The Desperate Bride’s Diet Club

by Alison Sherlock

  There was nothing worse than being ill when you lived on your own. No one to put a cool flannel on your forehead and make you a cup of tea. Nobody to get you a boiled egg and soldiers or a nice soothing cold drink for your sore throat.

  Kathy felt even more lonely than usual. What would she give to have a lovely boyfriend fussing over right now? Kissing her fevered brow? The only man she spoke to on a frequent basis was Mr Perkins, who came into the shop on a Thursday morning and flirted with her. Unfortunately Mr Perkins was in his late eighties and had so many bristles coming out of both ears and nostrils that he could fill a duvet with them.

  The only other man that Kathy came into regular contact was Edward from the class. He was kind and funny, not too shy to talk in front of a bunch of women. He had nice eyes too. Plus he also had those wide shoulders that could protect you from anything. But he was out of her league. Once he got slim, he would never look at a woman like her. Especially as she would probably fail the diet and stay fat.

  She rubbed her forehead. She didn’t know why she was thinking about Edward in a romantic capacity. It must be the fever.

  If Kathy had had any energy, she would have been really cross. Why did she never get any of those horrific stomach bugs which sounded awful but where most people seemed to lose half a stone in a day? No, she had to catch proper flu which entailed lying prostrate on the sofa and eating ice-cream to soothe her throat whilst watching old films on the TV.

  Feed a cold or starve a fever. She had both so she had better keep eating. Maybe she would sweat a few pounds off with the high temperature but she didn’t think so. Not when she discovered how comforting cheese scones and butter could be.

  Afterwards, she felt even more depressed. It was ridiculous. She ate too much because she was depressed about her weight. And she was depressed because she ate too much.

  It was a cycle that had taken years to perfect. And Kathy wasn’t sure it could ever be broken.

  Edward was also feeling awful but not because of summer flu. He was sitting in a traffic jam but could feel his heart racing again. He knew it wasn’t because of any exertion because he’d been in the car for half an hour.

  He glanced at the clock on the dashboard. Quarter of an hour had gone by and his heart was just starting to calm down. He had tried not to panic, determined to ignore it. This time he wasn’t giving in. He was on medication for the angina and that would just have to do.

  Talking to his mother at the weekend hadn’t helped.

  Yet again she had gone on and on about how grey he looked until finally he had confessed to his angina attack. Prepared for a hysterical outburst, he was surprised that none came. Instead, she snatched the packet of biscuits from the table in front of him and dumped them in the bin.

  She held up her hand to his protests.

  ‘No!’ she told him. ‘I’ve lost your father. I’m not going to lose you too. And I certainly won’t be encouraging you to eat any more. No more cakes, biscuits or rubbish when you come here. If you can’t take care of yourself, then I’m going to.’

  He placed his hands on her shoulders. ‘It’s all right, Mum. I get it.’

  Her lips begin to tremble and her eyes filled with tears.

  ‘It’s OK,’ he told her as he pulled her into a hug. ‘I’m going to lose weight. I promise.’

  At the time it had been a small white lie but he knew it was time to get serious about his health. After the weight-club meeting the previous evening, he had gone straight to the twenty-four-hour supermarket and picked up a whole load of fruit and low-fat ready meals. He then went home and threw out everything fat-laden in the house.

  He was now on two thousand calories a day and he would just have to learn to exist on it. In actual fact, it was quite a large amount of food. More than enough to feed him each day. So it was in with the healthy cereals for breakfast and out with the fry-ups.

  He had already decided not to hang about at the cricket club that week. He wasn’t going to drink any alcohol for a fortnight to see if that made a difference. Edward knew he’d get some stick from his mates but he had to do this.

  But he also knew that just eating healthily wouldn’t be enough. On the way home from work, he was making a detour. His stomach was rumbling, desperate for its dinner, but he knew it had to be done. If he was going to get healthy, he’d do it the right way.

  His pulse was beginning to calm down as he drew into the car park. He got out and lumbered his way towards the front door. He knew what to expect. And he was right.

