by Taryn Plendl
“Lead the way, Tom.” She smiled before following me into my room.
I sat on the edge of the bed awkwardly and smiled as Talia came to stand between my legs, wrapping her arms around me. I pulled her shirt out of her jeans and tried to clumsily lift it over her head with my one good hand. I was becoming increasingly frustrated, so I was thankful when she reached down and pulled it off herself.
I sucked in a quick breath. She stood before me in her jeans and a tantalizing pink lace bra that held her beautifully formed breasts. She was breathtaking! Her skin was pale with the smoothness of cream. She had curves in all the right spots. Exquisite!
She grabbed a hold of my shirt and carefully lifted it over my head, paying attention to pulling the sleeve over my cast. She lowered herself to her knees and softly kissed a trail from my navel to my chest over the healing scar. Her breath was warm and wet and sent a shiver from my head all the way to my toes.
She pushed me back onto the bed and straddled my hips as she ran her hands over my stomach then up to my chest, grazing my hard nipples and then over my shoulders. “Beautiful,” she sighed before leaning down and placing light kisses over my neck.
I was rock hard beneath her. I couldn’t remember ever wanting anything or anyone more than I did right this moment. She slid back and forth, grinding herself against my arousal.
“I want you, Tom,” she groaned as she sat back and removed her bra.
“Magnificent!” I gasped as I reached up to her.
“Ow!”
“Shit, I’m so sorry!” She rubbed her waist where I’d just slammed my heavy cast into her. Damn it!
“It’s okay,” she laughed it off, leaning back down as she kissed me urgently. I made a conscious effort to not use my left arm, which was tougher than you’d think since I wanted nothing more than to have my hands full of her.
I fumbled with the button on her jeans with my one hand, needing to touch her as I writhed beneath her. I pushed and pulled on the damn button, but it wouldn’t budge. “Son-of-a-bitch!” I threw my head back, exasperated and frustrated.
“It’s okay, Tom, I’ve got it.” Talia smiled as she unbuttoned her pants and rose to her knees so she could shimmy them down.
I reached out and glided my hand against the front of her thong, feeling the slick wetness of her excitement. “Damn Talia. You’re so wet,” I uttered my approval. I pulled on her thong, trying to remove it, but damned if I couldn’t do that either.
I hated not being able to hold her, care for her, and make her feel good. I was a fucking broken man who couldn’t even take a woman’s clothes off! How could I do this? I hated feeling so weak and helpless.
I felt a heaviness in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t do this to her. She deserved to have a man who was whole—who could love her and hold her and show her pleasure she’d never seen before. I wasn’t that man. Not anymore.
“Stop,” I spoke so softly that she didn’t even hear me. She continued to move against me, taking me to a place that I was almost unable to back away from, but I had to.
“Talia, I can’t,” I groaned, watching her face fall. What could I say? ‘It’s not you, it’s me?’ She deserved more than that, and I couldn’t have her feeling like it was her fault. This was all me.
“What? Why?” she whispered as she froze on top of my lap, looking crushed.
Shit! I did the only thing I could think of. I lied. “I’m hurting pretty bad. My leg,” I muttered, watching as she slid off of me and put her hand on my bare stomach.
“Oh, I’m so sorry.” She stood up and grabbed her shirt from the floor, pulling it over her head before walking to the kitchen. Moments later she came back in carrying a bottle of water and my pain pills. She sat down next to me and opened the bottle, shaking out a pill for me before opening the water. “Can you sit up?” she asked as she handed me the pill. I nodded, pushing myself back against the headboard.
I felt like such an ass. She set the water on the table next to me. “Do you want me to rub your leg?” Her lips were swollen and bruised from kissing, and her long blonde hair was disheveled, but she had never looked more beautiful. I took a slow breath, trying to get myself under control. I was in pain, but it didn’t have anything to do with my leg.
“No, but can you lay with me?” I was a selfish idiot, and I didn’t deserve to have her with me, not after I just lied to her. But I needed one last night with her, because tomorrow I was going to let her go.
Chapter 11
Talia
“Of course, give me a second.” I stood and headed back to my room to change into some pajamas and wash my face, maybe take matters into my own hands. Holy crap!
Did that seriously just happen? I thought I was going to spontaneously combust. I’m beginning to think that sex is a lot like oxygen ... It’s not actually a big deal until you don’t have it anymore. I’m freaking suffocating!
I must say that I am also pretty damn impressed with myself for turning it off like that. Maybe if I slip him another pill, he won’t notice if I hump his leg while he sleeps.
I brushed my teeth and hair, threw on a pair of boxer shorts and a tank and headed back to lay with Tom. He needed me more than I needed him right now. “Suck it up, princess, this isn’t your castle,” I mumbled before walking back into Tom’s room.
***
I took a deep breath as I nuzzled myself against Tom’s naked chest, bathing my senses in his musky clean scent that was all Tom. I ran my hand over his rippled muscles, loving the feel of his warm skin. His face was so peaceful as he slept. It made my heart break that he was ever in pain. I would do anything to take that from him.
