Living Oprah

by Robyn Okrant

  9/11 “The truth of the matter is, men do need to be made to feel like they’re winners. They do need to have themselves built up.” (SHOW) 0h 0m Check. Make Jim feel like winner. (O)

  9/11 Download M. Gary Neuman’s The Truth About Cheating. (SHOW) 0h 5m Downloaded

  9/11 “… when you read it, you’re gonna feel that.” (SHOW) 2h 0m Didn’t need Oprah to tell me I was going to feel angry. I just am.

  9/15 “Please don’t turn away.” (SHOW) 0h 0m Referring to how difficult the show about Internet predators would be to watch.

  9/15 “Imagine if it was your job, five days a week, to screen pornographic photos and videos of children — to see them fondled and raped — to hear them pleading for help.” (SHOW) 0h 0m I did this, but just for a split second as I cringed at the thought of having this job. Those folks are amazing souls.

  9/15 “Prepare yourself for this: The latest form of entertainment for online predators is where you can see live, on demand, rape and molestations.” (SHOW) 0h 0m Ugh.

  9/15 “You should be disgusted enough… Are you disgusted enough?… We should be disgusted enough to stop talking about this and actually do something. Our action plan is next, and you can do it before dinner tonight.” 0h 5m I wrote to Illinois Senators Barack Obama and Dick Durbin. Oprah.com had all the tools to make this simple for us to do.

  “We can legislate so there is enough money to begin to do something about it” (referring to the “PROTECT Our Children” Act). And “you only have a few days” (because the Senate is going on break soon).

  “We need to put pressure on our U.S. senators to bring the ‘PROTECT Our Children’ Act to the floor. And not just bring it to the floor, we want it passed.” (SHOW)

  9/16 “Ten deep breaths. Morning. Night. Got that?” (SHOW) 1h 10m 5 minutes a day (took 2.5 in am and 2.5 in the evenings) for 14 days

  9/17 Make paella. (SHOW) 124.59 2h 30m I made the paella on October 2. (bomba rice: $14.95; paella pan: $34.99; seafood: $18.70; chicken drumsticks: $5.57; chicken sausages: $13.37; vegetables: $11.21; chicken stock: $7.98; saffron: $5.99) I think recipe was off. Turned to soup.

  9/18 “We’re going to go read the book.” (SHOW) 0h 45m I finished M. Gary’s book.

  9/19 “And for you at home, if you haven’t seen Céline in concert: you must.” (SHOW) 122.52 5h 40m Sigh. (60 minutes to organize… this had to happen 3 times! Tried the first time for Chicago, then Indianapolis, then after the concert was canceled, I had to do it again! 160 minutes to travel: 120 minutes at concert)

  9/19 “Sit back with your box of tissues.” (SHOW) 0h 0m I’m not counting the time on this, since I was already watching the show highlighting teenage Filapina singer Charice.

  9/19 Change bedroom pillows if we “have the same pillows that you got married with. That is just wrong.” (SHOW) 0h 5m I got rid of the old ones.

  9/19 Read The Story of Edgar Sawtelle by David Wroblewski (and don’t read book jacket first). (SHOW/BC) 18.26 12h 0m Enjoyed it, even though I’ve never owned a dog.

  9/22 “Go online to preorder your copy today.” (SHOW) 23.10 0h 5m Ordered Thom Filicia’s Thom Filicia Style: Inspired Ideas for Creating Rooms You’ll Love.

  9/23 “We need Suze Orman now more than ever.” (SHOW) 0h 0m Okay

  9/23 “Go to Oprah.com for more of Suze’s advice on how to survive these tough times.” (SHOW) 0h 5m (O)

  9/25 “As long as you have a husband, you can have as many cats as you want.” (SHOW) 0h 0m Whew! Guess I can keep my kitties. My marriage has validated me as a pet owner.

  9/26 “Go see Miracle at St. Anna.” (SHOW) 8.50 2h 40m Spike Lee’s movie. War. Hard to watch.

  9/29 “Everybody out there… is giving you their love and support right now.” (SHOW) 0h 0m Took a moment to send good, hopeful thoughts to the pregnant heroin addict.

