Losing a Piece of Me

by K. B. Andrews

  He turns his head back to the TV. I study him while he thinks it over. Then he turns back to me. “Okay, I won’t ask again, but if we’re going to do this, you have to take those walls down. I can’t be with you when you’re keeping me out. You have to let me in.” He places his hands on either side of my face.

  I nod. “I promise, but there is one more thing.”

  He nods me on.

  “This,” I point between the two of us, “has to be kept a secret. You can’t tell anyone. Nobody can know. Understand?”

  His eyes squint as he looks at me. After a few seconds, he nods and pulls me in for a kiss that I’ve longed for for six years.

  Striker stays the night and we cuddle, touch, and kiss most of the night. We make love again and it’s even better than before, knowing that I will get him time and time again.

  When we wake in the morning, he leaves to go back home. He kisses me goodbye and walks out of my apartment, leaving me standing alone in the kitchen.

  A weird, unidentifiable feeling consumes me from inside out. The more I try to determine what it is, the more pressure builds inside of my chest. I love him and am beyond happy that we can finally be together in some way, even if it is a secret and we can only see each other in the city, but I’m also afraid. Afraid that it will end badly. I’m worried that my heart will be broken again. I’m worried that we will be caught and, while my parents won’t be happy about it, nothing truly bad will come from them.

  Our problem lies with Ken. If he ever finds out that I’m seeing his son again, he will unleash a secret that will start a fire in my family - fire that won’t stop until it has claimed everything in its path. It will burn through us, leaving nothing but bits and pieces of ash and dust.

  My family could be forever ruined, and for what? So I can be with my soulmate.

  Is it worth it? Am I being selfish? Will everything be ruined?

  Eventually all secrets come out.

  Will mine?

  Chapter 12

  It’s been one week since I ran into Lex in the city. I stayed with her that first night, but had to leave the next morning. I needed to get that estimate for her store but, more importantly, I needed a little time to think everything over.

  She’s willing to be with me, but there is a condition: it has to be secret.

  Why secret?

  Something tells me it has something to do with that secret she’s holding back from me.

  Did someone threaten her to stay away from me?

  Who would do that? No one in my life even pretends to give a shit about me.

  Is it her parents? I wouldn’t put it past them to try something shady to keep us apart, but what could they possibly threaten her with?

  Everything about me is an open book. The whole town knows I was a troublemaker growing up. They know about all the trouble Lex and I caused together. They know about my mom leaving us and my dad turning into an abusive asshole afterward. Everybody knows everything about me.

  Can I be with Lex if it has to be a secret?

  I have to get her to give it up. That secret, no matter how big or small, is driving a wedge between us. Maybe one day she can let it go. Maybe all she needs is a little love, kindness, and understanding. She needs to know that she can trust me. Keeping this a secret is the perfect way to do that.

  The crew has started on another job here in town, so I decide to spend the week with Lex and start the renovations on her store. It’s not a big job, so there won’t be any problem doing it alone.

  I load up the back of my truck with the custom-order tiles for the floor and all the necessary tools. I’ll buy the rest of the materials when I get there since the guys will need the trailer for the other job.

  Truck packed with supplies, I hit the road. My heart flutters against my ribcage the entire drive in anticipation of seeing her again. I need to see her, feel her, remind myself that she is finally mine after so many years of longing.

  The second hand on the clock seems frozen in place. Excitement and anxiety form an explosive cocktail of energy that is bubbling over by the time I make it to her apartment. I make my way toward her door and knock quickly.

  She flies through the door and into my arms, pressing her lips against mine. I carry her through the kitchen and set her on the counter.

  “Did ya miss me?”

  “Shut up and fuck me already.” Her hands fist my shirt and pull me back to her. Her aggressiveness turns me rock hard.

  Her teeth and hot breath play tantalizingly across the sensitive skin in the crook of my neck as she pulls at the bottom of my shirt. Her hands roam my body, squeezing and scratching as they glide over my chest and stomach. She pulls at the waistband of my jeans. The typically calm and composed Lex has taken a backseat to a Lex fueled by passion and lust, a Lex who takes whatever she wants from me. This is new to me, and if she doesn’t slow down a bit, I’m going to lose control.

  My hands find her thighs and push up the jean skirt she’s wearing. When I have it up around her waist, I grab her panties in my fist and forcefully tug them down her legs.

  I’m throbbing inside my pants and fighting to maintain control of myself. It’s only been a week, but it’s been too long since I’ve been inside her, wrapped up in her. I need her more than I can explain, and even though I know that she is hiding a piece of herself away from me, I can’t help but be drawn in. This whole thing may crash and burn, but I can’t stop myself. Self-control was never my strongest point when it came to her. She’s always been my wild card.

  She unfastens my jeans and they fall to my ankles. I grab her hips and pull her against me, picking her up and pressing her back against the door as I slide deep inside. The pressure and warmth inside of her are so much, I feel like I could erupt at any minute. She holds on tightly around my neck while I move in and out of her, thrusting into her as hard and as fast as I can.

