Falling Angel

by Carmen Richter

  “Yeah, she did,” he said as he grabbed a Styrofoam cup and filled it with orange juice.

  “Is this the part where you kick my ass for touching your best friend?”

  He snorted. “No. Don’t get me wrong; I want to kick your arse. But I know she wouldn’t want me to, so you’re safe for now.”

  “Don’t worry. It won’t happen again. Chalk it up to a momentary lapse in judgement.”

  Taylor just chuckled weakly and shook his head. “Yeah, that happened to me once. Now I’m engaged to the guy. Just saying. But that’s not why I want to kick your arse. You had my girl crying all night because you kissed her and then ran away and gave her the silent treatment for the rest of the night.”

  “She did what?” I asked, completely shocked.

  “You heard me,” he said. “Listen, mate. I’m just going to give it to you straight. D… She hasn’t had the best luck with relationships. She’s had her heart broken more times than anyone should. Fuck, do you know how she and I met?”

  “Yeah, actually. I do. She told me she walked in on you and her ex,” I admitted, taking the plates I’d made for myself and Arielle and sitting down at a table. “And that her ex flipped on a dime and kicked your ass, trying to pin it all on you. I actually met him my first day on the job. Real class act, that guy.”

  “Yep. Not my finest hour,” he said, turning a little pink, as he sat down across from me. “My point is, I can tell you’re a good person. If I didn’t think that, we’d be having a very different conversation right now. And I know you’ve got Ari to think of. I get it if you need to take some time and figure out if this life is something you want for her. I even get it if you don’t know if this life is something you want for you yet. But don’t give D mixed signals. She deserves better than that. She might act all tough, but she’s actually pretty fragile. And if you hurt my girl, I will kick your arse, and I won’t give a fuck what she has to say about it.”

  Damn. I’d never even considered the possibility that maybe Daphne was upset because I hadn’t stuck around after I kissed her. I’d been so focused on the probability that I’d crossed a line that I hadn’t even taken any other scenarios into account. And I knew all too well about her fragile side. I’d seen it every time she heard from her stalker.

  And that was why I couldn’t pursue anything with her, regardless of her feelings on the situation. She had a stalker on the loose. A stalker who wanted her all to themselves and who got violent when they saw her with anyone else. If something happened to her because I’d decided to think with my dick instead of my brain, I’d never forgive myself.

  “It’s not about what I want,” I sighed. “If it was about what I want, I never would have walked out of that room yesterday in the first place.”

  Taylor grinned like a kid on Christmas morning. “You love her.”

  No, that was impossible. I’d barely known her for two months. Sure, I liked her. And sure, I knew that just being around her made me feel lighter. That when she smiled, really smiled, it made my whole day. And that knowing that someone was out there trying to hurt her made me sick to my stomach. But love? It was too soon for that.

  I had no idea what Taylor saw on my face, but he just chuckled.

  “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I pulled that face too when I fell for Alex,” he said. “Figured, not even a week of dating and I was in love with him? Not possible! But looking back on it, spending every night with him for a month because I didn’t want to be with anyone else kind of made it obvious. And you and D? Aren’t you together twenty-four-seven? Well, except when you’re sleeping, I guess. You probably know each other better than most couples who have been dating for years. Ask yourself, are you with her all the time just because it’s a job? Or do you feel like you’re missing a limb when she’s not nearby?”

  He wasn’t wrong. Hell, the whole reason he was here was because I couldn’t make myself leave Daphne for three damn days to help Rachel and get Arielle situated with my parents. And Daphne had seen right through me too. When I hesitated after she point-blank offered me the time off. That was why she’d called Taylor.

  “She’s lucky to have you,” I said as I stood up and grabbed the plates. “You’re a good friend to her. Thanks, by the way. For dropping everything to babysit Ari yesterday. I know you did it for Daph, not for me, but still. Thank you. You helped me when you didn’t have to. Just because she asked you to.”

