So Wicked

by Melissa Marino

  I didn’t know, and whatever it was he didn’t want to elaborate on. That could only mean one thing. It was a girl. It was Aaron’s girl. I’d seen her name on the card when they sent the Chicago gift basket of stuff for the bar opening, but I didn’t recall her name. There was no reason to dance around it, especially considering what Marshall and I were doing together.

  “I’m happy he has someone,” I said. “I am. It wasn’t love between us, Marshall. I don’t know, maybe it was a little, but it was more of a deep friendship. We filled something in each other, but I think we both knew deep down we weren’t a forever match.”

  “Yeah?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. “It doesn’t make you feel weird?”

  I shrugged. “No, not really. It’s like knowing a friend found someone that they fit with.”

  “She’s amazing. She is. And she’s so good with Delilah.”

  I knew it would come at some point, but I didn’t know it would be tonight, in this moment. Tears began to burn my eyes, but I pushed them away. I wasn’t going to do that—I wasn’t going to do the crying thing. It was unfair to Marshall.

  It was unfair to me because while many would think me leaving was reprehensible, I knew the truth. I had a choice. A choice to either end my life or to give Aaron and Delilah theirs.

  And even though the tears weren’t from sadness, but from the place in my heart that I had stored all the hope I had that she would have a real mother, a mother she deserved, I had to maintain my emotions.

  “I can’t tell you what it means to me to hear that,” I whispered.

  “Aaron was never going to let anyone in his life that wasn’t going to be part of Delilah’s, too. Callie balances him, keeps him from being too serious. I’ve never known him to be happier.”

  I placed my hand over my heart, the overwhelming gratitude I had that it was going exactly how I’d always hoped.

  “Callie is why, the reason, he finished his tattoo, right?”

  He nodded. “You know, Aaron. He never does anything a little. It was an act of…professing his love or some shit like that. Callie is short for Calliope, you know, like the steam organs on a carousel? It’s that.”

  What a beautiful gesture.

  And something so Aaron.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Marshall—

  Al’s morning drop-offs were my favorite time of the workday. Wells had started coming in later in the afternoon, so that left me alone at Ginger. I was alone until Alexis showed up.

  It was the end of January, the dead of winter back home in Chicago, but the lower sixties in SLO felt downright balmy. I still wasn’t used to it, nor did I think I ever would be.

  Alexis arrived, and after helping her bring in the treats, I took her hand, guiding her to the bar.

  I sat down on one of the barstools and pulled her into me. “Hi,” I said. “I missed you.”

  She patted my chest, as she kissed my temple. “You saw me a few hours ago.”

  “Still missed you.”

  My hand slid down from the middle of her back to her ass where I gave it a squeeze before rubbing all across it. The faint outline of her panty line, the fabric of lace I felt underneath made me snap my head back.

  “Are you wearing your dirty panties?” I asked.

  “Of course not. That’s gross. They’re clean.”

  “That’s not what I meant, baby,” I laughed. “I meant, are you wearing the naughty panties I bought for you?”

  She leaned into my side, that mischievous smile that was so goddamn sexy spread across her face. “Perhaps.”

  I faked a pout. “That’s hardly fair,” I said.

  “Why? They’re my panties to do whatever I want with and wear whenever I choose.”

  “But they were for me to look at you wearing.”

  “Who said you couldn’t? Maybe I had that all planned out for later, along with the bra I’m wearing.”

  My faux pout turned to dead seriousness. “Don’t fucking kid around about that shit, baby. My cock is pressing against my zipper, and a woman has no idea how uncomfortable that is when you’re wearing jeans.”

  She kissed the side of my cheek. “Then maybe the jeans are too tight.”

  “Maybe,” I said, bringing my lips to the side of her neck and kissing her. “You shouldn’t make me so crazy turned on all the time, so I’m not walking around with a perpetual hard-on.”

  I didn’t hear the door.

  I didn’t hear footsteps against the tile floor.