  9/29 “So, if you or somebody you know needs help with addiction and finding treatment in your area, call the National Drug and Alcohol Addiction Hotline.” (SHOW) 0h 0m At this time, this doesn’t apply to anyone I know of… but it’s a number I’ll hold on to. (O)

  9/30 “You have to do your own self-test.” (SHOW) 0h 5m Breast self-exam (O)

  9/30 O magazine (LO) 4.50 0h 5m O!

  Date Assignment Cost Time Notes

  Throughout Month Watch every episode of Oprah. (LO) 22h 0m 22 shows

  Throughout Month Do Best Life Challenge exercise. (BLC) 6h 0m 80 minutes a week for 4.5 weeks

  Throughout Month Take A Course in Miracles (WEB/SHOW) 7h 30m approx. 15 minutes a day for 30 days

  MONTHLY TOTAL 580.28 70h 45m

  YEAR-TO-DATE TOTAL 3,631.60 1009h 58m

  ONGOING PROJECTS

  – “Reinvigorate your appearance with some great advice on how not to look old…”

  – “Rethink your eating habits with some absolutely delicious and utterly original meals…”

  – Use cloth and reusable bags at grocery store. No more plastic.

  – Change lightbulbs to energy-efficient bulbs

  – “I think in terms of investment, it’s the best thing you can ever give yourself is to have beautiful surroundings.”

  – “I would just say to anybody, whatever secret you’re holding, live your own truth.”

  – Sharon Salzberg meditation

  – Make your rooms personal.

  – Best Life Challenge exercise and diet guidance

  – “I do want you to start thinking about, as I have started thinking about, how much you consume. I mean, like every time you throw away a paper towel. Every time you are, you know, wasteful with food in your house… just think about how much you really need.”

  – “Get a lift when you come in the front door.”

  – “I want you to savor every meal.”

  – “I want you to pay attention to how happy women get that way.”

  – A Course in Miracles

  – Declutter home/life.

  – A New Earth meditation

  – “With the arrival of spring, I hope you, too, will reconnect with nature.”

  – “When you think that you’re going to get in a car and drive, I want you to think about this mother holding her daughter’s head on the side of the highway. That’s the thought I want to come to your mind before you go to get in the car after having even one drink.”

  – “Stop defining yourself by what you see — or think you see — when you look in the mirror.”

  – “Everybody think about this: On the way to work or on the way to do whatever you do during the day… how many negative things… the negative tape that’s playing in your head all day long about yourself. I can’t do that, I shouldn’t do that, I’m too fat, oh look at my thighs…”

  – “I think we should be open like Horton.”

  – “Alexis Stewart talks candidly about trying to get pregnant on her radio show Whatever, on Martha Stewart Living Radio. Tune in to follow her progress there.”

  – The YOU: Staying Young Aging Quiz

  – Learn to accept all people.

  – “Stop saying that.” (re: using the word “just” to describe ourselves)

  – Take Dr. Oz–recommended vitamins and supplements daily (vitamin D3, folic acid, fish oil).

  – Rise and Shine — how to wake up less stressed.

  – “Be sure to check him [Dr. Oz] out on XM156, Oprah and Friends, and also on our section of Oprah.com. Keep those questions coming.”

  – Ten Secrets to a Better Love Life

  Accounting Abbreviations: LO = Living Oprah Project Task, SHOW = The Oprah Winfrey Show, WEB = Oprah.com, MAG = O, The Oprah Magazine, BC = Oprah’s Book Club, BLC = Best Life Challenge, (O) = ongoing project

  Blog: Just when I thought I had a secure marriage – “Why Men Cheat” episode: http://www.livingoprah.com/2008/09/just-when-you-thought-you-had-secure.html

  Blog: Regarding economy: http://www.livingoprah.com/2008/09/eeek-onomy.html

  OCTOBER:

  Isn’t it ironic?

  Time spent th
is month: 52 hours, 11 minutes

  Dollars spent this month: $461.04

  I’ve always wanted that windswept look: When having a portrait taken, Oprah says, “Every woman needs a fan!”

  Words that stuck: “If I could ask Oprah Winfrey a question it would be: When do you sleep; when do you have fun; when do you have time for yourself?” — E-mail from reader Carole Lieberman, Woodland Hills, California

  SOMETHING IS changing.

