Still Love You

by Allie Everhart

  "Three."

  "Three?" I'm yelling again. Dammit. I clear my throat. "You had three girlfriends?"

  He chuckles. "Not all at the same time."

  "Well, yeah, I know that. I'm just surprised you had three girlfriends in two years."

  "That was last year. I actually had two before that."

  Anger and jealousy course through me, which makes no sense. Silas hasn't been my boyfriend for two years. I told him we had no future together, so he had every right to date other girls, or...five other girls.

  "Where did you meet them?"

  "At the projects I was working on. The non-profit I worked for recruited a lot of college students who were willing to take a semester off to do volunteer work. We'd all arrive to a project at the same time and go through training together. Spending all that time together you really got to know each other. People tended to hook up the first week or two."

  Hook up? As in have sex? Why am I surprised? Of course he had sex with his girlfriend, which means he had sex with five girls since we broke up. Maybe more than that. Now I really feel sick. I know I had sex with other guys, but still. I liked living in this fantasy world in which Silas never had sex again.

  "Willow, let's not talk about this. I don't like talking about other girls with you." He pauses. "And I really don't want to hear about the other guys you dated."

  I nod, and keep quiet until we reach the park.

  The place is packed with people, mostly people our age. These outdoor movies are really just a place to meet up with friends. Then ten minutes into the movie, you leave and go do something else. Or you find someone to hook up with and go...hook up. I can't even think those words without imagining Silas with a girl. Why did he have so many girls? Did he get a new one at every new country he went to?

  "Does this work?" Silas has the blanket laid out on the grass. We're far away from the screen but the front spots were already taken.

  "Yeah, that works."

  He sets down our snacks. "You want to walk around? See if there's anyone here we know? Trent's here somewhere but we may never find him in this crowd."

  He takes my hand but I pull it away. "We probably shouldn't do that here. If we see people we know, they'll start rumors that we're going out again."

  He smiles. "What's wrong with that?"

  He's right. I don't care if people think we're going out. It's not like I'm hoping to attract a guy tonight. I don't want a boyfriend this summer. I'm fine being single. I can date again when I go back to school in the fall.

  "Come on." I push him ahead and he leads us through the crowds.

  "Silas!" someone yells. I recognize the voice but can't see him. He must be sitting down.

  "Hey, Trent." Silas walks toward him and I follow behind.

  I finally see Trent, sitting on a blanket with a blond girl in his lap. He's always had a thing for blondes. He'd love my friend, Lilly. She has gorgeous blond hair. People always think she colored it that way, but nope. It's all natural.

  "Shit," I hear Trent mumble.

  I look to his right and see a girl walking toward him. Actually, she's walking toward Silas.

  "Hi, Silas." She hugs him. "Good to see you again."

  "You too. How've you been?"

  "Great! Back from college."

  "UCLA?"

  She smiles and flips her hair. "I'm surprised you remembered that."

  I think I know this girl. She looks familiar. Medium brown hair cut in chunky layers with blond highlights. Dark brown eyes. Short. Petite frame with not much of a chest.

  "Hey, Willow." Trent motions his girl to move off him and the two of them stand up. "Welcome home." He hugs me.

  "Thanks. It's good to be back."

  Trent is usually laid-back but right now he seems anxious, his eyes darting between Silas, me, and the girl I'm sure I know from somewhere.

  "Willow, you remember Kristy, right?"

  Kristy. Now I remember. Kristy Callahan. She went to my high school but was a year ahead of me, in Trent's class. She was a star gymnast, almost made the Olympics. I didn't know her that well in high school but she always seemed like a nice person.

  "Hi, Willow." She smiles at me.

  "Hi. Are you here for the movie?" I feel my face heating up. Why did I ask such a dumb question? Of course she's here for the movie! Everyone's staring at me like I've lost my mind, which I have thanks to Silas' recent admission that he's been with five girls in two years. "What I meant was, are you here with friends?"