  She tightens around me and her moans grow louder. Her fingers tighten, pinching my back, and her nails dig in slightly.

  She’s shattering around me, calling my name.

  “Open your eyes,” I demand.

  She does as I say and the minute I meet her intense blue eyes, I’m shuddering along with her.

  I hold her to the door while we both catch our breath, sweating against each other’s bodies. When I pull back and look into her eyes, I can see that her walls are coming down, little by little, whether she realizes it or not.

  “You are so fucking beautiful when you bare yourself to me.” I push a strand of hair out of her face.

  We load up in my truck to get the store ready for the repairs. The girls start moving racks of clothing out of the way and covering everything in plastic to protect it from the dust that the demo will create. Once the store closes for the night, the girls pull on their face masks, goggles and hard hats.

  “You know, you don’t have to help me demo this wall. You are paying me to do a job.”

  “We want to. It sounds like fun,” Hannah says.

  I shrug but give them the go-ahead. They both take off running toward the wall with sledgehammers. They burst from the gates ready for war, but neither of them has enough weight to wield the heavy hammers, and each leaves only a tiny hole through the drywall.

  I stand back and let them go at it, waiting for them to tire. Best to let them have their fun so I can get them out of the way when I start.

  Hannah only lasts about ten minutes before giving up and throwing herself down on one of the sofas scattered throughout the store. Lex is still going at it. She has a huge section of the wall taken out.

  I can’t help but think of the irony here.

  Here she is, busting her way through a wall, just like the walls she builds up around herself. If only getting her walls down were as easy as tearing out this wall.

  Supercharged by years of pent-up anger and aggression, she tirelessly destroys a large section of the wall. I figure unless I want her taking out the whole wall by herself, I better pitch in. I pick up Hannah’
s sledgehammer and go to work at her side.

  An hour later, the studs are exposed and the floor surrounding them is covered in drywall rubble.

  Lex tries busting through them too, but I stop her. I’m not comfortable with taking out the studs until we have the new structure built. Even though it isn’t a supporting wall, it’s still better to be safe than sorry.

  The three of us sweep up the mess and toss it in the dumpster before calling it a night.

  Hannah locks up behind us.

  “First thing in the morning, I will run by the lumber yard and pick up the boards I need to build the new wall.”

  “Sounds good.”

  Lex and I walk hand-in-hand back to my truck.

  “I had fun with you today,” she says, gazing out the passenger side window.

  “We’ve always had fun together. I’m just surprised you had that much fun tearing down a wall.”

  “It never mattered what we did as long as we were together,” she answers.

  Her phone’s loud vibrating jars our attention back to reality as we’re lying in bed. I feel her stiffen. “What's the matter?”

  “It's my mother.”

  “How do you know? You haven't even answered it yet.”

  She rolls to her side and grabs the phone on the bedside table, looks at it briefly, then shows me the name flashing on the screen. Sure enough, it's her mother.

  She answers with her brows pulled together and a scowl on her face.

  “Mom, I understand. I will be at the wedding but I'm not bringing a date.” Then a brief pause. “No, Mom. I don't want you to set me up with anyone either, especially that douche you tried setting me up with last time.”

  She runs her hand through her hair, pushing it away from her face. “Fine, I will bring Jeff. Does that make you happy?”

  Jeff? Who the fuck is Jeff? Why does he get to go when I can't? Why would he be accepted in their world? I know I'm not good enough, but why does she think he is?

  “He's just a friend, Mom.”

  She's quiet for a long moment. “Okay, see you Friday.” She hangs up and lets it fall to the table.

  “Who's Jeff?” I ask, trying to play it cool and act as if the thought of her with someone else doesn’t make me angry and jealous.

  “He's just a friend. Nothing to be jealous about.”

  Then I remember that was the name of her fake fiancée.

  “Is this the same Jeff you claimed to be marrying?”

  Her cheeks turn red. “Yes, but he's just a friend.”

  I nod, unsure what this feeling is.

  She takes a long breath. “Is something wrong?”

  I don't know what to say. Yes, something is wrong. I'm not good enough for you but this Jeff guy is?

  “So this guy…"

  “Jeff?”

  “Yeah, how long have you known him?” My jealous side is getting the best of me, but for some reason I can't control it.

  “Since I moved here,” she answers.

  “Did you two date?” I can’t stand to look at her, so I stare at the ceiling. If she saw my face right now she would be able to see the insecurities rolling off of it.

  “No, we never dated.”

  “So you haven't slept together?”

  No reply. When I turn to study her expression, she’s biting her lip nervously and her eyes are bouncing from one thing to the next.

  “I didn't say that.”

  I spring forward, no longer comfortable laying down. “What?”

  “I said we didn't date. I didn't say that we haven't slept together.”

  “So you've slept with him and you expect me to be okay with letting him be your date for the wedding?” I'm already on my feet, pacing the bedroom. I know it's stupid, but I've always been protective of Lex. I can't stand to think of another man touching her.

  “What do you think, Striker? We've been apart for six years. I've slept around and so have you.”

  “Yeah, but I'm not taking any of my bed-buddies out, am I?”

