by Anthology
She shrugged. “Okay, well he’s not on it right now, so what’s the problem?”
I leaned forward with my arms out to the side. “The problem is that it’s his dream. I already had major reservations about seeing him because he was a cop, and now I find out he wants to do one of the most dangerous cop jobs there is. It’s too much for me!” I threw my hands up in the air, feeling defeated and awful. I couldn’t imagine giving Jamie up now, but then…I couldn’t deal with it if he needed S.W.A.T. I needed security. Being a cop was risky enough. And I wasn’t yet sure I was even able to deal with that.
Chloe looked like she was working something out in her head for a second, which was her way so I let her do it. She got up and filled the kettle, placed it on the stove, and turned the burner to high. “Jackie, I love you, but you’re making no sense. So what if some day far in the future he decides to join the S.W.A.T. team?” She was quiet for another moment and then a look of realization broke across her features, and she walked slowly back to her seat. “Unless what you’re feeling for him makes you think this is something long term.” The look of excitement in her eyes was bubbling higher by the second.
Whoa. Whoa. Backup the bus. “That is not what this is about.”
“Are you sure?” she asked, totally serious. What had my friend been smoking?
“You can’t fall in love with someone that quickly,” I snapped.
“Says who?” she fired back.
“I don’t know…everyone!”
Chloe leaned back into her seat with her arms crossed. “Okay then. Tell me, wise one, exactly how long does it take someone to fall in love?”
I stared at her, unable to answer. I had no idea. Was there a right answer? A wrong one? And who decided? Finally, I let out a sound of frustration.
A smile spread across Chloe’s face. “I love it when I’m right.”
“You’re not right,” I argued, clenching my hands in my lap.
“Maybe I’m not.” She held her hands up in a gesture of peace. “Maybe you’re not in love with him—yet. But the only reason this whole S.W.A.T. thing would bother you is if your feelings for him are strong enough that you think he’ll be around for a while.” She pinned me a look that dared me to disagree. My mouth hung open and silent for a long moment. I got lucky when the kettle started whistling on the stove, and she had to break eye contact.
“Maybe you’re right about that,” I said begrudgingly.
Chloe finished making her tea and returned to sit with me at her breakfast table.
“How are you feeling about that? If I know you, right about now you’re panicking inside realizing how deep your feelings are for this guy.”
I sighed. “Funny enough, I don’t feel panicked. But that doesn’t mean I can do this.” I didn’t know if I was capable of the leap of faith being with Jamie would require.
Chloe leaned forward and reached for my hand. “A word of advice?” I nodded for her to continue. “Just enjoy whatever time you’ve got with him. You might as well. If it’s destined to end, wouldn’t it be better to spend the present living in the moment rather than worrying about what could happen? I guarantee if anything ever did happen, you’d only kick yourself for not enjoying it while it lasted.”
God, she sounded just like Jamie. How had I ended up with all these deep thinkers in my life? Me, the girl that didn’t want to feel or think too deeply about anything.
I narrowed my eyes at her. “I really hate when you’re right.”
Chloe laughed. “Funny, I love it.”
I shook my head at her and rolled my eyes. She did have a point. I’d let Chloe into my heart and look how that had turned out. Now I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life. Maybe some people were worth the risk.
Chapter Eighteen
Jamie
I reached down to the middle of the cruiser and grabbed my water bottle to take a sip. One of the downsides of no longer being in Boston was that coffee and donuts were not readily available during a nightshift. At least it was a quiet night. I was a little outside of town, driving the back roads and making the rounds to ensure there wasn’t anyone up to no good. The only thing around here were country homes, a lot of grass, and the occasional field of blueberries. Only a couple more hours and the sun would be up, then I’d be able to crash at home.
As I drove past a small, rundown restaurant at the side of the road, I scanned the parking lot and interior of the building to be sure there was no activity. The radio crackled, making me think of Jackie. We’d found our shifts overlapping a handful of times over the past few weeks, but I wouldn’t get to hear her voice tonight. She had the night off and would be tucked into bed, fast asleep.
