Just a Boy and a Girl in a Little Canoe

by Sarah Mlynowski

  “Probably,” Fancy admits. “I have a Christmas tree in my house.”

  “Lucky,” Prague says.

  “We put up a Christmas tree, too,” Lily says. “And a menorah. We celebrate everything, including Chinese New Year. My mom’s parents are from Hong Kong.”

  “My mom says after my bubbe died, she came back as me,” Shira says.

  “That doesn’t make any sense,” Fancy tells her.

  “Yes it does. She died before I was born and my mom thinks she’s me now. In a new body. I look just like her. And act like her. We’re both stubborn.”

  “Sam, what do you think?” Prague asks me.

  “Do you believe in heaven?” Em asks.

  Gavin and I exchange a look. Um. Wow.

  I don’t know what I believe. I don’t think I believe in heaven. I definitely don’t think there’s an old man in the sky judging us on our actions, good or bad. But I’m not sure I should tell the kids that.

  “Okay, everyone look up,” Gavin says. “Who sees the Big Dipper?”

  Everyone shifts and looks up.

  “What’s the Big Dipper?” Lily asks.

  Nice way to change the subject, I think.

  “Turn off your flashlights,” Gavin says, and they all do.

  He jumps up and points to the sky. “See over there? It’s the seven stars that look like they’re a pot.”

  “Sam,” Talia says, pulling at my sleeve.

  I turn to her.

  “I . . . I have to go to the bathroom,” she whispers.

  “Do you need the toilet paper?”

  She bites her lip. “Yes, but no. I have to go, go. I can’t do it in the woods. I’m going to run to Bunk Eleven.”

  “Okay,” I say. “I’ll be fine. Gavin is here.”

  She nods and takes off running.

  Gavin raises his eyebrow, and I shrug.

  He continues pointing to the sky, explaining stuff, and being really cute as he does it. He explains all about stars and the solar system and the galaxy. Everyone seems to have forgotten about the death talk.

  When Prague starts to yawn, I say, “Girls, five minutes until you get into your tents, okay? It’s getting late.”

  I spot Talia coming back through the path. She smiles at everyone but sidles up beside me. “There’s something wrong with me,” she whispers. “I knew I shouldn’t have had that hot dog.”

  “Are you sick?” I whisper back.

  “Yes! And I can’t go in Bunk Eleven! What was I thinking? They’re all there! A bunk of boys! I used it for a second but then realized that they could hear me! I have to go back to our bunk. I’m so sorry. I’ll take Pepto or something. Ow, ow ow.” She clutches her stomach as she talks.

  “Don’t worry,” I say. “I’m okay. Gavin will stay until the kids go to bed.”

  “What’s wrong?” Gavin asks, coming over.

  “Talia has a headache,” I say quickly.

  She smiles at me gratefully.

  “I can always use your sleeping bag and stay,” Gavin says.

  Stay? He can stay where? Here? Where is he sleeping exactly?

  “I gotta go,” Talia says, and I see how pale she is. “Please don’t be mad at me.”

  “I’m not. You gotta go when you gotta go.”

  She takes off, calling out, “I’ll come back if I can.”

  “Where is she going?” Prague asks, the only one paying attention.

  “She’s not feeling great,” I say.

  I look up and Gavin is looking at me. I look away.

  Just the two of us here under the stars? Is that a good idea?

  He smiles.

  Yes. It’s a good idea. A very good idea.

  After I put the kids to bed, the fire is out and Gavin is sitting on the edge of the dock. The moon is massive and lights up the whole lake.

  “Hi,” I say, sitting beside him, cross-legged.

  “Hi,” he says, smiling. “Girls okay?”

  “They seem fine,” I say. “Tired but cozy.”

  He nods. “You’re really good with them.”

  “Thanks,” I say. “So are you. You totally saved me with the Big Dipper.”

  He’s sitting about a half a foot away from me. Not even. He smells like smoke from the fire.

  “Anytime,” he says.

  I look up at him. My whole body tingles.

  Our eyes are locked, and neither of us looks away.

  Do I want this to happen?

  “I . . . so . . .” He hesitates.