  She runs her fingers through her hair and sits up, watching me pace. “I figured it was the best option. I mean, we both know you can't go with me. If I don't bring someone, my mother will only set me up with some asshat who will try a lot more than Jeff will. He knows you and I are together and I haven't slept with him since before I came home.”

  “Were you seeing him when we slept together?”

  “We weren't seeing each other. We were sleeping together. When I got back, I told him I slept with you and we haven't done anything since.”

  “So you two, you're just fuck buddies?”

  “We were, but not now. Not since I've been with you.” Her eyes lock with mine, showing enough raw emotion to make my mind fuzzy and keep me from thinking straight. I want to be pissed, but why? God knows I haven't been a saint. But Lex, she's so much better than that. She deserves more than a fuck buddy. How could this fucking guy degrade her like that?

  “How long did you two have this little arrangement?” I sit on the edge of the bed, holding my head in my hands.

  “I don't know. A few years, I guess.”

  Fuck. A few years? This fucking guy is probably in love with her. “And he knows about me? When is the last time you've seen him?”

  “Yes, he knows, and I see him all the time. He came by the store yesterday.”

  I rub my hands over my face, trying to process this information. Lex has been sleeping with someone for years. Not carrying on a relationship, just sleeping with him. This pisses me off, knowing that some other man has been touching her even though she's always been mine. On the other hand, it also makes me feel a little better. He couldn't break through her rough exterior like I can. He never made it past sex with her. Sex is just the tip of the iceberg with Lex. She has so much more to offer.

  “Are you going to be okay with this?”

  I shrug. "It pisses me off that you still see your fuck buddy and it probably always will. And it really pisses me off that he gets to be a part of your life that I won't ever be included in.”

  She’s quiet for a long time before she finally speaks. “I’m sorry, Striker. I don’t know what to do. I can’t change what I’ve done. I’m not taking him to the wedding so I can go on a date with him. We both know that you can’t be there and if I don’t bring someone, my mother will just force someone else on me.”

  I don’t want to give in, but I know it’s inevitable. She’s right, if she doesn’t take Jeff, she will just end up with someone else who won’t think twice about trying to get in her pants. At least he has respected her wishes this far.

  I shake my head and stand near the edge of the bed, then walk around to take my place beside her. She watches me with weary eyes.

  “So, we’re okay?”

  I pull her in close and look into her eyes, which will tell me everything I need to know. “Is there or has there ever been anything between you guys, other than sex?”

  Her clouded eyes clear as she says, “No.”

  I feel my chest loosen. “We’re fine.”

  She moves her lips to mine and I can feel the passion running through her. I can feel the fear she was holding inside of her, thinking this may be the end.

  With this kiss, I realize how much I truly mean to her.

  I know it’s only a matter of time before that secret comes out, and I hope to God she’s wrong about the seriousness of it.

  There’s nothing she can say that will change my mind about her, is there?

  When we wake in the morning, I run to grab us both some breakfast while Lex gets ready for the day, then I wait around for her to get dressed before heading to her store.

  I drop her off and head to the lumber yard to pick up the wood to start on the framework for the new wall.

  The run only takes me about an hour and when I pull back into the parking lot of Lex’s store, there is another car parked in my space.

  I don’t think anything of it - there are several stores on the strip that Lex’s store
is on. Figuring the car will leave soon, I park in the open spot directly behind it so I can take it once they leave, and make it easier to bring the materials inside.

  “Someone stole my spot,” I say as I walk in, admiring the spotless Lexus currently residing in my stall.

  As I approach the counter, I see a guy standing next to Lex.

  “Oh, I can move it. I wasn’t thinking when I parked. I’ll be right back.”

  I look him up and down as he passes by me. He's a little shorter than I am, but just as big around as me. Designer clothes cover his muscular frame, and as he steps past me he casually pushes his sleeves up to reveal an expensive-looking watch. Now I understand why he will be accepted into their world: he has money.

  I go to stand by Lex and pull her into my chest. “I'm guessing that is Jeff.”

  “Yeah, is everything still okay?”

  I lean in and press my lips to hers. “I'll let you know later.”

  Hopefully everything will still be okay later. But first, I want to watch him, see how he acts around her. I want to see if I can pick up on any vibes that he may be looking for more from her.

  Jeff moves his car and walks back in. I release Lex and reach out to shake his hand. “Hey, I'm Striker. You must be Jeff.”

  He flashes his perfectly white teeth and nods while holding out his hand. “I am. I'm glad to finally meet you. Alex has told me so much about you, I feel like I practically know you already.” His grip is strong and firm but his hands are soft, almost as soft as Lex’s. This pretty-boy probably hasn’t worked a day in his life.

  She talks about me? To him? She wouldn't do that if she was digging the guy, would she?

  I let out a small chuckle. “Really?” My eyes flash to hers. I'm wondering what it is that she's been telling this guy.

  Lex speaks up, “Nothing bad, Striker. I've told him some of our trouble-making stories from growing up in a small town, that's all.”

  So you haven't told him this secret that you're keeping from me? I want to ask so badly, but refrain.