A deep voice came over the line. “We have a report of a carbon monoxide alarm going off at seven-sixty-three Maple Avenue in Bar Harbor. Neighbor called it in. Fire and paramedics are on route.”
Seven-sixty-three Maple?
The feeling of ice crawled over my skin, slowing the blood in my veins. Numb, I picked up the radio to respond. “Ten Four. This is ninety-nine, thirty-four. Can you repeat that address?”
“Seven-six-three Maple Avenue.”
Fuck. Fuck, fuck. That was Jackie’s place.
I responded to the operator and turned my lights and siren on, not caring that the operator hadn’t used a Code Four, giving me permission. Nothing was going to slow me from getting to her.
I raced across the country roads with my high beams on, praying no wildlife jumped out in front of me. My stomach was twisted in knots, my heart pounding in my chest until it was the only thing I could hear. All I could picture was Jackie lying in bed and drifting off, unknowingly suffocating while she slept.
“Fuck!” I slammed the heel of my hand against the steering wheel. No, if the neighbor called she must not be home to hear it. Unless…
The journey back into town felt never ending, and I was frustrated as hell that I couldn’t get there fast enough.
Finally, I squealed around the corner of her street. The fire truck was already parked in front of her house, and my heart dropped even further into my stomach. I’d come upon scenes like this more times than I could count, but not one of them had ever filled me with the sense of dread that seeing the spinning lights from the fire engine reflecting off her house did.
I slammed the car to a stop behind the red beast, threw it in park, and rushed up the driveway. An older woman was standing on the driveway next door, a worried expression marring her face while she clutched her robe closed. A couple of firemen were banging on the door and another was making his way around the side of the house to the back of the bungalow. Jackie’s car was in the driveway, which sent my stomach into a free fall. Bile rose up into my throat.
The entire ride over, I’d been hopeful that she would be out—even though that meant she’d be out in the middle of the night, doing God knows what, with God knows who. It was still better than the alternative.
I took the porch steps two at a time. “What’s the story?” I asked frantically.
Chris, a firefighter I recognized but didn’t know well, turned to face me. “Neighbor said she woke up to go to the bathroom and heard something through her open window. She listened for a few minutes and finally figured out that it was a CO2 detector alarm coming from this house. We’ve banged a couple times, but no one answered.”
Bang! Bang! Bang! The other guy slammed his fist against the door. “This is the fire department. Please come to the door.”
“Fuck this guys,” I yelled, frustrated and panicked. “This is Jackie Davenport’s place. Just take the fucking door down.”
Chris whipped his head in my direction. “Jackie, the nine-one-one operator?”
“Yeah, now get the fucking door down!”
“God damn.” He turned to the other firefighter by his side. “Let’s do this.” He lifted his foot to give the door a good kick by the lock and handle when it all of a sudden whipped open.
There stood Jackie, in a tank top and
boy short underwear, eyes wide, all color drained from her face. “What the hell?”
Chris dropped his foot to the porch just in time to not give Jackie what would’ve been a very painful kick in the stomach.
Her gaze ping-ponged between all of us before finally settling on me. “What’s going on?”
Relief swept through me swift and sure, almost bringing me to my knees. I didn’t give a shit who was around. I pushed between the other guys, moving them out of the way, and pulled Jackie forcefully into my chest, wrapping her in my arms. I needed to feel her against me, to know that she was alive and well.
“Thank God you’re okay.” I kissed the top of her head, squeezing my eyes shut.
“I don’t understand what’s happening,” she mumbled against me.
“Your CO2 alarm was going off—there was no smoke or anything, but your neighbor heard the alarm, and she figured out what it was and called it in. When you didn’t answer, we thought…” I swallowed past the enormous lump in my throat. “Fuck, I can’t even say it.” I squeezed her tighter, not caring that it probably made her uncomfortable.
