by Taryn Plendl
“I will. Hey, Tom?” I looked at Trevor, his face so serious. “You know you are stronger than anyone I know?” I shook my head. “Don’t.” He held his hand up. “You have been through a lot, first with the loss of your parents and now the accident, but even through all of that, I never thought of you as someone who would just give up. You’re better than that. Courage does not just mean that you possess the strength to carry on; it means that you will carry on when you feel that you no longer even have the strength.” He patted my leg and stood up. I heard the door open and close as he left me there alone to think about what he had just said.
How did my friends always know just what to say to me?
Chapter 13
Talia
It was my first day off after being back to work, and I was exhausted. I was working three twelve-hour days now, and although they were long days, it was nice to have four days off, even if I had to take a shift of call here and there.
I had called and asked to come back early after I’d left Tom’s. There was no point in me sitting around doing nothing and using what little bit of vacation time I had left.
I had barely slipped my shoes off when my phone rang. “Hey,” I answered when I saw Ava’s number.
“Out of curiosity, I entered the words ‘sexy bitch’ into my GPS just to see what happened, and guess what? Pull out the wine, princess, because I'm outside your place.”
I giggled at her. “You’re crazy. Come on up.” I hung up the phone and went to unlock the door.
Ava came in with Chinese take-out, and I could have kissed her. “You see, this is why I keep you around.” I grabbed some plates and carried them to the table, as well as a bottle of wine and two glasses.
“Wow, Talia, you look like crap.” Ava stared at me in horror. I knew I looked like shit. I felt even worse. I had dark circles under my eyes. I hadn’t even felt like putting on any makeup, so I looked gaunt and pale.
“I’m fine, Ava, really,” I tried to convince her, but she wasn’t buying it. She knew me too well.
She raised her eyebrows at me. “Look at you. Aren't you cute with all that happiness, pouring right off of you! Oh wait ... you got a little bullshit by your mouth there, you might want to wipe that off.” She reached toward my face as I slapped her hand away.
I couldn’t help but smile. “Oh, you poor naïve soul ... You can't out-bitch the Queen Bitch,” I challenged, and we both laughed. It felt good to laugh.
Ava poured me a glass of wine. “So, are you ready to tell me what happened?”
I sighed, knowing that I couldn’t hold this off forever. I told her about Tom’s pain and how I helped him the first time. I went on to tell her, in not so many details, how I took care of him the next time, and couldn’t help but chuckle at the wide-eyed look on her face.
“It’s weird, Ava—one minute we are making out, and the next minute he is pissed off at me—I couldn’t keep up.” I shrugged.
“Did you call him out on it? You were never one to let someone treat you like crap.” She scooped some fried rice onto her plate.
“I know I’m not, but it was different with him. It mattered more. I didn’t want to wash my hands of him just because he was frustrated, you know?” I didn’t know how to explain it.
“Oh shit. You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Ava whispered, and I couldn’t keep myself together anymore. I put my head in my hands and cried.
I felt her arms come around me, and she pulled me to her, letting me just get it out. I did love him, and I was so angry with myself for letting my guard down. I had allowed him to hurt me.
“Does he know how you feel?” Ava sat back down in her seat when I had myself under control.
I shook my head. “No, and it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t feel the same. You should have seen him that day. He was such an asshole.” I wiped the tears from my eyes and took a long drink of my wine. “I’ve never let anyone talk to me that way, and I just stood there and took it. He didn’t just hurt my feelings, Ava, he freaking destroyed them.”
“I’m so sorry.” Ava squeezed my hand and sat back. She could tell I was done talking about it.
“So, have you and Trevor set a date for the wedding?” I smiled as I took a bite of my sweet and sour chicken.
“As a matter of fact we did—August 31st!”
“What? That’s like only three months away.” I was shocked. “Are you pregnant?” I accused.
