Heart of a Captive

by Hestand, Rita

  "You could have been killed too."

  "Yes, but with a gun, I'd have a fighting chance and so would they. A man has to protect what is his, and you protect with a gun. It's that simple."

  "I wish there was somewhere you could go that there was no violence…"

  "Back east, maybe…"

  "Maybe. Cale…I've been thinking. I like your farm, and I love Sarah and Hodge, but you mentioned I needed to change some of my ways. That I had time now to do so. My manners and such. I'm concerned about these things. I'm not even aware of my actions until I look into your face. And it's there."

  "What's there?"

  "I don't know, shock maybe. No matter the outcome, I don't want to appear like some pitiful waif. And staying with Hodge and Sarah while you search for Bertram, well…I can't learn from them. Because they have similar ways. You see they don't find it strange when I do the wrong things. They wouldn't correct me, and tell me that's not done. I need to be with you…so you can show me some of the things…I don't want to embarrass myself…is what I'm saying. I'm already at a disadvantage to some extent. Won't you help me?"

  Cale considered her words. "I hadn't thought about that much, but I guess you are right again. But, finding your folks could take a while. We might have to do a lot o traveling. Do you think you could keep up?"

  She put her hands on her hips and firmed her lips. "You forget…I've lived with the Comanche. I can put up with a lot…"

  "I guess that's the truth. We'd have to get you some riding clothes." Cale suggested.

  "If you can pay for them, I'll try to pay you back when I do get some money…if I get it."

  "I sincerely hope they haven't spent it all…That really concerns me. You might need that money some day."

  "Well, how long ago did Bertram post that picture?"

  "Several months ago, I reckon. Maybe there will be some left…" Cale smiled at her.

  Deep down it bothered him that she wanted to go with him. He'd never traveled with a woman much and being alone with her…maybe he should suggest taking Hodge. Cale had never been a perfect gentleman, but he'd also never been in such a predicament.

  He'd have to talk to him tomorrow about this situation.

  If she stayed with her people, then all he'd have to worry about would be coming home. Alone!

  Chapter Ten

  "Hodge, she wants to go with me."

  Hodge smiled and nodded. "That is good."

  "I don't know." Cale paced the small confines of the barn as he talked to Hodge. "I've never traveled with a woman before, but the reason is so I can teach her some of the things she has lost since she's been with the Indians. You know manners, and such. Things her folks will expect of her."

  Hodge studied his words and nodded. "Wants to fit with her people. That is good. It would be a good thing for you and her to go. I stay here, and take care of the place while you are gone."

  "I guess it might need looking after, since I don't know how long this is going to take. I'm only going on the information that Mr. and Mrs. Summers gave me."

  "Sarah and me take care of farm while you go. Not worry."

  "I appreciate that. I'm kind of dreading the trip. I don't know any more what I'm taking her to, than she does." Cale explained.

  Hodge put his hand on Cale's shoulder. "When animal lose way, and can't find it's people, he goes back to find them. If he doesn't fit the family any more, he leaves and makes a family of his own. This is what she must do. But she is right, she needs to relearn the ways of her people so they will not laugh at her. It is good Cale can teach her."

  "Exactly."

  "When you leave?"

  "In a couple of days."

  Sarah had listened to their conversation and smiled at them. She was busy mucking out the stalls. "I make Amelia riding skirt."

  "How did you know about that?" Cale asked.

  "She tell me. I knew she would want to go with you. She like you friend, Cale." Sarah smiled. "And right now she needs you most of all."

  Later they went in the house to find Amelia patching one of Cale's shirts. He looked at her surprisingly. "You can sew too?"

  "A little…"

  Sarah showed Cale the riding skirt before Amelia. "What do you think?"

  Cale looked at the deerskin skirt that Sarah fashioned. "This is excellent, Sarah, and she'll be tickled that we don't have to buy one."

  Sarah smiled. "It is good."

  "But how did you know she would want to go with me?"

