Still Love You

by Allie Everhart

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Silas

  Now I'm regretting having that conversation with Willow back in my truck. We needed to have it, but I should've done it later, not right before the party. She's been acting strange ever since, hiding away in the kitchen like she's afraid to be seen with me.

  I was just trying to get her to be honest with herself and admit her feelings for me instead of pretending they don't exist, but instead she took my comments to mean that I want to date other people. That's not at all what I meant, but when I told her that, she didn't believe me. She acted hurt that I even brought it up. But I couldn't keep having her pretend I'm her boyfriend only when it's convenient for her. I need her to commit to it. Otherwise, she'll never take our relationship seriously and I won't even have a chance of getting her back.

  When Willow said she doesn't like labels, it's not because she thinks they're meaningless. It's just the opposite. To her, labels are a commitment. If she calls me her boyfriend, she'll be more committed to our relationship than if she just calls me her friend. In fact, I'm the only guy she's ever called her boyfriend. Willow's dated other guys, but according to her friends, she's never given any of those guys the 'boyfriend' label.

  Five minutes have passed and Willow still hasn't returned to the patio. I go in the kitchen and find her standing by the counter, downing a margarita. Willow gets drunk on a few beers. She said she's already had two margaritas so she shouldn't be drinking any more.

  "Willow, why don't you slow down there?" I take the cup from her. "Is this your third one?"

  "I'm not sure." She leans against the counter. "I've lost count." She reaches over to the blender, picking up the empty pitcher. "Could you go find Leah? She'll make us some more."

  I take the pitcher from her. "I think you're done. Why don't you have some water?"

  She grabs the front of my shirt and stumbles forward, falling on me. "Would you go find Leah? Please?"

  "Willow, you're drunk. You need to lay off the margaritas."

  "Leah's the one with short dark hair and the orange bikini. She's really nice and she wants to go out with you." Willow lays her head on my chest. "Are you gonna go out with her?"

  "No, I'm not going out with her. I don't even know her. Let's go home. You need to sleep this off."

  She pushes away from me. "Not yet. We haven't even gone swimming." She slips the straps off her dress.

  "Willow, what are you doing?"

  "Going swimming." She shimmies out of her dress.

  "We're not going—" I stop when I see her in her bikini. Where the hell did she get that body? She's always had a good body, but two years ago she didn't look like this.

  When we had sex in my truck that night, it was so dark I couldn't see her. I had my hands all over her body and I could tell she'd filled out in certain places, mainly her breasts, but seeing her now...holy shit, she's hot.

  "Aren't you going to change?" she asks.

  "No. Because we're not going swimming. We're going home." I don't want any other guy seeing her like this. Her breasts are spilling out of her bikini top and the bottoms barely cover her ass. And then she has that navel ring.

  I feel a twitch in my jeans as blood rushes to my crotch.

  "I'm going swimming." She turns and walks off.

  "No. Willow!" I race up behind her and pick her up, turning her the other direction. "We're going home." I set her down.

  "But I want to swim. I'm hot."

  "Yeah, you're definitely hot," I mumble, picking her dress off the floor. "Put this on."

  She's rising up and down on her toes. She's at the hyper phase of her drunkenness. She always starts out hyper then gets really relaxed and eventually falls asleep. I've only seen her drunk a few times, but it followed this same pattern each time.

  "See ya later!" She runs off before I can catch her.

  I follow her outside and see all the guys' heads turn to check her out. Even some of the girls are checking her out.

  "Willow." One of Trent's football buddies goes up to her, eyeing her breasts. "You look hot."

  "Back off," I say, standing behind her.

  He looks at me. "You two are together?"

  "They're not together," Trent says, standing next to the guy.

  I glare at Trent. "Willow and I are going home."

  "You go," Willow says to me. "I'm gonna stay here a little longer."

  "Willow." I lean down and lower my voice. "You're drunk. You need to go home."

  "I'll make sure she gets home," Trent's football friend says, a grin on his face that says he plans to have sex with her.

  "Yeah. Not gonna happen." I put my arm around her waist and pull her in front of me in a protective hold.

  "If you're not dating her, maybe you should keep your hands off her," the guy says, glancing at Willow's chest again.

  "Trent," I say, urging him to get his friend under control.

  "Brian." Trent nudges his friend. "Let's go get a beer."

  He ignores Trent and says to Willow, "You want to hang out tonight?" He smiles at her. "Like we used to?"

  Used to? Did she go out with this guy back in high school? Did she sleep with him? I don't even want to know.

  "No, thanks." She pulls her hair up in a ponytail, then lets it fall back around her shoulders.

  "Come on," he says. "You don't want to be with this guy, do you?"

  "This is Silas." She tilts her head back and smiles at me. A drunk, lazy smile. "I love Silas."

  My heart jerks hearing her say it. I wish she meant it but I know she's only saying it because she's drunk.

  "Besides," she says, focusing back on Brian as she rests her body against mine. "You have a small dick and you were done in a minute."

  I almost burst out laughing, but I don't because she just confirmed they had sex, which makes me want to kill him.

  "What the fuck?" Brian backs away. "You're a bitch!"

