and demons exist. God and the Devil.”
“You mean like when people lose their faith and lose their way?” I asked.
“Yes,” he replied. “So what about you? Have you lost your way?” He pulled me to a stop, and I looked up at him.
“Maybe I’m just going in a different direction from it all.” I smiled sadly.
He grew quiet before he spoke, “How are you and Shepherd doing?”
“We aren’t. I backed away.”
“Why?” He moved and sat down in front of me, the sunlight shining through his thick blond hair, his green eyes keen and curious as he looked up at me.
“I’m afraid I’ll fall too hard for him.”
“You love him.” His statement was simple. No emotion passed across his face.
“I don’t know,” I murmured. “We’ve never even gone on a date. Seems silly to tell someone you love him when you don’t even know if you can handle one another for long periods of time.”
“Then ask him out, Maggie. For fuck’s sake. What are you waiting for? A written invitation?”
“Why do you care so much?” I asked.
“Because I’m not a patient creature. And you getting together with him is taking a hell of a lot longer to happen than I thought it would. He looks at you like his whole world is empty without you in it. The guy has it fucking bad.”
“You still haven’t answered my question,” I pressed.
“I told you weeks ago. I said because I wanted you to be happy. You’d be happy with him. Who gives a shit if it doesn’t last forever? Tell me what does last forever? Because even loves dies when your breath runs out.”
“That’s not true,” I countered. “You still love the girl you knew who died. Right?”
“It was a long time ago. Now it’s more like a really good memory. And it’s actually a perfect example of how love can morph into something ugly. I loved her. I wanted to marry her. When she died, the man I was died with her.” He chuckled bitterly, looking past me to a time I couldn’t see. It broke my heart as I watched a muscle twitch his jaw and his Adam’s apple bob. “And while I fucking hate Shepherd with every ounce of my being, I fucking love you and want your happiness,” his voice had grown soft, his eyes locking on mine. “You don’t deserve heartbreak, princess. It’s all you’ve ever known. And some of us are meant to be outlived. What if your day is coming, and you lost out on the chance to love before you were taken away? Think of everything you do as if it might be the last time. That mindset will give you the life you’ve always wanted. So live like it.”
“Wow,” I breathed out, moving out of my swing to kneel in front of him. He looked up at me with so much pain and torment in his eyes that I had trouble breathing. “Who is the man before me, and what did you do with Corbin?”
“Right here, princess.” He gave me a sad smile. “And I’ll be right here until the very end.”
“The end of what?” I cocked my head at him as a strange feeling came over me. It was like a buzzing throughout my body, an awareness to be on alert.
“The end of everything. You. Me. Us. Them. Because everything must come to an end, right?” He reached his hand out and thumbed my bottom lip gently. “You would’ve made a beautiful angel.”
“You too,” I murmured, swallowing hard. “But there’s hope for the broken yet, right?”
“Not any of the ones who’ve ever known me,” he replied, his green eyes fixed on mine.
&nbs
p; “What are you, Corbin?” I asked, reaching out to him. My fingers brushed along his face. There was a heat within him. And a lot of darkness too. But through it all, I could sense light. Goodness. But he was lost. Struggling. He was… like Brax. But different. Not as whole. Truly… broken. I wasn’t sure how I got all that from touching him, but I did. And it hit me hard, making my heart lurch painfully in my chest.
“Be careful who you trust, princess,” Corbin said, taking my hand and kissing the palm, his lips hot on my skin. “Not everyone wants to be saved.”
“I know the feeling,” I whispered, blinking back tears as I thought about Brax. I’d do anything for him. It hit me all at once as I sat staring back at Corbin. I’d die for Brax. I’d take his pain and make it my own just to see him smile. And if it meant falling into the same dark pit that him and Corbin seemed to exist in, then I’d do it twice, just to keep him safe.
“Then I think we’re finally getting somewhere.” Corbin gave me a lazy smile before kissing my hand again. “Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?”
Chapter 54
“You look hot,” Corbin commented, eyeing me in my angel costume the night of the party. Since I kept thinking about Brax nonstop, of course, I had to be an angel. It was a no brainer.
“You look… confused.” I laughed airily as I tried to straighten the clerical tab in his priest costume. He grinned at me, his vampire teeth showing. “What are you again?”
“I don’t know. Good and evil? A walking contradiction since I obviously can’t be both.” He shrugged as I backed away from him. “Admit it, I look hot too.”
“You do.” I blushed. He was always putting me on the spot.
“You know, we could skip this whole mess. You could just say you want me, and we could take a trip down south. It’ll save us both some time.” Corbin winked at me.
“Or,” I said, picking a piece of lint off his black costume. “I could tell you that you’re my best friend in the entire world right now, and I like it that way.”