  It was Al’s eyes.

  I saw them when she pulled back from my cheek, and she glanced above my head.

  All expression left her face.

  Blood drained.

  Something was wrong.

  I couldn’t even turn my head fast before she muttered…

  “Aaron.”

  And it was him.

  No one spoke. No one moved.

  No one breathed.

  He was just…there, stopped midstep.

  The fucking universe put on the brakes because there wasn’t a sound, not one, in the entire bar.

  Or anywhere else.

  It was inevitable, but the worlds collided.

  Again.

  But this time, it was worse. So, so much worse.

  And it was no one’s fault, but stupid fucking mine.

  I’d held on to the enchanted world of Al and me for too long. I took the risk, knowing what the end result would be. It would be this moment.

  The only thing I wanted was a little time to prepare.

  I didn’t deserve to prepare because I knew always I would have to answer to him. I just never wanted to think about it.

  Now?

  Time was up.

  It was up to me.

  “Aaron,” I said, sliding off the barstool. “Man, I can’t believe you’re here.”

  I started to approach him, but every step toward him, he took a step back. I’d never seen this level of shock, this much…unmitigated confusion out of him before. It scared the fuck out of me.

  “Aaron,” I repeated. “Come into the office, and let’s talk.”

  He stopped his steps again as his head jerked back and forth between Al and I. He was processing or…something. I didn’t know. What I did know was that Aaron internalized everything…always. The longer he went without saying anything, the worse it was going to be when he did.

  “Hi, Aaron,” Al said in a calm, soft tone. “Marshall’s right. Let’s go talk. I can’t imagine what this, what you…you know.”

  I cranked my head back to shoot her a look to not say another word. This was all on me. I would handle it.

  Aaron ran his hands through his hair with force and aggression before lacing his fingers behind his head and diverting his eyes to the floor.

  Come on, brother. It’s me. This is me. Just look at me and know. I can explain this. I can make you understand. You know me. You know us, you and me. Just talk to me.

  His eyes snapped back up, and it was all right there.

  We had woken the buried beast.

  With his pupils huge and his nostrils flared, he unleashed.

  And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do except stand there and let the beast eat me alive.

  “What the fuck is this?” Aaron asked, every word enunciated and punctuated with rage. “How?”

  “That’s what I want to talk to you about. So—”

  He pulled at his hair again. “This doesn’t make sense! Fuck, Marshall. You and…her?” He spat out the word her like it was a piece of bad fruit.

  The damage was done. There was no point in lying or sugarcoating.

  “Yes,” I said. “Her and I.”

  He was breathing so rapidly, panting even. “I feel like this is a dream, like…it can’t be real. How can it be real? No. It’s not a dream. It’s a goddamn nightmare.”

  “Al lives here in San Luis Obispo,” I said. “I didn’t know until Ginger opened.”

  “Well, isn’t that a coincidence? Did she move h
ere before or after you got here, and you told her that we were opening a bar here?” he asked.

  “Before,” both Al and I said simultaneously.

  Al, please. Please, baby. Stop.

  I stepped forward toward him. “It’s not like that, Aaron. Come on, you know me. I didn’t know she lived here until she walked through the door.”

  He shot me a pained look. “I thought I knew you. I thought I knew you better than anyone. And you,” he barked in Al’s direction. “So, you ran away to the Happiest City in America, huh? What a bunch of bullshit.”

  A menacing laugh emerged from him, and I was…lost. I didn’t know what the fuck to do.

  “Aaron?” Al said. “I’ve lived here for almost five years. I run a bakery called Tipsy Treats out of my home in Arroyo Grande. Marshall and I met again when I came by to meet the owner of Ginger. I had been hired by Wells, who had no idea who I was, to provide desserts and snacks for Ginger. It was a crazy coincidence.”

  As I imagined, and what Al seemed to have forgotten about Aaron, this—her short synopsis of herself and events—didn’t go over well with Aaron. Too much information was thrown at him at once, and when up against any type of battle, Aaron was going to come out swinging.