  She laughs. "And you have a small dick."

  "Willow, let's go," I say by her ear.

  "Bitch," Brian says, walking away.

  She turns around and looks up at me, that drunk smile still on her face. "I love you, Silas."

  "Yeah, okay. Let's get out of here." I take her hand and start walking.

  "But we didn't go swimming."

  "We'll swim some other time." I lead her into the house and grab her dress. "Put this on."

  "Just leave it. I don't want it on." She holds onto my shirt. I think she's getting even drunker. She's having a hard time standing up.

  I grab a water from the fridge and take the cap off. "Drink this."

  She takes a sip, then gives it back to me.

  "Willow, just take it. You can drink it on the way home."

  Instead of taking it, she wraps her arm around my waist and leans her head on my shoulder. "Silas?"

  "Yeah." I glance down and see her eyes are closed.

  "I miss you."

  "I'm right here."

  "I miss you when you're not here. I've missed you for two years."

  I stand there a moment, wondering if that's the liquor talking or if it's really her. But I don't know why she'd make that up, so maybe it's what she's really thinking. Maybe she has missed me. God knows I've missed her.

  I kiss her head. "I missed you too."

  Her chin drops forward on her chest like she's going to fall asleep. I get a better hold on her and walk her outside to the truck. I lift her up into the seat and buckle her in.

  As I close her door, my phone dings. It's Trent, texting me.

  Did you leave?

  I'm in the truck. Heading out.

  With Willow?

  Yeah.

  Drop her off and come back.

  She's drunk. I'm staying with her.

  Let her parents deal with her.

  They're not home.

  Let her go, Silas. She's not worth it.

  Fuck off.

  I'm pissed at him. I'm sick of him getting on my case about Willow. He thinks he's
being a friend, keeping me from getting hurt, but I don't need him to protect me. I'm fully aware that Willow could break my heart, but I'm willing to risk it. This summer is my last chance to get her back and I'm not going to pass that up. And if doesn't work out, then it's over. I won't try again.

  We arrive at Willow's house and I help her inside. I have to keep holding her up, which means my hands are all over her nearly naked body. I'm going to need an ice cold shower after this. I've been having a lot of those since she got back to town.

  "Silas, don't go," she says as I lay her down on her bed.

  "I'll just be in the living room, watching TV."

  "I want you right here." She pats the spot next to her.

  Is she testing my self control? If so, I feel like I'm about to fail.

  I lie next to her on my back.

  "You can't have your jeans on," she says. "I want to get under the covers."

  I sigh and take off my shoes, then my jeans.

  "And your shirt."

  "Willow."

  "Please?"

  I sigh again and yank my shirt off, leaving me in just my boxers. She pulls back the covers and we get into bed.

  She slings her arm and leg over me and puts her face in the crook of my neck. She smells like strawberries from the margarita, with hints of lavender from the soap she used. The soap reminds me of the shower we'd planned to take, but I force that thought out of my head because I can't have any more blood flowing down there. It's already throbbing.

  "Silas?" Willow lifts her head up and I get caught up in how beautiful she is. That long dark hair, those deep brown eyes, those perfectly shaped lips. "I meant what I said." She looks me in the eye. "I love you. I always have and I've never stopped."

  "Why don't we talk later?"

  She nods, then puts her head on my shoulder. "I missed you when you were away. I told myself I didn't love you so I wouldn't miss you so much. But I still did. I missed you. And I never stopped loving you, no matter how hard I tried."

  I hear her sniffling. I reach down and brush my fingers over her cheek and feel the wetness from her tears. I wish this wasn't just drunk rambling. I wish she really meant what she said.

  A few minutes later, she falls asleep and I do too. When I wake up, the room is still dark, except for the moonlight filtering through the thin drapes covering the windows.

  Willow is no longer laying on me, but I feel her beside me, sitting up in bed.

  "What are you doing?" I sit up next to her.

  "Drinking some water." She's holding the bottle I gave her earlier. I'd left it on the nightstand in case she needed it.

  "Do you feel okay?"

  "Yeah. I just needed to sleep it off."

  "Do you want me to get you anything?"

  "No. I'm good." She seems fully alert now, no longer sleepy or drunk.

  I check my phone and see that it's two in the morning. We left the party so early that we probably went to bed around nine. I'm not sure because I didn't check the time.

  "Here." Willow hands me the empty water bottle and I set it on the nightstand.

  She lies down on the bed.

  "Do you want me to go?" I ask.

  "No." She tugs on my hand. "Come here. I want to talk to you."

  I lie down, facing her. "What do you want to talk about?"

  "I need your advice and I need you to be honest with me. Can you do that?"

  "Yeah. Go ahead."

  She lets out a heavy sigh. "There's this guy...a guy I really like."

  She's telling me about some other guy? I don't want to hear this, but I let her continue.

  "Actually, I don't just like him. I love him."

  So she doesn't love me. Her earlier confession was just drunk rambling. She loves some other guy. Probably some guy she met at college.

  "What about him?" I ask, trying to hide my annoyance.