After a few moments, a throat cleared behind me. “Jamie, we need to get in there to test the air quality and see if there’s a problem,” Chris said.
I reluctantly let Jackie step back from me. “Yeah, sure,” I said, turning my head to address Chris. I looked back at Jackie, now doing a sweep of her from head to toe. “You sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “A little shaken at being woken up like this, but otherwise okay. I went to bed with ear plugs in because someone down the street was having a party.”
She said she was fine, but I didn’t miss the way her whole body shook slightly or how wide her eyes were.
“The ambulance is at the end of the driveway,” Chris said. “You should let them give you a onceover.”
Jackie glared over at him. “I’m fine.”
Chris shook his head and then put his oxygen mask over his face. “Suit yourself.” He and the other guy entered the house.
I squeezed a hand around her shoulder. “Come on, you can wait in my squad car. I’ll get you a blanket.” It was a summer night, and she certainly wouldn’t freeze to death, but I didn’t want any of the guys here taking advantage of the situation and checking her out in the small amount of clothing she was wearing.
She nodded and took my hand before we made our way over to the car. A few of the firemen expressed their relief at seeing she was okay. I retrieved a blanket from my trunk, then wrapped it around her shoulders and brought her in for another embrace.
“Did you want to sit in the car?” I asked.
She shook her head. “I just want to stay here…in your arms.”
Fine by me. I continued to hold her until she began shaking again, so I pulled her in tighter. I could hold her like this forever.
“Hey, are you cold?” I ran my hands up and down her back.
“No, I think…I…it’s setting in what could’ve happened if my neighbor didn’t call nine-one-one. I should go thank Mrs. Wilson.”
I glanced up to the house. The pair of firefighters had just exited. “Sure, you do that while I talk to Chris and see what’s going on.”
Jackie nodded at me, blinking rapidly several times, and pulled the blanket tighter around her. She crossed the lawn in her bare feet, heading to her neighbor as I made my way up her driveway.
Chris met me halfway, heading to the fire truck from the house. “All the levels are normal. No CO2 in there. Looks like it was a faulty detector.” He shrugged. “It happens sometimes.”
Well, thank God for that. At least Jackie hadn’t been in any real danger. “Is she free to go back inside?”
“Yeah, just make sure to tell her to replace that thing tomorrow. I’ve unplugged it from the wall and removed the battery.”
“Will do.” I extended a hand, and he shifted the mask he’d been wearing to his other hand so he could shake mine. “Thanks so much.”
“No thanks needed. You know as well as anyone it’s what we do. Though if I’d realized it was Jackie’s place, I probably would’ve knocked the door down after she didn’t answer the first time.” He gave a humorless laugh. “It would’ve been worth her wrath.”
I gave him a small smile, not wanting to comment on the Wrath of Jackie. That could only get me in trouble. “Everything turned out okay, so it’s all good.”
Chris smiled back, then patted my shoulder as he walked past me.
Looking across to the other house, I saw Jackie hugging her neighbor and I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment. What would I have done if anything had happened to her? The truth—I have no fucking clue, but I would’ve been devastated. Suddenly, the depth of my feelings for this women hit me dead center and almost bowled me over. I would miss everything about her…her wit, her strength, her beauty—even her god damned stubbornness.
I returned to my cruiser to report back and, after seeing that it was only a half hour until I was off duty, I let the station know I’d be sticking around to make sure Jackie was okay, but that I’d have my radio on until the end of my shift.
I removed the keys from the ignition, having forgotten in my panic to do so when I’d first arrived. Jackie was already waiting for me on the front porch. “You alright?” I asked her. She appeared more put together now. Her color had returned to her cheeks and she was no longer shaking.
“I think so. Chris filled me in. I feel bad for Mrs. Wilson. I think she was more embarrassed than anything when she heard it was a false alarm.”
