Promises Keep (The Promise Series)

by Sarah McCarty

  “She’s had better days.”

  “Damn shame filth like him’s allowed out among decent folk.” He spat at the ground between Red’s bloody boots before glancing back at Cougar. “You done here?”

  Cougar looked at the semiconscious man. He wouldn’t feel like he was done until he could erase the expression on Mara’s face from his memory. “Looks like it.”

  The older man, the one who’d been eating, looked at Cougar, “We didn’t know what Red was up to, McKinnely. He just joined up with the Rocking C. Don’t expect the boss will keep him around after this. He’s real particular about manners around ladies.”

  If word of this got back to Asa, Cougar knew, Red would be lucky if he wasn’t strung up and horsewhipped. “In the future, you’d do best to watch the company you keep.”

  “I’ve been thinking that very thing,” the older man said, giving Red a disgusted glare. “For what it’s worth, none of us at the Rocking C have ever thought of Mrs. McKinnely as anything but a lady.”

  Cougar nodded. “See that it stays that way.”

  “And we’re real sorry Red upset her.”

  “I’ll pass it on.”

  “You boys get Red over to Doc before he bleeds to death,” the sheriff interrupted. He turned to the crowd. “The rest of you get back to whatever it was you were doing. The show’s over.”

  “If he wants to press charges, you know where to find me,” Cougar said, dusting off his buckskins.

  Sheriff Mulden’s smile was a mere flick of the lips. “The man might be stupid, but he’s not suicidal.”

  “I’m not going to bet my ranch on it.”

  “No one’s going to tolerate a man touching another man’s wife. He starts spouting nonsense about bringing charges, I’ll turn him over to Asa to hold for the trial.”

  “Asa will tear him apart.”

  “Not my concern, but if it comes to that, we’ll be sure to schedule your trial for right after his.”

  Cougar nodded. “I appreciate it.”

  He turned, sheathing his knife, searching out Mara. She stood on the edge of the wooden walk about ten feet from him. Her face white, her hands clutching the pole holding up the porch roof. Her lower lip clenched between her teeth.

  She didn’t say a word, just stared at him with those big eyes full of shock, and he knew.

  Ah hell. She’d remembered.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  He was coming to her. Across the street, across the memories, he was coming to her. And God help her, she didn’t know what to do. He was her husband, how could he be her rapist? He was the one she trusted to keep her safe. How could he have been the one who’d done the greatest harm? Oh God, and how could this all be happening in the middle of the street?

  As he reached her, one of the bystanders handed him his gun belt. “Handy as you are with that knife, bet you don’t even miss these.”

  “Thanks,” was all Cougar said to the man as he took them and buckled them around his waist, his gaze locked on her.

  He knew something was wrong. She could see it in the way he stood, as if braced, his shoulders set, face hard, his expression resigned. He expected her to scream and yell. He expected her to repudiate him, to label him a rapist in front of all his friends and family. God help her, part of her wanted to. Another part just wanted to throw herself into his arms and let him make it all go away. Torn between extremes, she wrapped her arms around her waist and went for the lesser of all the revelations.

  “You’re Marshal Gut ’em McKinnely?”

  He nodded, his eyes going over every facet of her expression as if he could find answers there that she didn’t know herself.

  “You’re a legend.”

  “I’m just a man, Angel.”

  “I heard you were killed years ago by the Danzer crew.”

  “They gave it a good shot.”

  She rubbed her arms, taking off the chill. “Are you still a marshal?”

  “I’m retired.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  He shrugged. “I figured you had fears enough when it came to me without tossing my reputation on the pile.”

  A thought hit her, and she couldn’t stop a bubble of laughter. “No wonder you kept telling me you were good with knives.”

  “I told you that because I am.” He took another step in her direction. His gaze narrowed in concern as she laughed again. The lift of her hand stopped him in his tracks.

  “Pa saw you once at a fair. He said you split a leaf right up the middle at fifty paces.” He’d been awed and impressed. “He said you were more dangerous with a knife than most men with a gun. He said you were mean, fast and lethal.”

  He’d also said McKinnely was like a keg of dynamite just waiting for someone to light his fuse.

  “And what do you think?” Cougar asked.

  Mara stared at him, trying to sort through everything that had happened, what she knew, what had been revealed. “I think maybe he was right.”

  The only indication she had that Cougar heard her was the flicker of his eyelids. In anyone else, that would have been a flinch. She just stared at him, unable to speak for the thoughts jumbling her brain. Wanting to yell and scream. Wanting to do something, wanting him to do something to make what she suspected go away.

  “You okay, honey?” Millicent asked, concern in her voice. She didn’t answer, just clenched her hands in front of her and fought for control. Cougar stood in the street, staring at her. Waiting.

  For what? What was he waiting for? The tension between them grew. She clenched her hands tighter, holding her palms against her stomach, pressing the nausea back.

  Millicent stepped up to the rail. Mara jumped when her big hand landed on her shoulder. She felt like her nerves were shredding from the inside out.

  “Why don’t you come on inside?”

  Was it obvious to everyone that something was going on between Cougar and herself?