“Uh, no,” she deadpanned. “We just didn’t want to wait any longer. We are going to have a small ceremony with just family and friends with a reception afterward.” She grinned. “Also, I really wanted to get married at the Valley Green Inn, and they just so happened to have a cancellation on that day—the only free Saturday left this year—so Trevor put down a deposit right away.” She was so excited that she actually clapped.
“That’s great!” I was so happy for her. Ava was my closest friend, and I loved her like she was my sister. She deserved to be happy, and I knew Trevor loved her immensely.
“So, with that said, do you think you can pencil me in that day to be my Maid of Honor?”
This time I actually clapped. “Absolutely! We have a lot to do! We need to go dress shopping!” It felt good to be excited about something.
She told me that she was going to ask Chelsea from her work to be a bridesmaid, and Trevor was going to have Tom and Nick stand up with him. My heart stopped for a moment with the thought of having to spend time with Tom during all the wedding stuff. There was no doubt that we would be put together, and I was going to have to just put on my big girl panties and suck it up. For Ava, I could do that.
***
I ended up picking up extra shifts at work. I was finding it hard to sit around. My mind wouldn’t stop, and my heart hurt. When I was working, at least I was busy and didn’t have the time to sit around thinking about Tom.
The only problem was that I was being a total bitch. “Talia, can I talk to you for a minute?” Sara smiled at me, and I knew I was getting a talking to.
I had totally lost it on one of the other nurses earlier over something that truly wasn’t a big deal, but I was miserable, and lately, it seemed to creep out in the form of anger. My bitch switch was toggled regularly these days.
“Listen. I know you have a lot going on in your personal life right now, and we are all trying to be understanding of that, but you totally went off on Meg for something that could have happened to anyone.” I knew she was right, but I couldn’t seem to snap myself out of it.
Sometimes I just wondered how much jail time I would get for knocking the stupid out of someone. I shook my head. “Fine, Sara, but if I am required to manage my anger, then stupid people should be required to manage their stupid. Either that, or I should be allowed margaritas at work.”
Sara sighed and shook her head at me. “Talia, maybe you should talk to someone. You are so on edge, and frankly, it scares people who don’t know you well.”
I groaned, “You’re right. I’ll reel it in.” She smiled at me and placed a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it before walking away, leaving me to wallow in my self-pity for a few moments before an incoming trauma was announced.
Chapter 14
Tom
I grabbed onto the handle above the door as Ava switched lanes suddenly. She smirked and looked at me out of the corner of her eye. “Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving?” She giggled.
“I’m just on edge. It’s not really you.” I shrugged as I let go of the handle and put my hands into my lap. I had gotten my cast off a few weeks ago, and slowly, my arm was feeling somewhat normal. I was doing physical therapy for it, but they had released me to continue on my own.
Ava had taken me to another one of my doctor’s appointments today, and I was happy to finally be able to move from using the stupid walker to crutches now that I had the use of both of my hands.
“Tom, we are going to the club tonight, and I think it’s time for you to
come out,” Ava spoke softly, not really looking at me.
“I don’t know.” I shook my head.
“You haven’t been out with us since the accident. You are much more mobile now with the crutches, so you really don’t have an excuse anymore. It’s not like we are asking you to cut it up on the dance floor. Just come hang out with us.”
I sighed, knowing that I couldn’t put it off forever. “Okay.”
Ava pulled up outside of my building. “Great! Do you need help getting inside?” she asked.
I shook my head and smiled. “No, I’ve got this.” I pulled myself out of the car with the use of the handle and reached into the back seat to grab my crutches. I couldn’t help but grin at Ava as I put them under my arms and shut the door. It felt good to be able to move more freely for once.
“I’m not sure I’m up to it, Nick.” I sat on the couch. I had gotten dressed to go out and at seven o’clock, and Nick had shown up to get me, but I changed my mind when he let it slip that Talia would be there.
