Discovering You

by Brenda Novak

  “I can’t quit thinking about Van,” he said with a sigh.

  Understanding registered on her face. “Oh. I get it. That orphanage story hit a little too close to home.”

  “There are so many children who don’t have what they need.”

  “And not enough people to help.”

  He straightened one of the picture frames. “It’s disturbing.”

  Her lips curved into a gentle smile, which he saw when he looked back at her. “What’s behind that smile?”

  “You’re a lot more sensitive than all those muscles and tattoos might lead someone to think.”

  “I feel I need to do something.”

  Curling her legs underneath her, she pulled one of the couch pillows into her lap. “Like what? Sheila will never give up custody. I’m sure she needs the money she gets from the state.”

  “That’s the part that makes me sick. I honestly believe money’s the only reason she took him in.”

  She nibbled on her bottom lip while she watched him wander around the room, examining her various decorations. “Okay, so...if you could help, what would you do?” she asked.

  He thought about Natasha and how much he’d come to love her. It had been a difficult decision to take her in, considering how unhappy she’d been at first. But he was so glad they’d done it. He felt they’d gotten as much out of it as she had. “I’d like to be a big brother to him. Spend some time playing ball. Teach him how to ride a bike. Take him shopping for school clothes and help him with his homework. You know...be someone he can trust and lean on.”

  “What about Sheila’s other kids? You told me she has two girls.”

  “She does, but at least they belong to her. That bond can make a big difference. They don’t have to feel as if they’re unwanted guests until they’re eighteen.”

  “And we can’t take over for every mother who does a poor job,” she mused, “or we’d be quickly overrun.”

  “Exactly. I’d be satisfied if I could just help Van.”

  “Then why don’t you approach Sheila? Tell her you’d like to help?”

  “I doubt she’ll be excited to hear from me. Because of us, her husband’s going to prison.”

  “It’s because of him. We didn’t do anything wrong. And I bet she won’t hold that against you forever. I can’t imagine Sebastian was easy to live with. She’ll get over him sooner or later and hook up with someone else, someone who may not even want Van around. Then she’ll probably be grateful that you’re willing to help.”

  “I can’t wait until later. He needs me now.”

  “Then you could pay her to let you take him once in a while.”

  “She’ll just spend the money on drugs.”

  “We can’t control what she does with the money. At least you’ll have some one-on-one time with him.”

  He pictured Van squinting up at him in the sunlight, like he had that day they’d played ball. “It’d be good if he could come here every other weekend.”

  “That’s a big commitment.”

  “I’m willing to make it—if you are.”

  “You want me to be part of this?”

  When their eyes met, he felt a powerful surge of emotion. “I want you to be part of everything.”

  She got up and came over to him. “Then I’m in.” She took his hand to lead him into the bedroom, but he gave her a slight tug to get her to turn. Then he held her face as he kissed her.

  “It scares me how much I love you,” he said.

  She stood up on tiptoe to kiss him again. “Why?”

  “It doesn’t seem like it could be real. It happened so fast, and I’ve been single for so long. I’m not sure I can depend on it.”

  Her thumb grazed his bottom lip in a tender caress. “It’s real,” she whispered. “You don’t have anything to worry about.”

  “And that’s not going to change, even after the Sommerses come tomorrow and make you feel like shit for being with me? Or threaten you with a custody battle?”

  A troubled expression settled on her face. “Let’s hope that doesn’t happen.”

  31

  Rod hadn’t been able to sleep very well. He’d tossed and turned, then he’d gotten up early to wait for Claudia and Steve—and Cassia—to appear. India had slept late, but he didn’t think she was really resting. He figured she needed to be alone. If he’d gone to work, as usual, she would’ve had all the solitude she could ask for. But he hesitated to let her confront her in-laws without him, felt he should have the opportunity to defend being with her. He knew India felt vulnerable. He didn’t want her in-laws to talk her into waiting until Cassia was older to get serious with anyone, hoping she’d cut things off with him and later meet someone more “suitable.” He’d finally fallen in love; he was willing to fight for the relationship. The question was, would she fight to be with him?

  He couldn’t begin to guess how far they’d push her. They held the trump card; they could make her do almost anything to maintain peace, so she could raise her daughter without any trouble or interference.

  He glanced at the clock as he carried his coffee cup to the sink. A few minutes till noon. They’d texted her when they left two hours ago and should be arriving any minute.

  Did she love him as much as she said?

  He was about to find out.

  “Are you sure you want to be here for this?”

  At the sound of India’s voice, he looked over his shoulder to see her standing in the kitchen doorway. “Yeah.” He was positive. She was the one who seemed to be experiencing some doubt. They’d decided it would be best for him to meet the Sommerses right away, to confront their bias before it could become any more entrenched. Why let Charlie’s parents assume he was just a fling, a passing love interest who wasn’t worthy of becoming a father to Cassia?

  “We have to be careful,” she said. “We can’t shove our relationship in their faces.”

  “I realize that. But now’s the time to show some solidarity and strength. We need to let them know it’ll be a real battle—and ultimately a futile one—to try to get custody of Cassia.”