  "The thing is...I had my future decided. Everything was all laid out in an orderly plan. I even typed up all the steps and attached them to a timeline and printed it out. I can show it to you later. Anyway, I never included marriage in my plan because the guy I would want to marry wouldn't be happy in this plan. And I want more than anything for him to be happy, so I had to let him go. But now he's back and I don't know what to do."

  Wait—she's talking about me! Not some other guy.

  "Willow, what are you saying?"

  "I'm asking you what to do. I love this guy so much that it hurts to be away from him for even a day, so how do I go day after day for the rest of my life without him?"

  "You don't." I hold her hand. "You let him back into your life and you never let him go."

  "But I want him to be happy. I want us both to."

  "Then you talk about it and find a solution that works for both of you."

  "What if we can't?"

  "If you want something bad enough, you'll find a way to make it happen."

  "It's not that simple."

  "It IS that simple, once you decide what you really want and what's important to you. Is this guy really that important to you?"

  She nods. "Yes. When I made that plan for my future, there was always something missing. I knew it was him. I just didn't want to admit it because I didn't think I could have him. I thought I'd lost him."

  "You haven't lost him." I lean in and kiss her. "He's right here."

  She hugs me. "I love you, Silas. I love you so much."

  I hug her back, squeezing her tight. "I love you too."

  Is this really happening? Or am I dreaming this? It's the middle of the night so it could be a dream, but it feels real. Did she really just say all that? The words I've been waiting to hear for two years?

  "I want us to get back together," she says.

  "I do too."

  "And you won't date anyone else?"

  I pull back. "Is that why you're doing this? Just so I won't go out with someone else?"

  "No. I want us to get back together because I love you and miss you. And because I want to be able to hold your hand and kiss you and call you my boyfriend. Seeing you do those things with someone else hurts too much."

  "I don't want to do those things with anyone else. Just you."

  "But you have a date on Monday."

  "It's not a date. It's a business meeting. I'm meeting with Anya to talk about having her design a new website for my mom's jewelry. My mom's been looking for a web designer and Anya showed me some of the websites she's built and they were really good, so we're meeting to discuss pricing and timing and then she's going to do a prototype."

  "Oh. When I saw you with her I thought—"

  "Yeah, I might've let you think that but I shouldn't have. Sorry. I should've explained."

  "You didn't have to. You didn't owe me an explanation. I'd made it clear we weren't dating."

  "So what changed your mind?"

  "That talk we had before the party. I didn't want to hear you say all that, but I needed to hear it. That's one of the things I love most about you. You're always honest with me, even when you know I don't want to hear whatever it is you're going to say."

  And now I'm lying to her. I've never lied to her until this issue with the farm. I promised her parents I'd keep quiet, but I hate it. I understand that they don't want Willow to worry, but it feels wrong not to tell her what's going on.

  "You were right, Silas. It wasn't fair of me to tell other girls you're my boyfriend just to keep them away from you, and then tell you we're just friends. That was just me wanting to be with you but not wanting to commit to you. I was afraid to make that decision."

  "Why?"

  "Because I don't want to hurt you again."

  "Willow, what happened back then was nobody's fault. We were too young. You weren't ready to be engaged."

  "It doesn't matter. I still hurt you by pushing you away and not talking to you for two years. I panicked and did everything wrong."

  "It's history. It doesn't matter now."

  "But it does matter. Because we
still have the problem of you and me wanting different things in life."

  "Stop worrying so much about the future. You still have three years of college left. We have plenty of time to figure this out. The important thing is that we both agree we want to be together. Everything else we'll figure out as we go."

  "I can't do that. I have a plan and I—"

  I kiss her until I feel her body relax, then I smile over her lips and say, "I'm going to take that plan of yours and burn it."

  "You are not! I worked on that for months."

  "I'm sure you have back-ups. A few printed copies. One on your hard drive, and probably two flash drives."

  "Three. In different locations, just to be safe."

  I kiss her. "You're crazy."

  "You're disorganized."

  I kiss her again. "You're obsessive."

  "You're too laid back."

  "You're a pain in the ass." I kiss her, longer this time. "And yet I love you."

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Willow

  Telling Silas how I feel is both the best and worst thing I've ever done. It's the best because I can finally stop hiding the fact that I love him and want to be with him. But it's the worst because I'm afraid of how this will end.

  I'll worry about that later, because right now, Silas' lips on mine are the only thing I can think about, along with his hands, which are slowly moving over my skin. I've always loved the way he touches me. Other guys go straight to the action zones, but Silas gives special attention to all the sensitive areas that most guys forget about or completely ignore, like the area just under the ear, the inside of the wrist, the inner thigh. He takes his time, never rushing.

  "Can we just do this all night?" I whisper, tilting my head back as he kisses my neck.

  "All night. All day." He trails kisses along my collarbone. "Let's just stay here all summer."

  I run my hands over his tight abs. "I'm so turned on right now."

  "Oh, yeah?" I hear the smile in his tone.

  "You may have to go faster tonight."

  "Fast now? Slow later?"

  "Yes. Fast now, slow later. Just hurry up."

  He puts his mouth by my ear. "You're so impatient."

  A shiver skitters down my spine as he breathes over my ear, his finger drawing a line down the center of my core.