“Shit, Tom, you’re being ridiculous! You’re right, why don’t you grab a pair of panties, change your maxi-pad, pop a Midol, and grab a heating pad, you little pussy—man up and grow up!” His frustration was over the top right now, and I knew he was tired of coddling me.
“Fine. Let’s do this.” I stood up, grabbed my crutches and moved to the door. Nick stood up, shaking his head. He slapped me on the back as he walked through the door and waited for me to lock it up.
***
Nick offered to drop me at the door, and it just irritated me. “This isn’t Driving Ms. Daisy, Nick. Park the fucking car.” He laughed.
We made our way into the club, and I noticed Trevor and Ava in the back corner at a table. We maneuvered our way through the growing crowd, which was not particularly easy with crutches. I got the occasional stare, but for the most part, no one really paid me much attention. I was relieved.
The club was dark, and the music was pumping. I slid into the booth where our friends were waiting, and they were all smiles, making me feel much better about my decision to finally make an appearance.
I couldn’t help but look around for Talia. My heart was beating so fast at the thought of seeing her again. I didn’t need to talk to her; I just wanted to see her. She was all I thought about. I was completely and utterly obsessed. I still thought I did the right thing for her by giving her an out—I’d just wished I hadn’t been so cruel. At the time, I was desperate, and I knew she wouldn’t leave me otherwise.
Nick looked around and smiled. “Tonight's goal: make at least one person regret giving me their phone number.” He grinned, and we all shook our heads. Some things never change.
“I’ll go grab us drinks.” Nick stood up and walked to the bar.
“I’m so glad you came out, Tom.” Ava reached over and squeezed my hand. Trevor nodded at me and smiled. At least they were happy, even if I was a nervous wreck.
“I’m gonna hit the bathroom quick. I’ll be right back.” I stood up with my crutches as Trevor started to stand.
“Do you need help?” he asked, and I laughed.
“Shit, Trevor, I’ve been potty trained since I was three. I think I can manage.” He looked embarrassed before laughing, too, and sitting back down.
I moved precariously through the crowd, trying to avoid some of the drunken madness. When I made it to the bathroom, I was thankful that it was practically empty. I did my business and washed my hands before splashing some cold water on my face. Shit, get it together.
I hobbled out of the bathroom, sidestepping a couple making out against the wall and turned the corner, stopping in my tracks when I heard a gasp.
There she was, and damn it if she still didn’t look stunning. Her long blonde hair hung is soft curls down her back, and I couldn’t help but focus on her plump pink lips that hung slightly open. She looked like she had lost weight that she didn’t have to lose, and I couldn’t help but notice the dark circles under her eyes that she had tried to cover with makeup.
“Tom?” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “I didn’t know you were coming out.”
I didn’t know what to say. The way she looked at me tore me up. I could see the hurt in her face, and I didn’t know how to make it right without throwing myself at her and begging for forgiveness.
She misunderstood my silence and just nodded. “Well, it was nice seeing you.” She walked around me and into the bathroom before I let out a breath.
I felt the incredible urge to cry, and I couldn’t let myself do that—not here, not like this. I moved back through the crowd to the table and sat down. I took a drink of my beer and thanked Nick for getting it.
“You okay?” Trevor asked, looking concerned. See, that’s the problem with having people who know you too well. You can’t hide anything from them, ever.
“Talia’s here.” I tried to smile, but from the look on everyone’s face, it must have been a pretty pathetic attempt.
“Did you talk to her?” Nick asked, sitting back and taking a drink of his beer.
“Uh, no. She tried, and I just stared at her like a fucking idiot.” I shrugged.
“I don’t get it, Tom. If you are both so miserable without each other, why do this?” Ava asked.
“She’s miserable?” I felt like crap. She was supposed to move on.
“Seriously? Did you see her? I mean really look at her? She is a complete mess.” Ava sat back, exasperated.
“Tom, are you going to tell us why you were so mean to her?” Trevor asked and then put his hands up in surrender when I glared at him. I didn’t want to go there right now. I did what I had to do. I loved her more than my next breath. I wanted nothing more than for Talia to be happy, even if her happiness didn’t include me.