  “Lexie,” Aaron said. “I can’t—”

  “It’s Alexis now,” she corrected him. “No one calls me Lexie anymore.”

  Fuck. That was going to do it.

  Christ. Why did she have to push him?

  “You changed your damn name?” he asked with a lip snarl. “Wow. You took every measure to make sure you weren’t found.”

  She blinked at him, her lids rapidly opening and closing. “Yes,” she said simply.

  “Aaron?” I said. “Let’s go for a walk or my place is close by; we can go there, okay?”

  His eyes went back to shifting between Al and I, and I didn’t know what else to do. I was helpless. My best friend knew, was standing in front of me, betrayed in the worst way. And on the other side of me was the girl I loved beyond all measure.

  A fucking daytime talk show couldn’t have written a more fucked-up situation than I was standing in at that moment.

  “Where are you staying?” I asked, desperate to get him alone so we could talk it out. “Are the girls with you? Because I’d love—”

  “Yes,” he roared. “My girls are with me. Shit! What the hell am I supposed to tell them?”

  I attempted again to step toward him, but he put his hand up, pushing against my chest. “Don’t,” he shouted. “Don’t you fucking dare, Marshall.”

  He stared into my eyes, anger and rage practically blinding me. His hand left my chest and went to his side where he balled it up into a fist.

  Please hit me. Hit me so you can hurt me. Please, Aaron.

  But he didn’t, because that was the kind of man he was. He gave us both one last look full of malice and turned to walk away.

  “Aaron, please!” I pleaded. “Don’t leave before you understand.”

  Al’s arm laced through mine, her coming to my side to stop me from chasing after him.

  “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” I screamed. “This is a fucking nightmare!”

  The back door slammed shut, and everything inside me shook. It was the worst kind of hurt I’d ever known, and the real fucked-up part was that whatever Aaron was feeling was ten times worse.

  “Let him cool off,” Al said in soothing tone. “Remember what a shock it was when we ran into each other here? Well, it’s tenfold for him. Plus, seeing us—”

  “Fuck, Al! He wasn’t supposed to find out like this. A shock? You think it was a shock? It would’ve been a fucking bullet to my gut if it’d happened to me. Jesus!”

  She drew in a deep breath and parted her lips as she exhaled slowly. “Okay. You need to cool off, too. I’m only trying—”

  “Why did you have to antagonize him? You knew that would only make it worse! And furthermore, how can you be so calm? You’re as cool as can be, aren’t you?” I asked, shaking my head. “The Ice Queen is still alive, huh?”

  My words gave way to no reaction, and it surprised me. Lexie would’ve come out swinging. She was the Ice Queen. And like I’ve had to remind myself so many times before, she wasn’t Lexie anymore. She was Al.

  “Sorry,” I said. “I’m so out of my mind with all of this right now, I don’t even know how to process any of it or what to do.”

  She took my hand and guided me back to the bar. “Sit down,” she said.

  I did as she said, as she slid into the seat next to me, continuing to hold my hand.

  And that was what she did as I let the weight of the shitshow that had just occurred sink in.

  It seemed so logical from the outside, so basic. There was no way Aaron was never going to find out. I’d pushed the limits for too long, and now I was going to have to pay the price.

  I didn’t even know what that fucking meant, either.

  Was I going to have to choose between them?

  I couldn’t.

  “Are you okay?” Al whispered.

  “No. Not even a fucking little.”

  She leaned her head against my shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Marshall.”

  I shrugged because what could I say? Don’t be? No. I couldn’t say that.

  As if she read my mind, she said, “Don’t say I shouldn’t be because I am. This wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for me.”

  She was right. It fucking hurt my insides to admit that to myself, but she was right.

  “It’s okay to wonder, you know,” she said.

  “Wonder what?”

  “What if we’d never found each other again.”

