Just For You

by Leen Elle

  "It doesn't always work, does it?"

  Cameron sneered.

  "What happened between the two of you, anyway?"

  Oh, God. Cameron could have sworn he felt the whole world shift underneath his feet. He wasn't in the mood to explain it all, to spill out the entire, tragic story of how he and Imogen fell victim to what eventually crumbled every friendship: misunderstanding.

  "Does it even matter? Nothing got solved. Your little Save A Relationship mission didn't work."

  "Can't blame a guy for trying, can you?"

  Cameron shook his head. Despite colossal effort, he couldn't help the smile that found its way to his mouth. He placed a fist to his lips and coughed to cover it up, hoping Todd didn't notice.

  Todd lifted his right leg and rested it on a tall, cement plant holder. He bent over at the waist, crossing his arms on the top of his raised thigh, flicking excess ash from the tip of his cigarette, and studied Cameron. After a few minutes of silence, during which Todd mused to himself and Cameron sweat the thousands of possible questions he was about to be swarmed with, Todd spoke. "You ever going to tell me what the hell happened between you that made you guys hate each other's guts or are you going to have me playing a game of twenty questions with you? I'll figure it out eventually, you know, but you might as well save us both the time. I am not easily persuaded and I'll bug you all day long, hell, even for ten years, if that's what it takes."

  Todd saw Cameron's jaw tick and smiled to himself with smug satisfaction. Todd: 1. Cameron: 0.

  "Fine," Cameron acquiesced, letting his shoulders drop and his body sag with defeat, taking one last swig of coffee before throwing the still full cup into a nearby trashcan. "That tastes like shit," he said, pointing to the can and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He sat down on the planter.

  "So?"

  Cameron looked up at Todd and shrugged. "So what?"

  Todd raked thin hands through his hair and pulled hard at the roots with frustration. "Jesus Christ. What the hell happened between you that ended up in World War III?"

  Cameron shook his head and let his tongue glide across his bottom lip. It dried instantly in the heat. "What always happens, Todd. We…" Cameron gestured with his hands, palms up. "We slept together."

  The words were muffled and even though Todd heard them, he scooted forward, with one hand cupped behind his ear and his eyebrows nearly at his hairline. "I'm sorry, I don't know if I heard you correctly the first time. You two what?"

  Cameron shoved Todd so hard he nearly knocked him off the cement ledge. Todd caught himself with his hands.

  "Shut the hell up, would you? Jesus Christ, it's not necessary for you to air out my dirty laundry."

  "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Todd countered, holding his palms up in defense. "You and Imogen, though? Really? Imogen. And you. Together?"

  "It's really that hard to believe?" Cameron rumbled.

  Todd licked his lips and pushed a lock of hair from his eyes. "I--- But Imogen's hot. And you, you're---" He stopped in his tracks when he saw that Cameron wasn't too pleased. "You're Cameron. I don't mean to be offensive, I'm just trying to get used to this. You mean you're actually telling me that you, you, Cameron Moody, who hated this girl to begin with and practically could barely even muster the courage to look at her without being persuaded by someone else, actually got down and dirty with her?"

  Cameron scoffed. "Please do not call sex 'getting down and dirty.' It's so immature, for fuck's sake."

  Todd was still shaking his head and blinking with disbelief. "I feel like someone just told me my mom died," he said to himself, wiping his palms down the thighs of his dark jeans. "When? How? No, why?"

  Cameron closed his eyes and swallowed hard. He shook his head ever so slightly, his curls bouncing with the movement. "That weekend at my Mom's house."

  "Damn it! I knew I should have gone!"

  "Shut up, you were the first one to weasel your way out of that trip."

  "If I'd have known the circumstances---"

  "There were no… look, it just happened. I don't know how. We drank too much that night. Neither of us were really in our right mind."

  As Cameron said the words he felt guilt settle in his belly. He knew he was lying through his teeth. Both he and Imogen might have been slightly inebriated from their earlier stint in the karaoke bar but he knew deep down inside that when he kissed Imogen on her cheek that night he realized what he would possibly get himself into. He certainly didn't leave Alex's room with intentions to bed Imogen but that's what happened. Neither of them stopped it. They were cognizant of what was happening between them. They both were aware that they were risking their friendship. They both did it anyway. It was a free choice.

