Forever His Baby

by Airicka Phoenix

  Lily sighed. “He’s here every single day from sun up to sun down, fixing everything in sight, and he never asks for anything back. Who does that?”

  “A guy a smart girl keeps,” her mother said. “He’s a good guy, Lily. And it’s clear that he cares about you.”

  Her heart gave a vicious kick. “He asked me to marry him.”

  Her mom raised both eyebrows in surprise. “Did he? What did you say?”

  Lily shook her head. “I said no.”

  “Lily!”

  “I couldn’t, okay?” She ran her fingers through her hair. “He only asked because of the baby. I’m not … I can’t marry a guy just because I’m pregnant, especially when I’m not keeping the baby.”

  “I don’t think that’s the only reason he asked.”

  “We were sitting over a toilet bowl full of my puke. I highly doubt he was swept off his feet by the smell, okay?”

  “Do you love him?”

  Since I was thirteen, she thought wistfully.

  “It doesn’t matter,” she mumbled out loud.

  “It does matter,” her mom argued. “If you love someone, it makes sense to marry them and raise a family. I should know.”

  Lily chuckled. “It’s much more complicated than that. Loving him won’t change the fact that he doesn’t love me back.”

  “Oh, I don’t know about that,” her mother said slyly. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

  Lily frowned dryly. “Are you seriously trying to play matchmaker just so you can have a grandchild?”

  The smile on the other woman’s face slipped a notch. “Is that so wrong? I know you’re young and can have others, but…” She looked down at her hands. “It really hurts to know I’ll never see this one again. That I will go on knowing he or she is out there somewhere and I will never hold them.” She broke off when her voice cracked and tears brightened her eyes. She took a gulping breath and looked away. “I know it’s your decision, sweetie. But I hate the reason you’re making it, especially when you are surrounded by people who will love that baby and do anything for it.”

  “I’m not going to be one of those people who depend on others to help raise her kid,” she countered. “I have no income and a high school education. How far do you think my life will go with a kid to support?”

  Her mother sighed. “Your father and I will support you, no matter what decision you decide to make. We will always love you. But I…” Her voice broke. She pressed a shaky hand to her heart. “I’m sorry. I really thought I could hold myself together.” She moistened her lips. “I think I’m going to lie down for a moment. Please thank Sloan for me when he comes in and remind him supper’s at seven.”

  Lily watched as her mother wheeled her chair around and pushed herself out of the room. She was still standing there, staring at the spot with her mind whirling when the front door opened. There was a scuffle of approaching feet, then Sloan was darkening the doorway.

  “Done,” he announced. “I’ll put the shutters back up tomorrow once the paint has fully dried.”

  Lily didn’t know what propelled her, but she found herself closing the distance between them at a run. Then her arms were around him and her face was mashed into the seam between his neck and shoulder.

  “Lily?” His arms closed around her, tight and unyielding.

  “I’m sorry.” Her voice was muffled by the warm skin of his neck.

  His lips grazed her temple. “Don’t be.”

  She shook her head. “I just…”

  He didn’t press her to explain, but continued to hold her and that was all she needed. It seemed as though lately, whenever everything felt like a tide rising over her head, it was his presence that kept her afloat. He had become her rock, sturdy and dependable. Any other time, it would have been Cole she would run to, or call. But he had become so busy with school and Beth and the sports teams he was on that Lily rarely got to talk to him anymore. Their nightly phone calls had become weekends, then every other weekend. Lily wasn’t upset. She had known it would be hard, but she hadn’t expected it to be this hard. She hadn’t expected to feel so completely alone and isolated, and maybe it was the pregnancy hormones talking, but it was all just too much sometimes.

  “What’s wrong, baby girl?” Sloan murmured.

  “Do you think I’m a bad person, Sloan?”

  His arms tightened. “No, I don’t. Why?”

  “Then why do I feel like I am?”

  The course tips of his fingers glided up the column of her throat and nudged her chin up. He held her there, pressed against him with their faces inches apart.