  Mara looked around the crowd. Some of the faces were sympathetic. Some were curious, and some were intent. Millicent squeezed her shoulder, motioning to the crowd. “Whatever’s wrong, honey, you don’t want to air your dirty linen in front of all these strangers.”

  Mara looked around again at the faces. The expectancy there. They knew something was going on, sure enough. They knew it was something big between the two of them, no doubt because of her behavior. And while they couldn’t possibly know what it was, it didn’t take a genius to figure out that they were hoping it would involve a scene. Maybe one that Cougar would get the worst of. Nausea surged again as she looked at the crowd of faces. How many knew about her? How many knew for sure what she was fast suspecting was the truth? That Cougar had been the man who raped her. How many had been laughing at her behind her back all these months? Had Cougar been laughing, too?

  Lastly, she looked at Cougar. For all that his expression remained impassive, she knew him well enough to read him. He was waiting on her, too. And he wasn’t laughing. Far from it. He stood like a man expecting to take a blow. Accepting he couldn’t block it. Couldn’t escape it. There could only be one reason why, but she couldn’t, didn’t believe it.

  “Cougar.”

  His “Yeah?” contained all the discipline she’d come to expect from him. The breeze blew his hair around his face. He didn’t push it away. He just stood there watching her through the strands, that resigned acceptance that looked so out of place still on his handsome face. “It’s been a long afternoon,” she said softly, unable to believe what she was doing in light of her suspicions, but unable to bear seeing him this way. For others to see him without his fierce pride.

  He jerked a little and his eyes narrowed. He would accept whatever she said or did, she knew. Because he felt guilty. About something. She wrapped both hands around the post and leaned into it for support. Millicent’s expression flashed alarm as she glanced between the two of them, no doubt feeling the tension Mara couldn’t hide. “Why don’t you go upstairs, hon, and lay down until your
nerves settle?”

  Mara shook her head, still holding Cougar’s gaze. “My nerves are fine.”

  It was her intelligence she was beginning to question. Cougar looked as immovable as a rock standing there in the street. Proud. Stubborn and resigned. He’d been hurt so much in his life. And maybe she’d hurt him too, down the road, but not right now. Not like this, with his pride on the line and the townsfolk as witnesses. She tightened her grip in the post, gathered her courage, and said the one thing she knew would get him moving without question.

  “I need you, Cougar.”

  He was at her side before she could blink. His moccasin-clad feet hit the wooden sidewalk with a soft thud at the same time that his big arms came around her, pulling her into his chest.

  “I’ve got you,” he whispered, as his hair swung around them, shielding her face from view. “You don’t have to worry about anyone hurting you, Angel.”

  She wasn’t afraid of anyone hurting her. Just the opposite. She didn’t want to hurt anyone, least of all Cougar. She was just absorbing the reality that she could. Because he cared. No one looked like he did right now and didn’t.

  She’d never seen him like this. The hands rubbing up and down her back were shaking, she realized. The big body protectively holding hers trembled. She’d only said what she’d said to save his pride, but he’d taken it as more. And he was once again offering her his life for hers. Not asking anything in return. Dammit, she didn’t need this, but she knew what to do with it.

  She put her arms around his neck. “Take me home, Cougar.”

  His hand slid beneath her knees and he lifted her into his arms. She should explain to him the confusion that reigned inside, but he was looking at her with an expression she’d never seen before. A no-holds-barred combination of heat, possession and emotion that lit his golden eyes from within. Like she was the big prize he’d always coveted but never expected to win.

  Oh damn. How could she hate him when she loved him? She bent her head into his chest and let him carry her across the town, her heart beating double-time, panic and elation battling for supremacy. How could what she suspected be true? How could he have pulled the wool over her eyes all this time? How could she not have remembered him?

  His long legs ate up distance like it was nothing, his muscled body not even feeling the impact of her weight. He stopped. She looked up. The building blocked the worst of the sun. They were at the buggy. She expected Cougar to put her down, but instead, he carried her around the buggy until they were between it and the livery wall. He let her feet slide to the ground, his hands moving up her body. They reached her shoulders and kept on coming until he cupped her face in his palms.

  “Oh God, Angel, I can’t wait,” he groaned, his mouth hitting hers as he backed her up. She parted her lips and let his passion roll over her.

  “I can’t believe you did that,” he moaned into her mouth.

  “Did what?”

  “I can’t believe you chose me. In front of the entire town, you chose me.”

  She was probably the only person that knew how much that meant to him.

  “Of course I did.” He was her husband. She would never humiliate him in public.

  “No ‘of course’ about it.” He kissed her eyes, her nose, her cheeks. “You could have turned away, and no one would have blamed you. A half-breed, used-up ex-marshal isn’t a prize in anyone’s book.”

  “Neither is an ex-whore.”

  He stopped kissing her, his breath sliding gently across her brow. Almost as gentle as the finger he slid under her chin to tip her face up. “You were never a whore.”

  “Everyone else thinks so.”

  “Everyone else doesn’t matter.”

  “They do if you keep getting into fights over it.”