  Cameron pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "Nevermind, that's sort of a lie. We weren't drunk, but it happened out of nowhere, that part's one hundred percent true."

  "So do you like her?"

  "I don't know. I mean, I was starting to. It was like…" Cameron held his hands out in front of him as if to grasp the words which were evading him. "Suddenly she was turning into this sexy vixen and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't ignore her."

  "And then eventually you lost all self control and plunged, for lack of a better term, right into things. When you woke up in the morning you realized how stupid you were and then you kicked her to the curb. I know how that goes."

  Cameron's upper lip curled in disgust. "How stupid I was? Kicked her to the curb? Why do you automatically assume that I'm the one who screwed things up between the two of us?"

  "You initiated it, didn't you?"

  Cameron blinked in bewilderment. He sputtered. "Yes."

  "Aha!"

  Adrenaline surged through Cameron and he shot up. "I initiated it so that means I'm the one that screwed her over? No, Todd. You have no idea what you're even talking about. I can't even believe I'm sitting here talking to you about this. Frankly, it's none of your business and I don't appreciate you putting your nose where it doesn't belong. Jesus, I'm a grown man and she's a grown woman and we can handle this on our own, without any of your ridiculous, finagling intervention."

  "But you won't handle it, that's the problem. And this does become my business when I'm friends with the two of you and suddenly I'm left in the middle and it's my job to pick up the pieces because the two of you have way too much damn pride to just admit that you've done something wrong. Fuck, Cameron," Todd jumped up, both of his hands pressed together in a way which reminded Cameron of clam shells, "this is why you need to be careful about who you choose to have sex with."

  Cameron scoffed and his voice became cold. "You have a lot of room to talk, Mr. I-Work-Main-And-Seventh. You're the last person in the world who needs to be giving me advice about this sort of thing. Do not even sit here and talk to me about who I should and should not be sleeping with."

  "You can stand a little advice from me, Cameron, because I don't make the same dumbass rookie mistakes that you do. Rule number one? You never sleep with friends. Ever. It turns messy. It always turns messy, God damn it. Don't you know this now? You see what becomes of it."

  "Friends? We were never friends, Todd." Cameron's eyes were dark and his body almost shuddered.

  "Really, now. I must be blind as hell because you looked like friends to me. You're bumping into each other in grocery stores, you're buying her ice cream cones at parks, you're seeing movies with her and eating at diners and the big cherry on top of all this? She spends a weekend with you at your parents' house, of all places, and what happens at the end of that? You go to bed together. You don't do things like that with people you care nothing about, Cameron. Whether or not you want to admit it, you like her. Or at least you did like her. Now you've fucked it all up." Todd's arms fell from their raised position down to his thighs, making a slapping noise when they collided.

  Cameron was suddenly infuriated. He stepped toward Todd with his pointer finger raised. "You don't even have the first cl
ue about what you're talking about. I didn't screw anything up. So I made the first move, that doesn't mean shit. You wanna know what happened? Fine, I'll tell you what happened. For the first time in a long time I find someone who I thought was willing to stick it out with me, and against my better judgment I start to fall for it all. Unlike you, Hot Shot Magoo, I slept with her because I cared about her, and I thought she felt the same way. Only, boy, did I get a surprise two days later when we were at home and she comes waltzing into my living room with tears in her eyes, telling me that what happened was a mistake. Before you start pointing fingers, you need to get the facts straight. I ruined nothing. We both decided that night that we wanted something more and who was the one who got scared and ran away? That's right. She did. Imogen, the one who could preach to me for days about how life is incomplete without true love and how the only way a person is ever going to find it is if they open themselves up to it. She's a fucking hypocrite and you're over there defending her. I thought you were my friend. Mine!" With his thumb, Cameron jabbed himself in the chest so hard he left a bruise.