I took another drink and looked over to the dance floor, stopping immediately when I saw Talia dancing with a tall blonde guy who had his damn hands on her hips. “What the fuck?” I was instantly pissed off.
Ava’s eyes followed mine. “You don’t get to do that, Tom. You don’t get to be mad. You let her go.”
I groaned, “Shit, don’t you think I know that?” Shaking my head, I continued, “It doesn’t matter. She hates me.”
“Hates you? She is in love with you!” Ava snapped. “Seriously, you have your whole life to be an asshole, are you trying to use it all up in one day?” She excused herself and stopped off to the bathroom.
Wait. Did she say Talia was in love with me? I couldn’t hold back my smile, and then I felt like crap for being happy about that. She deserved more than a broken man who couldn’t give her everything she needed.
“Yes, dipshit, in love with you.” Trevor nodded, reading my thoughts.
How did I miss all of this? I stood up. I needed to try to talk to Talia. I didn’t want her to hurt anymore. Maybe if I could convince her that I just wasn’t the right man for her. I moved to the edge of the dance floor, standing there until I caught her eye. She said something to the guy who was pawing all over her and stepped toward me.
“Did you need something?” Her stance was determined, but her voice wavered, betraying her.
“Listen, Talia, I don’t like how I left things. I didn’t mean to upset you, but I just didn’t think you should be wasting any more of your time with me. I’m trying to get everything figured out, and I can’t have any distractions.” Shit. That didn’t come out right at all.
She scoffed. “Distraction, huh? Okay, Tom. No problem. You made that perfectly clear the last time I saw you. No need for a public repeat.” She put her hands on her hips. I couldn’t help but smile a little. She was too damn cute when she was angry.
“Please don’t be mad. I don’t know how to do this, and I’m screwing it up every time I see you.” I ran my hand through my hair.
“Here's a shocker for you, Tom; when you treat people like shit, they tend to get mad. Amazing, huh?” She turned and started to move away from me.
“Talia, wait,” I pleaded. She stopped, but
didn’t turn around.
“I’m screwed up,” I whispered. She finally turned and looked at me, her features softening.
“Why?” Her voice sounded so small. “Why can’t you see that I care about you? Why are you doing this?” She walked up to me, stopping right in front of me, so close that I could smell her raspberry and vanilla shampoo. I felt the warmth of her breath on my face and it did strange things to my insides. She reached up, holding my face in her hands, and I couldn’t look away, even if I wanted to. “I know you care for me, Tom. I could feel it every time we touched. Every time we kissed. Why are you pushing me away?” I could see the tears welling up in her eyes, and before I could over think it, I reached out and wrapped her up in my arms, as best as I could, while leaning on my crutches. She pressed her face against my chest, and I could feel the wetness from her tears.
I kissed the top of her head. “I’m sorry, Talia. I do care—more than you know, but I can’t do this.” I felt her tense in my arms before she pulled away and looked me in the eyes; her blue eyes looked dark as they hauntingly looked straight through to my soul. She swallowed and then nodded.
“Goodbye, Tom.” And just like that, she walked out of my life again, only this time it hurt much worse than I could’ve imagined.
Chapter 15
Talia
“Can you believe that the wedding is less than a month away?” I looked at Ava from across the table where we were having a light lunch after picking up my dress. Ava had opted for a color scheme of silver and green. The silver was something she had always envisioned and the green, well that was motivated by purely physical reasons—it was the same color as Trevor’s eyes. Gag!
My dress was gorgeous! It was silver silk-chiffon and had a side-swept strapless bodice that hung to my curves like a second skin. The skirt was shorter in the front and floor length in the back and just flowed. I loved it and couldn’t have chosen a better dress for myself. It was going to look just as impressive on Chelsea, too, with her beautiful red hair.
