Heart of a Captive

by Hestand, Rita

  "Then it's time we found out, isn't it?" Cale suggested coolly.

  Would they be happy to see her and welcome her back, or would they be appauled at her and what she had managed to live through?

  He knew she wished she could be with Iron Kettle. He accepted her as she was. He cared for her.

  A fear like she'd never known struck her as she contemplated her fate, Cale could see that in her eyes, feel the tension growing in her.

  "You've hardly touched your meal. I thought you were hungry?" Cale stared at her nearly full plate.

  Amelia glanced at it, "Oh yes, of course…"

  "Amelia," Cale's voice held concern. "It's going to be fine. You are almost home now. You should be happy to be back where you belong."

  "Everyone keeps saying where I belong. Where I belong? Is this where I belong?" She asked.

  "Of course it is. They are your people. And the man you are going to marry. Doesn't it make you happy to be home again?" Cale asked, his brow furrowing. "Aren't you eager to see them all again?"

  "I guess I should be, shouldn't I?" She glanced at him now.

  "Yes." He said quite finally.

  "You've been very kind to me Cale. And this, bringing me here, you didn't have to do this. You could have simply put me on a stage and sent me on my way." Amelia said looking into his eyes, searching. But what was she looking for? What did she hope to find in his eyes?

  "No thanks are needed. I'm trying to do the right thing. I know you are nervous, but you are home too. And it's time to celebrate that."

  "I don't feel much like celebrating, Cale. I'm so worried about how they will perceive me." Amelia wadded her napkin in her hand. "Not now at least."

  Cale looked at the napkin, then her. He stared into her fearful eyes. "It's going to be alright, Amelia."

  "I know…" But she didn't know. She wanted to scream, to cry, to run away.

  "Do you want to wait until tomorrow to find him?"

  "No, of course not. I have to face this now." Amelia replied but everything inside her screamed it would not work out well. How could she know this?

  "That a girl." He called softly. "You are a very brave lady."

  Her stomach roiled. She felt sick. She wasn't brave at all. She was a coward.

  Chapter Sixteen

  "This is it!" Cale announced as they sat in the carriage staring at the house.

  Amelia's eyes rounded on the house.

  It was more than beautiful.

  "How could he afford such a place? It's a mansion, it's so big." Amelia declared staring at the beautiful lawn, and the huge porch that wrapped around a three story home in the better part of San Antonio.

  "I guess he's a pretty successful lawyer, then." Cale said his eyes going over the property as well.

  They stepped down from the carriage and he helped her. Holding her in his arms briefly, his eyes flew to hers. He cleared his throat because he wanted to kiss her so bad he feared she might guess and kiss him. However, this wasn't the place for that, and he had to give her leave to make her own mind up about her life. She deserved that much.

  He took her hand and looped it on his arm and they walked up to the door.

  A servant answered, "Yes suh, can I help you?"

  Cale stared for a moment. Not used to servants he wasn't sure what he should say, or if he should say anything. He cleared his throat once more. "We're here to see Mr. Howard."

  "Is he expecting you?" the servant asked. The black man was tall, well dressed and very polite, but he didn't smile.

  "No, he isn't." Amelia replied. "But it's imperative that we speak with him."

  "Very well, will you please wait here in the parlor and I'll see if he can be disturbed. He's with a client you see."

  "Yes, thank you." Amelia nodded.

  They were guided to a beautifully furnished parlor, where cherub statues adorned the corners, and a large library reached the ceiling. There was a huge desk and many sitting chairs, all stuffed with cushions as soft as a bed.

  Amelia had forgotten what being rich was like, and found it almost foreign to her now. She also realized how pretentious it seemed. She felt so out of place. She shouldn't but she did.

  "I can't imagine Bertram able to afford something this big."

  "Perhaps he does very well here." Cale suggested.