  The skinny receptionist fixed on a Hollywood smile. ‘Hi. Welcome to Grove Gym. Can I help you?’

  He knew what she was thinking but he had to start somewhere.

  So he smiled back and said, ‘I’d like to join the gym, please.’

  Lucy grabbed a piece of toast before going to college. But unlike every other morning, she didn’t smother it in butter and chocolate spread. A quick slick of marmite was enough. It was a little dry to eat but Lucy didn’t care.

  She grabbed a banana and an apple from the fruit bowl and stuffed them in her bag. No more chocolate. No more crisps. Her moment of shame on the bus had been a turning point and the split denim skirt was hanging up outside her wardrobe to remind her.

  ‘Are you going to the supermarket later?’ she asked her mum.

  Maggie nodded. ‘Healthy ready meals all round.’

  ‘What about Dad?’

  ‘I’ll buy him the full-fat versions. He won’t twig.’

  Lucy swung her bag on to her shoulder. ‘I’m grabbing a salad from the canteen for lunch.’

  ‘Watch those calories!’ shouted her mother as she swung the front door closed.

  Lucy smiled as she walked down the front path. This was a new beginning, of that she was sure. She just had to be strong and not succumb to temptation.

  Unfortunately, the guy in front of her on the bus had bought his breakfast from McDonald’s and the smell drove her so crazy with lust that she had to move seats. As she left the bus, she also tried not to inhale the delicious aroma wafting out of the bakery near the bus stop.

  On automatic pilot, she found herself in the newsagent’s and reaching out for a chocolate bar to keep her going until lunchtime. Just in time, Lucy remembered her fruit. So she picked up some sugar-free gum instead. If she needed something to chomp on, that would have to be it.

  She was queuing up to pay when she glanced at the young guy who had just bought a can of Red Bull and was leaving the shop. They locked eyes briefly before he looked away and hurried out of the shop. It was Robert, the guy whom she had slept with the previous summer.

  Lucy recognised the look on his face. It was mortification mixed with embarrassment. She hoped it was because he had never called her. But she knew deep down that he was probably embarrassed at having slept with her in the first place.

  She paid for her gum and left the shop, trying to hold herself straight. Well, stuff Robert. So what if he was embarrassed? So was she, come to think of it. He was no looker and hadn’t exactly been fantastic in bed. She would find herself a decent boyfriend, a gorgeous guy who was funny and intelligent. A guy who would think himself so lucky to have her that he would never stop telling her so.

  Lucy nodded to herself. That was it. That was her goal. Stuff Nicola Bowles and her cronies too. Stuff the world. Lucy was on a mission.

  This was it. No turning back.

  Maggie hated the house once everyone had left. It always felt so empty without them there. After years of hectic family life, it had all suddenly calmed down. Lucy was grown up and at college. Gordon’s garage was an established business and didn’t need her input now. Which left Maggie at a loose end.

  She ate her toast whilst listening to the radio. She always had either the radio or television switched on. It filled the silence in the house.

  After breakfast, she headed for the supermarket. The food shopping was fairly easy. Lots of healthy ready meals for her and Lucy. More calorific meals for Gordon. Of cours
e, he could do with losing a few pounds as well, but he hated dieting so there was no chance of his eating the same as her and Lucy. He wouldn’t realise that their meals were different. He was normally too busy chatting about his hectic day at the garage.

  It was OK for Gordon, thought Maggie. Her days were never hectic.

  Next to the checkouts was a large display of exercise DVDs.

  Maggie thought back to what Trudie had said during Tuesday night’s class.

  ‘Exercise is the key,’ Trudie had told them, hardly out of breath while everyone else was looking for an oxygen tank. ‘It shifts the fat faster than anything.’

  Maggie threw the DVD into her shopping trolley. It had to be better than daytime TV.

  She headed home, her heart sinking. An hour had passed. What to do for the rest of the day?