  “It’s no problem,” Taylor said, heading back to the juice machine. “Ari’s a sweetheart. By the way, while you’re sorting things out, you should know that Daphne loves Ari already, and she knows that Ari’s a part of the package if she wants to be in your life.”

  A lump rose in my throat, but somehow, I managed to choke it down.

  “She said that?” I asked.

  “Not those words exactly. But she said watching you with Ari yesterday made her realize that Ari needs her dad, as much as her dad needs his daughter. D was willing to let you go so you could get back home to Ari, even though it would hurt her like a mother fuck. That’s how much she cares about your daughter.”

  It was twice as hard to choke down the lump in my throat now. Because, while part of me wished I could be the full-time dad that Arielle deserved, the thought of leaving Daphne physically pained me. But it seemed like she didn’t want me around anymore now. So I supposed I’d have to come to terms with the idea of leaving, because I was about to get my walking papers.

  I forced a smile. “Speaking of Ari, I should probably get back up to my room before she finds something to get into up there. And before she starves to death.”

  “I am so sorry I’m late,” I panted as I walked into Madison Square Garden ten minutes before the meet and greet was scheduled. “My parents’ flight was delayed.”

  “You act like we’re completely useless without you,” Hector chuckled. “It’s fine. Catch your breath. Garth’s got Daphne, and the sweep was done twenty minutes ago.”

  I nodded and sank down into a chair to wait. I still had no idea what in the hell to say to Daphne, but I knew I had to say something. I couldn’t stand another day of tense silence like we’d had yesterday. Not when there was something I could do to fix it.

  Garth opened the door, and Daphne walked in. How was it that she was even more beautiful today than yesterday? The corners of her mouth tipped up as she walked over to me and sat down, but I could see in her eyes that she was about an inch away from crying. I hated myself for being the one to put that look on her face.

  “Hey,” I said quietly.

  “Hey,” she murmured, flushing a little.

  “Are you okay?” I asked her, then immediately wanted to kick myself. Of course she wasn’t okay!

  “I’m fine,” she muttered.

  “Still want to talk?” I tried.

  “Maybe later. We’re both on the clock now.”

  Well, she wasn’t wrong. If I’d gotten here earlier, maybe we would have had a chance to clear the air and figure out where to go from here. But in three minutes, this room would have a steady stream of people who had paid through the nose for the privilege of shaking her hand.

  “Can I walk you back to your dressing room?” I asked when the last person left.

  Daphne shrugged. “It’s up to you.”

  She hadn’t said more than ten words to me during this whole entire meet and greet. Usually, we’d chat in the couple of minutes between each interaction with her fans. But today, those breaks had been filled with tense silence. And I couldn’t take it anymore.

  I stood up. “Come on. Let’s go.”

  Without another word, Daphne stood, and I walked to the door and opened it for her. She stepped out, starting to walk in the direction of her dressing room without waiting for me. I quickly shut the door and jogged the ten steps to catch up with her.

  “Look, I’m sorry about yesterday,” I said as we walked.

  “It’s okay. I get it,” she said.

  She didn’t sound mad or upset, but there wa
s something behind her voice. Something that told me that there was a lot she wasn’t saying. I didn’t know what else to say to her, so I just walked the rest of the way back to her dressing room in the same tense silence we’d shared all afternoon.

  “Can I come in?” I asked her.

  “I have to get ready for the show. We’ll talk later,” she said, disappearing inside and shutting the door loudly behind her.

  I had no idea what Taylor had been thinking, saying that she was upset because I’d run away yesterday. Because, from where I was standing, that didn’t seem to be the case at all.

  She didn’t want me. Hell, she wouldn’t even talk to me.

  “God damn it!” I growled, slamming my fist into the wall.

  “Whoa, Ezra, take it easy,” Hector said, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t hurt yourself. What’s going on?”

  “I’m a fucking idiot is what’s going on. And I fucked myself over,” I muttered.