  "Amelia love me and Hodge, but she is worried about meeting her man. Not that she care for him now, but that she doesn't want him to laugh at her. Would he laugh?"

  "Maybe."

  "Then you must teach her to be lady again." Sarah smiled. "It is important to her."

  "I'll try. I'm just not sure I know what to teach her. I haven't been around many ladies…"

  "It will be good."

  When Sarah presented Amelia with the skirt, she was surprised and tears came to her eyes as she hugged Sarah.

  "I hate leaving you…" Amelia cried.

  "Then you come back…" Sarah smiled.

  "I don't know." Amelia confessed.

  Sarah hugged her. "I will pray to your God that you come back to us…" Sarah smiled into her tearful face.

  Amelia tried the riding skirt on. "It's perfect."

  Sarah beamed. "I knew it would be. We make dresses together before, remember?"

  "Yes, of course I do."

  The next couple of days went in a blur. And then it came time to leave.

  She grabbed Sarah and hugged her fiercely. "I love you."

  "I love you too!" Sarah cried. "If your white family no want you, you come back to Sarah. I be your family."

  "Oh Sarah, that is the sweetest thing you've ever said."

  Hodge watched and shook his head, but when Amelia grabbed him around the neck and hugged him, even he was misty eyed. "You go now, find family."

  Amelia nodded. "I will keep you both in my heart."

  She silently cried for an hour before she could speak. Cale didn't know what to say. Amelia loved Sarah and Hodge. She clung to them like family. And here he was taking her to a family she wasn't at all sure about. Was he doing the right thing?

  "I didn't realize that leaving them would be so hard on you." Cale said in a low whisper as they rode out.

  "They represent the people I love…" Amelia cried.

  "Yeah, I can see that. Why don't you tell me about you and Sarah. How did you get so close?"

  Amelia smiled in reflection. "She was the first person in the Huaco camp to greet me. When I realized she spoke English, I was overjoyed. It had been so long since I spoke to anyone in English, I had almost forgotten how. There were only a few captives. Some didn't like me because I became a good slave. Some didn't like me because I would not give in to being a wife of a brave. Others just didn't like me. Some were mere children. But Sarah…I fell in love with her. She became my closest friend."

  "I can understand that." Cale nodded. "They all went to the missions, didn't they?"

  "Yes."

  When Cale didn't say anymore, she went on. "Anyway, she helped me understand so much about her people. And she was interested in my people too. She wanted to know just as much about the white people as I wanted to know about hers. So we talked. She taught me so many things. And working with her was a pleasure. She is the one who brought me before Iron Kettle. I didn't realize he spoke English either. But as much as I grew to love the old chief, it was Sarah that kept my spirits up. I guess because she was a woman, and I could talk to her and she would understand."

  "Oh, how so?"

  "Well, when some white trappers came to the village, I was eager to see and talk with them, but they laughed at me and made fun. I was trash to them. Sarah saw how they mocked me and she comforted me. She said they were a stupid people and not to pay attention to them. There were so many things she explained to me, that helped me cope."

  "I'm glad she was there
for you. And Iron Kettle, how did you get close to him?"

  "Well, when his people got sick that first winter, I nursed them. They got better and he thought me a medicine woman. I tried to explain that I had just watched the doctor of my people when they had the croup. He thought I was a doctor too, I guess. Anyway, when his son got sick, he brought him to me. It took some time, for he had a bad fever, but I kept washing him down, until it went away. It was funny; Iron Kettle said he hadn't been that clean since he was a baby."

  "So you saved, Black Hawk?"

  "Yes, I nursed him back to health. He as a very strong young man."

  "It's a good thing he was strong, then. For had he have died, it might have been very different."

  "Iron Kettle called me his white daughter then." She smiled and looked far away. "I sure hope they like living on the reservation."

  "I don't think it's a matter of like, but a matter of necessity. They'll adjust, for Iron Kettle wants peace for his people."