  “I hope they don’t mistreat you.”

  “Don’t worry about me. I can take it if they do.” What he couldn’t take was seeing them mistreat her—or seeing her give in to them. He needed her to be decisive and strong, to demand that they accept him as part of her life.

  But that could potentially cost her custody of her child...

  The doorbell rang. Clutching the door frame, she glanced back as if the Big Bad Wolf had just come to call.

  “How do I look?” she asked.

  “Like a stranger.”

  She blinked at him as if she didn’t quite understand, but she’d reverted to the “doctor’s wife” he’d met the day she moved in.

  The doorbell rang again before she could question his comment. “Here we go,” she said and threw back her shoulders as she crossed the living room.

  Steeling himself for whatever might happen, and trying to arrange his expression into something that didn’t look challenging, Rod finished rinsing out his cup before following her.

  The little girl he’d seen in the photographs, with the shocking orange hair, came barreling into the house and nearly bowled India over as soon as she opened the door. “Mommy!” she cried, throwing her arms around India’s legs.

  Cassia was wearing jeans, tennis shoes, a Giants jersey and a baseball cap—nothing frilly. From a distance, he might’ve mistaken her for a boy.

  India peeled Cassia’s arms away so she could kneel down and give her a proper hug. “You’re home,” she said. “Mommy’s so glad. I’ve missed you more than you’ll ever know.”

  The trepidation Rod had been feeling edged up a notch. No matter what, India and Cassia could not be separ
ated...

  “This is where we live now?” Cassia asked.

  “It is. Don’t you remember? I brought you here just after I bought it.”

  “It’s different.”

  “Because it’s not empty anymore.”

  “I remember the river outside.”

  “Yes. You’ll have to be very careful to stay away from it when I’m not with you.”

  “I will. I’m not a baby!”

  Rod looked up to find a woman with streaks of gray through her dark hair and stern lines around her mouth glaring at him. He’d pulled on a long-sleeved shirt even though it was summer because he’d thought it might improve her impression of him if he hid his tattoos. He knew how some people felt about them.

  Her look said he was trash, regardless.

  Overcoming the temptation to react negatively, he strode forward and stuck out his hand. “I’m Rod Amos. I live next door. You must be Claudia.”

  Claudia’s attention immediately shifted to India, and Rod felt India’s gaze shift between them as she straightened. “This is the man I’ve been seeing. Rod, allow me to introduce you to Claudia and Steve Sommers, Charlie’s parents.”

  Steve didn’t accept his hand, either, so Rod let it drop. “Would you like to sit down?”

  Claudia didn’t respond. Her eyes were riveted on India. And neither she nor Steve moved toward the couch. “I can’t believe you’d have him here,” she said.

  “Who is he, Mama?” Cassia studied him curiously.

  “A good friend of mine,” India replied. “He’s helped me a lot since you’ve been gone, and I care about him a great deal.”

  “You care about him?” Claudia scoffed. “That’s supposed to justify jumping into his bed? You couldn’t have met him more than a month ago!”

  “We’ve spent so much time together,” India said. “You get to know someone pretty fast when you’re together all the time.”

  Steve made a sound of disgust. “And you claim to have loved our son. He’s only been gone a year.”

  Rod bristled at the acid in Steve’s voice but held his temper. What happened here had to be up to India. He had to trust her to protect what they’d found with each other. Nothing he did could compensate for a lack of commitment on her part.

  But she was holding his heart in the palm of her hand...

  India maintained a smile for the sake of her daughter but gave Cassia a little nudge. “Honey, I have your room all ready. Why don’t you run and see what it looks like?”

  “Where is it?” she asked.

  “Just down the hall.”

  “Oh, I remember!” She slapped her forehead as if she should’ve remembered sooner, then her eyes narrowed. “My room isn’t pink, is it?”

  “No, it’s blue. You’re going to like it.”

  Her daughter’s expression cleared. “Yay!”

  As soon as she ran off, India turned back to her in-laws and lowered her voice. “As I’ve told you before, I’ll always love Charlie. But that doesn’t mean I can’t love someone else, too.”

  “Love?” Claudia echoed. “You loved our son and yet you could take off your clothes for his killer?”

  The blood drained from India’s face, so Rod stepped in. India had been afraid Sebastian would talk. This confirmed that he had. He was trying to lash out, take her down with him.

  “That didn’t happen,” Rod said.

  “Sebastian says it did.”

  “Sebastian’s a murderer. It’s not too much of a stretch to think he could lie.”

  “It’s not true?” Claudia demanded, looking back at India.

  India’s voice was so soft, Rod could barely hear her. “No, it is true.”

  Stunned silence met this admission. Rod was as surprised as the Sommerses were. “You don’t have to tell them anything,” he said to her. “They haven’t treated you right since Charlie died. You owe them nothing.”

  “But I’m tired of lying,” she said. “I want to tell the truth, be completely honest. Yes, I had sex with Sebastian. But it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done—the worst thing I’ve been through, other than seeing Charlie get shot. Only my love for Cassia made it possible for me to do what I did.”