  I take a gulp of air.

  “This,” he says.

  Heart. Thumping.

  I can feel him beside me. He is so close. He clears his throat. “If it weren’t for Eli and Kat . . . would we . . . would we be a thing?”

  He said it. It’s out there.

  “I think . . .” I say slowly. “That if it weren’t for Kat and Eli, we . . . would be a thing.” I can barely breathe. This thing between us is not in my head. It is real. His thigh was touching mine in the hot tub. On purpose. I wondered, and now I know.

  “Yeah.”

  “So.”

  He inches closer to me.

  What am I doing? Is this going to happen? Is he going to kiss me?

  Do I want him to kiss me?

  My boyfriend left me for Europe! I am on a dock in the moonlight under a starry sky with a gorgeous guy who wants to kiss me! Why shouldn’t I kiss him? Eli is doing who knows what who knows where, and if I’m not going to do something like kiss a guy who is not my boyfriend when I am nineteen, when am I going to do it?

  The air is suddenly thick. I push thoughts of Eli out of my mind.

  Gavin is so cute. He moves closer. I move closer. He is right beside me, his leg once again pressed against mine. I can’t think of anything except what his lips will feel like. This is happening. There is no stopping it. It is happening right now. I close my eyes—

  “Hellllllo?” we hear.

  I pull back quickly, my heart racing. Shit, shit, shit.

  “Where are you guys?”

  I turn around. It’s Janelle.

  “Right here.” I leap to my feet.

  “Talia asked me if I would come, so I came!”

  “Oh! Great! Awesome. She okay?” I straighten my shirt even though no one touched it. No one touched anything. Nothing happened.

  “Yeah, she’ll be fine. She downed an entire bottle of Pepto.”

  “I thought she had a headache,” Gavin says.

  “I was being discreet,” I mutter.

  Gavin stands. He doesn’t look at me. “I guess I’ll head back.”

  “You are the sweetest for hanging out here,” Janelle says to him. “Are you coming on my overnight too? We go tomorrow night!”

  “I don’t think so,” he says. “Maybe Morgan?”

  “Talia said she would switch with me tomorrow night. So I don’t have to sleep out here again, although it’s kind of awesome out here so I don’t mind.” Her hands are waving all over the place. “Did you pee in the woods?”

  “On that note, I guess I’ll go,” Gavin says.

  “Thank you for staying with me,” I say quickly.

  “Anytime,” he says, and then he’s gone.

  I show Janelle to Talia’s tent and then sneak into mine. I turn over and then turn over again.

  One of the girls is snoring. My heart won’t stop racing.

  What just happened?

  Or what just almost happened?

  Something just almost happened. I almost let something happen.

  Did I want that to happen?

  Yes. I definitely did.

  But what about Eli? What’s wrong with me?

  I close my eyes and imagine Gavin kissing me, over and over again, knowing that if Janelle hadn’t shown up, I wouldn’t have said no.

  WEEK 3 SCHEDULE—BUNK 6A

  Week 3

  The next morning, Janelle and I help the girls roll up their sleeping bags, which is ten times harder than it should be. I have th
e most trouble with mine and most of the bag ends up spilling over the edge like a muffin top.

  “Thanks again for coming,” I tell Janelle.

  “Anytime!” she says. “It was fun. I was just OD. I would rather be sleeping under the stars then stuck in the cabin any day. I have serious FOMO. I want to try it all! See everything! Kiss everyone!”

  I laugh. “Sounds fun.”

  “It is,” she says. “I’m sure I’ll slow down eventually, but now’s not the time in our lives for us to be stuck in a box, you know?”

  “I think I can see what you mean,” I say. We start to carry our stuff to the clearing near the water.

  Gavin is sitting in a rowboat.

  “Oh. Hey,” I say, feeling incredibly awkward.

  “Hey.” He’s wearing his sunglasses and I can’t read his expression. Also the sun is bright so I’m squinting, which doesn’t help the awkwardness.

  Silence.

  Okay, then.

  Does he regret what almost happened? Do I?

  My head feels blurry. Cottony. I need coffee.

  “Do the girls need help with their bags?” he asks.