I pulled myself away from him so I could have a better look at him. My heart beat nervously knowing that I would be leaving here at the end of the week to go back to work and my own place. I didn’t want to develop stalker tendencies, but I didn’t know how I was going to stay away from him. Well, my first test in separation was breakfast. Sexual frustration can certainly make a girl famished.
I whipped up some pancakes and called Ava.
“Good morning, sunshine!” I could tell I woke her.
“Good morning, and what the hell are you doing up already?” she groaned.
“Well, I think it’s time to put Operation Extract Tom from the Apartment into action tonight,” I giggled.
“Sounds good! Why don’t we meet around six? We’ll start slow with just dinner. I’ll have Trevor call Nick and tell him to show up around five to help you.” She sounded as excited as I felt. I’d missed going out with everyone, and I genuinely thought it would do Tom some good to get out.
“Hey,” his deep voice sent shivers up my spine. I turned and smiled at his messy, just-rolled-out-of-bed hair and sleepy face.
“Hey, how are you feeling?” I asked as I poured him a cup of coffee and brought it over to the table before turning back to make him a plate of pancakes.
“I’m good,” his voice sounded strained, and I hoped like hell that he wasn’t still in pain. I brought my plate over and sat down, watching him as he poured syrup over his pancakes. I decided to change the subject.
“Hey, I got the new sleeve.” I smiled. Tom had been wearing a sleeve over his stump to help heal and shape it for a future prosthesis. The new one was tighter, and we were hoping it would help with the pain, too. “Do you want help putting it on?”
“No.” He gave me an annoyed look before returning his attention back to his plate.
“Okaaay.” What the hell was his problem? Seriously, he was so hot and cold these days that I could hardly keep up. It was giving me whiplash.
I didn’t even know what to say right now, so I just finished my breakfast and cleaned up, deciding I needed to get out of there for a bit. I went to my room and changed into some exercise clothes and told Tom I would be back. I needed to get rid of some of this pent up energy before I lost it.
I headed out of the building, turned left and started my iPod on shuffle before breaking into a ste
ady jog. There were people milling around, starting their day as the city came to life. I concentrated on taking deep breaths, feeling the wind against my skin and getting lost in the music.
I loved the Philly area. I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. I loved the excitement of a big city, and I loved working in the big city even more. My job was never dull, and every day was different. Part of me couldn’t wait to get back into it.
It had been nice to have this time off, and to be able to spend it all with Tom. Even during this tough time, I felt closer to him than I’d ever felt for any man before. I had several relationships over the years, but after too many awkward break ups, I took a step back and allowed myself to be free to just have fun.
I didn’t sleep around. Hell, I hardly ever even did more than make out with any of the guys I dated now. I had been happy just having fun up until now. It scared me at how hard and fast I had fallen for Tom, even before his accident.
I turned the corner, bringing me back to Tom’s block and the end of my run. I felt so much better as I walked back into the building and up to Tom’s apartment.
There was no sign of him when I walked through the door, so I assumed he must be in his room. I shouted that I was back before grabbing my things and hopping into the shower.
The rest of the day was quiet. I stayed in my room until early afternoon, realizing that I hadn’t even mentioned going out tonight to Tom. I knocked softly on his door before opening it.
Tom was sitting on the side of the bed, staring off with an odd look on his face. “Tom?” He turned to me, but his face was unreadable. “You okay?” He nodded and sighed.
I walked over to him, placing my hand on his shoulder, but pulled it back quickly when he flinched. “Um, everyone is going out to dinner tonight, and we were hoping you would come with us.” I smiled, trying to lift the awkward mood.
His eyes were cold as he looked up at me. “I don’t want to go out. In fact, it would be nice to have some privacy for once.” He looked back down.
I felt like I’d been slapped. “Excuse me? Is there an issue ,Tom?” I snapped, unable to control my shock. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, seriously. It would just be nice to have my own space without you hovering over me constantly.” He wouldn’t even look at me as he spoke, and it pissed me off.
“You know, I didn’t have to stay here with you, but I did it because I care—because I wanted and needed to be around you,” my voice was shaking as I spoke.
“I'm so sorry ... is this the part where I'm supposed to kiss your ass? Because I totally missed it,” he snarled back at me, and I literally took a step back.
I took a deep breath, “Be cautious of your words ... they don't come with a 'Return Policy'. I’m not sure what your problem is, but …” He cut me off.
“My problem is that I don’t want you here anymore!” he yelled, finally looking at me.
An involuntary sob escaped my throat. I couldn’t speak. I just turned and walked out of the room, heading straight to the bedroom I had been staying in. I grabbed my bag, throwing it haphazardly on the bed, and started throwing my things in it. When I had all of my clothes, I went to the bathroom and grabbed all of my toiletries. When I had everything I came with packed, I went back out and headed for the door.
I tried, but I couldn’t make myself leave without trying to get through to him. I walked back into his room. “Tom?”
"Why can't you just let it go? Why do you always have to push everything? Can't you understand that I lost a part of me in that accident?” His voice was raised, but controlled.