  “You could never be a bad person, Lily. Now tell me what the matter is.”

  Lily shook her head. “I’m being ridiculous.” She forced a smile for him. “I also kind of miss Cole, I guess. It’s strange not seeing him every day.”

  “Why don’t you call him?”

  “I did this morning, but I think he was in class.” She sighed and pulled back. “He’ll probably call me back later tonight.”

  Sloan nodded slowly. “We could drive up this weekend and see him, if you want. We could stay the whole weekend.”

  The offer made her want to hug him all over again.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah,” he said without hesitation. “Call him and make sure he’s not busy and we’ll go up.”

  He dug into his pocket and pulled out his phone. She took it, all the while searching his face for signs of reluctance. But he stared right back at her, without batting an eye.

  Filled with a new purpose, Lily dialed Cole’s number and left him an excited message. Sloan was watching her when she hung up.

  “Thank you,” she said.

  He took his phone back and inclined his head. “I have some paperwork to finish back at the house, but I’ll swing by tomorrow to finish the shutters.”

  He was at the door when she hurried after him.

  “Aren’t you coming back for supper?” she wondered.

  His head tilted back over his shoulder to peer at her. “Aren’t you sick of seeing me yet, baby girl?”

  “No,” she said honestly. “I want you here, unless you have plans…”

  She hated the bitter taste the thought of him having plans left in her mouth, especially when it was accompanied by the image of some beautiful girl in his arms.

  Sloan shook his head. “No plans.”

  Relief sagged her shoulders.

  “Then I’ll see you for supper?”

  “I’ll be here.”

  Chapter Four ~ Sloan

  It was three in the morning when his phone rang. Groggy, Sloan reached for the receiver off his nightstand and mashed it to his ear after smacking himself in the temple with it first.

  “’ello?” he grumbled.

  “Sloan…”

  He bolted upright, instantly alert. “Lily?”

  “Sloan…” Her small, broken voice washed him in a current of ice. “It’s the baby.”

  Heart a panicked mess in his chest, his mind a blank slate of terror, he leapt out of bed.

  “I’ll be there in ten minutes.” He wasn’t even sure he disconnected the line.

  Grabbing his jeans and a shirt off the floor, he threw himself down the stairs, dressing as he went. He paused just long enough to stuff his feet into his boots and grab his keys before breaking every speeding law to her house.

  She was standing on the porch when he pulled to a screeching halt in the driveway. Her hair hung in tangled knots around the stark, sickly white of her complexion. Her thin shoulders were bunched up around her ears as though an invisible force were beating against her. She wore a light purple dress with a knitted sweater drawn overtop, yet she continued to shiver despite the humidity.

  “Lily!”

  He threw open his car door and sprinted across the lawn. Her brown eyes were dry, but the fear in them was paralyzing.

  “I’m sorry,” She croaked. “I didn’t know who else to call and I didn’t want to
wake up my parents.”

  He shook his head. “No, it’s okay. What’s wrong?”

  Her face crumpled and the tears rained down her face. She took an unsteady breath, but even then, when she spoke, the words were a series of sobs.

  “I’m bleeding.”

  Sloan’s very being went cold. His gaze dropped to the hands she was restlessly rubbing over her belly and alarm bells sounded in his head.

  “I woke up with these horrible cramps,” she went on. “And there was blood on the sheets…”

  Sloan tore violently out of his own terror to pull her into his arms. His hand cradled the back of her head as she wept into his shoulder.

  “It’s okay,” he murmured into her temple. “It’s going to be okay.”

  “It’s my fault,” she wept. “I did something I shouldn’t have. I know it.”

  He held her tighter. “No, Lily.”

  “Then God’s punishing me for not wanting to keep the baby.”

  He drew back an inch to peer into her face. “No,” he said again, taking her wet cheeks between his hands. “This isn’t your fault, nor is God punishing you. Come on. I’m taking you to the hospital.”