  When he was finished, Cameron was nearly blue in the face. The vein in his forehead was still protruding, and Todd couldn't be sure if he wasn't imagining seeing it pulsate with fury. Cameron's neck was red and his eyes large, teeth clenched together and jaw locked. He stood for a moment, trying to catch his breath and calm down. He swallowed to wet his throat and sniffed.

  Todd, eyes wide, took a step back. He scratched his forehead and looked at the ground. The past ten minutes threw way too much at him.

  "At the diner, I wanted to talk with her." Cameron was speaking again, but this time his voice was much more soft, less strained. It was hoarse. "I wanted to kill you. I didn't get to talk. She spoke and she left. Nothing's going to get resolved, Todd. You might as well come to terms with it. She has. I am."

  Todd licked his lips. "Why didn't you tell me all of this earlier?"

  "It doesn't matter whether or not I told you, or when I told you. She didn't tell you, either."

  "She's not my best friend. You are."

  Cameron swallowed. He had to look away from the wounded puppy look Todd was giving him. "You're not seriously mad over this. I couldn't tell you, okay? I just couldn't. It was too embarrassing. It's still too embarrassing. You tried to help out, anyway. It's over with. Let's all move on."

  "Dude, she hasn't moved on. She's miserable, believe me."

  "Good," Cameron jabbed.

  "No, not good. You're miserable too. Even more than usual, and God damn are you always miserable."

  Cameron made a face. "Thanks."

  "No, it's one of those endearing qualities about you that I love so much. Your constant cynicism is what keeps me coming back for more."

  Cameron flipped Todd the middle finger for the sarcasm. "Shut up, Todd."

  "She is torn up about it. I know she doesn't want to lose you. I know you don't want to lose her, either."

  Cameron tried not to hear it. He wanted to forget the way Todd's words stirred something inside of the pit of his belly, because they were true. They were right. "Well, that's too bad. She apologized for what she said and that was it. I didn't get the chance to say anything, Todd. It didn't matter. She wanted to absolve herself of her own sins. She really had no interest in what I had to say."

  "You honestly can't give it another chance?"

  "What chance? There is no chance, Todd! I tried that before and it blew up in my face, or else we would not be having this tortuous, disgusting conversation right now. It's kaput, capiche? I'd appreciate dropping the subject now. I want to forget about it."

  Todd took his bottom lip between his teeth and sighed heavily in defeat. "If that's what you want to do, then fine. I'll drop it. I can't promise you I'll stop being her friend, though."

  "I never asked you to."

  "As long as we're on the same page," Todd said, following Cameron back into the hospital. They were greeted with ice cold air and they breathed it in greedily, relieved to be out of the sun and humid air outside. Todd was forced to put his sweater back on.

  They made their way up to Alex's room. He was up, eating hospital food from a tray placed in front of him while Sylvia sat in the chair next to the bed, reading a magazine. Alex smiled when he saw Cameron and Todd.

  "Hey, I didn't know you were coming down here again," Alex said to Todd. Immediately he began to stand up and Sylvia made a noise of frustration.

  "Alex Daniel Moody, I told you to stop moving around. You need to rest."

  "Mom, I'm fine," Alex said as he walked toward his brother. "I'm discharged tomorrow anyway. I'm practically good as new."

  "Yeah," Cameron smiled, pointing at the top of Alex's head, "good as new, except for that unsightly bump on the top of your already misshapen head."

  Alex laughed and punched Cameron playfully in the arm before giving him a hug. "Shut up."

  "How are you, man?" Todd asked. "Life still one big headache?"

  "Life is always a headache," Alex countered. "I'm just glad to be getting out of here. Finally. I was afraid they were going to have to admit me to a loony-bin. They would have had to if they made me stay cooped up here any longer."

  "Same goes for me," Sylvia said wryly, continuing to read her magazine article. "You took long enough for coffee, Cameron."

  "Todd sort of derailed me." He said, shooting Todd a look.

  "I was just asking about Imogen. Hadn't seen her in a while."

  Cameron threw his head back. Damn Todd.

  "She was here on Sunday," Alex piped. "She came to see me like she promised."

  Cameron felt his heart leap to his throat but he swallowed to keep it down. A quick assessment of the room told him no one witnessed his sudden interest of the current topic. Even when she was nowhere to be found, he still couldn't rid himself of her.