  She gives a sideways glance to Trent, then says, "Um, yeah. I came here with Trent and Haley."

  Trent brought another girl on his date? That's odd.

  "Hi, I'm Haley." The blond girl extends her hand to me.

  I shake her hand. "Hi. Nice to meet you."

  Kristy seems uncomfortable, twisting her hair around her finger as she stares at Silas and me. Finally, she says, "Are you two still dating?"

  Silas looks at me to answer. "No. We're not dating."

  I hear Trent mumble "shit" again.

  Kristy looks at Silas. "So you're home for the summer?"

  "Yeah. I'm working for Willow's dad."

  "Do you maybe want to go get something to eat?" She smiles. "We could come back here later if you want."

  She's asking him out? Was this all a set-up? Did Trent know Silas would be here so he found him a date? Did Silas know about this?

  Now I'm mad. Silas and I may not be together but I don't need him to flaunt his dates in front of me. I'm also mad at Trent. Of all the girls he could've set Silas up with, he picks a gymnast? Every man's fantasy?

  "I'm gonna go." I fake a smile. "It was good seeing all of you." I turn and walk away as fast as possible.

  "Willow, wait!" I hear Silas behind me.

  I keep walking. I don't want to talk to him. I understand he's going to date other girls, but he doesn't have to parade them in front of me. That's just rude.

  "Willow!"

  I'm almost back at our spot when he finally catches up to me.

  "Willow, stop." He grabs my arm.

  I yank it away. "I'm going home."

  "Willow, I didn't do this. I had no idea she would be here."

  I'm not sure if I believe him. This doesn't seem like something Silas would do, but maybe he's changed.

  "Would you please just sit down?" he asks.

  I glance down at the blanket he brought. It's the same one we used when we were dating and would come here for movie night. He even brought a pillow, because sometimes I'd fall asleep midway through the movie and he wanted me to be comfortable. And the snacks. He brought all my favorites. I wonder if he stocked up on them before I came back to town. Stupid Silas. He always does all these nice things that make it nearly impossible to be mad at him.

  "Willow?" he asks.

  I nod. "Let's sit down."

  "Why don't we move back there?" He motions to the far end of the park where there aren't any people around. I help him pick everything up and we find a quiet, secluded spot.

  Once we're seated, I say, "You can go out with her. My mom could probably come pick me up." I pluck a blade of grass from the lawn and run it between my fingers, focusing on its smooth texture to distract myself from the hurt I'm feeling right now.

  "I don't want to go out with Kristy. I told you, I had no idea she'd even be here."

  "She came with Trent. She was obviously here because of you." I toss the blade of grass aside and lie down on the blanket, knees bent, my eyes on the bright moon above us.

  "But I didn't know that until just now. When I talked to Trent earlier, he didn't say he was bringing Kristy here tonight. He shouldn't have done that. He thought he was helping me, but..."

  "Helping you?" I sigh. "Silas, you've never needed help getting a date."

  "That's not what I meant." He lies next to me, propped up on his side. "He was trying to make me feel better. Trying to get my mind off things."

  "What things?"

  He looks down and paus
es for so long that I think he's not going to answer, but then says, "Today was really hard."

  "Why? What do you mean?" I think I already know why but I want to hear his answer.

  "It was hard seeing you again." He looks up at me. "It's not that I didn't want to see you. I did. I've been wanting to see you for two years. It's just that...once I did, I wanted things to go back to how they used to be and...I know they can't."

  I feel wetness in the corners of my eyes because I can feel the hurt in his voice and I can see it in his face. And because I feel the same way. As soon as I saw him, I wanted to go back to how things were. The moment he appeared at my door, I wanted to run up and hug him and tell him how much I missed him.

  "So Trent was trying to get you to move on?" I ask.

  "In his own idiotic way, yes."

  "Maybe you should. Move on." I choke on the words because it's not what I want. But I love Silas, and I want him to be happy, and in order to do that, he needs to move on.

  A long pause lingers between us.