  “Care to be a little more specific?”

  Honestly? I needed to talk this through with him. This was completely uncharted territory for me. I’d never cared if a woman wasn’t interested in me before. I had way more important things to worry about, like my daughter’s well-being. But the thought of Daphne not wanting anything to do with me anymore made me want to punch that damn wall again.

  I couldn’t talk to him where anyone else would hear, though. It wasn’t my place to air out Daphne’s dirty laundry, and she still had someone trying to hurt her. Someone who might lash out if they thought she was romantically involved with anyone.

  “Not here,” I told him. “I don’t want anyone hearing.”

  “Come with me,” he said.

  He led me to a supply closet a short distance away and opened the door, motioning for me to step in.

  “Seriously? A closet?” I said, rolling my eyes my eyes at him.

  “You wanted privacy,” he pointed out. “This is as private as it gets.”

  “You do realize what people are going to think when two dudes walk out of this closet at the same time, right?” I snickered.

  “Since when do you care what anyone else thinks?”

  He had a point. I walked in and flipped the light switch, and Hector followed me and shut the door.

  “Okay, what’s with you, man?” he asked. “You’ve been in a mood since yesterday. Except when you were with Ari.”

  “I kissed Daph yesterday,” I admitted.

  His eyes widened. “I’m listening.”

  “I kissed her, and I freaked out and left the room.”

  “You did what? Why the fuck would you kiss a woman and then turn tail and run, man? I might not be the poster boy for perfect relationships, but even I know you don’t do that.”

  “I thought I’d crossed a line. I mean, she’s a fucking rock star. Literally. And I’m the guy she pays to keep the rabid fans off her.”

  “Okay, so far we’ve established that you’re an idiot. What happened after that?”

  “I avoided her yesterday, as much as I could. Tried to give her the space I thought she would want. And then I ran into her friend Taylor while I was getting breakfast at the hotel this morning and he told me she was crying all night. But then when I tried to apologize to her just now, she wouldn’t say two words to me,” I sighed.

  “Of course she wouldn’t. You hurt her feelings. Badly. I saw her crying while Garth was walking her back to her dressing room after the meet and greet yesterday, and now I know why. You don’t get to decide how she feels about what happened between you, Ezra. But by just leaving that room and not giving her a chance to figure it out, you tried to make the decision for her. You’re going to have to do a whole lot better than ‘I’m sorry’ if you want to make that up to her.”

  I took a deep breath. “I think…I think I want more. With her.”

  “About damn time,” he muttered.

  “What?”

  “It’s about damn time you pulled your head out of your ass and realized you wanted her.”

  “But her stalker’s still out there,” I reminded him. “Remember what happened the last time they thought she was involved with someone? Sam got jumped at a nightclub.”

  “So don’t advertise it,” he said, like it was that simple. “Keep it a secret, except to the people who need to know.”

  “It’s not that simple. How do I explain being around her when I shouldn’t be? Just coming out of her dressing room or her hotel room when I had no reason to be there in the first place?”

  “Man, do you really think people are going to give a shit?” he questioned. “Where have you been on the rest of the jobs we’ve worked together? No one pays attention to what the talent does.”

  “Except that someone is paying attention to her,” I reminded him. “Someone who wants to hurt her. It’s our job—my job—to protect her from them.”

  “And you can’t protect her if you’re dating her?” he pressed. “Last I checked, the best way to protect someone was by keeping them close.”

  I snorted. That was what Daphne had said to me that night at the club. To protect her by keeping her close. And that was the most important thing to me. Protecting her wasn’t just a job to me anymore. The only other person I had ever felt this desire—no, this need—to shield from danger was Arielle.

  And just like that, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

  Taylor was right. I did love her.

  And wasn’t that just my luck? I loved her, and she didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. Because I’d fucked it all up by being a chickenshit.