  “We’re okay,” I tell him. “Thanks.” Squint.

  I hear more squealing and an “I got pee on my shoe!” and we put our stuff back in garbage bags, and then back in the rowboats.

  “Come row with me, Sam!” Janelle says, and I climb into her boat.

  Gavin pushes us off.

  Half the girls are cranky and overtired and the other half are pretty much asleep.

  “The girls in my tent all woke up having to pee in the middle of the night,” Janelle says. “I thought a bear was going to get us for sure. What a night.”

  You’re telling me.

  We drop off our stuff at the bunk. Talia is still in bed.

  “I am so sorry,” she says, jumping up. “How did it go?”

  “Fine,” I say. “Thanks for sending Janelle.”

  “Was she super annoying?” she whispers.

  “Not at all,” I say. “She was great. Arrived just in time.” Just, just, just in time.

  “I don’t know what happened to me,” she says. “But I think the worst is over.”

  We have showers first period, which we all appreciate, then drama, then Newcomb. Newcomb is basically volleyball, but you catch and throw the ball instead of volleying it. Then we have lunch washup, and lunch. Half the girls run to the Rec Hall during Rest Hour to try out for tomorrow night’s talent show, but I nap. After lunch, we have SI—swim instruction—in the lake.

  Instead of going in, Talia and I sit on the dock. I can’t tell if going in the water now would wake me up or if I’m still so tired I would sink to the bottom. I’m pretty sure the latter.

  I watch Gavin across the lake when I know he’s not looking. I’ve been playing a careful game of it, trying to make myself appear extremely busy when his sailboat is heading in our direction.

  “Don’t stop, keep going!” Marissa tells the kids.

  “Strong legs!” we hear.

  “Remember to blow bubbles!”

  “I can be OD tonight,” Talia says. “I owe you. Janelle wants to go back to New Beach so I’m here.”

  “Don’t worry,” I tell her. “I’m so tired I’ll probably stay in anyway. But can you make sure the girls get Milk and Cookies and get to art? I’ll meet you at the A and C. I want to try and call Eli.”

  More like, I desperately need to call Eli.

  “No problemo,” she says.

  As soon as the girls are out of the lake and drying off, I speed-walk to get my phone and then run to the office.

  I’m so glad I didn’t do anything last night. So glad. I was being incredibly dumb. I have an amazing boyfriend! Who I love! Who loves me! Why would I almost throw it away for a stupid summer hookup? That was moronic!

  My fingers ache to text Eli. To say hi. To make contact. I need to hear his voice. I open the office door, and then call him with one hand and wave to Eric with the other.

  “Hey, Beautiful!” Eli says.

  Ah. His voice. “Hi!”

  “It’s you!” he says.

  “It’s me! I miss you!” I sit down on the edge of the well-worn gray couch.

  “I miss you, too!” he says. “How are you?”

  “I’m okay,” I say, but I feel like a fraud.

  A huge thing happened. Even if nothing actually happened.

  And I’m not going to tell him.

  “How was your camping trip?” he asks.

  He knows? Oh, right, I told him. “Oh. It was fine.” I tell him about the rowboat and the already set up tents and rolling up the sleeping bags. I don’t tell him about who rowed the boat or cooked the food. He doesn’t ask. Maybe he thinks it was me. “Where are you?” I ask, changing the subject.

  “Prague!”

  I laugh. “No way! My camper is named Prague!”

  “That’s a strange name for a kid,” he says.

  “It fits her,” I say. “So what are you doing in Prague?”

  He tells me about the hostel and the synagogue they went to see, which is one of the oldest synagogues in Europe.

  Eric taps me on the shoulder. “Um, Sam? I have to call the next period.”

  Eli’s in the middle of a sentence.

  “Eli? Shoot, I gotta go.”

  “Again? Come on! What’s so important?”

  Really?

  “I have to get back to the kids.”

  “You can’t wait a minute?” he asks, sounding annoyed.

  “No,” I snap. Does he think camp runs on my schedule? “Can I call you tomorrow?”

  “Might be on the train, but I’m not sure. You can try.”

  Oh, gee, thanks.

  Neither of us says anything. “Love you,” I say.

