Maverick

by Cruise, Anna

  I reached out and touched her chin, tilted her head so she was staring at me. “Hey,” I said, my voice soft. “Let me introduce myself. I'm Kellen. Kellen Handler.”

  She smiled and cast her eyes down again. “I know. But every time I tell myself that, I see something that makes me think differently. Like today. Seeing you wail on Branagan. And all I can think is, a fight. He's fighting. Brought it all crashing back. Not like it was far from my memory today, but still. It all just hit me. I don't know if I can get past that.”

  “Look at me.” My voice was sharper than I'd intended.

  She stared straight ahead.

  “Gina. Look at me.”

  She finally turned, her eyes full of sadness and tears.

  “I'm not him,” I said. “I'm not. I'm not going to end up like that. I promise.”

  “You can't make that promise.”

  “Yeah, I can.” I reached for both of her hands and folded them into mine. “Because I'm doing it. I'm promising. No more bullshit from me.”

  Her lower lip quivered and she bit down on it. “Why?”

  “Why what?”

  “Why do you promise?” She chewed her lower lip, her eyes not meeting mine.

  I stroked one of her hands with my thumb. Her skin was smooth, soft. “You wanna know what I see when I look at you?”

  She swallowed. “I don't know. Do I?”

  I smiled. “Well, first off, I see this insanely beautiful woman.” She rolled her eyes but I continued. “A woman who's smart. Funny. Doesn't take any crap from me. And doesn't give a shit about how famous I am.”

  She pursed her lips, trying not to smile. “You got that part right, anyway.”

  I chuckled. “I know. And it's one of the things I like best about you. Being famous is not a point in my favor with you. At all.”

  She nodded.

  “But I see something else.” I squeezed her hand and took a deep breath. “I see me.”

  She raised her eyebrows in question.

  “I see you holding on to the past. Letting it control what you do, what you allow into your life. I don't want that for you. And I don't want that for me.” I leaned closer, bringing my eyes level with hers. “Neither of us can change the past. You can't bring Luke back and I...” I faltered a little. I cleared my throat and continued “And I can't bring back Jay.”

  She closed her eyes and squeezed my hand in return. “I know.”

  “And I'm not saying that things are gonna be perfect,” I told her. “I'm not saying we're gonna wake up tomorrow and all our demons will be gone. But I think we can keep them locked away. Deal with them on our own time. In our own way. You know?”

  Gina nodded again and I saw the tears glistening in her eyes. She lowered her gaze to my lips and then looked back up at me.

  It was all the invitation I needed. I leaned toward her, our lips just inches apart.

  “You sure you want this?” I whispered. “Because I'm not gonna apologize this time.”

  She didn't answer with words. Instead, she reached up and pulled me toward her, touching her lips to mine. I stifled a groan and wrapped my arms around her, kissing her with every ounce of emotion I felt.

  Neither of us held back. Not when we kissed and not later when she pulled off my shirt and tugged off my shorts. We both knew what we were doing. We both wanted it.

  I stroked her through the fabric of her shorts. “I want you,” I breathed against her neck. “All of you.”

  Her hands were in my boxers, sliding them down my legs. “You have me,” she murmured, her fingers trailing lightly over the tip of my cock.

  I moaned and shifted her on to her back. Her hair fell in loose waves against the couch cushions and I plunged my hand into the mass of curls. I unbuttoned her shorts and slid them down her legs, taking my time. My mind was razor-sharp, not fuzzy with alcohol this time, and I wanted to savor every minute, sear her and this moment into my memory.

  I lifted her shirt and unclasped her bra, tossing both to the floor. Gina lay before me naked, exposed and vulnerable and beautiful. I caressed her thigh, my eyes roving over her body. She lay still and watched me. I moved my hand to the soft curve of her stomach, then higher so I could cover her breast with my hand. She whimpered and reached out, pulling me to her, crushing her mouth against mine.

  “Don't make me wait,” she said, pressing her hips into mine. “I'm done waiting. I want this. I want you.”

  I eased myself into her, inhaling sharply as her warmth enveloped me.