  She nodded. "How did you become such good friends with Iron Kettle?"

  "Hodge mostly. When my dad died, Hodge came along and offered to help me for shelter and food. I was broke and a little scared about keeping up a farm of such size alone. My brothers chose other paths. Hodge is Navajo Indian. A peaceful Indian. He knew of Iron Kettle long before I did. That first winter was rough for us, we were pretty near starving, so he took me to Iron Kettle's village. He introduced me and we were friends almost immediately."

  "And Hodge…he just wandered onto your farm?"

  "Yeah, pretty much. It was a cold winter and he was searching for shelter. I brought him in the house and he's been there ever since."

  "He's an amazing friend."

  "That he is. I wouldn't know what to do without him."

  "It's good to have friends like that." Amelia smiled.

  Cale thought on that a minute. "Amelia…one thing about your people. They might not understand you being so close to the Indians. To get along with them you might have to leave out your fondness for them…Even in town, some of the people I know, just don't understand or sympathize with people who like Indians."

  Amelia looked strangely at him. She frowned. "You're saying I need to lie to them? That I shouldn't tell them there are good Indians?"

  "No…just don't confide your friendships with them until you get to know them again. They won't understand. They may never understand."

  Amelia nodded woodenly.

  "I guess this will be harder than we thought, huh?" Cale asked her.

  "It's strange. I became friends with Sarah because I didn't lie. And now, I'm going back to a people that I must lie to."

  "You don't have to lie…just don't talk about it."

  "What you are telling me, is that I cannot say that I was friends with the Indians. That they treated me fairly, that they liked me just as I was."

  "When you put it that way, it doesn't sound very nice."

  Amelia swallowed hard. "Except for my parents, the Huaco's were my best friends. How can I turn my back on them now?"

  "To survive, Amelia."

  "I'm not sure I want to survive like that." She cried out.

  He stopped and stared at her. "I know that. Let's wait and see how you get along with your betrothed first. A lot depends on his attitude and his acceptance."

  "His acceptance? Why must I be the one to be accepted? What if I find him unacceptable?"

  "Amelia, you are engaged to the man. Let's wait and see how you feel about him, before we jump to any conclusions. I'm just trying to help you. I know this won't be an easy thing for you. But always remember one thing."

  "What's that?"

  "I'm on your side."

  She smiled bashfully. "Thank you. I'm sorry. But shouldn't I tell them how well the Huaco's treated me, and how much I came to like them, how friendly they were to me?"

  "It depends."

  "On what?" She asked.

  "On how bad you want to fit back into your white world. You see, they haven't been through the things you've been through. They are still appalled by your parent's death and they won't see a good side to the Indians. They aren't alone. Most white people hate the Indians for all the deaths they have caused." Cale sighed. "The fighting between the Indians and the white man has been a long struggle and the memories of the deaths are still too fresh to forgive. Because you were captured, he will see them as bad, because they did not return you to your people at once."

  "I didn't ask them to. At least not the Huaco's. I don't think the Comanche ever understood half the things I said, but they would never have returned me."

  "Another thing you should not tell them."

  "I'm not sure I can live like that. Don't you think it's important for the white people to know exactly how I was treated?"

  He nodded slowly and looked at her. "It's just not likely that Bertram will understand."

  That evening as they made camp Amelia prepared them food. Cale had killed a rabbit and roasted him, while she had prepared him roasted corn and canned beans.

  They ate in silence, but her old ways of eating became conspicuous once more.

  "Eat slower, not in such a hurry." He reminded her. "And use the fork…"

  She looked at the fork and nodded. "Yes, of course."

  She nodded and slowed her eating, using her manners.

  "It does not come natural any more. I must think before I eat."

  "You have time to relearn some of it. Please don't take offense at anything I point out to you. I don't mean to offend you. Only to help you."