  I have been asked dozens of times this week, by online readers as well as by friends and family, if I am thrilled that my year of Living Oprah is entering its fourth quarter. Even my yoga students happily chirp, “The end is in sight!” I don’t think many people realize that I’m really torn about the completion of the project. I am excited at the thought of having my life back and devoting my time to priorities other than Oprah’s. And it is true that, up until recently, I was quite focused on the light at the end of the tunnel. But I’m a bit worried about what life will bring afterward, as I’ve grown accustomed to this way of living. While I was pretty resistant to following the leader at the beginning of the year, I’ve eased into it. The decision-making part of my brain has been idling, and I worry it might be difficult to fire it up once the New Year rolls around. I tell people that everything will snap back to normal on January 1, but it’s pure bravado. The truth is, I’m concerned.

  I’m not going to lie, I’m looking forward to freedom from watching the show every single day. I’m so saturated by every topic, by the repetition, I feel a bit bruised. Recent topics have me down in the dumps. I have learned that the world’s economies are in dire straits and I can’t afford a single luxury. I now know that if I’m not vigilant, I’ll age long before my time. I understand my husband could cheat on me at any moment. Oprah’s become my personal Chicken Little, and I’m feeling a bit like the sky is falling.

  I’ve unconsciously dug my heels into the dirt. There’s a part of me — a very surprised part — that doesn’t want this to end. What I’ve discovered, much to my embarrassment, is that I have warmed to the day-to-day ritual of giving my power over to Oprah. In many ways, I live risk free. I can’t make mistakes in entertaining, in my relationships, in my diet. After all, I didn’t make any of my choices — Oprah did.

  I do believe I’ll eventually be able to emerge from this year, able to experiment and think for myself as I did in the past. I’m just not so certain it’ll be as easy to shed the Living Oprah skin as I would like. I’ve read that it takes 21 days to start a habit, but I never looked into how long it takes to break one. I think it’ll be tough, but healthier for me the sooner I can stop this momentum. That’s the difficult part. Example: I know that french fries are bad for me, they give me a belly-ache whenever I eat them, and I feel crummy about myself once my plate is empty. And yet I love them, and in unhealthier days, I used to eat them a lot. It’s still really difficult to turn them down because they are so comforting and make me feel really satisfied in the moment. Eventually, I had to concede that they were doing more harm than good in my life, so I gave them up. I mourn their loss, their salty deliciousness. But it was for the best.

  I have a suspicion that in 2009 a certain television talk show will be my new deep-fried nemesis.

  I’m not immune to stress, but I am a yoga teacher and have studied meditation for years. I do have some tools at my disposal to bring myself to a more peaceful mind-set. Usually. They’re just not doing the job like they did before this project. Of course, I have never battled so many layers of insecurity as I have this year. My priorities used to be simpler and rarely conflicted with one another. I find myself daydreaming about my time at Kripalu. I miss that peace and quiet and hope I’m able to find the same sense of well-being once Living Oprah is over.

  I don’t want to beat a dead horse, but I am overwhelmed by trying to keep up with Winfrey. I’m having a difficult time finding balance when I’m racing to keep up with everything she thinks are “musts” in our lives. So that is why I am struck by the irony at the top of this morning’s episode, when Oprah tells us, “Today’s show is for anybody who feels or has felt overwhelmed…. It’s your wake-up call. Slow down.”

  I imagine that Oprah could use some rest, relaxation, and rejuvenation as well. It doesn’t appear that even she is able to take her own advice when it comes to achieving balance. There’s no way she could have the success she does, with so many irons in the fire, without spreading herself thin. She even stated in last month’s “What I Know for Sure” column, “I AM OVERWHELMED!” She explained why. “Too many answers that need to come from me. Trying to do too many things at once. Flying back and forth from Africa to Chicago to California to New York. Doing. Doing. Doing.”

  Oprah’s success is spectacular. Admirable. But at what cost to her? And if she’s feeling overwhelmed, why is she foisting so many “musts” upon her audience for whom she genuinely seems to care? I doubt she wants us to feel the same way, unable to concentrate and with scant time to stop and smell the roses.

  Oprah is lucky. When she finally realizes she needs downtime, she’s able to take an entire day away from it all and retreat to one of her magnificent homes. Not many of us have the ability to step away from all our responsibilities for a whole day, but at least we can step back. And when we do, I hope many of the women I know who compare themselves to the Queen of Talk will reconsider the energy they spend attempting to live up to her ideals. Many of her ideals are not… ideal.