  “No more waiting. Ever.”

  FORTY THREE

  The alarm sounded and I sat up quickly, silencing it. I fell back on my pillow and Kellen's arm came around me, drawing me close. I snuggled up against him, letting his warmth seep into me. We'd slept with the windows open and the early morning air was chilly, thick with salt and moisture.

  I lay there, my eyes open, not really looking at anything, just thinking. I did that often, especially in the early morning hours, before I left for work and before Kellen slipped out for a morning session. I would spend the time in silence, replaying memories, some of them over and over.

  But they weren't memories of Luke anymore. Or of Leo and all that had happened after that fateful night three years ago. I spent my time instead thinking about the new memories I was making. With Kellen.

  It had been two months since the anniversary, two months since he'd stripped down my defenses, and I'd surrendered myself completely to him. But there was one thing I'd held on to, one thing I couldn't let go.

  And I was finally ready to change it.

  I rubbed Kellen's leg with my foot and he shifted closer to me. He slept in the nude and I loved how his body felt against mine, even through the thin fabric of my tank top and panties. I pushed my backside against him and he responded sleepily, thrusting into me just a little. I smiled and pushed again, my head turned so I could see his face.

  He opened an eye. “You trying to wake me up?”

  I nodded, smiling. “Uh huh.”

  He pressed into me again and I could feel his arousal. We moved against each other for a little longer, letting the desire build until he grew impatient, yanking my panties off my legs. He grabbed my hips, positioning me, then sliding into me, his entire body pressed into my backside. I sighed and moved with him, loving how he felt and the sounds he made. His pace quickened and I matched it, lifting up and into him. He inhaled sharply, his fingers digging into my hips as he came.

  After, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. “I love waking up like that,” he murmured, his lips against my hair.

  “Me, too.”

  He yawned. “Why are you up so early? It's Saturday, isn't it?”

  “Yeah.”

  He stole a quick glance out the window. “What time is it? Seven o'clock?”

  He had the uncanny ability of knowing what time it was just by looking at the sun.

  “Seven thirty.”

  He sighed. “Jesus. Why are we up this early? Why?”

  I propped myself up on an elbow. “Because I think I want to do something.”

  “I don't wanna do anything this early in the morning except sleep.” He closed his eyes. “And have sex with you. Those two things.”

  I smiled. I was pretty sure that once I told him what I wanted to do, what I was finally ready to do, he'd bolt out of bed before me.

  So I told him.

  Ten minutes later, we were standing on the beach. The sand was empty, the only other beachgoer a man out walking his dog. They followed the shoreline, the lab frolicking in the waves, chasing and retrieving a tennis ball the man threw. Before long, they were blurry dots, heading north up the beach.

  Kellen looked at me. “You're sure you're ready to do this?”

  I gazed out at the water. I wasn't completely sure. I didn't think I'd ever be. But I was tired of waiting. Tired of having this one thing hanging over me. Everything else had fallen into place. Being with Kellen. Beginning to repair my relationship with Le
o. I was picking up the pieces. Focusing on the here and now and not worrying so much about the past. And Kellen had done the same. After his suspension, he'd opted to drop out of the remainder of the tour. The tour officials had not been pleased but, with me at his side, we'd explained why. He needed to take the time to get over Jay. And he couldn't do it on tour, knowing every single thing he was doing should have been shared with Jay.

  “I'm sure,” I said, my voice a little shaky.

  He smiled at me and I felt my heart jump into my chest. We'd been together for just a few months but I knew how I felt about Kellen, knew how he made me feel.

  Whole. Complete.

  I reached for Kellen's hand. He folded his fingers into mine and squeezed.

  I couldn't remember the exact last time I'd been in the water. It had been right before Luke's death, before my life had changed completely. And after he died, every time I'd looked at the water, all I could see was an empty ocean without him that I had no interest in stepping into. It represented everything I wanted to forget.

  But now I was moving forward. I wanted to take a chance. Step into that cold, blue water with Kellen. And see something else.