  Claudia closed her eyes. “That’s disgusting.”

  “How dare you judge me!” India said. “You have no idea what it was like that night.”

  “I know that Charlie’s been gone for a year. And in those twelve months, you’ve been trying to convince us that you didn’t let Sebastian touch you, just as you’ve been trying to convince us that you’ve been miserable since Charlie died—so miserable and traumatized you fell right into this man’s bed. Someone who looks like he’s on Sebastian’s wavelength.”

  Rod felt his muscles tighten and his jaw clench, but he said nothing.

  “Rod’s one of the best men I’ve ever met!” India snapped in outrage.

  “Of course,” Claudia said. “After all, you know how to pick ’em.”

  India’s eyes glittered with anger. “I picked Charlie, didn’t I?”

  Claudia’s lip curled. “No, you didn’t. Charlie picked you. Although I can’t imagine why.”

  India brought a hand to her chest as if Claudia had shot her.

  “That’s enough,” Rod said quietly. “I won’t allow you to disrespect India. If you can’t be decent, it’s time for you to leave.”

  “As if you have any right to tell us to go!” Steve said.

  India shook her head at Charlie’s parents. “Don’t you realize you’re forcing me to choose between the man I love now and you?”

  “Maybe it’s time you showed us what Charlie saw in you,” Claudia said. “Maybe it’s time you stood up and took charge of your life instead of going back to your old pattern of being with one loser after another. I don’t know what happened that night, if you really had to do what you did, but I do know I won’t allow you to raise Cassia with a string of men in her life. I’ll fight for custody myself, if I have to.”

  India laughed without humor. “Of course you will. You’ve been searching for any excuse to do that, haven’t you?”

  Claudia looked startled. “What are you talking about?”

  “Your son would’ve expected more of you,” she said. “But now that I know exactly where you stand, I think it’s important for you to know where I stand. If you can’t accept Rod, you’ll be the one who gets cut out of my life—and Cassia’s, too.”

  “I love it, Mommy!” Cassia called from down the hallway and came rushing back to show them her enthusiasm.

  They all turned to stare at her.

  India managed a smile for her daughter’s sake, even though Rod could tell that she was trying to hold back tears. “That’s wonderful, honey. I’m so glad.”

  “We’ll fight you,” Steve murmured to India. “And I’m not sure you want to go down that road. If I were you, I wouldn’t want my less-than-stellar record—including what happened the night my husband was murdered—brought out for close examination.”

  “I’ve made my mistakes,” India said. “I’ll admit that. But this time I’ve chosen well, no matter what you think. I won’t let you cost me my future happiness.”

  The pressure in Rod’s chest eased as he put his arm around her and stood close, hoping to lend her some comfort as well as support. “You’ll be wasting your money as well as disappointing your dead son if you go after the woman he loved,” Rod said. “We’ll be good to Cassia, make sure she has more love than she knows what to do with. So keep that in mind. Because if you fight us, we’ll fight back. And we’ll win.”

  “I can’t believe you’ve turned on us!” Claudia cried.

  “Mimi, why are you being mean?” Cassia asked.

  India picked up her daughter. “You’re the ones who turned on me,
” India said, and Rod showed them to the door.

  When they were gone, Rod put his arms around India and her little girl. “You were wonderful.”

  “Mommy, what’s wrong?” Cassia asked. “Why are you crying?”

  She rested her head on his shoulder. “I’m just happy you’re back,” she told Cassia.

  “Are you mad at Papa and Mimi?”

  “A little,” she admitted.

  “Why?”

  “They mean well, but...they’re confused right now.”

  “Oh.”

  Rod tugged on her baseball cap to get her to look up at him. “You like baseball, huh?”

  She nodded.

  “Good,” he said. “So do I.”

  Epilogue

  Three months later...

  India stood at the window, looking out at Rod, who was playing catch with Van and Cassia. Cassia was too young to be very good, but what she lacked in skill she made up for in enthusiasm. She had to be in the middle of everything Rod did—and he loved it. He doted on her so much, India now feared he’d be the one to spoil her instead of her grandparents. She hadn’t heard from them since they’d dropped Cassia off, but at least they hadn’t acted on their threat to sue for custody. And she hoped they’d come around eventually, for her daughter’s sake.

  When Van caught a particularly difficult throw, his smile stretched almost from ear to ear, which made India smile, too. So it surprised her when she felt tears running down her face. A lot had changed in the past fifteen months. She’d had to completely rebuild her life. All she had from before was Cassia, the money Charlie had left her and a few treasured pieces of art she hadn’t been able to part with. The rest she’d sold. Putting it up in her new house just hadn’t felt right—smacked too much of hanging on to the past. She didn’t need it to feel close to Charlie, anyway. In spite of everything, she could sometimes feel his presence as if he stood beside her, looking on in approval.

  This was one of those moments, probably because she’d just heard from Detective Flores. The ballistics tests had finally been completed on the gun Sebastian had brought to the motel. They had the weapon that killed Charlie.