  “You too.”

  I end the call.

  I run right into Gavin, Botts, Jill, and Josh on my way to art. They’re standing at the top of the beach laughing about something.

  “Hey there, Rosenspan!” Botts says. “Are you sneaking off to call your boyfriend in the middle of the day?”

  My cheeks heat up. Crap. Now the head counselors are going to think I’m blowing off my bunk. Plus Gavin knows I went to call Eli. Which isn’t necessarily bad, but he’s looking at the ground instead of looking at me, so maybe it is?

  “Sorry,” I say. “I don’t normally call him in the middle of the day, but—”

  “You were on your overnight,” Jill says. “I get it. He’s in Europe, correct? And I heard Talia . . . did not like the hot dogs.”

  “I heard they did not like her,” Botts says.

  They all laugh. Word really does travel fast. She would be mortified if she knew.

  “We need to work on your cooking, Gav,” Botts says.

  “Apparently,” he says.

  “Did you guys have fun?” Josh asks.

  “Um . . . me and Gavin?” I yelp.

  “I meant your bunk,” Botts says.

  “Oh, right,” I say, cheeks on fire. “Yes. We had a great time.”

  Gavin looks back down at the ground.

  “I have to get to art,” I say quickly. “The lanyards are not going to butterfly stitch themselves.”

  They all laugh.

  I hurry up the hill without looking back.

  Gavin and I don’t talk to each other for the rest of the day. I’m not sure how we manage it. Or why. Are we purposefully ignoring each other? We might be.

  That night he walks by my table holding a tray of spaghetti, but does not look up. Is he afraid of spilling the spaghetti? Or is he pretending not to see me?

  We sit at opposite ends of the Rec Hall during Jeopardy.

  He waves. I wave back.

  Neither of us approaches the other.

  What is happening? I don’t know. Do I want to never talk to him again? Do I want to make out with him? Do I want to just be friends? I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know!

  We’ll have to talk eventually.
We’re not going to not speak for the rest of the summer.

  Unless that’s his plan. To not speak to me for the rest of the summer.

  At breakfast on Monday, I notice the head staff all whispering to each other.

  “Did something happen?” I ask Talia, and motion to their table with my chin.

  She squeezes a drop of hand sanitizer on her hands, rubs it in, and then looks their way.

  “I bet it’s color war,” she says to me. “Maybe the break is tonight after the talent show.”

  Ah. Color war. Basically the Olympics for campers. They divide up the camp into three teams, each with a color, and we do activities against each other for two days. They try to announce color war—or break it—by surprising the kids with the announcement.

  Two captains are chosen per team.

  It’s an honor to be chosen. Being a captain means that you’re not only a great counselor, but well-liked by all the head staff.

  If they chose me, it would mean that I’m actually good at this education thing even if camp isn’t the same as school. And that I’m competent, even if Eli teases me about getting lost or forgetting my keys. It would mean that everyone likes me.

  It seems dumb to get excited about being chosen to do extra work, but I suddenly want to be chosen as captain very, very badly.

  By the time the talent show starts Monday night, there’s a lot of buzz about color war breaking at some point tonight.

  I try to ignore it and focus on the show. Fancy is in it. She was the only girl in our bunk to make it in. I heard her practice in the bunk, but as she sings “Roar” by Katy Perry, it makes me tear up. She’s that good.

  I take a million pictures and a video and plan to send it to her mom. Which is probably a mistake, but it’s too cute not to forward.

  During the last number, a juggling act by Botts, all the lights in the Rec Hall go off.

  People scream.

  Power failure?

  Then the lights start to flicker.

  A camper yells out, “Color war!”

  Then everyone starts chanting, “Color war! Color war!”

  Botts takes the microphone. “Everyone please proceed to the tennis courts!”

  “They’re breaking it! Told ya,” Talia says to me.

  The kids are all jangly with excitement, and we lead them out the side door and to the tennis courts.

  “Red. Blue. Yellow. It’s color war!” the head staff scream out together. Red, blue, and yellow spotlights turn on and dance across the tennis courts. Red, blue, and yellow firecrackers blaze across the sky.