  I shuffled my feet forward in the cool, hard-packed sand and shivered as the very edge of the Pacific washed over my toes. I hesitated, then walked forward a couple more steps, the ocean pushing up around our ankles. I squeezed Kellen's hand tighter.

  “You alright?” he asked.

  I nodded as the first wave crashed into our knees and I rose up on my toes. We stood there for a moment, the water ebbing and flowing around us, the white foam fizzing on the water's surface.

  Everything was OK.

  I pulled Kellen toward me and kissed him, another small wave crashing into our knees. I stumbled a little to the side, but he caught me, kept me upright.

  I laughed and looked up at him. “I'm in.”

  “Me, too.” He smiled back at me. “All in.”

  THE END

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  There are so many wonderful readers and bloggers out there who have really welcomed me into the writing world and embraced the books I've shared. There are no words to express my gratitude to each and every one of you. Thank you!

  And to those of you who have gone the extra mile – Tawnya and Jood at One More Chapter, Kendall at Book Crazy, Tessa at Books, Wine, Food, and Brandie at Sugar & Spice Book Reviews – thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

  ABOUT ANNA

  Anna Cruise has been writing and drooling over boys since middle school. Lots of years have passed but some things never change...

  MAVERICK is her third novel. Other titles by Anna include IT WAS YOU and the Young Adult novel, IF I FALL.

  You can find Anna on Twitter and Facebook and you can follow her blog.

  Keep reading for an excerpt of IT WAS YOU.

  IT WAS YOU (excerpt)

  ONE

  The music was too loud, the boys were too obnoxious and there was too much vodka coursing through my body.

  I leaned against the wooden railing that led upstairs, trying to both steady myself and focus my vision. The house, a two-story stucco perched on a cliff overlooking the Pacific, belonged to Adam Mularkey. Well, Adam Mularkey's parents. But with a pilot for a dad and a mom who liked to tag along on his trips around the world, they weren't around much to call it home. But my senior class did. It was the go-to party place and, more often than not, there were keggers two or three weekends a month.

  This party was different, though.

  It was the last week of summer.

  Last chance to get drunk, get stupid and hook up.

  Not my normal scene, but I was celebrating. I was moving out of the house, ready to start college. I was moving in to my dorm and away from sister.

  My twin sister who was somewhere in this house on the cliffs above the beach, doing who knew what. My twin sister who looked exactly like me, even down to the tiny mole above our breasts. My twin sister who I couldn’t stand the sight of.

  Annika.

  We might be headed to the same college, but at least I wouldn’t be sharing space with her.

  Good freaking riddance.

  Two girls stumbled past me, one holding up her bikini top as some guy trailed behind her, desperately trying to untie it. Her hair was slicked back and the smell of chlorine assaulted my nostrils as they maneuvered past me. I wondered if they'd been in the pool out back or the hot tub tucked closer to the house. Both girls giggled loudly as they rounded the corner and the guy turned around and winked at me as he followed them, filled with the drunken confidence he’d get that top off. And probably a hell of a lot more.

  I scanned the room in front of me. More drunk teenagers than I could count. Couples sprawled on couches and backed up against corners. A group of guys—half the basketball team, it looked like—at the dining room table, a half-full bottle of tequila being passed between them. A girl I didn't know standing on the walnut-stained coffee table, gyrating her hips, her thumbs hitched on the spaghetti straps of her white cami, looking like she was debating whether or not to strip it off. A couple of guys catcalled in her direction, urging her on and she smiled, lowering a strap.

  I closed my eyes briefly. I couldn’t remember the term from senior English. Hedonistic? That sounded right. That’s what was going on at Adam Mularkey’s beach house the last night of summer.

  My equilibrium settled and Tana waved at me from across the room, then wove her way through the crowd in my direction.

  “Have you seen him?” she asked, her brown eyes bloodshot. Her breath reeked of tequila and I wondered if she'd sat in with the basketball team for a couple of rounds.

  I looked away from her. “Seen who?”

  She frowned at me and linked her arm with mine. “Duh. Kevin.”

  When I didn't respond right away, she stepped in front of me and narrowed her eyes. “Kevin. Kevin Swigert. Have you had so much to drink that you've forgotten you totally have the hots for him?”