  His expression turned hard, his touch stilled. “He put his hands on you, scared you. The son of a bitch deserved what he got and then some.”

  “You can’t beat up everyone who sees me as a whore.”

  “Watch me.” He took a step closer, pressing her back against the stable wall. His cock rose against her stomach and his breath brushed her ear. “I promised to keep you safe. It’s a promise I mean to keep.”

  And she’d promised to love him forever, forsaking all others. Did she have a right to renege on that because of something she only suspected?

  “Cougar?”

  “Yeah?” he rubbed his cock against her belly. “Damn, Angel, you make me so hard.”

  “I need to ask you something.”

  He nibbled at the side of her neck, sending goose bumps chasing down her spine. “Can it wait?”

  “No.”

  His hand drifted down to her breast, plumping her slight curves into his palm, stroking his finger over her nipple. “You sure?”

  She struggled to find her voice. “I need to know.”

  He pinched her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, squeezing harder and harder until her knees gave out and she couldn’t suppress a soft whimper of pleasure.

  He brushed his lips over her cheek. “Steady, Angel.”

  “I can’t think when you do that,” she gasped.

  “What’s there to think about?”

  Everything. Nothing. Oh God, when he had his hands on her body, nothing else seemed to matter. He made her burn, ache.

  She caught his wrist in her hand, trying to pull his hand away. “Please stop.”

  “Doesn’t it feel good?”

  “We’re in public.”

  “No one can see.”

  “Someone could come around the corner any moment.” And that didn’t upset her as much as it should have. Not when he had his big thigh between hers and was pressing it up into her privates.

  “The buggy will hide us.”

  “Not completely.”

  “No one would dare look. I’m Gut ’em McKinnely.”

  She tugged his wrist again. “Please.”

  He dropped his head against hers, but slid his hand to the safer territory of her back. “Damn, I want you.”

  “Why?”

  He pulled back and frowned. “You keep asking me that.”

  She shrugged. “I just don’t understand what someone like you sees in me.”

  “You talk like I’m some sort of prize.”

  She turned her face into the hollow of his throat. “You have to know you’re every woman’s dream.”

  His contentment hummed in his throat as she pressed a kiss there.

  “I’ll settle for just being yours.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know why, but I knew the minute I saw you, you were mine.”

  At last, the opening she was looking for. So why was it so hard to get the question out? “At Cecile’s?”

  Against her chest, she felt his muscles pull tight, his breath slow. His body took on a predatory wariness. His agreement was a flat, “Yeah.”

  “When you took me out of there?”

  “I made the decision before then.”

  A quick glance showed his jaw was clenched and he was staring straight ahead. He didn’t like where this conversation was heading.

  “Did you rape me, Cougar?”

  “Jesus!”

  He tried to push away, but she put her arms around his waist and held on, going with him when he stood straight.

  She ignored his effort to separate himself from her. She pressed her face to his chest. “Answer me. Did you?”

  He put his hands on her shoulder. “It wasn’t like that.”

  Another glance showed him looking down at her, his golden eyes dark with indecision. It was such a foreign expression for him, it gave her the courage to push on.

  “Then put your arms around me, hold me really, really close, and tell me how it was.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m afraid of what you’re going to tell me. I’m afraid that it will somehow change things, but I’m not afraid when you hold me, so I want you to hold me close and make this go away.”


  He put his arms around her, and did as she asked. He held her so tightly, she thought her ribs would crack. “Nothing’s going to change, Mara.”

  “It might.”

  “Why?”

  “Because once I know, you can’t pretend I’m an innocent. We’ll both know how many men I had that night, what they did to me. What I did to them.”

  “Ah shit!” He sank to the bale of hay leaning against the building. She had no choice but to go with him. He pulled her sideways across his lap. He didn’t let her go. “Don’t think that way, Mara. Not ever.”

  “How can I not? You almost gelded a man for touching me.”

  “I nicked the guy’s balls for scaring you.”

  “Please tell me.”

  “It was just me, Angel.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Have I ever lied to you?”

  “No, but you keep things from me.”

  “And you’re thinking I’m keeping something from you now?” The question reverberated in his chest.

  She thought about it for a second and then she looked up from his chest, straining against his hold to see his face. “I think,” she said slowly, the realization sinking in, “you would do whatever you thought you had to, to keep me from being hurt.”

  “You figured that out yourself?”

  He was stalling. “Please tell me, Cougar. I promise you, it can’t be worse than what I’m imagining.”

  He stroked her hair and sighed. “It ever occur to you that I might be afraid of losing you?”

  “You can’t lose me. I made a promise.”

  “Maybe I want more than a promise keeping you with me.”

  “Then you’re going to have to trust me that I can handle the truth.”

  Her hair ruffled as he placed a kiss on the top of her head. “I didn’t want you to ever remember.”

  “I know.” She touched the tangled strands of his hair. “Tell me, Cougar.”

  “Here?”

  “It’s as good a place as any.”

  Safer too as he couldn’t seduce her out of focusing on the parts he thought would upset her.

  “Some stuff I’m only guessing at or I heard later,” he warned as he rested his cheek on her head.

  “Okay.”