  Much of O’s focus this year has been on self-care. I wish I could look into a crystal ball to predict whether Oprah will lighten up on the projects with which she is involved. I doubt it. Work is to Oprah as french fries are to me. Her multiple ventures may have started as snowflakes of ideas, but they’ve become an avalanche. Unstoppable. If she doesn’t plan to ease up on herself, that’s her own choice, but perhaps she’ll consider limiting or filtering her dispensation of lifestyle guidance on her audience. I hope so, because the more I think about this, the more a little exasperation creeps up on me. I’m a wee bit upset that her “best” lifestyle broke her down, yet I’m still following all her advice. It might not be the case of the blind leading the blind, but it’s certainly the stressed leading the stressed.

  But is it working? This is the second question people inevitably ask me. Is Oprah’s advice making my life better?

  Well, if one judged me by outward appearances, they’d probably come to the conclusion that following Oprah’s advice really works. I’ve got a publisher for a book I never expected I’d write; I have thousands of smart, hilarious, thoughtful readers on my website (I’m up to 144,225 visits!); I’m looking cute in a tame, O magazine kind of way; and I’m thinner. Some consider this pretty successful and, satisfied with the answer, won’t dig any deeper. Society tends to judge us by our exterior, so many people assume that I have been rewarded with success by following Oprah’s advice.

  If you lived inside my head, however, you’d see I am almost always a stressed-out, insecure, exhausted mess. Everyone keeps reminding me that I should be having “fun” with this, and those words are like fingernails on a chalkboard. I’m not so sure how they’d expect this year to be a big party. I barely see my friends, I’m bleeding money, I am always busy, busy, busy, and I’ve allowed so many TV experts to poke at my marriage, there’s a lot of mending to do. Most people don’t stick around for this response, however.

  Once the project is over, I’ll have to see if the pros outweigh the cons, but right now I would choose my mental health over my smaller dress size.

  I think when I began this journey, I inadvertently tripped and fell down the rabbit hole. Unlike Alice, I’m not saying “curiouser and curiouser!” as I drop. I just keep thinking “surrealer and surrealer.” Case in point: At this moment, I’m in a limousine, being driven from LaGuardia Airport to Dylan’s Candy Bar in New York City. I’m slated to appear tomorrow on NBC’s morning cornerstone, The Today Show, to talk about my project. But first, I have to fulfill an assignment. B
ack in January, Oprah told us, “I say if you’re going to New York, see the museums, of course, and then go by Dylan’s Candy Bar.” And for the record, we were told to hit the candy shop nine days after signing our Best Life Challenge contract. Dylan’s is the boutique of sweets owned by the daughter of apparel legend Ralph Lauren. I never thought it’d be a suggestion I’d have to follow since I had no plans to travel to the Big Apple, but since NBC flew me in and I’ve already visited a myriad of museums, I am taking the opportunity to pay a call today. When I step inside, I see it’s a really big store filled with lots of candy and children. I’m no television doctor, but I’m pretty sure they’re all high on Pixy Stix, pupils dilated, begging their beleaguered parents for more of everything. It is a total hoot that I’ve been given the chance to check this item off my list. And while Oprah told us only to visit, I do buy Jim a small bag of penny candy for about $15.

  And now I’m watching myself as I go through the motions of checking into my hotel, steps away from Rockefeller Plaza. I unpack much of my Oprah-suggested booty to give to the producer at NBC as they plan to use these items as props on the set. I hang up the “must-have” clothing that I’ve been asked to wear tomorrow morning on the show. Black tailored trousers, crisp white shirt, cashmere sweater. I am still not entirely at ease in these clothes and wish I could wear something that makes me feel good about myself. I understand why I’ve been asked to dress this way, I just wish I didn’t feel like an impostor in costume.

  I chat with my mom and Jim on the phone, assuring them I am cool as a cucumber and don’t feel the least bit anxious. They are both quite impressed with my serenity. As am I. I practice some yoga in my tiny room, have a soothing cup of tea and a hot shower. When I’m satisfied that I am completely relaxed, I climb into bed and spend the next seven hours staring at the ceiling. It turns out cucumbers don’t sleep. Cucumbers totally freak out when they’re going to be on national television. Yoga and tea don’t help cucumbers at all.