  "But a lawyer doesn't make that much to begin with, how could he possibly?" Amelia felt the softness of the chair she chose to sit in. "Maybe in twenty years he could afford something like this, but he's only begun his career."

  Cale felt it too, and his brow went up. He seemed more quiet than usual.

  They waited forever it seemed. An hour or so passed and no one came.

  "Maybe he's too busy." Cale suggested.

  The servant came back in and shook his head. "I'm terribly sorry, but Mr. Howard is extremely busy with a client today. He asks that you might return tomorrow when he has more free time."

  Amelia felt rejected, but Cale shook his head. "Of course, we came unannounced, so he wasn't really expecting us."

  "Do you want to leave a calling card?"

  "A calling card?" Cale went pale. He had no idea what that was.

  Amelia shook her head seeing the distress in Cale's eyes. "Uh…no. We'll return tomorrow morning around nine, if that is alright?"

  "Very well. And your names?"

  "Just tell him Cale Matthews." Amelia nodded and took Cale's arm.

  As they walked outside Cale looked at her. "Why didn't you leave your name. He would be anxious to see you then."

  "It will be the second time we've been here. If he can't drag himself away from a client, then he can be surprised, can't he?"

  "That's not really fair." Cale remarked.

  "No, it isn't." Amelia chuckled to herself. "But we've waited for nearly two hours and still he couldn't work us into his busy schedule. I should think he can be surprised then."

  Cale chuckled. "I guess you are right about that."

  She smiled.

  "Well then…the day is ours. What would you like to do?"

  "I want to visit the Alamo…" She said serenely.

  "That's a great idea. I haven't been there either." Cale remarked. "It must be such a site. I wonder if many come to view it?"

  "They might not let us see it, but maybe from a distance…"

  "That would still be wonderful." Cale smiled at her.

  She looped her arm in his and he helped her back inside the carriage.

  They drove the carriage up to the closest point they could and gazed at the old mission.

  "Look at that, what have they done to it?"

  Cale stared, "Looks like the army has moved in, making it some kind of supply station. They put a Campanulas on the top of it too. It's more beautiful than I ever imagined. It's still a grand place. I can only imagine the battle here."

  "I feel chills just looking at it. Just think when we were still babies, they were fighting and dying here to make Texas great."

  Cale nodded silently, his eyes scanned the comings and goings of the military, but the site made his heart swell with pride.

  "They burned the bodies, you know…." he said almost solemnly.

  "I read that in a paper somewhere. They didn't have the decency to even bury them…"

  "No, but I'm told later…that someone did try to make graves for them. But you know as well as I that the weather itself would have scattered their remains all over this land. I guess that's why you feel they are still there…all of them."

  "I have often wondered if my parents were buried proper." Amelia said her face going pale as she spoke.

  Cale took her hand in his and held it. It was the lifeline she needed and she smiled.

  "Surely they did…" Cale said softly.

  She seemed to shake herself from the memories of long ago.

  "Oh Cale, thank you for bringing me here. When my folks told me about the Alamo, I cried for days. My father said he'd have never told me if he knew I was going to carry o
n so. But the brave men that died here…knowing they were going to die…it gives me chills."

  "Yeah…even if they tore it down, I think that people would always get a chill coming to this place. They were real heroes, Amelia." Cale said in a strained voice.

  "I hope that someday people from all over will be able to come here and appreciate what they died for…"

  "I gotta feeling that will happen, Amelia." Cale nodded.

  "Look at that, a brewery over there…"

  "Yeah William Menger owns that, and he and his wife have a boarding house too. He's quite a man, they say. Very enterprising." Cale nodded.

  "How do you know so much about the area?" Amelia wanted to know.

  "My father mostly. He traveled Texas a lot. Got to know a lot of the people. He knew Menger, and as a young man, Menger had told him to buy land that it was one of the best things a man could do. So my Pa bought the farm and settled. He said it was the best advice he'd ever received." Cale told her.