  I knew who she meant the first time. “Shut up,” I told her. “Besides, I don’t think he’s here.”

  “Oh, he’s here,” she said, grinning. “You need to find him, Abby.”

  My tongue felt thick and I was having a hard time forming words with multiple syllables. “He’s not interested.”

  She leaned into my ear and her blond tresses tickled my cheek. “Last night of summer. He’s leaving for school in Minnesota. You have nothing to lose.” She held her hand up and made a circle with her hands. “Zero.”

  I didn't want to smile but I did. I’d had a crush on Kevin Swigert for about a year. Tall. Blond hair. Green eyes. Lacrosse player. A chest to die for. We shared history class together. Tana had been hounding me for months to throw myself at him.

  But we were friends. Nothing more. I couldn’t flirt to save my life, especially with someone as deliciously hot as Kevin. That was one area where my twin and I were decidedly not identical. Annika was a professional where guys were concerned. Fortunately, she’d never shown any interest in Kevin or he probably would have tripped over himself, lining up for her like the rest of the guys in high school.

  All of whom she promptly ate up and spit out.

  I shook my head, erasing the image of my sister.

  “Abby, come on,” Tana said, leaning against my shoulder, more to keep her balance than to be close to me. “If he says no, he says no.”

  “Says no to what?”

  She grinned devilishly. “To whatever you offer him.”

  “I’m not Annika, Tana,” I said. “I’m not gonna go do him in a closet.”

  Tana raised an eyebrow. “She’s done guys in closets?”

  I rolled my eyes. Annika was capable of nearly anything. I was pretty sure that sex in a closet was absolutely already on her been there, done that list.

  Not on mine, though.

  “Look,” Tana said, putting her hand on my shoulder. “It’s now or never. And if he shoots you down, he’s long gone and you’re off t
o bigger and better things. And if he doesn’t…”A tequila-fueled smile creased her face.

  I stood there for a minute, thinking. Or, trying to think. The vodka had made everything fuzzy, like I was looking—and thinking—with a soft filter in front of my eyes and firmly planted inside my brain.

  Maybe my best friend was right, I thought. I'd said something to her the day before about how I was going to be brave, that I wanted to take some risks. She'd pressed for details but I didn't have any to share. I'd been antsy about graduation, ready to move on to the next chapter in my life. I didn't have specific feats of bravery I wanted to attempt, like jumping out of a plane or training killer whales at Sea World. I was just ready for things to be different.

  And then, later, when we'd walked by Kevin in the hallway, I'd smirked and told her—for the millionth time—that I wanted to make out with him.

  Maybe a little more.

  “I’ll go find him,” I said.

  Tana squealed like a mouse and started jumping up and down. “I want a full report. FULL.”

  I was pretty sure the only thing I'd be able to report was a crash and burn but I nodded as I moved away from her. I straightened my shirt and ran my hand through my hair and then quickly, before I could change my mind, I trudged up the stairs, my hand gripping the banister like a tightrope walker clutched their pole.

  As I walked, I tried to pump myself up. I’d straightened my wavy brown hair, silky smooth locks greeting me in the bathroom mirror when I'd finished. I’d spent an extra few minutes on my make-up, rimming my eyes with black eyeliner, brushing on an extra coat of mascara. I’d fished my wickedly short denim mini from the back of my closet and pulled on a black lace cami, my hot pink bra straps playing a seductive game of peekaboo. My silver sandals matched the silver polish on my toes. I knew I looked good. Better than good.

  I stopped at the top of the stairs, the vodka catching up to me again and spinning me just a little. Tana and I had grabbed the first two drinks we’d seen when we’d walked in. They'd tasted like pineapple juice and something else mixed with vodka. Mine had gone down easily and I'd grabbed another. And another. I thought about the tequila I'd smelled on Tana's breath. Somewhere along the line, she must’ve switched to margaritas. I couldn’t do tequila. I’d learned that the previous summer after one long sweat-soaked, vomit-filled night down in Tijuana.