  This was torture. Forcing myself not to talk to Ezra until after the show. Especially when I could tell he had something he wanted to say to me. And especially when Arielle had talked to me about what happened with her aunt and uncle yesterday and I knew I had to tell him about that. But I also didn’t want to say anything to him until we’d have all the time we needed to talk things through. And that wouldn’t happen until after the show.

  Okay, and selfishly, I also didn’t want to talk to him before he had a chance to hear me sing this song. Because, the more I’d practiced this song, singing it over and over again until I had the lyrics down perfectly, the more I realized it really was the perfect song for us. And it said how I felt better than I ever could.

  I expressed my emotions through music, not talking. I always had. Usually, I wrote songs. But I couldn’t come up with a song that accurately conveyed my feelings about this situation in less than a day. So someone else’s words would have to do it for me.

  “You ready for this?” Samantha asked me as we stood in the wings, waiting the obligatory five minutes before going back out to do the encore.

  “I don’t have a choice. Too late to back out now,” I said, choking down the bile that was rising in my throat. “I’m nervous as hell, though.”

  “Don’t be. The man’s had sad puppy dog eyes all damn day. He wants you. He just needs a little push.” She nudged my shoulder and winked.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be…I don’t know, jealous or something?” I chuckled, trying to distract myself. “How are you so okay with this?”

  She snorted. “I love you, babe, but we always knew this wasn’t permanent. We both like cock too much to abstain for the rest of our lives.”

  I doubled over laughing, despite my nerves. Leave it to her to come up with the perfect response to that.

  “What if this doesn’t work, Sam?” I asked when I managed to compose myself.

  “Then it doesn’t work. But what if it does work? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life wondering what might have happened if you’d given this a chance?”

  I sighed. She was right and I knew it.

  “Come on, babe. You’ve got a man to woo through song,” she said. “Let’s get back out there.”

  I turned to my band and nodded. They went back onstage, and a few seconds later, I heard the intro to “All the Girls Love Alice.” I turned to my girls and gave them a quick smile,
then jogged back onstage to thunderous applause.

  As I sang “All the Girls Love Alice” and “Reason to Smile,” getting closer and closer to doing probably the boldest and stupidest thing I’d ever done in my life, I found myself wishing that I’d asked Taylor and Alex to stay tonight too. Because if this didn’t work, if Ezra didn’t feel the same way about me, I honestly didn’t know what I was going to do.

  When I was finished singing “Reason to Smile,” I almost chickened out. I almost just thanked the audience and walked right back off the stage. But the band had worked way too hard today, just because I’d asked them to, and I didn’t want all of that hard work to be for nothing. That wasn’t fair to them.

  And Samantha was right. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering what might have happened if I’d just gone for it. So instead of chickening out, I took a deep breath for strength.

  “I know a lot of you probably know I love doing cover songs,” I started. “I love getting to sing some of the songs I grew up listening to and giving a nod to the artists who inspire me. So, I want to try out a cover I’ve never done before. Are you guys okay with being my guinea pigs?”

  There was a round of deafening cheers while I took one more deep breath.

  “Okay, this song’s an oldie but a goodie. It’s called ‘Heartbreak Beat.’”

  As the band started to play and I started to sing, I lost myself in the music, forgetting everything and everyone else. I didn’t let myself look into the wings, where I knew Ezra was standing. Because whatever his reaction to this was, good or bad, I knew it would just make it harder to finish the song.

  But, during the last chorus, I finally allowed myself a glance. And Ezra was standing there with eyes as big as saucers and his mouth halfway open, like he couldn’t believe I was doing this.

  Hell, I couldn’t believe I was doing this. It felt like one of those things you see in cheesy romantic comedies and think, “There is no way in hell that would ever actually work. Life isn’t a fairy tale.”

  I knew life wasn’t a fairy tale. God, did I know that. But maybe, just maybe, I could still get a fairy tale ending. Maybe my Prince Charming would end up being a sexy-as-sin security guard who could calm me down with a single touch and who already had a little princess of his own.