  "She did?" Todd asked.

  "She was looking quite lovely, too," Sylvia chimed in. "Rather in a hurry, a bit distraught over something. She wouldn't tell me what."

  Cameron tried to ignore the way his stomach felt as if it were falling out of his body and to his feet.

  "Yeah, she was here" Alex said, climbing back into his bed and shoving a spoonful of cold mashed potatoes into his mouth. He chewed, making a face. "God, this stuff tastes like shit."

  "Alex!" Sylvia slapped his knee. "Don't use that sort of language. It's unbecoming."

  "Everything here is shit," Cameron told his brother, flopping down into a chair across from the bed. Sylvia turned her head slowly toward him, giving him her signature death stare. Cameron shrugged. "What?"

  "You instigate it all, you know that?"

  "Jesus, his choice of dirty words is my fault?"

  "Stop, stop, stop," Alex said, holding his hands out in a diplomatic fashion. "Mom, I'm sorry. It's just that the food is so bad that cursing was the only way to truly describe it."

  Sylvia sighed and stuck her head back into her magazine.

  "Do you guys know what she went back to Louisiana for?" Alex's question was simple and innocent enough, but three heads whipped their way in his direction so fast he wasn't even sure he saw them move.

  "Louisiana?" Sylvia gushed. "She didn't tell me she was headed there. What for?"

  Alex shrugged. "I don't know. That's why I was asking them. She told me she was leaving on Tuesday. Two days ago."

  Cameron and Todd glanced at each other. Todd was confused. Cameron was shocked.

  "I have no idea," Todd said. "Do you?"

  When he looked at Cameron, all heads turned in his direction. Cameron's vision went blank for a moment and time seemed to stop. Before he realized he was doing it, he was shaking his head no.

  "N---no. I don't know why. I didn't even know she'd gone."

  "I guess she didn't really tell anyone." Alex's voice was quiet. He was beginning to wish he hadn't said a word at all. He felt as if he'd just spilled a secret Imogen had confided to him and only him.

  "Wow, she left." Cameron spoke al
oud to himself, still only half-aware of the three others he was sharing a space with.

  "I'm not surprised, with the way you acted toward her that first night at the hospital," Sylvia scolded. "You made it clear that, for whatever reason, you weren't welcoming her here."

  Cameron closed his eyes and could only find strength enough to chant in his mind. Shut up, Mother. Just shut up, shut up, shut the hell up.

  When he opened his eyes again he looked straight at Todd. He was wearing an expression on his face which only Cameron could read perfectly, because they were both thinking the same thing. Todd swallowed, filling the silence of the room with wet noise.

  "I just realized," Cameron said, standing up from his seat. "Uh, Todd and I, we're, uh. We've got somewhere really important we need to be."

  They needed to get to her. Cameron had to get to her.

  Todd was looking at Cameron for queues. "Oh, yeah. Somewhere important. Right now. Soon. Soon." He and Cameron were backing up toward the door. "We'll um, we'll call you soon, Mrs. Moody. And Alex, we'll see you soon, too, bud. Congratulations on your discharge."

  Sylvia and Alex watched Todd and Cameron bolt from the room, fighting and pushing each other through the doors. Alex turned to his mother and they looked at each other with the same expression of perplexity and curiosity. Alex knew before Sylvia did. Before she had time to drop her magazine, Alex was throwing the blankets from his legs and jumping from the other side of his bed.

  He caught Todd and Cameron just before they stepped into the elevator.

  "Don't leave yet!" He wailed as he ran down the corridor, dodging people left and right. Cameron and Todd looked back at the same time, thrown off by the sudden commotion. Alex was out of breath, panting, grabbing tight hold of Cameron's forearm.

  Sylvia had caught up, too, and she was attempting to pull Alex back to his room by his shoulders, apologizing profusely to the nurses and patients alike who had been disturbed.

  "Cameron," Alex pleaded. "Wait for me, until tomorrow. I'm going with you." Sylvia was finally able to nudge him away and Alex's hands fell away from his brother. "I'm going with you."