What a selfish asshole. I was so done. I couldn’t believe he was acting like this. "You lost a part of you?” I walked right up to him. “Look at me, damn it! We all lost a part of you in that accident, Tom, but trust me when I say that it had nothing to do with your damn leg!” I turned and walked out as the tears started to burn my eyes. I wanted to get out of there before I completely lost it.
I grabbed my things and swung the door open, running right into Nick.
“Whoa, Talia, where’s the fire?” he chuckled before seeing my face. “What the fuck? What’s wrong?” He grabbed my upper arms and pulled me to his chest. “What happened?”
I pushed him away shaking my head. “I can’t do this Nick. I’m so done.” I moved around him and walked down the hallway, not allowing myself to look back.
Chapter 12
Tom
I felt sick. I didn’t think I would ever get her haunted look out of my mind. I knew I did what I thought was right, but I couldn’t believe how far I took it.
“What the fuck did you do?” Nick stood in the doorway, looking at me.
“Leave it alone,” I warned.
“Screw that! Did you see her, Tom? Did you do that?” He pointed toward the door. “’Cause if you did, I have half the mind to kick your sorry ass.” I rarely saw Nick this pissed off. Generally it was out on the soccer field when there was a lousy call, or he didn’t play his best, but it was never directed at me; frankly, I wasn’t sure what to do with it.
“I did what I needed to do, Nick, and I don’t want to talk about it.” I sighed. “I’m just trying to move forward.”
“You can’t get back on your feet until you first get up off your ass.” Nick shook his head at me.
“Foot.”
“What?” He cocked his head to the side.
“Foot. I can’t get back on my feet because I don’t have feet anymore. Just one fucking foot.” I rubbed my right hand through my hair.
“Are you kidding me right now? Life happens. Bad things happen to everyone, not just you, Tom. Enough with the poor me pity party!” Nick sat down next to me. “That girl gave you everything she had, and you just shit on her, man. Do you know that she never left the hospital in all the days you were unconscious? She showered, ate, worked, and slept in that hospital so she could be there when you woke up.” I knew she had been there a lot, but I didn’t know the extent of it. I looked at him, saddened by the disappointment I saw on his face, and almost crushed by the empty hole I felt in my chest.
“You are my family, Tom, and I would never turn my back on you, but I don’t understand you right now.” He stood up and walked out of the room. I could hear him on the phone with Trevor telling him what he had seen, and as I listened to him describe his interaction with Talia when he walked in, I put my head down and fought to control my own tears.
My heart was breaking, but I still had to believe I did the right thing by letting her go. I know she was hurt and mad, but maybe that would help her get past this sooner. Maybe if she hated me as much as I hated myself, she could move on faster. If she stuck around, she would continue to take care of me, and eventually she would resent it. I couldn’t give her what she needed—what she deserved.
***
It had been two days since I essentially threw Talia out of my life, and I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to feel whole again.
Trevor and Nick had been over to hang out with me, and after making it abundantly clear that I didn’t want to talk about it, they had finally let the subject drop, but I could tell they weren’t happy about it.
Ava hadn’t come over, but I didn’t seriously expect her to after I had been a complete dick to her best friend. Part of me wished someone would mention her so I could know if she was okay, but everyone was tight-lipped and wouldn’t give anything away, and I couldn’t bring myself to ask.
In just two days, I had managed to slip into a major depression that I couldn’t seem to pull myself out of. If I thought I was broken before, I had no idea. I wasn’t just broken; I was downright destroyed—obliterated, with nothing left but an empty shell.
Who was this person I had become? I wasn’t even sure I recognized myself anymore. Every time I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I just wanted to punch the glass.
Some of the boys from the soccer team stopped by to visit, but after sitting with me through a highly strained and awkward conversation, they l
eft.
I hadn’t been sleeping well, and I had an issue with the phantom pain again last night and had sat there grinding my teeth and rocking until I finally fell back asleep. I was a complete and utter mess.
Nick took me to the doctor today for a follow up, and they put me on an antidepressant. Apparently I seemed depressed. They also said it might help the phantom pain in my stump, and at this point, I was willing to try just about anything.
Fortunately, with school being out now, I had the next three months to get my shit together before returning to school. At this point, I couldn’t even imagine it. I hated even leaving the house for doctor appointments. I hated feeling like people were staring at me wherever I went. I looked pathetic rolling around with this stupid knee walker, and I hated every second of it.
“Hey.” Trevor walked into the living room and sat down next to me on the couch.
“Hey.” I tried to smile, but it didn’t reach my eyes.
“I saw Nick on the way out. He said the doctor appointment went well.”
I shrugged. “I guess.”
“Um, Talia called Ava and asked her to let one of us know that you had an appointment on Monday to get your cast removed.” My heart jumped at the sound of her name, and then I felt like crap knowing that she was still looking out for me.
“I forgot about that. I can’t wait to have it off.” I smiled slightly at the thought.
“Well, Nick and I can’t take you. Neither of us can get away on Monday, so I asked Ava, and she said no problem.” I could tell he was studying my response. I didn’t want him to think I had a problem with Ava. In fact, I didn’t honestly have a problem with Talia either. My problem was with myself.
“Okay. Thanks Trevor. Tell Ava thank you.” I smiled again, but it felt so forced.