  He bundled her up into the car and drove as quickly and as safely to Willow Creek Memorial as possible. All the while, Lily wept quietly in the seat next to him. Her hands stayed flat against her abdomen as if she could someone keep the baby inside her and the sight broke everything inside him.

  Sloan had never felt so useless. He didn’t know how to comfort her. He had no words to assure her that everything would be okay, that the baby was fine. His own insides were in turmoil. He kept murmuring the same prayer over and over inside his head, begging whatever god was listening to keep the baby safe. It was only for Lily that he was keeping it together.

  At the hospital, he grabbed a wheelchair and helped her into it, then practically bowled people over as he raced to the waiting area.

  It was deserted. A sleepy-eyed nurse sat behind the counter, dozing in her paperwork. She jumped when they approached her.

  “We need to see a doctor,” he said and wasn’t quick enough to conceal the tremor in his voice. “She’s bleeding.”

  The nurse looked Lily over and blinked in confusion when she didn’t spot any blood.

  “She’s pregnant!” he snapped, his patience coming to a close.

  This got the nurse moving. Twenty minutes later, Lily had her blood taken and sat on a cot, waiting for the doctor to give them the news. She wasn’t crying anymore, but the way she sat, staring with blank, shattered eyes at nothing while her entire body shivered all the way to her hair ripped at him.

  “Lily?” He went to her and took her face in his hands. There were unshed tears in her eyes when they met his. “Does it hurt anywhere?”

  She shook her head, still shivering; he could almost hear her teeth chattering. “I’m so scared, Sloan.” Her bottom lip wobbled. “What if—”

  “Shhh.” He couldn’t stand to hear those words spoken out loud. “You heard what the nurse said, sometimes women bleed.”

  A tear slid down her cheek. “That much?”

  He had no idea.

  “It’s going to be okay,” was all he could say. “The doctor will be here any minute now.”

  When her fingers reached for him, closed in his shirt and dragged him closer, he didn’t fight it. He put his arms around her and pulled her in the rest of the way, resting his chin on the top of her head.

  “Thank you for coming.” Her warm breath tickled the hollow indent of his throat. “I’m sorry I woke you. I just … after waking and…” She shuddered. He tightened his hold on her. “You’re the first person I thought of.”

  God, he loved her.

  “Don’t ever be sorry for calling me,” he murmured into her soft curls. “I will always be there for you, Lily.”

  Sniffling, she raised her face to his, her damp lashes forming the sharp points of a star around velvet brown orbs. “Even if—”

  He stilled the words with a gentle finger on her lips. “Always,” he promised, combing back the strands at her temple.

  His knuckles brushed the curve of her cheek as he followed the line to her jaw. He slid down to take her chin between his fingers. His thumb traced her lush little mouth. He watched as her lips parted as though begging him to take what he’d been dreaming of for ages. His blood stirred and his heart picked up in anticipation. He could practically taste her on his tongue.

  The door behind him opened and a weary doctor walked in, flipping through a clipboard. The wrinkled state of his coat and the equally rumpled clothes underneath were nothing compared to the dark rings around his blue eyes. He squinted at them through silver rimmed glasses and offered them a tired smile.

  “Hello,” he said. “I’m Dr. Nixon. You’re…” He consulted his clipboard. “Lily?”

  Still in Sloan’s arms, Lily nodded. Her fingers tightened on Sloan’s shirt. “Is everything okay? The baby…?”

  It seemed to take the man ages to answer, as though he were deliberately trying to torment them. He moved to the machine set up next to the bed and pulled the stool out. He lowered himself onto it and accessed his notes once again.

  Then, just when Sloan was about to snatch the thing from him and read the results himself, the man looked up.

  “You’re roughly fifteen weeks, is that correct?”

  Swallowing audibly, Lily nodded. She was beginning to tremble again.

  Dr. Nixon snapped the clipboard shut and tucked it into the corner of the machine. “Okay,” he said. “Let’s see if we can’t hear anything.”

  “Hear anything?” Lily murmured.

  The doctor nodded as he busied himself taping things into the machine. “If we’re lucky, we might be able to pick up the heartbeat.”