I blinked at her, confounded. Jackie had to have been scared shitless by the possibility of what could’ve happened tonight, and yet she was more concerned about her neighbor. Would this woman ever cease to amaze me?
“She did the right thing,” I said, pulling her into my arms again. I didn’t want to stop touching her. The physical contact grounded me, let me know she was alive and okay. The thought of…
No, I couldn’t go there. I couldn’t even consider the possibility of my life without Jackie, of a world where she didn’t exist. A few months ago, I hadn’t even known her and now she was my whole world—she was the sun and I revolved around her.
“I told her the same thing,” Jackie said softly.
I held her for a moment longer, then let her go. “Come on, let’s get you back inside and tucked into bed.” I brushed my knuckles against her cheek.
She closed her eyes and leaned into my hand. “Don’t you have to finish your shift?”
“I’m off soon anyway, and I already called in and told them I wasn’t leaving. There’s another car on if anything should happen in the next—” I lifted my hand to glance at my watch. “—twenty minutes.”
She placed her palm to my cheek and stroked it with her thumb. “Well then, take me to bed, Officer McTavish.”
Chapter Nineteen
Jackie
I was attempting to hold myself together in front of Jamie, but the truth was I was still a little shaken. Sure it had turned out to be nothing, but I couldn’t help but be freaked out by the possibility. It was like if you went to the doctor and they told you that you had cancer and later said they’d made a mistake. Just because the worst hadn’t actually happened didn’t diminish the feelings you had when you thought you were in danger. I’d exhaled in relief when Jamie said he’d be staying—I didn’t want to be alone.
Now, as we made our way down the hall to my bedroom, all I wanted was for him to make me feel safe, alive—loved. My room was dark since I hadn’t wasted any time turning the light on when I’d heard the pounding at my front door.
When we reached my room Jamie walked toward me, his heavy footsteps echoing on the hardwood. He pushed a hand into my hair and cupped my head, gazing at me with such adoration it made me feel precious. Eventually he pulled me in for a kiss. Our tongues tangled at a slow, languid pace, tasting each other as he pressed me into his hard body.
After a moment, he pulled b
ack and looked deep into my eyes, cupping my face in his hands. “When I thought something happened to you…” He trailed off and swallowed hard, unable or unwilling to finish his thought.
Jamie squeezed his eyes shut for a second, then dropped his forehead to my own. I breathed in his scent—pure, clean male—and my skin instantly tingled with arousal. He kissed me again, only breaking contact to pull my shirt up over my head. Wrapping his arms around me, he pulled me in close, nipping and sucking my lips and eventually tracing a path of slow openmouthed kisses down my neck and across my shoulders.
I felt cherished, loved, and alive. So alive. After what had happened I needed to lose myself in him.
He gently cupped both of my breasts in his palms, kneading them and flicking my nipples with the lightest of touches. I let out a breathy moan and reached for his waist, pulling his uniform shirt out from his pants. Bringing my fingers up to the top of his shirt, I backed away enough to watch for myself as I undid the buttons and revealed one-by-one the expanse of his defined chest. I placed my palms on his hard pecs and dragged them slowly up to his shoulders, pushing his shirt up and over until it fell down the length of his arms.
I suppressed a shiver as I took in his raw beauty. His body was perfection, but underneath the solid muscle and fuckable exterior was a man who possessed a heart bigger than anyone I’d ever known—a man who now possessed my soul.
Jamie’s heavy lidded gaze told me how much he wanted me as well, but tonight was different. We wouldn’t be fucking tonight. The weight of so many emotions hung in the air. Words were left unsaid, but not unfelt—at least not by our hearts.
I leaned forward and took his nipple into my mouth, flicking it with my tongue as I played with the waistband of his pants. His stomach muscles rippled and contracted in response, spurring me on further. I placed kiss after kiss on his heated skin, tracing a path until I circled his body and ended up behind him. I stood back for a moment, admiring the muscular planes of his back and the way the muscles moved as Jamie worked to remove his utility belt and unzip his pants.