  I sighed. “I don’t wonder that, Al. I wonder a lot of things, but not that.”

  “Like what?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know.”

  I didn’t know fucking anything in that moment except I needed to get to Aaron and explain.

  “I didn’t come looking for you,” she said.

  It wasn’t intended to be condescending, but it came across that way, and because of that, it was like she’d poured gasoline on the fire.

  “Of course you didn’t, but you found me. You walked right through my fucking door and everything around it blew up, Al.

  She narrowed her eyes at me. “Then maybe,” she spat. “You should go back to hating me like you once did.”

  I shook my head. “No fucking way. It’s too late.”

  “Why?”

  “Why?” I shouted. “Because I fell in love with you, Al. Despite everything, fucking everything, I fell in love with you. How the hell does that even happen?”

  She shrugged. “I think it doesn’t. It’s just…something else. Lust masquerading as love?”

  “That’s bullshit and you know it.”

  “Do I?”

  “Yes. I’ve never heard a bigger level of bullshit in my life. You can’t fake this shit. You can’t fake the way you look at me and the way I feel it ache across my entire body. You can’t fake chemistry, and that whatever the hell we’ve both been through over the last seven years created something awesome between us. You can’t fake fate, and you can’t fake passion, the connection. Love. You can’t fake love. And shit, I know you love me. I know you can’t say it to me, but it’s there and I know.”

  She shook her head as it hung toward the floor. “It doesn’t matter, anyway.”

  “What doesn’t matter? That I know with every single part of me that you love me, too?”

  “No. That I thought I loved before you, and it wasn’t enough.”

  “With Aaron I know—”

  “No,” she said sharply, her head snapping up. “Not Aaron.”

  I paused before responding because I had no idea what she was talking about. Was there someone before Aaron? Someone I didn’t know about?

  “Who?” I asked without wanting to know the answer.

  Her head tilted to the side, and she grasped at the end of a strand of hair. “A mother’s love
is supposed to be eternal or something. Oh, Marshall. I did love her, but I wasn’t enough, I wouldn’t ever be able to keep her safe like a mother could. Oh, I loved her so, so much. No. Not loved. Love.”

  Delilah.

  “You did what was right. It was for—”

  “The best, I know,” she said. “I know that in my head. I do, but my heart always reminds me of something different.”

  The pain, the palpable agony, radiated off her, and I felt it over my entire body. It hurt me so deeply it wasn’t until that moment that I realized just how much pain she must’ve been in. I had to do something.

  There was too much pain, too much regret, on all of us: me, Al, and Aaron. I needed to try and mend it. I had to because I was the one in the center of it all, and I knew where I needed to start.

  Aaron.

  * * *

  It took me until close to ten p.m., calling every hotel I could think of, texting Aaron and Callie repeatedly, to track him down. It was Callie that took pity on me. I wasn’t sure why, but I would be grateful for life that she told me what hotel they were at. Before she did, though, I had to promise to leave if he said to and to not be loud because Delilah was asleep. The last message Callie sent to me hit where it should—in my stupid, fucked-up mind.

  Callie: You know trust is everything to him. And no matter what or how you explain it, you lied to him…for months. And if that wasn’t bad enough, it was with her.

  The immense panic that overtook me as I walked through the front door of their hotel and into the lobby was enough to almost make me turn around and run.

  But I didn’t.

  I didn’t because while I’d thought Ginger was the most important thing I’d ever done in my life, it didn’t hold a fucking candle to what I was going to be doing when I walked into that room.

  This was going to change all our lives.

  Their room was on the third floor, right next to the elevator. I didn’t even have time for more than a couple deep breaths before I was knocking on the door. After a few moments, it opened, and it was Callie.

  Her expression was neutral. No usual smile, but no visible anger. It had to be there, though. How could it not?

  “Hey,” she said as she took pity on me and leaned in for hug.

  It was just the gesture I needed to cross inside and be ready to accept whatever was going to come my way.