  She unpacked the shopping, trying not to glance in the cupboards which were still filled to capacity with biscuits, cakes and treats. Gordon had a sweet tooth so she wasn’t able to clear them out like the others had. Maybe she wouldn’t buy any more in the future. Let him run down the pile she had stashed inside the cupboard. If she and Lucy weren’t going to eat any of it, it would take Gordon a good few months to get through all their supplies.

  She glanced at the last bag of shopping to be unpacked. It was more biscuits and cakes. All for Gordon, of course. More sweet, lovely, comforting things to be eaten. Including a box of fresh doughnuts. Gordon loved his doughnuts. She always brought him one to go with his cup of tea when he got home from work.

  But this was a box of eight. Special offer, the label said. Buy four, get four free! Eight delicious doughnuts. Maggie licked her lips. No, she was fine. She could do this.

  She headed into the lounge and switched on the television. Slotting in the DVD, Maggie wondered if she worked out all the time whether she could eat whatever she wanted. Like a marathon runner or an Olympic athlete. The only gold Maggie knew she could win at the moment was an overeater’s competition.

  Maggie closed the curtains and stood in front of the television. She was still wearing her jeans and jumper but she couldn’t be bothered to change.

  It was lucky she hadn’t made the effort, Maggie told herself five minutes later. She could barely finish the warm-up. The instructor was telling her to copy everything, but the stretches were impossible. The side lunges hurt her knees. A quick march on the spot jiggled the fat around her middle.

  In the end, Maggie watched the rest of the DVD from the sofa. The beautifully toned instructor bounced around her fitness studio in her teeny tiny shorts and top. It must be wonderful to be that thin and not have to worry, thought Maggie.

  She went into the kitchen and made herself a cup of tea. But as she picked up the mug, she sighed. Then she picked up the box of doughnuts as well and took them both into the lounge with her.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  THE MORNING AFTER the weigh-in, Violet still couldn’t believe that she had lost five pounds. How? Why? It was all a mystery.

  She supposed she must have somehow eaten less than normal. It didn’t feel like it. Different, yes. But she hadn’t been starving hungry. She thought she had eaten loads, too much even. It was all very odd.

  She found a tape measure after the others had left and had taken her measurements. Big fat rolling skin measuring oh so many inches. There was still such a long way to go. But this second week would be better. She would eat healthily once more. She just had to be strong. And patient.

  Talking of patience, when was the new shopping precinct in the centre of town ever going to be finished? Violet’s car was inching forward in the queue at snail’s pace. The traffic was getting worse and worse.

  Violet arrived at work still feeling quite bouncy. Five pounds off! Did it show? Was her waistband any looser? No. But it must have gone from somewhere.

  She arrived at her desk and put down her handbag.

  ‘Good morning,’ said Mark, coming out of his office. But his usual smile was missing.

  ‘Morning,’ muttered Violet, sitting down.

  ‘Wendy’s off sick,’ Mark told her, with a grimace. ‘Some hideous stomach bug she caught from one of her kids. She went into too much detail and put me right off my breakfast.’

  Violet nodded, not knowing what to say.

  ‘And the email system is off line.’

  Violet realised the stress levels in the office were humming on full blast.

  ‘How long will the system be off?’

  ‘God knows,’ he said, running his hand through his dark hair so it stuck up a little. ‘Couple of hours, we think.’

  The hotline phone inevitably rang.

  ‘You’re going to be inundated,’ he told her, with a shake of his head.

  He continued to hover whilst Violet picked up the phone.

  ‘Hello, Hotline. Can I help you?’

  ‘I can’t get into the email system,’ said the female voice down the phone.

  Normally Violet would have passed the call on to Wendy and just let her tell them that the email wasn’t working. But Wendy wasn’t there. Julie and Anthony were already on the phone. It seemed a bit ridiculous that she couldn’t just simply advise the customer what the problem was.

  So she took a deep breath and said, ‘I’m afraid the email is likely to be down until midday. But if you have any problems this afternoon, please phone back.’

  She finished the call and looked up to find Mark still standing over her, with his eyebrows raised.