  "He must have met a lot of interesting people." Amelia smiled.

  "Yeah, Pa used to tell some tales." Cale laughed.

  "I'm so glad we came here. It's almost as I imagined it would be, only not a supply warehouse for the Army."

  "Well, they could have torn it down, I guess."

  "Thank God, they didn't. More people will want to see it. Especially the more that learn the story here."

  "I believe you are right about that."

  "I'm sorry your fiancé was too busy to see us today, Amelia." Cale said. "I was hoping we'd get a few things settled."

  "I guess you are ready to be rid of me." She said shyly.

  "No ma'am, not at all." Cale assured her. "But I want to see you happy Amelia. You deserve it. You've been through so much. And you deserve the best."

  She was staring at the Alamo, as the sunset, seeing the beauty of the old building. "Cale, why did they chose to die here? I mean…they had to know they would die. They had to. But they chose to stay. But then again, it is such a beautiful old mission? What better place, huh?"

  Cale took her hand in his again and smiled. "Yeah, what better place. I don't know what makes a man a hero like that. I don't know why when faced with death a man might chose that death. I only know that this place is full of men who died for what they believed in…Texas! And I guess its part of the reason I love Texas so much, myself."

  She laid her head on his shoulder and cried. He didn't say another word, but he drove on. He knew they shared something special together and it warmed his heart that she was so touched.

  Chapter Seventeen

  That evening they sat out on the veranda of the hotel and watched the people going by. There was a lot of people in San Antonio and it was fun to watch them going ever which way.

  "Cale…I want to thank you for all you've done for me. I know I've already said that. But I feel as though I owe you something for what you've done for me. I keep wondering how I can thank you properly. You've kept your word to Iron Kettle. If there is an inheritance left, I want to give you some of it, for all you've done. It's only fair." Amelia said.

  "I don't want to douse your hopes but there may not be any money left." Cale said softly.

  "What do you mean? Where would it go?"

  "To them, your cousins."

  "You really think they'd take it?" Amelia cried.

  "Amelia, they think you died. I'm pretty sure of that. And if you died, they would naturally have the money. No telling what they might have done with it. I just don't want you to get your hopes up of it. Of course I have no idea how much we are talking about."

  "It would have been thousands."

  Cale paled. He hadn't thought her folks that rich, and he sincerely hoped the cousins hadn't dipped into it. But he was skeptical. Human nature seemed to always weaken when it came to money. There was no denying it. When it came to money, people could be downright mean. Amelia had a lot of hopes and dreams pinned on getting the money. He wished she didn't. For money bought no happiness.

  "Sounds like I won't have to worry about you one bit, if it's all still there." Cale said jokingly.

  "You'd worry about me?"

  "Sure I would. Especially if there was no money left. Although the way you talk, Bertram could probably make a good living for you. Without your money." Cale assured her.

  "Bertram was ambitious. I remember how he used to talk about money. Funny, but that hasn't occurred to me until just now." She speculated. "I guess the closer we get, the more that comes back to me."

  "Ambition is a good thing, as long as you don't let it go to your head." Cale resounded.

  "I agree." Amelia said. "Well, I guess we'll find out tomorrow, won't we?"

  "Yeah." Cale agreed looking at her.

  "Will you miss me Cale?" she asked shyly.

  "Yes ma'am. Like a sore that won't heal."

  She glanced at him now, frowning. "Well I'll miss you…a lot…"

  She started to get up and go inside when he took her hand in his. He held it for a long while, as she stood there. When her eyes finally drifted down, to look at him, he stared intently. "So will I." He whispered.

  "Cale…" She breathed his name.

  He shook his head. "No…we won't speak of it. We can't speak of it. You are promised. I respect that. At least I want to. I'm a simple man, Amelia. I can't give you the things that he can. I know that. So let's don't speak of this moment again."

  "But you do care…don't you?" She asked her eyes sparkling like diamonds in the setting sun.