  "I know…that's why I'm here, right? To relearn my old ways. For you to remind me how I'm acting. But…it isn't a pleasant reminder. It is hard to learn and relearn things. And it is hard to forget things too."

  He nodded slowly. "I know that too. Just remember, I'm trying to help and I'm on your side, Amelia, no matter what."

  "But you will not be there always, will you friend Cale?"

  "No, I guess not."

  She stood up and walked about the camp. "Why do I get the feeling that I'm getting into something I don't want?"

  He came up to her and felt an urge to comfort her. He saw the turmoil in her expressions. He knew she was upset.

  "Maybe you feel too much pressure. Maybe I shouldn't push too hard to make you go." He said taking her into his arms.

  It felt so right, holding her. And a strange peace settled over them both as he held her there in his arms.

  ~*~

  She glanced up at him. His eyes were closed and for a moment, she just let the feelings wash over her. The feeling of being protected again, that's what it was. Cale was protecting her from all the hurts of the world. In his arms, that's where she wanted to be. She snuggled closer and sighed.

  He thought himself plain, but she didn't see anything plain about him. His hair was long but neatly tailored in the back, and sort of reddish brown. His eyes were a dark blue.

  She found him very attractive but she wouldn't be telling him that. For she had learned to look into the soul of a man, the heart, and Cale was a very attractive man.

  When he finally loosened his hold of her he looked down into her eyes and something happened. Suddenly he was kissing her again.

  Yes, her heart sang. This is where she wanted to be. In the short time she had known Cale, he had been her protector. But more than that too. It was the only place she felt safe.

  His lips gently persuaded, and she responded with a hunger she didn't know she was capable of. Her knees threatened to buckle beneath her, her heart pounded the rightness of the kiss. He savored, lingered, hovered over her, but still the kiss went on.

  When they broke apart, her heart was pounding like a hammer in her chest, she caught her chest and stared up at him.

  He kissed her nose, lightly, then smiled shyly at her.

  "I shouldn't have done that…but it sure has as way of breaking the tension…doesn't it?"

  "Or creating more!" She tried to smile.

  "I shouldn't h
ave done that…" He said again.

  "Why not? It was just a kiss…" She whispered.

  "It felt like more than that to me." He said gently, still staring at her in wonder. "But it's been a while since I done any serious kissing, you understand."

  "Really?" She breathed harder. He romanced her with his lips, and now his words. "Did it?"

  "Did it what?"

  "Feel like more than that?"

  "Yes ma'am…" He cleared his throat and looked away. "I had no right!" He exclaimed as though scolding himself for his actions. "But I gotta admit, I sure did enjoy it."

  "Did you?"

  "Yes, ma'am."

  They stared at each other a moment. "Look, we gotta cut that out."

  "Do we?" She asked innocently.

  "You know we do."

  She looked disappointed.

  He saw the hurt those words inflicted. "It's not that I want to cut it out…it's just…well, I'm taking you to your intended. And it's isn't right to kiss you, especially like that."

  "Like what?"

  "Like I meant it." He swallowed again.

  "Did you mean it?"

  "Yes ma'am,"

  She gasped but smiled.

  "But you are promised to another, and I should respect that. And so should you. So…no more kissing."

  Again she looked hurt. She nodded. "Of course you are right. I'm sorry, I'm complicating things, aren't I?"

  He moved closer. "It isn't your fault."

  She leaned against a tree, "Don't say anymore. Let's pretend it never happened."

  "Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. It never happened." he nodded.

  But it did Cale! It did!

  Chapter Eleven

  As they made camp that night, she fixed their supper after he shot a rabbit. They were sitting around the campfire and he looked over at her. She could skin a rabbit as quickly and easily as he could. Not many women could do that, especially not the kind of women Amelia came from. Amelia came from a much more genteel kind of people. He wondered about that. Would she ever fit in with her folks again? He was beginning to doubt it. If they had seen her just now, what would they think of her? Should he even mention it to her? No, he'd wait. He didn't want to destroy all her confidence.