  "Is that really what you want?" he asks. "For me to move on?"

  I swallow past the lump in my throat. "Yes."

  "If you wanted me to move on, then why did you get so upset when Kristy asked me to go out with her?"

  "I was angry because you invited me here and then a girl showed up. It was just a misunderstanding."

  "You know I'd never do that to you. I would never plan some elaborate scheme in order to try to make you jealous."

  "I know," I whisper.

  He brushes the back of his hand over my cheek. "Willow, I need you to be honest with me. I need you to tell me how you really feel. What you really want."

  I don't answer so he continues.

  "I need to know if there's any hope for us. If you'd even consider the idea of us getting back together."

  God, this is so hard. Being around him makes me want to go back to how things were, but eventually I'd have to break up with him. I already did that once and it was hard enough back then. I can't do it again. I don't want to have to close that door a second time.

  "We're older now, Willow. We've both changed. Maybe we could make this work. I'm willing to try if you are."

  A tear slips down my cheek. Luckily, it's dark so he can't see it. But I'm afraid to talk because my voice might crack. I don't want him knowing how much this is killing me. If I do, he'll think there's hope for us, and I can't give him that. Because there is no hope. We want different things in life. That hasn't changed. So as much as it hurts, the cold, hard truth is that we can't be together.

  "Willow." He turns my face to his, forcing our eyes to meet. "I can't move on unless you tell me for sure that this is over."

  More tears spill out and I shut my eyes trying to hold them back. I slowly nod. "It's over. You need to move on. We both do." My voice was shaky. Dammit.

  His hand is cupping the side of my face and his thumb sweeps over my cheek, feeling the wetness.

  "One last kiss?" he asks.

  I open my eyes and see that the hurt on his face is gone. He almost looks relieved. Is it because I gave him an answer? It wasn't the answer he wanted, but at least it was an answer. Now he can find someone else. Someone who's better than me. Someone who can make him happy.

  I never answered him about the kiss, and before I can, he leans down and presses his lips to mine. And I'm instantly reminded why no guy has ever compared to Silas. There's something between us—a spark, chemistry, some unexplainable force—that makes my body come alive whenever we're together like this. And that's just from a kiss. Sex with him is even more amazing.

  No wonder his flirting affected me so much today. My body craves him. His kisses, his touch, the feel of him.

  His tongue slips past my parted lips and I tug him closer, begging for more. Begging for this to never end. I just want to stay in this moment and not think about the future or our different paths or saying goodbye. I want to live in this moment, for just a little longer.

  But then it ends. He slowly pulls back, his eyes on mine. "I love you, Willow."

  I bite down on my lip, trying to keep myself from saying it back. I want to. I really do. But that will just take us down a road we can't be on.

  He smiles. "We're still really good at that."

  "Good at what?"

  "Kissing."

  I smile back. "Yeah, we were always good at that."

  "Among other things." There's a sexiness to his tone. A flirtatious vibe that makes me wonder if he didn't accept my answer just now. Is he still going to try to date me? Try to kiss me again? Or do more than that? At this point, I'd agree to it. I'm weak after that kiss and desperate for more of Silas.

  But that would be a bad decision. A very bad decision.

  I quickly sit up. "Should we go watch the movie?"

  "Nah. I'd rather stay out here." He sits up, facing me. He picks up our bag of snacks. "Any requests? Or should I surprise you?"

  "Surprise me."

  He reaches in the bag and pulls out a bag of Skittles. I used to eat Skittles when I was sad. The bright colors made me feel better.

  "Thanks." I take the bag.

  He leans back on his hands. "So tell me about college. I want to hear all about it."

  "Okay, but first I need to get my sweater." I reach over to grab it.

  "You cannot wear that."

  I laugh. "I need something over my arms. It's starting to get cold."

  "Sorry, but I can't let you wear that sweater." He scoots back, leaning against the tree. "Come here."