  “The heartbeat?” Sloan asked.

  “So the baby’s okay?” Lily chimed in, her eyes bright with apprehension and joy.

  The doctor shrugged. “Your hCG levels are perfectly normal, but I want to do a scan to double check. Can you lie back, please?”

  Exchanging a quick glance with Sloan, Lily reclined on the cot. The doctor asked her to roll her top up as he plucked up a bottle from a slot on the machine. Sloan started to step back when his fingers were caught by Lily and he was pulled back to her side.

  “Don’t leave me,” she whispered, tightening her grip.

  Never! He wanted to tell her. But he said nothing as Dr. Nixon scooted closer to the bed and squeezed liquid goop across Lily’s belly. They watched as the doctor pressed a plastic wand into the mess and began sliding it across the smooth surface of her belly. Every once in a while, he’d pause to type something in, then he’d continue.

  “So…” he began. “The fetus is roughly four inches long from what I can see. The heartbeat seems normal…” He hit a key and the room was filled with a soft whooshing noise like air through a microphone.

  Then they heard it, the echo of a tiny heartbeat, rapid, but steady. Sloan stared at the screen, throat constricted as though he’d swallowed a golf ball. The wonder of it stole his breath and all he could do was stare in silence as the doctor continued letting them hear one of the most beautiful sounds Sloan had ever heard.

  “Can we see it?” she asked.

  The doctor didn’t answer right away. His brows were furrowed as he dragged the wand back and forth over her stomach.

  “I’m trying to get a clear picture, but he is very adamant to stay hidden.”

  “It’s a boy?” Sloan asked.

  The doctor laughed. “No, sorry. I mean, it could be. We’re really not allowed to divulge that so early in the game. Ah!” He gave a cry of delight and stopped his hand movement. He tapped something on the keyboard with his free hand, then twisted the monitor around for them to see. “There he—or she—is.”

  There was no mistaking it. The oblong head, the tiny ridges of its spine, the long, slender arms.

  “Jesus…” Sloan breathed.

  “Sloan…�
�

  “Yeah, I see it.” His voice sounded dazed and full of awe even to his own ears.

  Without thinking, he bent his head and brushed a kiss to her brow. Eyes still feasting on the image on the screen, Lily squeezed his fingers in response.

  The doctor printed out a small square scrap of paper with a black and white image of a face peering back at them through a vast sea of black and handed it to Lily. “There you go,” he said, smiling. “Something to take home with you.”

  “Sloan, look!” She held it up for him to see.

  “He’s perfect, baby girl.” he murmured, more enthralled by the happy glow that had chased away the fear. She was radiant once more, bright and full of light in her eyes. “Beautiful,” he murmured.

  Still beaming, Lily turned to the doctor. “So the bleeding…?”

  “It happens sometimes,” he assured her. “It should stop, if not, come back and we’ll check again.”

  It was nearly six in the morning when Sloan finally pulled up in front of Lily’s house. They hadn’t spoken throughout the entire drive, which was filled mostly with her staring at the ultrasound photo. The unmistakable joy on her face made the fact that he had to be ready in an hour to help move an entire house so very worth the couple of hours he’d slept.

  “Are you going to be okay?” he asked as they stopped in her driveway.

  Finally tearing her eyes away from the picture, Lily smiled at him. “Is it strange that I feel amazing?”

  “No.” He didn’t tell her that that was all he ever wanted her to feel.

  She looked at the picture again as if unable to stop. “Is it strange that it hadn’t felt really real until we heard the heartbeat?”

  “No,” he said again softly.

  With a laugh she lowered the picture and tilted her head towards him. “I am just so happy.”

  He had to restrain himself to keep from leaning across the divider and kissing her and tasting that happiness for himself.

  “Me too.”

  She bit her lip. “I should let you go and get some sleep. Thank you again for coming and staying with me.”

  “Anytime, baby girl.”

  He got out of the car and went around to help her out. He walked her all the way to the front door and waited as she slipped inside before going home to shower and dress for work.