  Violet waited for the inevitable bawling out but it never happened. Instead he nodded at her, allowing himself a small smile, before walking away.

  The morning continued with barely a moment to pause for breath. The hotline was red hot with people panicking about their emails. But Violet continued to field most of the calls.

  Then she received a call from one of the managers, who had put on his most pompous voice and asked what the exact problem was. At that point she had to pass on the call to Anthony.

  Afterwards, Anthony peered over the divide between our desks. ‘That guy is such a tosser,’ he said, referring to the last phone call.

  Violet nodded. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to say to him.’

  He passed over a piece of paper. ‘If they’re really pushing for the technical answer just use any of these words at random. That soon shuts them up.’

  She peered at the piece of paper. ‘Right. Thanks.’

  ‘Go on then. Let’s see if you can sound convincing.’

  ‘Oh! Well,’ she said, looking at the paper. ‘You seem to have an encrypted gateway. The stack has failed, I’m afraid.’

  Anthony grinned. ‘Excellent!’

  ‘Are you teaching Violet to lie to the customers?’ said Mark, suddenly appearing out of thin air.

  Anthony nodded.

  Violet cringed, fearing his wrath. But Mark broke into a smile. ‘Excellent. Keep up the good work!’

  She didn’t even have time for a lunch break, so busy was the hotline with calls. So Violet ate her lunch at the desk. Not wanting to buy ready-made sandwiches every day, she had bought some low-fat crackers and very-low-fat cheese. It was pretty tasteless but at least it kept within her calorie count for lunch.

  ‘What’s that?’ said Mark as he passed by. ‘Part of a dry wall cavity?’

  She ignored him. Hadn’t he seen anyone eating healthily before?

  Violet was just finishing her last cracker when she became aware of Julie glancing over.

  Finally, Julie spoke. ‘You did OK this morning. With the email stuff, I mean.’

  Violet was shocked. Julie didn’t even speak to her normally, let alone give out praise.

  ‘Thanks,’ she managed to stammer. ‘It seems silly me being bored when I could take the heat off you guys. You all seem so overworked.’

  It was sheer, unadulterated flattery. But Julie seemed to preen a bit at the words.

  ‘We seem to have more and more customers but the same amount of staff to support them all. It
’s crazy.’

  Violet nodded in agreement and then decided to be a little bit brave once more.

  ‘If you ever wanted to show me some basic procedures on your database, I’d be happy to field some of your phone calls as well.’

  There. She’d said it. She waited for Julie to throw her computer in disgust. But she didn’t. She narrowed her eyes briefly, at which point Violet mentally ducked. But then she gave a nod.

  ‘Will do.’

  She said it so quietly that Violet almost missed it.

  ‘Thanks.’

  Later on, she was regaling Sebastian with the news from her exciting day.

  ‘It was so funny,’ she told him. ‘Anthony’s given me all these words like transmission and migrated and you just say a few in order. It totally fazes the customers!’

  But Sebastian wasn’t laughing. ‘All sounds a bit unprofessional to me,’ he snapped. ‘I’m starving. That ready meal was crap. What’s for pudding?’

  ‘Erm, I’m not sure.’

  She hadn’t dared to tell Sebastian about her cupboard overhaul.

  She took the plates into the kitchen feeling a bit deflated. Why couldn’t Sebastian support her in the new job?

  But he was probably just tired. After all, his job was a lot more important than hers.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  VIOLET HAD HAD a reasonable week but still didn’t feel confident at the second weigh-in. She still wasn’t sure if the previous week’s weight loss had been some kind of fluke.

  Trudie looked as if she believed the same thing, especially when Violet bravely stepped up on the scales first.

  There was a short silence before Trudie looked up at her with her lip curled. ‘Another five pounds off,’ she snapped.

  Violet reeled from the wonder of losing ten pounds in two weeks.

  ‘Are you sure you haven’t had one of those gastric bands fitted?’ asked Trudie with a frown.

  Violet looked at her, horrified, and scuttled away.

  With nothing to lose but his dignity, Edward quickly got up to get weighed next.