  He brings his knees up, making a spot for me between his legs. I sit in front of him and he pulls me closer until my back is up against his warm chest. Then he covers my arms with his.

  "Is that better?" he asks.

  "Yeah. I'm warmer already." Although part of that is because I'm so turned on being this close to him, feeling his body pressed into mine.

  "So back to college," he says. "Tell me about your classes."

  We remain there for a couple hours, just talking and eating candy. It's just like when we were kids. We'd sit outside and talk and eat candy that Silas took from his junk food stash.

  The movie ends and we wait for everyone to clear out of the park and the line of cars to leave. Then Silas takes me home, walking me to the door.

  "Goodnight," he says, kissing my cheek.

  "Goodnight."

  He leaves, and I already miss him. Just one day home. One day with Silas. And I already miss him when he's gone.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Silas

  "What the hell were you thinking?" I ask Trent when I call him the next day. I couldn't get ahold of him until noon. Before that he texted me that he was "busy," meaning he had Haley in his bed. It was the first time she'd spent the night.

  Unlike me, Trent has his own place. It's not really his. It's his uncle's but his uncle isn't there. He's a professor so he's spending the summer traveling and Trent is housesitting.

  "How was I supposed to know you were going to bring Willow with you?"

  "Like you really thought I'd show up alone to the movie?"

  "I thought you'd get there and find Haley and me and sit with us."

  "And watch you two make out all night?" I roll my eyes. "Yeah, that sounds like something I would do."

  "That's why I invited Kristy. It was supposed to be a double date, although I think Kristy wanted you all to herself."

  "Yeah. That was obvious. To everyone. Including Willow."

  "Hey, I was just trying to help. I thought you'd be all depressed after seeing her so I was trying to cheer you up."

  "Next time¸ tell me what you're planning. No more surprises."

  "So why was Willow there? I thought you were just going to drop her off at her house."

  "Things were going well so I invited her to the movie."

  "Was this a date?"

  "No. It was just two friends hanging out."

  "She seemed really pissed when Kristy showed up. If you're just fr
iends, why the hell did she storm off like that?"

  "Because she still has feelings for me. She just won't admit it."

  "That's Willow. Freaking stubborn. Is she still planning to run the world someday?"

  I chuckle, imagining that. "She wants to run a company, not the world."

  "Whatever. The point is, as long as she has that idea in her head, she'll keep pushing you away."

  "Well, I can't change her mind. It's what she wants to do."

  "Does she know what you're doing for her parents?"

  "No. And she's not going to find out, so don't say anything."

  "If she knew, I bet she'd get back together with you."

  "I don't want that to be the reason. That's not why I'm doing it."

  "I'm just saying if she knew how much you were giving up to do this, she'd—"

  "I don't want her getting back together with me because she feels guilty or thinks she owes me. It'll never last if that's the reason. She has to want this, more than she wants the life she's already planned for herself, and I don't know if that's ever going to happen."

  "Why doesn't someone just tell her that being a workaholic CEO is not going to make her happy? Why does everyone keep encouraging this? Even her parents are going along with it, and they think corporations are the devil. They're letting their daughter work for the devil."

  "Her parents will always support her in whatever she wants to do, even if they don't agree with it. You know that."

  "Yeah, but in this case she's wasting time going after something that isn't right for her. It's just like with cheerleading. She wasn't the cheerleader type but she still did it and we both know how much she hated it."

  I smile. "But she was damn hot in that uniform."

  He chuckles. "Can't argue with that. Those legs, that ass, her—"

  "Shut the hell up. You're not supposed to be thinking about her that way."

  "Every guy thought about her that way. She's hot. And she's even hotter now than she was in high school. She's filled out in all the right places. Which means she'll have her pick of guys this summer. She'll probably have someone by next week."

  "Is this your way of making me feel better?" I ask, my muscles tensing up at the thought of some guy going out with Willow.

  "It's my way of telling you not to get your hopes up when it comes to her. And don't be surprised if she goes out with someone else."