  "You better damn well believe I do…" He said, and turned away.

  "Then kiss me goodbye, now, like it should be, but can't." She cried. "We're alone, and no one will see."

  "Damn Amelia, you sure make it hard for a man to say no…."

  "Then don't say no!" She said with a hope that he heard.

  He stood up, turned around and took her into his arms. And as gentle as a spring rain, he kissed her fully on the lips, lingering over her eyes, her nose, her cheeks, and her chin and then to her waiting lips again. She sighed into the kiss she had waited for so long. She heard him groan against the smothered kisses he showered on her. She felt his strong arms holding her steady and she swooned against him. His hands didn't roam, only against the sides of her face as he held her there.

  "My God, woman," He whispered just for her. "You are all any man could ever want. Don't you know that? I kiss you and my heart wants to leap out of my chest. Your everything I dreamed a woman could be. But dammit you are not mine."

  He nearly flung her away, he pushed so hard.

  She balanced herself against the door to the veranda.

  "How can you kiss me like that…and toss me away so easily?" She was panting from the kiss.

  "You think I don't want to take you into that bedroom in there and make love to you all night long?" He stared so hard she gasped. "You think I don't want your kisses. I want them. I want all of them. All of you. Now, and here! But…I can't do it, Amelia. It goes against everything I want in life, but I can't do it. You belong to another. You're promised. And that means something. I have to see this thing through. I gotta know just who you love and want and for how long. I need to know this as badly as you do. Taking you to him is the hardest thing I've had to do, but unless I do, I'll never know for sure how you feel. And it's how you feel, that's important to me."

  "But I know how I feel." She encouraged him.

  "No, you don't. You think you do. But you will know once you have faced him and know for sure."

  Her breathing was erratic, hearing the words she needed from him gave her strength, but he was right. She had to find out where her heart really lay.

  And she loved Cale all the more for wanting to do the right thing.

  How could she tell him that? Because with little encouragement, she could be lying in that bed now, with him, making love…all night long. And the thought of it made her heart grow with longings.

  She'd never experienced such a longing before. Never ac
hed to he held by only one man…Cale.

  Right now, she wanted that more than life itself.

  However, the honorable thing was to go through what she'd planned all along. She had to know and see for herself what she was turning her back on, right now.

  It had been four long years since she'd seen Bertram. Perhaps they had loved each other once. Still, she knew how much she wanted Cale. She had to get past all the bad things she thought, and face the reality of it. She had to see for herself. And she had to tell Bertram how she felt first.

  Cale stared at her from a distance, his breathing still labored, his heart still pounding.

  "Make no mistake." He said as his eyes devoured her. "I still want you. And just so you know, I could care less about your money. I care for you. Enough to make you my wife tomorrow, if you would say yes. Enough to take you home and make you mine forever. Only if it's truly what you want. And you aren't going to know that, until we find Bertram and you face him."

  She nodded. "You love me enough to marry me?" She gasped.

  "That and much more, but you're not mine to claim." He said in a calm she hadn't expected. "And you haven't been from the start."

  She nodded slowly. "Why are you always so right? My heart says one thing, my mind another."

  "You've been through enough as it is. That's the reason I take you to him." He stared intently. "So that you will truly know your own heart. You must promise me to give it full consideration. I'm a lowly farmer, and if you go with me, that's what you will be too. I offer you only the good life I can offer you. You deserve much more. I want what is best for you, Amelia."

  "Your words are like a love song to me." She panted as she stared at him so long.

  "Then carry my song with you…" He smiled.

  "Forever!" She sighed.

  "I think we should say goodnight, Amelia."

  "Would you kiss me one more time."

  He frowned for a moment. Yet what she offered him was a temptation he could not refuse. He stepped closer, and this time his lips melded against her own in a fiery storm filled with passion and love, carrying them into a world of love, and compassion. He sought more than her lips, but her very soul.